My Only Talent Ch. 30

"The day before finals, she took me to bed and demanded that I totally devote myself to pleasing her. I ate her for two hours straight. I got her off with my fingers, I worshipped her ass with my mouth for another two hours, then used the Ben Wa balls on her with my fingers in her pussy again. I literally made her come all night. I was exhausted. Then, just before dawn, she began to gently kiss me and touch my breasts. Tenderly and wonderfully like she never had before. Debra touched my breasts, she kissed them, and she gently bit my nipples. I was in ecstasy. Debra loved me, she wanted to please me! Then she took off my panties and ate my pussy like an angel. I came so hard I passed out."

Susan shivered with the memory, but then her eyes got steely. "When I woke up, she was lying beside me, looking at me. I looked at her and started to tell her how much I loved her, but before I could say anything, she said "That's it for our little fling, pledge girl. It's been fun but it has now run its course."

Susan began to cry. "I was astonished. I was paralyzed. I was almost suicidal. My heart was broken."

"I almost flunked out of school because I failed most of my finals. My 'loving big sister' Debra got married that summer, to a guy that had just finished medical school and joined a big dermatology practice in Houston. I didn't even get invited to the wedding."

She drew herself up and her look morphed from sad and determined to predatory and evil. "Never again! Not to me. I was never going to be on the losing side of that little game again. I cried and sulked all summer, then went back to school in the fall. I started dating guys that met my husbandly criteria, and I prick-teased them constantly, telling them I would have sex only with my husband. But I also found myself a mousy little freshman pledge girl to get me off. She was even more naive and stupid than I had been. I did to her exactly the same thing my big sister had done to me, but even better. I would come home from a date and make her eat me. She ate my pussy every night for the first six weeks before I even told her that she was pleasing me. I spanked her when she didn't clean up my room for me."

"I made her eat my ass every night, then spanked her because she didn't do it well enough, and made her eat my pussy some more. She became even more devoted to me. I told her she could not masturbate without my permission. When she did, I made her do it where I could watch. She soon said she couldn't have an orgasm unless I was watching. I used her like dog for the whole long term school year. The last night before finals, I made her serve me all night until dawn so she couldn't study, and then I slowly and teasingly stripped her and caressed her. She got so wet she soaked her bed, and then I quickly tongued her to one little climax. She screamed that she loved me. I told her it was over."

Susan gulped, then smiled. "She didn't even go to her two finals that day." She laughed. "It was fantastic. I was on top. It got me high. Then my milquetoast pre-med boyfriend asked me to get engaged that afternoon, so I broke up with him, too. So much fun. I had cleared my slate for the next summer and fall. I am on my third little freshman pussy licker now, and I will make her come once and then dump her just before finals. I have two guys chasing me like crazy and I will never let either one of them even get to second base. I love watching them squirm. Life is good!" But her Suzie said it wasn't. It had a haunting tone, off key and disturbing, with hints of that awful Melanie music.

I reached up and touched her chin, moving her eyes up to look at me. "So what's the problem?"

She began to cry. "I can't go on like this all my life. It's not good enough for me!"

I thought I saw the problem. In Engineering 101 we were taught to call it 'setting infeasible conditions', or 'erroneous problem definition', so I sought some clarification.

"Do you still have the plan to be a super lawyer with a successful husband and three kids? What kind of relationship do you want with him?"

*******

Less than a mile from Susan's 'lake house', Asa Weltschmerz was relaxing by his pool. Sunday afternoons were the only time of the week he could 'veg out' as his kids put it, and just think. He had spent the morning speaking to a fund raising 'power breakfast group' at ACC, happily avoiding having to play golf with anyone, and this evening he would dine with another group of donors who were primarily supporters of ESU athletics. This was going to be the first actual test of the response to his grand strategy to enhance fundraising for the med school, and ESU in general.

Robbie Roberts actually made it all possible. The $100M single donation from Sapiento was twice as much as Asa had counted on, and it gave him some room to maneuver, fund raising wise. Since ESU had the most sports revenue of any school, and athletics brought in lots of big donors, too, he decided to position the medical school as having one of the best physiology departments in the world, and to be seen as contributing to both academic prestige and to results on the field of play.

He planned an assault on several fronts, from building up a very controversial developmental optometry group to help the athlete's improve their vision, luring Bob the Knob back to complete his vision of completely individualized training programs, and genetic screening for recruits. Saskia Grandael turned out to be a real find. He could get Arturia Brown to do anything he wanted if Asa would agree to be listed as co-author just one of those papers that Saskia's work had made possible. Arturia's citation index would climb to levels never before even remotely possible, and she could apply for grants she never could before. Asa would demand that one paper be completed and submitted before he dropped three others with Saskia alone. Two could play academic power games, and he was much better at it than Arturia would ever be.

