All Comments on 'My Brother and His Boyfriend'

by londonganymede

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  • 4 Comments
canndcanndabout 9 years ago

This doesn't feel finished. What happens. Does Noah get annoyed? does he join in at some point. does he take off to a club to bring someone back for himself? i'd like to see more.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
So much potential...

...but far too many distracting mistakes that make reading this very difficult. Words missing. Incomplete sentences. Just grammar and flow errors that jump out and slap you silly. Don't give up but rather either use an editor before submitting the next time or make sure you do several very close proof readings of your own.

londonganymedelondonganymedeabout 9 years agoAuthor

@cannd: Thanks. No, it's not finished. I'm considering writing more and bringing in more characters/perspectives as well. Let me know if there's anything you'd like to see.

@anon: Thanks. I went back and edited some of the more obvious mistakes, that oughta be up in a couple of days. This was never really meant to be published, I just kinda submitted it on a whim one day. I've always had issues with keeping my sentences concise.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
Wow

This is really good. I do hope you continue. I'd like to see some action for Noah, maybe a threesome. Kinda weird but the story so far makes it sound like it must happen. I like the descriptions. Very sexy, keep it up man :)

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