My Christmas Star

Standing up I offered her my hand. After a second her eyes followed my extended fingers up my arm, across my chest, over my chin, and finally came to rest upon my eyes. When her fingers curled into mine I pulled her up and, for a moment, we stood just inches apart, our eyes asking questions, receiving answers and searching for the honest truth hidden behind the gray shadows of those answers.

Ever so slowly I leaned into toward her and I felt more than saw the hesitant pull on my fingers inching us closer. The gentle breeze off the ocean blew a strand of her red hair across my face. Almost like a whip of fire to punish me for the generational-transgression I was so eager to commit.

A second and then a third whip of hair blew between us.

Unable to stop myself I caught the back of her head imprisoning that fiery mane before more of it blocked my way and with a gasp from her that was both surprise and passion-driven she closed the distance.

Victoria surged into my arms, her breasts pillowing into my chest, her lips hitting mine with the same ferocity that I was feeling. Her hands moved mine out the way and she seized my head, her fingernails driving into my scalp as she fought my mouth for a deeper harder kiss.

A battle I was happy to surrender myself into.

My hands on her hips, I took a step back and then a second as she moved forward keeping pace. Knocking the empty basket to the side, we crashed together onto the blanket and let the shadowy play of light and dark from the trees above hide the fact we were all but tearing each other's clothes off to get our hands on bare skin.

Sitting up, Victoria looked down into my face with a hot intensity. Her breath ragged, her lips glossy and calling for me to kiss them again.

"This is a mistake," she panted.

I nodded.

Our mouths came together again, if anything, even harder.

Rolling over, pinning her under me, my hand rode it's way up under her blouse to cup her full breast. I didn't even think about it, it simply seemed to be the natural thing to do and when her hand clamped onto mine pinning that hand, making me squeeze her breast harder, I could see that she was thinking the same thoughts and in the same way.

Our lips parted and tongues wrestled amid shared breaths that delivered all the passion we each had been holding in check. How simple a thing a kiss is that it can carry so much that neither she or I could say. That it could deliver so much sweeter than words the emotions we both had and had been keeping hidden.

Even if, at the moment, that emotion was simply a shared lust.

Victoria caught my half-opened shirt and sent the bottom straggler buttons flying off to lay amide the sea shells and sand. Lost to reappear in summer daydreams maybe, they were chased by my shirt moments later and then Victoria's hands were on my back. With not even a hint of mercy, she dug her nails into my skin and her mouth vanished from mine only to reappear on my neck. I moaned as her teeth sank in and her mouth tasted my skin. Knowing I was going to have a hickey -- and not caring in the least -- I found the top of her bra and pulled the cup down out of my way. With her nipple, as hard as a pebble in my palm, I squeezed Victoria's soft flesh in my tight grip and moaned her name as she sucked at my neck.

Then her mouth was back at mine, demanding more kissing. Begging for more. Pleading for more.

I was happy to oblige.

When those sweet lips parted again this time it was my tongue driving into her mouth, perhaps seeking something in this kiss that her daughter could never give me. Honest passion given back where it's given.

And I was getting that in spades.

I felt her hands playfully trying to turn us back over. With a giggle I held tight to her and rolled us, but too hard and laughing together we tumbled off the blanket and back into the sand. We ended up with her sitting astride me, her hot gaze looking down at me along the length of her extended arm. She dug her nails into the middle of my chest, then slowly raked her fingers down across my abs.

She gave her head a shake. "No seriously, this is a mistake."

"Then it's a damn good one."

My hands caught her by the flare of her wide-straddled hips, pulling her down onto me, letting Victoria feel the hardness that was about to burst from my board shorts. For a moment she lifted herself, letting her body ride up and cover the hard bulge of my cock under her.

With a surprise roll, she spun up off of me and walked away, adjusting her clothes.

Sitting up, staring after her, unable to believe that the moment had been shattered so easily, I needed much longer to get my clothes back into place.

** ** ** ** ** ** **

The ride in the runabout back out to the Caribbean Star was made in silence. We were each too caught up in our own thoughts and the emotional storm that had surged up and then been stifled.

She avoided my hand when I went to help her aboard.

