All Comments on 'Mutation'

More please.

I like it, it wa a good read.

The weak point of the story is maybe his origins. Too little and to rushed. why did Molly use her own egg ? She thinks mutant are freaks yet she engineered her own mutant son ? I don't understand.

Why did she let him be free but under observation all those years instead of treaning him ?

Who's Lilly's father?

What about Pyri/Eva? I want to lnow more!

What about the war? A sequel is needed here.

I'd say you have the basics for a very long story here, it'd be a shame if you didn't write a bit more about this universe.

But well, I'm satisfied, it was really a good read and I'm just nitpicking a bit.

Well neolyn to answer why she created Rick. One to fight the Xernos since no mutant at that time could, two why did they surveil him for all those years and not train him. As in physics if you observe something you fundamentally change the nature of the subject, hence why they didn't, to see how their project would shape the course of his life. Ben is Lily's father. I know Eva dies, although that's probably not what you want to hear; other than that I can't tell you much about what happens. The war I spoke of soon followed after that story.

I love it!

You should get an editor. Proof reading and correction will make future chapters better. I'm looking forward to reading more.

I certainly hope this becomes a series that gets revisited from time to time.

Hopefully more coming soon

but loved it none the less definitely can fell a part 2 coming. great read though i will be looking for more in the future

Great story. Definitely not your usual. Liked the characters... Molly throwing the wrench into the monkey and Lily doing her best to get him for herself. Really sucked finding out dad was part of the experiment, but i shouldn't have been surprised.

Waiting for part 2.

Overall - 5*

Any update as to next chapter release for New Orleans?? Really curious if the Goddess showing up is what knocked everyone over....

WAA

@WAA33222512

Take the sex out of it, and publish it as a real novel.. This would be an awesome series of books / movies

~~Krazy Kanuck

This is such a good start for series. So, more please, lots more :)

I am a huge fan too, so I guess the names are a bit too matching to be coincidence!

This was great! It's a departure from what I usually see on Lit. My only critique would be for you to get an editor as I noticed several grammar and spelling errors.

I'll be looking for more stories from you......and more chapters to this story.

I don’t do SciFi but you have great imagination. There were over a hundred mistakes in this short story. You say you don’t care but they are MORE than just dotting i’s and crossing t’s, they mislead and break the reader’s flow. You say rightly you are not being paid - but get an editor to sort out your grammar and usage and you might get paid and paid well.

That was a well thought out story. Similar to your other stories but with a nice syfy angle, very enjoyable and it was good even without sex by everyone in every conceivable position.

Very cringy, but somehow very enjoyable. The relationship between the sister and her brother carried the entire story for me. The superhero aspect was nice, but it could just easily be replaced with any supernatural phenomenon like werewolves or vampires and still share basically the same relationship between brother and sister. Mother was a bit enigmatic, I couldn't understand why she did things, like why pretend that the mc wasn't your son for most of his life and pretend to be his step mother? and then her still threatening him and wanting to have sex with him? She's some kind of crazy, because she doesn't seem to be care if her only son loves her.

I don't know how I missed when this was posted, but I'm glad I found it!

There’s quite a few plot fails scattered around the story. There’s some grammatical mistakes as well. It could use some editing. Honestly, it’s a first draft that needs tightened up. It’s not a bad story idea. There’s a few good twists and potential for getting more out of it with a rewrite.

No.

Because if the mother fucking

awesome story i loved it

Brilliant read,would suit a continuation

The plots and storylines need more work. You dropped some pleasant surprises in there for me such as the step mom and sis being his biological mom and sis, and the father was in on it all this time. That being said there seem to be no rational explanation how the incest fits in to the overall arc of the story?

Needs more lol

need another chapter...

Until this was one of the last stories left to read, thinking it wouldn't be any good. And I was pleasantly surprised to find it to be a great storyline; except, I wished the story would had been longer. Why is it, I wished this with all of your stories?? Such as it is, I'll read it again.

