My Happy Ending

Over the next few weeks things got both better and worse around the department. My guys had a lot of experience, but Darrell's education was not only more complete, it was more recent. I'd done the best I could to keep up with all of the latest trends but I found him showing me new concepts and new techniques for some of the things we'd done for decades.

Darrell and I became friendly and often had lunch together. He was a really nice guy and he was also someone I could talk to. Like me, he was the kind of guy who took pride in doing everything he did to the best of his abilities. There were too many people in our company and in my department who tried to get by doing the bare minimum. I had very little respect for people like that. I figured that Darrell would make my remaining few years before I retired a lot easier because he was the kind of person that I could give a project to and just watch him run with it. I wouldn't have to constantly look over his shoulder to make sure things were done correctly.

Over several months, my first impressions turned out to be true. I did find myself giving Darrell more and more of the important projects and giving lesser assignments to the guys who'd actually been there longer.

I also noticed that most of the staff had gotten used to Darrell and he fit in well. There were, unfortunately, a few of the older members of the staff that still had issues. Those issues were more and more of a sticking point when it became obvious that Darrell was probably the front runner to replace me despite his lack of seniority. Some of the more small minded members of the staff used everything they could think of to point out why he shouldn't be.

I heard the term age discrimination thrown around. I heard about the fairness of promoting based solely on seniority. Of course, no one mentioned the racial thing, but they also never mentioned the fact that he worked tirelessly and he put forth a great deal of effort towards making every project he did the best it could be when others were simply phoning the jobs in.

At home, things were progressing even better, or so I thought. My daughter, Paige, was about to graduate from college and would be getting married next year in the spring. My son, Bruce, had gone into the air force and was stationed in Japan. According to all of his most recent emails, he too had fallen in love and might be getting hitched if he and his fiancé could leap all of the hurdles for service men who wanted to marry foreign nationals.

My wife, Amanda, had been looking forward to our retirement as eagerly as I had. In fact, she was all set to retire the day that I did, even though she'd only have enough time in on her job for a partial pension.

"Our careers are just that Honey," she always said. "They're OUR careers. We've both been working for the same thing, so we quit at the same time and we travel together and live out our lives together. I know that we probably won't die on the same day, but if you die first; I won't live for much longer."

God, I was such a sucker. When she said things like that, I had no doubt of her love for me. We both thought the exact same thing. Our version of a happy ending in life was for us to be two old people sitting on the porch together watching the sun set both figuratively and literally on our lives together. We wanted to watch our grand kids and tell them about all of the places we'd gone and the things we'd done. Money didn't really matter to us; we just wanted to share the good times in life. That was our version of a happy ending.

So, the day that we had the talk was a shock to me. I'd just come in from a run and Amanda's friend Marge was leaving. I wasn't sure how I felt about Marge. She was okay looking in that slightly chunky suburban wife sort of way. But I just had no feelings one way or the other about her. Some of the things that she said from time to time made me feel weird.

I'd noticed that Amanda was walking around and just hadn't been acting like herself lately and usually it started after a visit from Marge.

"Rence, can we talk?" asked Amanda. She was wringing her hands so I knew that she was nervous about something.

"When was there a time when we couldn't?" I asked.

"Well, this is really different, Honey," she said. "It's about something that you may not like."

I didn't say anything, I just nodded.

"Well," she began. "Right now is a very exciting time in our lives. Everything we've been planning since our twenties is coming true. Our kids are grown and we did a great job with them. We're financially secure and we don't have a lot of debts like some couples. We're blessed. We're about to give ourselves a gift that most people will never have the chance to receive. We're going to spend a few years exploring the world and traveling to places that we've only dreamed of. We'll have time to really see and do anything we have interests in. It's going to be great."

I looked at her strangely. "Isn't that what we wanted?" I asked. "I don't get it. It's what we've talked about for more than twenty years. Have you changed your mind?"

"Of course not, Honey," she said. "That's exactly what I want. I'm looking forward to it. It probably means more to me than it does to you. I just need to be ready for it so I can fully appreciate it."

Again I just looked at her. "So what you're saying is that you want to work for a few years more than we've planned?" I asked.

"No Rence," she snapped. "You're not listening to me. Shit, this is hard. I'd quit working today if I could. You like your job. You love what you do. I just go to work to give me something to do while you aren't home. I get lonely here in the house when you're not around."

"So you want to quit working now so you can be ready?" I asked.

"God damn it Rence, will you listen to me? Don't say a word, just listen!" she snapped. I didn't say a word. I didn't even nod. I just looked at her. She licked her lips and looked at me.

"Rence, I'm forty five years old. You and I have been married since I was twenty. When we first got together, I was almost untouched. Well...actually except for some kissing and fondling I hadn't done anything sexual with anyone. So anyway, before we go about exploring the world and all of that stuff, I'd like to spend some time exploring myself. There are things about me that I don't really know or understand. So I've just been wondering what it would be like to have sex with someone other than you."

She stopped and looked at me. My face remained neutral. She was wondering whether or not I'd heard her but in actuality, like most engineers, I'd gone into work mode. What engineers basically do is solve problems. We use math and physics and any other required sciences to manipulate the factors in a problem and find a solution. As I sat there and looked at Amanda, trying to get her words straight, my mind was weighing all the factors."