Tying off the inflatable boat to the back so it would be out of the way, I stepped over to the cabin door, unlocked it, then carried the keys back to the Star's control panel and stuck the ignition key back where it should be. Least I misplace the damn things. Looking past it, into the cabin I saw Victoria sitting on the edge of the table, a lost look on her face.

I knew I had a similar look.

Sitting on the padded captain's seat I looked off at a much small coastal craft riding to port. It was a fishing boat and there were dozens of fishing poles jutting off in every direction of the compass. Looking down into the clear water, I found myself wondering if a bow and arrow might work better. Even as my mind raced off in that mindless direction, I reigned it back. I knew why I was thinking of such crap.

Not wanting to do it, but needing to so badly, I got to my feet and stepped into the cabin. Victoria looked up at me, then glanced down as if too ashamed to meet my eyes.

"Are we heading back in soon?" she asked before I could speak.

Since she wasn't looking up I wasn't sure she saw my shrug. "If you want. There is plenty of room if you want to stay the night and we can ride in, in the morning." Her head popped up, she glanced around the small cabin and at the single bed, then looked back at me and lifted an eyebrow. I nodded behind me. "I can string me a hammock up outside. I sleep out there a lot in the summer."

She looked back down at the floor and gave a small shake of her head. "We should go back. I need to get home. Jennifer will worry. I didn't tell her I was going to be out all night."

Nodding, I left without speaking. I couldn't find the words.

As I turned the key and hit the switch to raise the anchors, I felt like anything I might want to say had been dumped off in a black pit. A deep dark place where all the feelings of pain and loss I had felt in the last year had been tossed. I hadn't expected to add anything else to that pit, but then I hadn't expected to find myself in love again....

That stopped me in mid-thought.

In love?

Did I really just think that?

I tried to search within my head for what possible Freudian slip I could have been experiencing that made me think such a thing. Yeah, sure I wanted to tumble Victoria into the bed in there and spend the night do wicked things to her till we were both raw and sweaty, but that didn't mean I was in love with her. Right?

Watching the main and foresail rise up the mast, I couldn't find an answer. At least not one I was willing to believe.

Turning the Star to the west, I let my sailboat chase the horizon line toward the setting sun while my thoughts turned in deeper and deeper circles. Thank god for the autopilot. The way my mind was distracted I would have probably sailed us up to Boston without it.

** ** ** ** ** ** **

The familiar lighthouse light was guiding me towards home. For four long hours, the sun had hung in the sky ... seemingly trapped in one long endless sunset as we raced the fading light toward the Florida coast.

I'm fairly sure that Victoria had taken a nap. Leastways when I looked into the cabin she was laying on my bed, her head buried in my pillow, half-curled up on herself. It was only when the shallower water set the Star to riding growing swells that I heard her moving around.

Victoria appeared on deck and handed me a soda.

"Thanks."

Taking a seat, she looked towards the still distant light.

"My God, that's beautiful."

Looking up from contemplating soda bubbles, I saw what she meant. Almost directly ahead of us, the lighted spire of the lighthouse had split the sinking sun in half, Rays of bright white divided the burn red and purple colors of the sunset and passed from side to side as the light spun. Behind this, the sky was afire with every color possible to plaster to the bottom of a cloud. As we watched the deep red ball vanishing behind the lighthouse and twilight beginning to grow, sending more and more spasms of purple and blue-black into the brilliant reds.

Delicate fingers interlaced with mine.

Looking down into Victoria's face, I saw the pale tracks of old weeping across her face.

"Vicky?"

She gave her head a shake and looked away. "I'm sorry, Randal."

"For what?" I asked.

"For letting things get carried away like that."

She started to turn my hand loose, but I refused to release her fingers. When she looked back at me I had a soft smile splitting my face into a grin.

"I'm not. That was, beyond a doubt, the hottest kiss I have ever had in my life."

For a second I saw a dozen emotions and expressions cross her face. She settled into a blush but with a delightfully hint of a vanity smile that she had given me that.

"Well, it shouldn't have happened."

"The fuck you say. What shouldn't have happened is that we stopped."

Victoria yanked her fingers from mine. "I'm not your girlfriend!"

"You could be."

Her eyes went to the size of dinner plates. "What? There is no way in hell I could be your girlfriend!"

