All Comments on 'My Mother the Car'

Everything you said it would be in the prologue. . Some misused /missing words made me have to stop and reread a couple of sentences but other wise very nicely done. 5* from me

Thank you for writing and sharing.

You need an editor to catch some of the blips or at least a proof reader but damn

The title was confusing so I skipped it a few times. Glad I finally clicked on it. 5*s. Good job!

I am old enough to remember Jerry Van Dyck in "My Mother, the Car" and associated the title with that. My bad.

This is an enjoyable romp through dozens of current cliche's and the structure they are hung on works very well.

This may not be effusive praise, but I really enjoyed it. Thanks for writing it.

J.

Good, well written short story.

Fun, but tainted by the gratuitous homophobia at the end.

Loved the hypocrisy. Nice sociopath you got there! Sorry sport; you might be a paid gentleman of the night but you are in the wrong place at the wrong time. I might not like the gratuity and homophobia or it, but that is the writer’s choice.

For me, I couldn’t suspend disbelief at the end. I don’t mind cartoonish but plot holes a mile wide are irksome ... after all, he called in the murder. “A little too pat”? The 18 year old has enough chemicals in him to be out for 8 hours, and yet he is able to kill the guy who is in charge of a decent security team while similutaneously being comatose. Or maybe he was so overcome with remorse that he injected himself, so as to forget for a small time the horrors of what he has done. Or the police will find the injection device? Or not? Or maybe not digging too deep requires active impedance that will cause its own little to fair sized shitstorm when it comes out. Or is this what you mean by cartoonish? I would point out that though Wile E. Coyote MAY run on thin air for a time, he eventually follows the laws of cause and effect and plummets earthwards; perhaps like this story?

As another person mentioned, the title is misleading, so I'd passed up the story a couple of times in the past. Today I didn't.

The dark humor fills in the gaps nicely, to an otherwise we'll concieved who-done-it mystery.

I look forward to your next "cartoonish" effort.

JL Remora

No sex and well developed. Felt like a Lea Child novel.

Loved it. Thanks/

Pretty good story. Kudos to you for knowing it is a magazine and not a clip. Sorry, unless our hero is in his late 60s he did not go to Jump School with the 101st as they were change to Air Mobile in early 70s. The 82nd is the Airborne Division, however, as an officer he could have gone to Airborne School by requesting it without an airborne slot. So that minor glitch was acceptable.

Odd that several commentators disliked the homophobia but seemed ok with the throat slitting. Such is life I guess. Since the "hero" is a psychopath it didn't surprise me to discover he is a homophobe either. Strange when psychopaths actually act prejudiced as well isn't it? Even stranger that we expect psychotic people to only be psychotic in some areas but follow politically correct conventions in others.

Homophobia, as I understand the root word, means he fears homosexuals and in his case I think he just dislikes them. Although, in this story, I think he was more annoyed by the giggling.

...I thought the same thing when I read this. It's like a Lee child novel. That's meant as a compliment, as mr child is my favorite author. This was a great well written story. 5 stars easy. Now to read your other stories. Thanx!

Loklie

than say an episode of NCIS. Nicely written.

Yes🙄Reacheresque

wish there was more,the ending was rushed

I really enjoyed reading your story.

I wish this story had another chapter to it.

I am going through your stories today and enjoy them so far.

Your stories are all great. They read like an old crime novel and are extremely entertaining.

Which

Her name is leave me alone

You fucked with wrong person

Just fuck off

Etc

Good story enjoyed

Nonsensical title, and the story needs a bit more fleshing out character wise. There wasn't really any interaction between the son and his mother.

A whole lot of telling, not enough showing

Hard to beat a motivated operator sorting out the world's bottom feeders.

Not sure what's with the title but I did enjoy the way too short story. True it may have been a little comic book, but sometimes that's what works. I've never cared for stories were the hero gets his ass kicked until the very end. Just wish there had been a little bit more to the story.

The woman was a hooker, but she was still his mother. She had never exposed him to her way of life. She was no peach, but give her credit for trying to help her SON. After all, she gave him life...

Nice guy, great story, love this author. Like a follow up

Love the blue cornflower color!

5

youve got a bad habit of wrapping up the carnage that could take two and ahalf pages into a single run on sentence

This would be your worst nightmare!

Would have been nice to hear him talk with his mom.

Sadly, I suspect this kind of crime and moral debauchery is not an uncommon event in the entertainment, hightech and big money world.

They really are above the law and the rules we live by simply don't apply to them.

They own the media either coopt or pay off the high end of the legal system; hence complaints are buried.

Look at tech corporations financing the Dem and entertainment-media alliance push a social narrative that will destroy this country and reduce it to a feudal system of the rich and powerful having life and death control over the masses.

Think of thr political dynamic of THE HUNGER GAMES.

this was [without the hit man] allmost a direct copy of an early Bosch episode ..just sayin

*****O K great start when can we expect the follow-up adventure. Very entertaining read. Thanks for sharing.

Great story, I like this guy, he's new my hero. I agree with chytown how about more adventures?

buenísima!!!!!!!!!!!

Great. I like all your stories, a little ruthless, but good. Just wish they were a little longer, like his Mom recognizes him and she fully recovers ad somehow Brad set her up with a few Million $ trust fund.

Just a suggestion… the free version of Grammarly would be a worthwhile investment.

Great story. I would like the see the end a little more detailed

I really enjoyed this read! Going into my story favourites. Looking forward to read more from you. Thank-you

I gave it 5 stars. Its a really

Great story

... as far as it went. Are you going to write an ending?

Excellent. 5 stars. A lot more detail in the actor and his wife's death would have made it even better.

Justice served. I'm just an old man, never killed anyone or beat anyone up. I am a firm believer there some people in this world that need killing, no I don't have a list and am a civilized man. You all have watched the news and herd the names what do you think? 5 stars

Forgot to mention your lead or disclaimer that people seem to ignore or don't bother to read. They probably follow most people mind set which says: "If all else fails, read the instructions." Take care and keep up the good writing.

Good story! Thank you! Agree that I would have enjoyed a bit more detail on what he did with the actor and wife. Honestly I think you can take the MC and make a series with him as a protagonist.

Fucking loved it. We all want to be or make believe we are John Smith, a real super bad ass. Great to read a story like that again. The only part I kind of sort of disliked was putting the knife in the boy toy's hand. Well actually there was a second part that I think could of used a little more bad ass treatment and that was the Jones. Just driving off the cliff and burning was a little short on detail. Oh and I know this would of been out of character but when she opened her cornflower blue eyes and he smile at her he could of said Hi Mom.

The movie star and his wife needed a page of their own.