"Marge's husband gave her a few get out of jail free cards," she said. "They give either one of the partners two or three times to just go out and do something. It's a way to try out some things that they may have been wondering about without endangering their marriage. I guess it's more about trust and faith than anything else. He's secure enough in their relationship that he trusts her to try out something so she doesn't go to her grave wondering. He has enough faith in her love for him to know that she's not going to go off and fall in love with some other guy. It has nothing to do with love. It's only sex."

"It wouldn't have anything to do with the way we feel about each other, it would just be exploration," she said. It was so quiet in the house then that you could hear a pin drop. She looked at me nervously. I just stared at her. My mind was working a mile a minute. I knew what was going on. I figured that her stupid friend had put this idea in her head. And I knew that this was serious for us. If I told her she couldn't do it, she'd resent me. I'd be the one who stopped her from having her fun. Or I'd be the asshole who didn't have as much faith in her as her friend's husband did. She'd probably go ahead and do it behind my back.

The one big thought going through my mine then was, "So much for my happy ending."

I knew that no matter how this ended up, Amanda and I would never be the same again. Our marriage was pretty much over. It was just a question of how it would end. I had no intention of spending the rest of my life with anyone who couldn't be faithful to me. The way I saw it, the only thing I could do was use this as a test.

"Rence, you haven't said a word," she said.

"You told me not to," I said.

"Well, what do you think?" she asked. I looked straight at her. I looked at the woman I'd loved for more than twenty fucking years. I knew every line in her face. I knew every stretch mark and pocket of cellulite on her body. I'd dreamed for so long of nothing but spending the rest of my life with this woman. We'd been there for each other through thick and thin. Through times of hardship and sorrow, we'd supported each other and shared our dreams. We'd raised our kids together and put up a united front to make sure that they turned out right and strong and independent. I guess I'd come to believe all the shit that we said about the two of us being one. I had to wrap my head around the possibility that we wouldn't be that way any longer. This was a crossroads for us, our family and our marriage. I realized it even if she didn't.

"Do it," I said.

"What?" she said.

"If this is really something you need, just do it and get it over with," I said.

"Thank you honey," she said smiling. "You don't know how much your faith in me means to me."

She reached out and tried to hug me but I pushed her away.

"Rence, don't act like that," she said. "I already told you this is just sex. I love you. I just want to try it with someone else. It won't mean anything."

"I'm going out to run," I said.

"But Honey you just got back," she said.

"Running relaxes me and lets me think," I told her. "I need to relax and think." I turned away from her and walked back out the door and down the path leading away from our house. I jogged over to the woods that bordered our property and started running faster.

As I ran through the trails that I had run so many times that I knew them like the back of my hand, I knew how this would end.

I told Amanda in my head all the things I'd wanted to say to her then.

"You were everything, everything that I wanted."

"We were meant to be, supposed to be but we lost it."

"All of the memories so close to me, just fade away."

"All this time you were pretending. So much for my happy ending."

* * * * * *

Amanda

I remember when I spoke to Rence about letting me try another man. Marge had told me that she was seeing a guy who just lit up her world. She said that the things they did were so much better than anything she did with her husband that there was no comparison. I wasn't sure that was possible, but she told me it was. She told me that like a lot of women, I was in a rut and didn't even know it.

We looked at a lot of porn on the internet and she showed me some of the things that people did. We read articles about women who had affairs with all types of men and were free to explore themselves and their sexuality. I did envy some of them the sense of freedom they had.

As the weeks went on, I began to see what she was talking about. Rence and I were very comfortable together. Our sex life wasn't very adventurous. I'd always been satisfied before, maybe it was just Marge's insistence that everyone else was getting something that I wasn't. I actually began to wonder what it would be like to have sex with another man.

Marge always came back from her sessions glowing. She talked about the raw animal sexuality of it and how her younger lover could go for a far longer time than her husband. Truthfully, I didn't understand any of that. Rence always made me cum and I didn't see the value or the benefit of having sex for over an hour. But the smile on her face and the satisfied look on her face just made me want to try it.

When I told her about it, we began to hatch a plan to get me to try it once, just so I could see what was going on.

We decided that I was going to tell Rence that Marge's husband had let her do it. Then Marge would back me up and tell Rence how much better their marriage was after doing it. She was going to tell him how much more she loved her husband and much more secure they were since they weren't together just for sex. The thing that surprised me after my conversation with Rence was over was that I didn't need Marge to help. Rence had just decided to go along with it. No questions asked. He didn't put any stipulations on it or anything. He just said, "Do it."

The next day, when I told Marge about that, she looked troubled. "Are you sure your marriage is okay?" she asked me.

"What do you mean?" I asked, looking at her.

"Well your husband just agreed without a fight to just let you fuck someone else," she said. "Maybe he doesn't love you as much as you think. "

"Maybe he's just secure in our relationship like I told him," I said.

