by Spector_Dugan
As a professional writer, I can tell you that if you aren't writing for a living (or as a side gig), you should be. Well done in all ways. Keep writing!
Please write a scene where Jason, Emma, and Kristen have a threesome for the first time!! This is in reference to your Dirty Naked Poker series which is by far your best.
i'd be barking uncontrollably, wagging my tail and scampering all round the room!
Did Alex really live with Lara and Justin as a left-out third wheel? Seems so unrealistic, yet at the same time, you wrote the story so well that I felt Alex’s pain deeply. Had no idea how you were going to work your way through to a conclusion that would be satisfying. Yours was good, if incomplete. Perhaps best that way.
I ached for Alex, and not because that has or even COULD be me but because he got dogged, and by his own hand! I'm not sure that either the culmination of the video effort nor the reunion was worth all of that he went through, for YEARS! But what's important, I guess, it that HE felt it was.
Well written and HOT!
Keep it up! (Moving on to your other stories now...)
X-Man
Being a photographer, experiences like that do in fact happen.
I once let the woman suck My cock to teach the boyfriend to get the idea.
And as she was sucking his cock I was fucking her.
I turned her around as she swallowed My load of cum.
A Wonderful experience, no doubt.
The boyfriend just loved the session.
Really good story. My only 'advice' would be to shorten the timeline. Four years of college and time afterward is way too long. I'd have had the video being made by their second year of school.
I'm not sure what all those requests for "part two" are about -- the story is complete as it is. Re-read the last couple of paragraphs, folks: she wants to go back to his place, and he's "never letting go". Short of saying "and they lived happily ever after", that's about as clear as you can make it.
My criticism is about the line "absence made the heart grow colder", which makes it sound like he grew hateful, bitter, or uncaring. As the story continues, it becomes clear that it was more a matter of letting things slide into the past. Maybe "cooler" would have worked better than "colder", but it probably would have been best to avoid the temptation to use a clever turn of phrase at that point. My suggestion would be something more along the lines of "I can't say that I forgot about Lara, but absence let my fixation fade and eventually I was able to focus on other females."
I can understand the time line, and I know that loneliness. What would have made it great would have been to do the scene of the reunion.
What sort of perverted couple would ask to be videoed? But, having overcome the improbability, the story was most enjoyable, well written, and with a perfect conclusion.
This was hellllllllaaa depressing and next level creepy, but the writing was good, even if the ending was pretty rushed.
Lara was kind of a C word, there's no way you don't know this dudes lining after you and then she asks him to watch? Actual savage level butchery.
Good plot with some quality erotic content. I liked the way that the narrator jumps 2 years at the end before meeting Lara again, and the open ending - did they start a relationship? 5 stars.
AWESOME story!
I hung on every word hoping for this ending.
The private video was a brilliant idea and the ending was PERFECT.
A beautiful sex idea and so descriptive.
I like that Alex and Lara find each other in the end. But I'm with several of the other commentators. The timeline is much too drawn out. The whole events could have taken place within two years. It's not only that Alex suffered much longer than believable. The description of the video shooting seems to indicate that Lara is sexually frustrated because of Justin being a selfish and inconsiderate lover. So this was probably the case from the beginning of their relationship, at that point many years ago. Yes, the author mentions Justin was her first and only, but she surely does have (female) friends or acquaintances, so she must know that their's a much better love life to be had. And finally it's about us, the sympathetic readers, who have to suffer too: Because of Alex enduring his painful longing for so long, and because of the thought of how the two potential lovers wasted so much of their prime time.
It also struck me as odd that the author wrote something like 'But absence made the heart grow colder...' This could be interpreted as his heart to have been cold all along, couldn't it?
Still I'm very greatful, compared to the average this is a 5 star read regardless.
(1/27/2022) This was quite painful to read and I came close to bailing. I agree 100% with a_reader_from_ germany below of 4 months ago. He said it all for me.
Very well portrayed but a bit of a gruelling read until the end. A very well written story.
Someone described this as "bit of a grueling" to read. Someone else described it as "quite painful to read and I came close to bailing". Both are true, even if a little undersold. However, both are glaring indications of the quality of your writing. To be able to perfectly capture the intense internal conflict between punishment and reward; between desire and revulsion is the epitome of accuracy and discernment in an author.
You hit this one out of the park, which is why you are not only one of my favorite authors here but one of the best I've read in this genre.
Keep it up!
X-Man
An alternate ending could be his two friends continued to date and they married .. oh, and even today he secretly cucks his friend and secretly owns here pussy.
Would like a little more of the ending. Not absolutely needed, but so Much more to tell.
Probably this follows the trend of most Literotica stories —don’t really finish the story. That should disqualify 5 stars, but the quality of the tale forces 5 stars.
Bill S.
The first time I read a story where I thought I knew exactly where the writer was going. From the first page I knew he would someway be cucking himself with the one girl he had ever loved. I thought later since his best friend, the love of his lifes boyfriend, wouldnt eat her out, that he would be asked to eat her out after his best friend, who was the love of his lifes boyfriend filled the love of his life's pussy with his baby making potenant seed.
Well I was wrong, great story!
Great story. Loved the longing, the agony of being so close and yet so far. The forbidden fruit. The longing. Trying to do the right thing. The build up. This deserves 10 stars. No villains. Just normal people. All very real and credible. No giant breasts, No huge cocks. This story unfolded in a slow erotic way. Well done.