All Comments on 'My Hot Pretend Girlfriend'

This is by far one of the best stories i have read so far. The amount of detail you have put into this story makes it to where the reader feels he is apart of the story. I appreciate it and hope there is more to come between holly and steven. Please write some more

One of the very best stories of this genre on this site! The details were beautiful. I swear I was Steven for the whole trip. And my beautiful cousin Holly taught me some lessons that I'll carry with me for the rest of my life.

Such a delightful tale, destined to become a Literotica favourite!

Thank you for this thrilling and sexy story. It is a great read.

RecHiker

very well constructed story, loved the setup and finale. am sure that this will be referenced as "how to write a story" by many.

hope that there are more stories to come.

cheers

After such a good buildup, too bad you had to have the characters mouthing porn cliches during the climax. Went against the whole tone of the story, rather spoiled the mood for me.

Thanks for the positive comments everybody, I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

To the previous commenter - sorry the porn cliches ruined the sex scene for you. The idea was that Holly was playing up to the people in the dorm that she thought were listening at the door, trying to make it sound like Steven was great in bed. I'm not sure if I didn't communicate that very well, or if you understood but it just didn't work for you. Either way, I apologise.

Great writing, description etc. I actually enjoyed Holly's scerams during the act, as it added to her playfulness and the sensual absurdity of it all.

Great story, and that is the key, this was a story. It is refreshing to see something other than "sis looked hot so why not" great build up, and I feel the end delivered. I did get why she was getting carried away and "performing" for the audience.

And to the anymouse-of course- who had issues with the cliche's feel free to post your own story and show us some originality.

Nice job 7!

could have been better if you had more background and if you had started at the begining and worked forward instead of the awkward flash back. needs a good rewrite and a good editor to smooth it out.

This is a good piece of work. The story flowed well, the characters were so much more than 2D cutouts, the sex was natural (if a little silly, but within the context I thought it fit just right) and I especially liked how this ended as just a one-off between the cousins.

Keep writing. I'm looking forward to further stories from you!

Regards,

1SB

Thanks for a very tender and touching story. I enjoyed it immensely.

thinks you have serious mental problems

I enjoyed your story. I thought it was well written and well thought out. Thank you.

Honestly one of the best I have read on here. Won't cater to everyone due to the long build up and "brevity" of the sexual bits, but they can't say you didn't warn them in the intro.

I loved the realistic build up of the characters and the relationship between the two, and how you brought this slowly to a climax (forgive the pun).

i can't understand why writers have relatives have sex JUST ONCE. now every time he sees her he will wonder if it should have happened or not and if it will ever happen again. this will ruin their relationship and drive them apart he will probably never want to see her or talk to her once it finally sinks in. good way to ruin a story and their lives.

Prior to what some people say, things aren't always ruined. In good families, things are forgiven. I think the story is excellent, well written, and well thought out.

Notice that those whose criticism isn't constructive are always Anonymous?

Great read. Thank you very much. This is a story of love, caring, and maturing into a person. And while its from a time long past for many of us, and wrapped in an evening gown, its still a message message to reflect on. Are we living our life being ourselves or something else.

hot... sensible and realistic...nicely crafted..best i've read so far

A great many authors on this site have trouble with conveying ONE theme, within the borders of a story. You have done a most remarkable job of handling a story with at least THREE themes: coming of age, first-time, and - of course - the incest/taboo aspect. And you've done it with a power and a poignancy that most authors on Literotica can only DREAM of managing!

You did an excellent job of bringing Steve and Holly to life in the story, and you also obviously took great care to keep the background circumstances - and the situations that the two faced in the story's focal scenes - absolutely realistic. In a genre such as this (incest-based erotica), it's rather a difficult thing to keep from getting carried away and writing exaggerated scenes, and you should be congratulated on that!

As to the dolt who was offended by what he felt was "dorky porn dialogue", he must have been totally brain-dead not to realize that Holly simply couldn't resist that one last little bit of "acting", to benefit Steve in front of the rest of the residents of his dorm. That was an excellent final touch to their coupling - and perfectly obvious, to most readers.