"Why not?" I shrugged. "What are you doing next Friday? How about dinner and a late movie?"

Victoria shook her head. "Randal I'm not going to go on a date with you. For God's sake, I'm old enough to be your mother!"

"But you're not."

"Well, I'm Jennifer's mother."

"So?" I check ahead of us for a second, judging where we were on the coast and making a small adjustment to turn us towards the marina. "I'm not dating Jennifer; nor am I ever like to date her again. She's got a boyfriend. You, however, are single." I shot her a grin. "And it just so happens so am I."

"You're out of your mind." She got to her feet and started to disappear back into the cabin but I stopped her.

"I'm going to need your help when we get to the marina. I've only ever docked this ship at night once before, and I had my grandfather to help me then."

She paused then gave me a tight nod. "Sure."

I watched her ass as she vanished below, remembering it wasn't all that long ago that I had joyously filled my hands with that ass. Exactly how and why I might not get the chance to do that again I wasn't entirely sure. I could tell that she had wanted to do what we had done. There was no hiding the rush of passion and the raw emotional lust that had poured from her back on that beach. Victoria had wanted to do far more than kiss. She had been tearing at my clothes to get them out of her way so that we could fuck. Of that I'm certain.

God knows I had wanted to fuck her just as badly.

I still did.

Turning the Caribbean Star into the channel, I guided her by familiar shore lights and marking buoys towards the soft dock lights of the marina.

Why had she stopped? What possible thought could be turning behind those beautiful eyes that had made Vicky stop when things were going ... oh so incredibly well? Had she been afraid? Of what? There was no one from this stupid town that knew us, that could have been out there on Mangrove Cay, to have seen us kissing. So what difference could it have made? Pleasure is pleasure for pleasure sake and when two people are as close to ecstasy as we had been, for one of us to turn back from it ... just why?

Unable to find an answer, itchy from the sand, tired and frustrated by the whole mess, I turned the sailboat into the dark opening between lights, slipping past bobbing buoys and with an almost comedic hustle, set the sails to lowering. I fired up the engine and it took up most of our forward progress as the wind power vanished more and more with every inch of sail that rolled up.

Victoria joined me on deck.

"What do you need me to do?" she asked.

"Mostly another set of eyes." As we began to pass between the shadowy bows of other sailboats, yachts, speedboats, and coast fishing cruisers, I eased the throttle down to a gentle forward purr. "Now, as you know, I back her into her anchorage. So what I'll do is move us past it, stop and then reverse up back into my pier. When I've got us in place drop those three fenders over there into place. I'll bump the dock a bit, then you just stand here and let me get the Star tied off."

"Just stand here?"

"Yep." I pointed to the dark empty slot of my anchoring. "You're going to be the one who had to pull me back out the water if I fall off the dock, crack my head on the side of the boat going in and then drown. I will require a great deal of mouth to mouth."

"I've already done that day," she said with a smirk after a moment.

"We'll just consider that lifesaving practice."

"Uh ... huh. Practice. Right."

Easing the Caribbean Star to a stop, I throttled back till the motor neutral idled and then reversed. I stood facing backward and started easing the ship to starboard. "Fenders please."

"Aye, aye Sir! Argh, Jimboy argh!"

Giving her a look, I then had to ignore her as Victoria scampered around.

"Watch the bow please," I called over my shoulder as we closed on the stern.

Behind me, I heard her muttering. "I don't have to take this abuse much longer."

Rolling my eyes, I watched the runabout -- tied off to a cleat next to me, it was floating just to port -- to me to make sure I didn't "sna-fag-al" it onto anything as grandpa used to say.

When I glanced over at the other side, I saw Victoria making faces behind me.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

She laughed, and then laughed all the harder as we bumped the pier and I stumbled and was within seconds of going ass-over-tea-kettle. Catching my balance, I stepped off the side of Star and looped the mooring lines around the well-worn bollards. Walking to the bow I caught the line Victoria tossed me and tied off the last line. Stepping back aboard, I let my bow anchor drop.

Scratching my lower back, I thought about all the work I needed to do. The sails needed to be covered. I needed to hook the main power back up. I needed ... I needed a fucking shower.

And I badly needed some sleep.

"Well, as kidnappings go, I have to say that today was ... well, I guess fun is the right word."

