All Comments on 'Mrs. Greyfell's New Plaything'

You have a good writing style, and the story is interesting. I couldn’t help but feel like you rushed the storyline towards the end. Nadia was reluctant and shocked to use her mouth to massage Mrs. Greyfell’s feet, and everything that was expected from her before this, and then all of a sudden she is extremely willing to use her tongue on the panties, without any hesitation whatsoever, and then even chooses to lick her out. Did licking Greyfell’s feet turn Nadia on so much that she no longer cared? Where did the sudden desire come from? Has she always secretly been submissive? Where’s the mental turmoil Nadia goes through to just accept that that is what is expected of her? Where did the submission streak come from? Especially since you describe her as “spoilt”, would she really be so willing so easily? This nearly put me off the story, but still the idea behind it is quite interesting.

You’re in no rush. While each chapter of the story requires a sexual component, take time to expand and describe the world and the characters. In three paragraphs we go from a reluctant foot massage to oral, and while that’s fine in the context if the story, don’t rush it.

For what it’s worth 5,000 words will give you two pages of story, which isn’t huge, so feel free to put more content into a chapter.

this must be the beginning of a wonderful serie ...

somewhere there must be a part 2 ...

DaDoRonRon57@gMail.com

But the transition from reluctant to submisive was so sudden I couldn't understand her mind process. In a second instalment you can explain why she fell so easily (I hope there will be a next one). From what I can understand Mrs. Greyfell wanted a pet for her devious schemes. Did your main character wanted money to keep her lifestyle? Or was she struggling to pay the rent? This part is unclear for me. Appart from that this is the premise a good D/s story.

rushed, but over-all theme is lovely

oooo to be nadia, to be controlled by an older woman, simply heaven !

looking forward to the next chapter

les_carrie@yahoo.com

A little rushed, but just enough details to make it interesting. I hope there are more chapters.

A nice little story indeed, but which could have been made much more out of. Both our heroine and Mrs Greyfell's personalities could have been developed more, as one can just sense she really is the kind of lady suitable to be an appropriate dominatrix. Especially the conclusion was too 'thin' for my taste.

But all in all a lovely little story with my favorite theme. Good work!

She gave in to quickly.. would have liked it if she fought a little... A rich girl to a sex toy... It was hot

You rushed this way to much and abit too quickly