To borrow from Gibbs' (NCIS) 'Rule # 6' - Never apologize. It's a sign of weakness."

And, in this case, you had absolutely no need to apologize to that anonymous whiner!

"could have been better if... you had started at the begining and worked forward instead of the awkward flash back"

Hi there, thanks for the feedback. The reason I started the story with the pool scene was that I knew the story would be long and I wanted a dramatic scene to start with to get the reader gripped. I felt that if I just wrote the story in chronological order, a lot of people may have got bored reading about Steven's school and college problems and just switched off before anything interesting happened.

If you read this response, would you mind sending me an email (or forum PM) on this subject? Specifically can you elaborate on what it was about the flashback that you felt was awkward or confusing? Was it the way it was done, or are you against 'time-jumping- in stories on principle? I would be interested in case I want to use a similar mechanic again in the future.

Once again, thanks everybody for all the feedback.

This is the type of story i like to read in this site. Realistic, Well written, Easy to read, good flow, Good buildup & SEX explained beautifully.

Kudos to you for a thoughtful and well-crafted story. I felt his emotions as if they were my own, especially as that single tear drifted down his cheek. I love stories where sex isn't the point, but rather it's just a perk. Nicely done xx

I have never commented on anything I read on this site before. But I just had to say you did a good job. It was a different sort of erotic for me. It just worked. Not the kind of reach for my cock and jerk off story. In fact I didn't even get a hardon. I just enjoyed the read. It is much better than any of the in-your-face kind of erotica I usually read on this site. Good stuff! Keep it up!

Extremely well written, with substantive characters and realism (or at least believability), excellent pacing, tension, and wonderful caring - which are qualities very hard to find in stories.

Still, I'm a bit conflicted over this story. It was romantic, yet not. It was erotic, yet not. Even though Steven was a better person, thus happier, at the end, it still seemed kind of sad to me. I mean, it's great that he got to, well, _experience_ Holly, but wouldn't anyone else after that be a distant second?

Believable character development, solid description, great dialogue and a nicely-paced narrative. Full marks in all areas.

I rarely comment on a story, since most of it would be wasted on most writers of this category. As another commenter stated, you've done a wonderful job of tackling several themes at once, and constructed a believable, engrossing story with relatable characters, then left us wanting more.

The only criticisms I have are minor. Check your punctuation. Yes, I'm a hypocritical ass :) Also, you're obviously an intelligent, talented writer. But once or twice it seemed you elaborated more than necessary for MOST readers to follow your line of thought, such as the "social proof" conversation. Intelligent readers demand intelligent writing. Don't cater to, well, the ones who don't. Like the flashback--I like that you started that way. Many readers want WHAM, BAM, and then THANK YOU, MA'AM. In precisely that order.

Another slight criticism was that, for me, her decision to take his virginity felt a little too clinical, too business-like. She seemed to have gotten a little worked up herself during the dance, and I felt the way you handled her "coming to her senses" was realistic and in character. But when she later decides to go through with it, I got the feeling it was all for him, with no real desire on her part. And maybe that was what you intended. But if so, it must have been motivated by her feelings of friendship and closeness for him, and I would like to have gotten a little more sense of that in the act itself.

In any case, I'm also in strong favor of a story that focuses on feelings rather than fucking. Honestly, this story didn't do much to turn me on (except for the picture of Holly that formed in my mind), but I can easily find something else on Lit for that. Rather your story left me emotionally "aroused," torn between wanting the fantasy of a potentially ongoing taboo relationship and the reality of a meaningful one-night-stand that can never be more. A stroke story is ten minutes of my life (okay, maybe five) that I won't remember a half-hour from now. This piece was about characters I could believe in, people I might know--a guy I sometimes am--facing questions we all do; an exploration of the human being. And, really, isn't that the point of literature?

Would've been cool if he could've nailed her again, though...