Chuckling, I looked into her eyes. "Well, as kidnap victims go you were wonderful." I tilted my head a bit. "Still a no on next Friday?"

"Yes, it's a very definite no." She moved towards the boarding plank. "Sorry, but we can not date."

"I'm sorry too."

For a moment Victoria just stood there, and I swear I saw a small nod. She bit her lip to stop whatever she wanted to say escaping.

"Good night," she said and then hustled off the ship.

"Same," I said, mostly to myself.

With a sigh, I left the deck and went inside to get the shower I so desperately needed before I scratched my skin off. I could hear Victoria talking to someone on her phone as she walked away. Probably a call to let Jennifer know her mother was headed home. Or maybe she was calling the Sheriff to report her kidnapping. Honestly, I couldn't care which it was since neither meant a thing to me by now.

Let me be arrested, I don't care.

I can sleep in jail, after all.

** ** ** ** ** ** **

With only the battery bank to pull from, it took longer for the on-demand water heater to give me the normal scalding temps I prefer. In fact, it was a tepid rain more akin to something in early May rather than high summer. Still, it was semi-warm and it was water and it got the damn sand dust and salt-crud off my skin. Shutting the disappointing shower off with a tired sigh for the layers of disappointments today, I grabbed a towel off the rack. A few moment's work chased off the stray droplets, wrapped my hips with it and I grabbed a second thinner towel.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, that second towel over my head in a half-decent improvised Assassin's Creed hood, I felt the energy draining out of me by inches. Washed away to leave a gritty film on the floor, just as the sand had done in the shower. The rocking of Star at anchor was it's normal soothing tilt and sway. Grandpa had once told me these old boats were his rocking chairs. I completely agree.

My eyes popped open when the rhythmic movement shifted wrong.

Looking up from under the edge of the draped towel, I yanked it away when I saw Victoria standing in the hatchway door. In the dim light from the nightlight over by my desk, her expression was unreadable.

"Victoria?"

She shook her head. "Vicky."

With slow steps, she moved to stand before me. She pulled the damp towel from around my neck and tossed it toward the equally damp shower floor. Her hands traced the line of my shoulders and down both arms, then out to my hands. Our fingers were joined in a tangle, but it was all on her. After the emotional burn earlier, I wasn't willing to commit to even holding hands. Hell, if she wanted anything from me now, I was willing to hold her feet to the fire.

"Randal... " Her fingers tightened in mine. "Can I stay the night?"

My eyes narrowed. "Vicky I'm tired and not much of a mind to sleep in a hammock. Yeah, sure, I made that offer back at Mangrove. What's the matter, your car won't start or-- "

She stepped closer, her hips parting my knees. "That's not what I'm asking for."

Victoria's body pressed closer and she leaned her face closer to mine, pausing only when there was a bare inch separating us.

I sat back a bit. "I have to know why. After this afternoon ... I'm in no mood to be played with again. So why now, and not earlier?"

A slow tear rolled down her face. "I called my daughter." At my lifted eyebrow she looked down and wiped that tear away. "She didn't care that I was home safe. She was too busy to even listen to me about what I had been doing today. I tried to tell her I went sailing and she just overrode what I was saying and all but hung up on me."

I had to stop myself from saying that wasn't a surprise to me in the least.

"I gave up on having a great time with you earlier ... having sex ... because I felt like I was betraying her in some way by being with you." She shook her head. "I know that sounds odd, but damn it that was the way that I felt. I had just discovered that I have spent so much time doing the wrong thing in her life. Then we were kissing and I had to stop myself. I needed to do the right thing, even if it meant I didn't get to enjoy something myself. But it turns out she wouldn't even have cared."

I chuckled unable to hide it. "She might have cared if she had known it was me you went sailing with, but in truth, it's not her business one way or another."

"No. No, it's no. I keep forgetting she's an adult now, even if still a young one." Victoria placed a hand on my bare chest and gave me a light pat, showing by touch that she thought I should also be included in that 'young' title. "I need to be letting her get about her life and I need to start finding myself a life that isn't focused on her."

"And you want me to be in that life?"

Her hand moved down my chest across my abs to the knotted towel. She stepped closer and that terrycloth fold parted even more.