Saskia could help him locate and recruit the post docs that Bob the Knob would want, and another source had shared that Bob's wife and kids did not like San Diego, at all. They wanted to come back to Austin. The oldest one would discover that he was not only admitted to the ESU honors computer science program, but that he got a scholarship that canceled out the free ride to UCSD that Bob's faculty status conveyed. Bob's wife, a surgical nurse, just happened to have been offered a great position at the expanding University Hospital, with the option to get into a PhD program and eventually become a full professor of nursing. Saskia was going to be a big help to close the final deal.

*******

Susan's face had turned to stone. "All the guys that look like they could make good money are too wimpy. I can't respect them, so they don't get me hot. My plan was to just have them as a husband, not a lover, and get my jollies from submissive women. But the thrill is gone from that, now, too."

I tried to tap into her Suzie fantasy carrier. She was so upset that it was hard to tell anything from it. I could just ask her, I suppose.

"What do you really want, Susan? Do you want a man with a good income that you can dominate and/or cuckold by having other men?"

She gasped. "No. I would rather just have him be asexual than be like that."

"Do you want a man at all? What kind of man would make you hot?"

Her face twisted like she was fighting something. I caught a splash of Suzie images: Millie at the UDP Halloween party in her almost naked metal fuck suit, on a leash and taking my strobe lit metal cock piece in her mouth. Another image of Susan on her back with her legs wide open, almost doubled over, and a powerful looking man whose face was obscured really pounding into her, hard and fast.

"Do you want a woman?"

"As long as I can dominate her and make her my worm!"

But her Suzie belied that hardness. I played a hunch. "What time in your life were you the most excited sexually? What feeling would you like to have over and over again in the future?"

Her answer came right away. "When I realized that Debra was actually kissing my pussy, and that she actually wanted to please me, too." Then she looked as if she was surprised at her own answer. Her face softened.

I asked her again. "Do you want a man who would demand that you please him, but who also wanted to please you? A man that you could also trust as a husband, provider and father?" Her face took on a silly grin, and she shook her head yes, almost too much.

She finally spoke. "That would be nice. A strong dependable husband and a compliant little sister on the side."

I tried to get her to say more. "I suppose ideally the man should be into that little sister, too, and vice versa, so you could all three be open and honest with each other?"

She looked happy and calm, like I had just described Nirvana.

But then, her face changed to a predator's glare, and she leaned forward toward me and pinned me with her eyes. I suddenly could see her as a ball busting district attorney about to slice and dice a hostile witness on cross examination. "Do they still teach probability and statistics over at the Cockrell School of Engineering, Roberts? Finding an arrangement like that would be about as likely as being on the way to the lottery office to turn in your single winning Powerball ticket, and then getting hit simultaneously by lighting, a meteorite, and a blue '57 Chevy!"

After that she seemed to dismiss me as a dreamer, and soon ushered me out. At least I had kept my promise to her.

*******

As I left Susan's, I drove around aimlessly, feeling a little detached. Suzanne then texted me right back into abject reality. "Almost back to IF bus stop, my animal. Can u pick me up?" Of course I was physically capable of it, but did I really want to? It was only two hours until dinner at Strelsa and Günter's place. I wished that was all it was. On my way to the Intermural Fields, I drove slowly by a good portion of the Austin State Hospital grounds, which was appropriate because Suzanne was slowly driving me crazy.

She smiled and waved when she saw me, and then threw her soccer bag in the back seat and hopped into the front. When she kissed me on the cheek, I could see a purple bruise forming on the side of her left leg. "Ouch, babe. Looks like you got tackled pretty hard?"

She made a motorboat noise with her lips. "They got me and not the ball, and we got a score on the free kick. I guess that's what they call taking one for the team." I did want to extend that analogy right now.

"You smell great Robbie, but I don't. I need a shower. Can you take me to my apartment?"

Her place was south of the river, a small nondescript complex tucked in right next to huge showy one. At least this time when I pulled into her parking lot, there was no phony cable TV truck with Dwight parked there scanning for Russians, as far as I knew, anyway. There was also no chance that just the two of us were getting ready to go to a simple fraternity toga party, either. She finished her bottle of water while I drove. When we got there she quickly disappeared into her bathroom, with no hint of an invitation for me to join her.