I enjoyed the setup to this story. I thought she had some "real" feelings for the guy character at the end of the dance scene. I am a little bummed out it was a one and done sex scene with the fake orgasm. It made the girl character seem empty to me. I guess your ending is more realistic.... I'm probably more of a sap while your more of a realist. It was a great read with well developed characters. Your story is better than anything I can make. Thank you

by far one of the best I've read for sure! very well done! hoping to read all ur stories & also u motivate me to try writing! awesome you are

It was nice while the pretend romance lasted between the two, and even though I usually go for the kind of story that leads up to romance, once in a while a realistic story will do as well.

So much of the content on this site tends to cater to the instant gratification of sex with only the flimsiest of plot lines. I think of this as word porn. On the other end of the spectrum is what I consider literary erotica. I am very happy to say that you've reminded me that the latter is available here. I honestly felt like these were two real people and that made the emotional aspect of the story so much more. And when the sex finally starts, it's had a great lead in and feels more real.

Another reviewer (camstevens33) expressed many of my same feelings and criticisms, so I won't belabor those few areas that felt a bit weak. And to say that they were a problem, is really more of a nitpick. You've done well here and I will definitely be putting you on my list of favored authors. I look forward to checking out your additional work and hope to see more in the future.

i also don't like flash backs because most writers can't blend them into the story seamlessly and properly this writer included. it seems that no matter how good they think they are they always screwup the details and make it unrealistic and unbelievable. that said i also don't like writers that unrealisticly have relative fuck once and never again but some how remain close friends it doesn't work that way. 90% of the time it will ruin the relationship pushing them apart and if one of them had any real feelings for the other they rarely get over it. in this case he would hardly remain close to her and would not really be comfortable trying to get with other girls since she had no real feelings for him, she basicly had no feelings for him and it seemed like a mercy fuck which would ruin his confidence. very few good incest stories on this or any site most are more porn than love or erotic real shame to ruin a story that could have been good .

I enjoyed this alot, it reminds me of a similar experience. I like how you had a movie in my head. Bada Bing Bada Boom!

The best and most thoughtful piece of literature on this site. You can feel the love put into this story

Words cannot describe the sheer artful mastery contained within this work.

I have read quite a few stories on this site and have enjoyed many, but this is by far the best yet. You have changed the grading curve for me. I will, in the future be more judicious when rating a story. THIS is a five star submission. I look forward to reading more of your work!

That was fabulous! Amazing! Stupendous! Thumbs up Sevensquared!

I don't think the porn star screams were out of place, she was acting.

Stories are often better out of chronological order, this was not hard to follow and it mae sense to me as I read it why you did this.

This was a 6 star, no doubt.

This story was off the charts good! I won't bother repeating the praise of some of the other commenters but the were 2 things that really struck me about this story.

1. The attention to detail! Its fairly easy to write a good sex scene but its the little things that really make a story stand out. I love the way that when Steve and Holly are FB messaging each other Steve's messages are well written while Holly's are quite badly written/punctuated. I love the way that Holly has an aura of supreme confidence but at key crunch times seems just as insecure and vulnerable as the rest of us. I love Steve's inner monologue as he starts falling for Holly more and more but desperately doesn't want to. I love that Holly's true feelings and intentions are kept hidden from the reader, keeping us guessing right until the end (and even beyond?). I love so many things I can't list them all.

2. The realism! During most stories especially incest ones there is always a point where I think "that would never happen" and you sort of have to suspend your disbelief. This story just didn't have one. Everything the characters did and said seemed realistic and consistent with the way they had acted before. It made me think that incest could really happen not just with fucked up individuals or really different cultures but with "normal" people too if the circumstances were right. And everything else seemed real too like the social dynamics in Steve's dorm (I know because I went to college and it was just like that!). The author never says this is a true story but I can't help but wonder if it is at least based in truth. Either that or he has a very vivid imagination!

Well done all round!

the flash back was strange i never liked them and the end was totally unrealistic. to me the way you wrote the end would have really ruined his confidence with women since it was just basicly a mercy fuck. he had real feelings for him and she used and abused those feelings. like someone else said after she left he would have avoided and ignored her because it would bring back memories and it would hurt like hell every time he saw her. to bad you fucked up the end the flash back could be over looked but a fucked up unrealistic end can't.