As with so many of your stories, they are great. The sex seems to become the afterthought when I am reading them. And that is not a bad thing, I rather enjoy your story telling. This pulled me in from the beginning and kept me the whole time. I hope there is another part of this story. Keep up the great work!

I loved it, one of your best! Please continue this story. I really like the idea, and the twist of mom being the head of the organization that hunts him. I also appreciate that there is more story than fucking, it shows your talent. I really want more...

Good story, interesting with some exceptional moments. Could use a bit of editing. Some of the story elements didn’t quite fit together. Like how he could accept that Molly is his real mother and lily is his real sister. Actually, I’m surprised that you didn’t make this into a larger story. I wondered about Lily when I saw that Molly really knew everything about Rick. My thought is, if Molly is really Rick’s mother (even if only as an egg donner) and has kept him under constant observation for his entire life, secretly guiding him, influencing his choices, and basically his character, well wouldn’t she want a way to control him if he doesn’t fold under the threat to his kind? Which made me wonder, if she could do this to her son, she absolutely could modify her own daughter to not only seduce Rick, but her body chemistry too so that when she kisses him or any bodily fluids come into contact with Rick, he becomes susceptible to influence. I mean Molly did program Rick with at least one code word that unlocks some of his abilities, so why not her own daughter. As for his father, his role in Rick’s life seems to be coming to an end. With the realization that his dad isn’t what Rick thought he was, wouldn’t this shocking fact not break most, if not all, familial bonds with him? Unless there’s another role he can play in the story, I’m not sure what he would add to any future chapters other than in flashback scenes. As for Good Golly Miss Molly, there’s a lot of potential for her relationship with Rick and her true motivations. She obviously didn’t like what the officials meeting with the aliens were up to. What other behind the scenes stuff has she been up to? There’s good and bad in everyone as Rick admits from the beginning of the story. We are only seeing a tiny sliver of Molly’s character and Lily’s too. I don’t know what others have said about the story or if I’m the only one bringing these things up. Do you have any plans to expand on this story?

What does the dad do for work? How does he get one of the most dangerous women that deals in genocide to be his wife if he is a normal citizen lol

“ If I had to put my strongest blast on a scale it probably be somewhere around a small nuclear explosion.” And he got hurt by a normal women with a sword?

“You ask me why I've never killed her off given her crimes? I say to you way make her into a martyr and have her people take up a crusade against me and my kind“ they already commit genocide on your kind do they not? Soo?

“ How they managed to steal powers from other mutants I could never find out.” If this is true then you had to get out of there AS SOON as molly showed up at your house. What if shes trying to steal your powers? Just go live in an appt and move out. No risks.

“ Who would have thought this woman, this vile human being would have such a sublime feeling cunt. ” glad he remembers how vile she is and a tyrant/murderer to his kind

"Relax Dad," I said trying not to laugh at my old man. "I was just letting you know I was heading out." Hes not angry at his dad that he married a mass murderer and lied to him about it for 18 years? Lied about who his mother is? That he knew his secret? That he is an experiment? That he has a sister? That his dad knew he was a “freak”?

keep this one going. It needs some help but there is something there,

Message me if you are interested in pursuing,

I liked the story a lot! Exceptional storytelling. Although I still wait for you to finally learn the difference between "your" (opposite of "mine") and "you're" (short for "you are").

I have but one problem with it... you somehow managed to make me dislike the female characters so much, I was actually mad he allowed Molly to get her way with him.

Liked the story but pissed that molly got her own way

Dude...this story needs to continue. It could go in so many directions.

Hope to see more of this story!!?

Nice; but needs more chapters...

Wow this was great, Hope to see more chapters.

I loved this story BUT my only thing is that I wish the love interest would focus more on Lily and not Molly, it took the focus away from Lily a bit. We definitely need more chapters of this PLEASE

What happens next????

I hope you write more parts to this story.