All Comments on 'My 750 Word Story'

would really liked to have more of this story but i guess it was meant to be short maybe more in another story

But there was no emotion in the story. He wasn't sad about his parents death. He feels nothing for his home town. He doesn't appear to have any friends. He marries some waitress after a brief courtship. And when he discovers she's a gold digger, he cuts her loose, gives them enough rope to hang themselves and sends them off penniless (probably not - most guys like that keep cash slush funds). The end. Where's the emotion in that? At least do a happy dance that he divorced her and didn't lose any of his money. At least shed a tear when she announces she used him. He needs to feel something!?

Another 750 word story.

I know would have taken more words, but why not have her trying to go after more, but being stymied by the trust?

And she thinks a "buy here/pay here" used car dealer is going to take her places?

Great writing. As most well written 750 word stories...leaves the reader craving for more details. But excellent.

????????????

... and your ending shows you clearly just ran out of words in your 750, as opposed to truly coming to closure.

but sounded more like a diatribe than a workable rendition.

Second story in a row I read by this author whose story focuses specifically on financials and they literally don’t add up.

What was the purpose of buying the land? Had nothing to do with the fraud and now he owns a land with no business on top of it to pay him rent.

When you buy the loans from customers you’re due the monthly payments specified in the original contracts the customers signed. For whatever reason the original lenders okd the dealership to service the loan. However, as long as the agreed upon payments were made and that money was forwarded to the note holder how could there be any skimming? Were they collecting some of the payments and saying now the customers are defaulting on the notes? It makes absolutely no sense for a large financial institution to lend out the money and let a dealership service the loan afterward for a fee when they can just have the payments made directly to them or at a much lower cost to a servicing company that has economics of scale and departments to collect bad payments.

Now he owns a land without a business above it paying rent, and bunch debt notes that he has to arrange new channels of payment on.

Woukdnt the BTB been much cheaper, less time consuming, and effective if after the divorce he simply showed her that he was worth $60 million? Plus, if he wanted BTB, woukdnt it been more effective if they went to prison for committing fraud, been sued by the financial institutions and likely the customers whose funds were not forwarded to the financial institutions? This way they would have lost all their savings and could never open another dealership or business?

And last, not even one line that a DNA confirned it’s not his child? I’m assuming there was a chance it was his. If it was his, he was just willing to write the child off?

you handicapped yourself by making it fit 750, some 750 stories are good at that mark, this one would became to dry by trying to fit in at that mark

Dont fuck with what you dont know.. meaning dont tell Trytstyn that hes just a way out of a restaurant. 5 Stars . I love it

Since it was all about money, the revenge was most appropriate.

Boyd Percy

His marriage was like the story; Down and Dirty.

Steve being totally destroyed economically lost Shelly and his child in the divorce. Since he no longer had a life that meant he had nothing and anyone with nothing to lose is dangerous. He decided to get his revenge on John. About a year after Johns revenge on Steve and Shelly and a couple months after his divorce Steve waited for John as he walked to his car after leaving the gym. John did not hear him come up behind him until he called out to John. John turned there was Steve with a 12 gauge double barreled sawed off shotgun the first shot hit John in the stomach dropping him to the ground.on his knees, Steve then waited for John to realize what was happening, then smiled and said, “payback never ends” Steve saw the panic in Johns eyes the fired the second barrel removing John’s head in a cloud of blood, bone and brain matter. Steve then calmly walked to his car, drove to the airport where he boarded a flight to Costa Rica. Shelly got a big surprise a few weeks later when John’s insurance company found her living with her parents in another state and informed her that John had inadvertently missed taking Shelly off his life insurance abnd since his death was not her fault she received $5 million.and lived happily ever after as did Steve surfing in Costa Rica. 😳

If you have never worked in a buy here pay here car lot (I technically owned one for a few years and have been around them since the 1990's) typically there isn't any bank lender. You essentially buy a car at auctions, let's say for $3,000, then sell to the customer for $899 down and $75 per week for XX number of weeks. On average about 10% of the cars on loan get repo'd per month, half of which are redeemed and the other half resold (less some that get whole saled). So you might sell the same car two or three times. You finance the car to the buyer yourself you don't help him get a bank loan (most of our customers couldn't get one anyway)

So it isn't like a normal car lot where the loan is with a bank, the loan is with the car lot directly as are the collections. What the lot then does is usually bundle together XX number of months of future receivables and borrows against them with the payments as collateral. And typically is isn't a big bank that will fund this it is the fringe lenders and private lenders that do it. I have seen a few loans structured exactly as I described where all collections are sent weekly against a draw. Sometimes the payments exceed the draw, sometimes the draw exceeds the payments. It evens out the cash flow for the car lot and gives them money to expand, especially at the beginning.

As what you are selling to the lender are future collected payments skimming payments before paying them is skimming but it isn't at an individual auto loan level but at a bundled level.