Felt very good on reading a good proof-read , well articulated , sentimental story ... never felt out of the world or some heroism get into the skin of Steven .

Wonderful !

This story really touched me deeply.I would rather read more stories like these on this website.It really helped with the "just be yourself" even though it is very cliche you really displayed a new meaning to the moral.I wanna thank you for teaching me this lesson.Can I just ask you this?Are you a boy or a girl?Most people would presume your a guy but I really think you're a girl.You're writing style is more suitable to a girls and you tend to know more about the female sex organs than the male ones

On top of all the comments above, thank you for a great story !

I appreciated the slow build-up, the characters, and the pervasive sense of humor of Holly. The end, slightly bitter-sweet, was perfect. Your story had a perfect and difficult to reach balance between emotion, erotism/sexyness and fun. Congratulations !

As regards her climaxing screams, don't worry, it's pretty obvious by her remarks afterwards, why she was so vocal.

I wish I had had such a cousin while studying in my university years ...

Once again, thank you for sharing your time and talent with us.

I (as in another comment) wondered whether you were male or female (my bet is male, but I could be wrong).

Whatever the case, I do hope that the numerous positive comments here will encourage you to keep on delighting us with your imagination.

Paris, France

Loved reading about the "dreaded dance floor hard-on" ! lol

the story was ok the flashback was not well handled and seemed awkward the end was just plain stupid. if it happened as you said he would be even more shy around girls afterwards and would feel used and betrayed by her. this would drive them apart not make them closer it would not build self esteem it would ruin it. he would feel that he was only good for a mercy fuck and that no girl could ever have REAL feelings for him. no way wouild he ever want to see or talk to her again it would be just to painful. this was obviously written by some one that has no idea how REAL people feel or act.

i don't have anything to say about the story that other people havent said already but its really funny how someone has commented the same things loads of times. check the comments from 1/9/12, 6/9/12 and 11/10/12 they are so obviously the same person trying to pretend that other people share there opinion.

Heh, yes I noticed those 'suspicious-looking' comments too. The same guy (I assume) also sent me an email saying that I should delete the story and rewrite the ending. It seems that for some reason the standard accepted ending in an incest story is that the two relatives live happily ever after in a sexual relationship together and some people don't appreciate any deviation from that path. They are entitled to their opinion I guess, but needless to say I don't agree with it and even if I did I don't believe in changing the endings of stories that have already been written.

I agree with hotti (11/04/11). I'm normally a fan of "happy endings," but this one seemed right. It's good to read the work of an author who understands that conflict is vital to a good story, even an erotic one. Five stars.

My cousin took secret pictures of me in my bikini, no doubt for you know what purpose. He peeped when I took a shower after the pool. I had a terrible crush on him at the time and didn't know that we weren't supposed to have that kind of relationship. So I pretended that I didn't have a clue and let him see all of me. Mine, wasn't that scary and yet so exciting! Well, we were naive and were too young to try anything else. Having read your story, I wonder what if I caught him in the act and told him to join me in the shower. Would we...

Loved your story and I think the ending is just right.

I'm very seldom leave feedback on stories. This story in my opinion is by far the best 1 I've ever read on the site. I think the problem with so many on here is that they stretched the realm of believability. This story was totally believable. The plot and story line flowed well, and the people in the story we can all relate to. I'm glad you didn't stretch that and have them banging every weekend. I wouldn't have changed anything in the story and I hope you continue to write as well as this.

Unfortunately, you wrecked the literotica experience for me, because I doubt I'll ever be as enthralled reading other stories as much. I even like how you ended the story. Please write more stories!

I never leave comments but this was the best story I have ever read on this site, or even on pay sites. Making the story and characters believable makes the story really come alive and makes it very interesting and makes the pay off really worth it. I think you hit it out of the park.

Sometimes I am tempted to make suggestions to help people write better and improve but this story was perfect. Just right you should be very proud of this story. Well done.