"Or maybe, he's thinking that if you can go out and fuck someone else, he can too. He's probably got some hot little secretary all picked out. Or maybe he's already fucking her," she said.

"Do you think that's possible?" I asked.

She nodded her head. "Amanda, your husband has a nice body and he's a good looking man. I'm sure women at his job are always dropping hints. That secretary of his, that young Latin woman would probably be all over him in a heartbeat."

I suddenly saw red. I was pissed because Marge had never brought any of that up. I really didn't like the idea of Rence fucking some younger woman. With my body starting to sag and distort, I knew that Rence loved me; he always had. But the chance to have sex with some tight bodied younger woman whose vagina hadn't been stretched out by having two kids would be hard for him to pass by. What if he didn't want me anymore after it?

"I have an idea," said Marge. "Why not tell him that you're going to do it Saturday night. Then we'll actually do it tonight while he's playing his Thursday night golf league. Then tomorrow just tell him that you've changed your mind and you don't want to do it. That way you can have your cake and eat it too. You're not cheating on him because he gave you permission. Then after you've done it you tell him you don't want to. The added benefit is that if you ever decide to do it again, even if you get caught, you can always just tell him that he'd given you permission and you just wanted to try it. On the other hand, if he doesn't think you're doing it, he can't very well go out and screw his secretary."

It sounded better than anything I'd come up with. And truthfully, I'd been considering just calling it off. I did have that curiosity, but somehow in the back of my mind something was screaming for me not to do it.

For one thing, every time we talked, Marge told me how boring her sex life with her husband was and how they almost never had sex anymore. I wasn't even sure she loved her husband anymore either. But Rence and I still had sex at least every other night and my main curiosity was just finding out if sex with someone else could be better than what we had, because our sex life was so good. At least I thought it was. But then I wouldn't know any better because I'd only done it with Rence.

I did want to get this over with though because ever since we'd had that talk, Rence and I hadn't spoken much. We were still together but we hadn't had sex since the talk and it just seemed like he was avoiding me. It was as if he didn't want to even speak to me until this whole thing was over and it hurt. Last night I'd rolled over near him in bed and he'd rolled out of the bed trying to move away from me. He didn't even eat breakfast with me this morning.

When he got home that evening, he was so frosty it hurt me. "Honey what would you like for dinner?" I asked him.

"Food is fine," he said, walking right past me and going into his gym. We used to always sit and cuddle for a while when he first got home and talk about what we'd done during the day. We hadn't done that since the talk either.

"I was thinking about maybe grilling some steaks and sitting out on the deck to watch the moon and the stars," I said smiling at him. I knew that Rence loved to sit out on our deck with his arms around me and just watch the night time sky. He loved that more than he did watching television. In fact, he'd put in a fire pit so we could do it in the winter even when there was snow on the ground.

"Sorry," he said. "I brought home a bunch of papers that I really have to look at."

"Rence, you haven't touched me in over a fucking week," I snapped angrily. "We haven't ever gone this long without having sex unless one of us was sick."

"Amanda, you're wrong," he said. "There were two times when we went almost six weeks without it."

"Fuck you Rence. I'd just given birth to our kids then. And you made up for it when the doctors said we could again," I smiled. "You more than made up for it."

We looked at each other and smiled again. I wondered then if I was making a mistake.

"Look, we both know what the reason here is," he said. "Maybe we should just look at this as a break from us until your little adventure is over. That way you won't have thoughts of what we used to do in your mind so you'll be free to just explore this the way you want to," he said.

"Rence, I'm doing this Saturday, so there's no reason we can't do something together after you play golf tonight. I'll take a long shower and get all nice and clean for you. We can just grill our food and relax on our deck and see what happens," I noticed that his face dropped a bit when I said I was doing it Saturday. For the first time, I realized how much the thought of what I wanted to do was hurting him. I realized then that he really did love me a lot to let me do this. If I'd had half a brain I would have just canceled it then. But my curiosity got the better of me. Besides, it would be over tonight anyway and he'd never have to know about it. Then I started to wonder; what if I liked it? What if another man really was better?

Rence grabbed his golf clubs and headed out to the club. I was a lot nervous and a little bit pissed. He didn't even kiss me goodbye. I reached up to try to kiss him myself and he'd moved his face away. Then I remembered that he hadn't kissed me since that conversation over a week before.

Maybe he deserved what I was going to do. He was acting like a spoiled little boy. I was a full grown woman and I could do anything with my body that I wanted to. He didn't own me, he just married me.

Almost as soon as Rence left, a car pulled up in our driveway. It was a late model Chrysler, a Charger I think.

Marge got out of the passenger side. She opened the rear door and a man got out. He was about our age and on the thinner side. He was nowhere near as good looking as Rence. I started to have second thoughts about it then.

The driver got out and he was huge. He was also younger than any of us and he was also a black guy. He was beautiful.

Marge knocked on the door and they all came into my house. We went outside to the back and had a few drinks.

After a while, we seemed to have paired off.. I was with Paul, the thin white guy and Marge with the black guy. She said his name was Dee. He was the guy she was always talking about. She really liked him. She whispered to me not to tell him that she was married. That was the last I remembered talking to her before things started to happen.