It is probably a bit too much "inside baseball" I just assumed others either knew how buy here pay here's operated or would take it on faith (in fact if anyone has a spare $500,000 they want to risk at 10% interest I know of at least two local lot's that would sell them some future collections just email me)

After 25 years I think I have it down pat. Think of rent a center you are making money on the sale and on the loan and as you are the one making the loan it helps to hold the retail price to where you want as the customer isn't dealing with cash. As the seller, and the loaner, I have all the leverage.

So I might pay $3,000 for a car, get $900 back in down payment, sell it for $6,500 and loan the money at 10%. But I'm not really loaning him the $5,400 due at 10%, although that is what he is paying me, but only the $2,100 I have into the car. So in the end I collect about $7,000 for $3,000 invested.

So in this case he ended up with the other guys business and the land to put it on plus all the future receivables. And I wanted him to do a yahoo victory dance, or at least have her beg to be taken back, but I ran out of words.

And my explanation risks going 750 words in itself.

...like eating peanuts. I'll have another.

You know, if he thought not to tell her about the underlying wealth, maybe he knew something subconsciously when he married her?

and made a nice, neat package wrapped up in 750 words.

But I have to agree with Johnadp that some his actions did not make any sense. Maybe

he ran out of words......

It was a short story about nothing. As short as it was, it seemed that you had to pad it to attain 750 words. It could have been 500 words and said just as little.

It would have sucked more if i had to read any more than 750 words.

Utter nonsense.

Skimming what? The bank would have noticed all the loan payments were not being tendered and taken action. I have never heard of a dealership that works that way. Most work the other way around.. The customers get a loan from the financial entity not the dealership and pay directly (Ford Credit, MB Finance, etc). They certainly would not let a podunk, broke ass dealership take payment on their notes.

If she was a gold digger, why would she marry a teacher with an iron-clad prenup in the first place? So she wanted a divorce. Give her one. Enjoy the 60 mil. That's revenge enough.

Oh, by the way, you said he was a high school teacher twice.

are made and enforced by he who controls the Geld, TK U MLJ LV NV

It works for me. Venal woman has values lesson.

I agree with Johnadp. Also where does the writer get the idea this was EXACTLY 750 words? My MSWord says its 718, even with the little bit before the start of the extremely boring diatribe its 746. when is the admin of lit going to stick to their own rules, minimum word count is 750, this shit falls well below that!

A very good story...And to the point...4*

She didn't know about the 60 mill? Smart boy. Stupid girl.

And he did it in cold blood! My kind of guy.

Five all the way...

Jedd Clampett (carvohi)

What smart guy with 60 million marries a waitress in a diner? He clearly didn't spend much on her. Was he saving his money for a rainy day?

ZZZZZ

Whether you are writing a 500 word story or 5000 word story, make the story interesting. Anyone can write a 750 word story. The trick is to make it worth reading. You failed on that.

Why do I care about these characters. You spend more time explaining finance then the characters and how they feel. I met a waitress with a good body. We dated then we fucked then we got married. . I never get the impression he cares about Shelly.

Shelly is gold digger and her husband just doesn't make enough. Hmm, his house is paid for. He gets $60,000 a year from a trust fund. He works as high school teacher and in the U.S. the average salary for that is another $60,000. Sure that depends on what state he lives in but $60K is the average. So Shelly is married to someone bringing in a six figure salary, $120,000/year, and doesn't need to pay a third of it to a mortgage. Do you see anything wrong with that picture?

Use more words and write a story. Why bother with this silly 750 word crap.

I agree with him getting revenge on his wife, but feel for the child now in a poor upbringing. He really was selfish sod. There should be better ways to get back at her. Like after all is settled let her see your bank account balance. It is as masterful as avenging her child like he did.

Not enough pain distributed for me!

My way:

1/ Bankrupt him (shouldn't fuck married women).

2/ Off to jail for him.

3/ Ensure he's banged up with Buba!

4/ Make sure she's homeless (unfit mother, child in care).

5/ Follow them both for ten years ensuring maximum unhappiness, unemployment homeless etc.

Finally let them know that if they piss you off again, life will get really tough!

You just can’t do justice to stories that way, and really creative writing is stifled.

Timriv had a good, possible ending, though how he had money for a flight to Costa Rica is a question. There really wasn’t enough of a marriage that was destroyed to justify the revenge the main character sought. Sometimes you just need to let go.

A LOT more words...

...is not a lot. But you wasted too many on the details of the revenge with none left to rub the ex's nose in the $60M.

This needs a bigger house. 😎

I don't think that the 750 words was a bad idea as a group writing exercise. But that is over, why this urge to continue it?

Use it as an indicator that every story doesn't have to be X number of pages. Write your story. If it's only a page or less, fine, there's no need to pad it out. But there's also no need to cut out words that might make it a better story just to get it down to some arbitrary limit.