R

If I could I would give it 8 stars! Yeah a couple small typos but still great! I don't really read these stories for the sex but more for well.....the story itself! I would greatly appreciate it if you could make more like this,but maybe keep the girl. When they lose the girl and it continues like that it saddens me :(. But thank you.

this was an ok story with a subpar flashback and an awful unrealistic endding. the writer sounds like one of those super popular preppy people that know nothing about how shy nerdy people act or think. i wish the site would ban writers that pay for rave reviews or have freinds give them or use multipleaccount to pad their good ratings on subpar work. at most this deserves a 2 no more if the flashback and end were better it might deserve a 4 but as is a 2 and that generous at least a few readers gave honest reviews.

To the author of the previous comment...

Please stop making the same comment over and over again (9/1/12, 9/6/12, 10/11/12, 10/5/13 and the email you sent me). You've already made your views clear - you don't like the story, I get it! There are plenty more on this site that will probably be more to your liking (no flashbacks and a sappy 'happy ever after' ending). As much as you may want it to be, this story is not going to be changed to make the ending more to your liking, so move on. I have never deleted a comment from any of my stories, no matter how negative, but if you keep on posting the same thing over and over then I might make an exception for you.

To everyone else - thanks for your feedback :)

Ive read a tonne of stories and I've never left a comment until now

This was a great story and I climaxed really hard to holly having sex with her cousin at the end it was so delicious. Thanks for writing it and I REALLY HOPE YOU will make a continuation of this series maybe a scene of holly fucking her boyfriend while Steven sees or something or he joins in ;)

Really really really enjoyed your story!

Really liked this! I'm not actually incest but when I saw the title gave it a try. Loved it and I really like the bittersweet ending! It fit the story! Loved the humor and build up. Great story

Hey, don't pay attention to the negative comments. It just shows there are lots of idiots in this world. You know what I do when I don't like a story? I stop reading and move onto the next one. Other people have anger issues though and they need to put their negative touch on everything.

I like all your stories. They keep me reading and it's not necessarily the content, but the way you write! I just love the way it's written.

Please post more :-)

Great story it was funny and heartfelt and sexy. Not normally my kind of story but I really enjoyed it. Keep up the good work.

Feeling very emotional now after reading this. I think I could fall in love with Steven...he is sensitive, intelligent, thoughtful, HONEST and caring...hopefully, I will meet my "Steven" some day. I also have a sincere admiration for Holly. She symbolizes what unconditional love really is. Sure, by definition, taking Steven's virginity was incentuous. But by doing so as clearly a one time event, she made Steven whole as a man. He then went on to be true to himself with confidence and with a special gratitude for Holly. Well done!

Pleasant story, really liked it.....

your character portrayal is very realistic and superb! If you are not a professional writer, you should really consider writing as a part-time profession. You never know - with the right plot, right publisher you might hit the jackpot!

this was a great story, well written and believable but part of me would have liked a bit more with holly or a more unrealistic ending in that they got together but that's just me.

You don't go beyond level 20 in Dungeons and Dragons, which I assume is what he played, just a minor detail.

Very good writing nothing wrong with the background story.It was all in all a great time reading. Hope you got more..

There's nothing wrong with kissing cousins! Holly took it to the next level to help him out. I really think he was her favorite cousin, but she knew they couldn't take it further.

Love this story! 5plus Stars!

This was an incredible well written story. Very well done!

I must say, this is one of the few realistic sounding stories I’ve read.

Nothing over the top, no super cheesy happy ending. It’s not your typical story where they beat the odds and end up together. I find that refreshing.

The story was well written, and the emotions come off sincere.

Looking forward to more of your work.

Best incest story

(3/27/2022) This was a nice read and not long at all, also very poignant. This is an easy five stars. Well done. Thank you for submitting.

Very well written and touching story.

Frat party my ass.

Great story!!!!! I loved the build up and the lesson of be yourself. Great job!

That’s a truly good story, I bet that has happened more than once to quite a few even on here, I thought you have written this very sensitively but with very good descriptions and likeable characters

Not a huge fan of longer stories but this one kinda caught me. Thanks!