You where just a stepping stone for her, what good was all that money if you don’t enjoy it,living on a teachers salary. The wife betrayed you ,not the car salesman. Since you had a prenup and she told you she was leaving just get over it and move on. Financially she got nothing. Makes no sense to destroy them.

Only fit for those sick people who think revenge is a turn on. You know the ones, they are living alone.

There's, in my opinion, a good story in there.

But the unneeded constraint the author forced on himself to tell it turned it into a mediocre one.

I never was one of those who consistently bitched about those 700-or-so words challenges, but I'm finally at a point where I truly have enough of them.

The frustrating thing of it all is that TRYTSTYN is a genuinely great author - I enjoyed a lot of his previous works. But him kneecapping his tale like he did here, leaving us with huge plotholes and no actual resolution to speak of, make this latest effort feel quite superficial and unneeded.

If you think you can give Steve 's story genuine justify, author, you're very welcome to write a longer effort with him that could be at least three pages long. As it stands right now, though, his tale of revenge of nothing, but a dud.

How did he triple his net worth by investing in low-interest municipal bonds?

The writers comment is just as boring as the 'story'.

I just didn’t care about any of the characters. I didn’t root for the protagonist or enjoy the downfall of the antagonist. Just... blah.

Nicely done - no messing about.

Why would he even bother? He should thank Steve for outing his wife as a gold digger. She didn't get a thing and he got good sex while it lasted and she didn't get pregnant by him. All around win if you ask me. Why would he then try to ruin things for her and this Steve guy? Just strange story. 750 word limit didn't help none. 2*

This isn't meant to be a slam at this author in particular....the 750 word concept is just terrible. Probably 90% of the ones I read come across as hurried or unfinished. A few could have been really good if they weren't 'finished' too soon........

The protagonist has $60,000 a year, nearly tax free, coming in plus a teacher’s salary and she leaves him for a used car dealer that’s taking from the till? She has to have rocks in her head. He’s essentially stealing from himself.

Why bother spending another minute on them?

This is an excellent example of how to successfully and succinctly tell a short story...well done!

This story should be ranked much higher. Trytstyn ! Don't let the bastards get you down!

Jedd Clampett

For 750 words it was quite good!

Great story even with the 750 word limit! I hope to read more from this author.

Opinions are like assholes; everyone has one.

I read it again and I still like it!

Quick and to the point. The gold mine is closed.

Fuck the Gold Digging whore and her sleazy husband. I hope this was true.

Very short, but it told the story.

Why let them walk? Jail time, criminal record would be a nice touch. Of course a full disclosure of his finances for the gold digging slut would be in order so she would be well aware of her loss.

It's a shame it's too short.

How was Steve skimming money? To skim money means an employee takes a bit of money from the daily receipts of a business and officially reports a lower total. Seeing as Steve owns the business, if he is "skimming money" he is taking it from himself.

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Why would John buy Steve's customers loans? If he buys the loans then the customers would be paying John and he would have no interaction with Steve. I think what the author meant is that John bought the loans Steve had outstanding. Loans have a schedule of what amounts to pay and when. As long as Steve maintains to that schedule he should be golden.

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How is a car lot a cash business? It is a credit/loan based business. The customer may put down a bit of money as a down payment, but the financial institution that handles the customer's loan is the one that pays the dealer via check or some form of non-cash transfer/deposit.

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Finally, how can John write up a right to audit Steve's business? Only way John could have a right to audit the business is if he was, in some way, involved in the business, as a partner or investor, for example, and had some form of income, due him.

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I understand what the author is trying to get across, but, it was done sloppily. The only thing that made sense was the purchase of the land the car lot is on. When the current lease runs out, John can increase the rent.

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Pasqual

Bloody boring. Numbing.

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2 **

A bit too short.

Comments are right, too abrupt ending and a little boring. To keep it to 750 words, delete about 1/2 of how he got the money, use half for his emotions and the rest for the consequences, especially how the ex-wife reacted.

I know that this is now old, so don't expect any revisions. If you do, read Pasqual_Clemente's excellent comments

Meh. 3 stars.

Kind of straight forward but ok.

Short, but both severely burned. He should have told her what he was worth.

This represents a pretty good outline for full story, hopefully to follow.

Nice but too short

What goes around around comes around, sometimes worse......................

Cold. Just like the Bitch. 5 stars. The Bear liked it.

The BEAR

Yep!

Nice BTB, and original. Thank you! Easy 5 stars.

that was great 5* but I would have loved to see more of a confrontation after she found out how much money he was actually worth!

Meh. Three stars.

JPB

Well, that was certainly dumb. Why would you let anybody walk on a criminal charge, and just let them go on doing it to somebody else? That's pretty pathetic morality.

ok story, but ending was too short/incomplete.