Suzanne liked to take long showers, and she was taking this one without me. That gave me time to think. Too much time to think. I was left alone to ponder my emotions, and they were a very dark and mixed brew. I fell back on my mom's one and only psychoanalytical technique, which she first employed when I was 5 years old, and I did not want to go to my first day of kindergarten.

"Robbie, what's the worst thing that could possibly happen if you go?"

Perhaps in compensation for my slow and clumsy physical development and late onset of puberty, my imagination and verbal development were well ahead of schedule. I began to talk at 14 months, and according to my father, I never shut up again. I also could come up with a lot of ideas to talk about.

"The school could get hit by a tornado and everyone would die. A bully could punch me in the face and I could lose all my teeth and be deformed for life. I could get polio."

My mother congratulated me on my imagination, and then talked me through how likely and unlikely some of these things were. By this process she led me to the stuff that was relatively likely and that I was really scared of: that nobody would like me or talk to me, some big kid would hit me, or that all the other kids would tease me like my older sister did. Then she got me to admit that even if these things did happen that five year old Robbie could probably deal with them. But my current situation was definitely an adult problem.

So let's face the music, Roberts: what's the worst thing that could happen tonight if I go through with this and I watch my best girl Suzanne suck and fuck Günter, who is older and taller than me, better looking, and probably has a much bigger dick?

She could look up dreamy eyed from sucking Günter's (assumedly) huge cock and say "Now this is a real dick. I never want to see your pitiful little thing again!" Was that why she told me that Strelsa had been thinking about my dick? Because she had been thinking about Günter's giant pleasure pole?

When Günter fucks her, she could sneeze five times and scream "Oh My God! It's so big and so good. I can never be happy with Robbie's little weewee again!"

Dr. Phil would say that I was afraid of losing control in the relationship. No shit, Sherlock. But I never really had control, did I? I told Suzanne I would take her any way I could have her and be her little meat puppet, and she could dump me anytime, and if she did I would be happy for the time I had with her before she dumped me. I knew going into it that she was so beautiful that she could get any guy she wanted. Maybe people were right to wonder why she was with a loser like me.

If she really loved me, why would she want two or three dicks at once? Shouldn't she be satisfied with me? Shouldn't she be so happy with me that never even wants to try anything with anybody else? Wasn't I so happy with her that I never wanted to try any other girls? Uh-oh.

I recalled the discussion I had with Ralph, wherein he opined that upon discovering that your girlfriend wanted multiple guys in bed with her all the time that you would just dump her and be glad you figured it out before you fell in love with her. Too late for that, dummy! Ralph was a 'zero sum game of love' kind of guy, arguing that whatever love your girlfriend gave to someone else was something she wouldn't give to you.

I remembered another one of our UDP sophomoric bullshit sessions about 'open relationships' versus 'traditional monogamy'. Cisco, of all people, was expounding the open relationship way of looking at things. He said you should be able to say "My partner loves me so much that she trusts our relationship to expand outward by experiencing even more love with others". That sounded like a hippy dippy version of the old line from the cheating husband about 'who ya' gonna believe, me or your lying eyes?'

I seemed to remember Suzanne talking about me and Peggy after she tumbled to what was going on. She laid it on pretty thick about her understanding that I wanted to 'rub up against something big and bouncy and kiss it and play with it and enjoy it' and about me being 'an understanding and interesting man'. I thought she was talking about me playing with Peggy's big breasts and ass. But maybe she was talking about her playing with Günter's dick, too. Shit.

Cisco had continued pitching his position. "The relationship should be so open and trusting that we can experience sexual and romantic thrills with other people and it does not threaten our bond."

Well, I had certainly experienced thrills with Peggy, Candy, Elizabeth, and Orinda. Suzanne knew about all of them, though not in total detail. Except Elizabeth. Somehow Elizabeth was different. I certainly didn't want to just see Peggy after I had her instead of Suzanne, just because Peggy had bigger tits than Suzanne. Hell, Peggy had bigger ones than Lara, but I would never prefer her to Lara. But was it different with a dick? Was a big dick much more pleasurable for a woman, meaning there was a real functional difference, not just an aesthetic difference? If so, why didn't all human males evolve huge dicks a million years ago?

How was Günter dealing with all this? Obviously he and Strelsa hadn't gotten divorced since last week, and when we left their apartment it sounded like he was really into her, so to speak. Strelsa did not have any trouble getting off with my dick, whatever its relative size. I was absolutely certain that she truly enjoyed sucking it, too. I certainly enjoyed her enjoying it.

I remembered Cisco's final point from the discussion at the UDT house. Something like "There is an unlimited supply of love, so loving more than one person is a choice that can expand your potential for giving and receiving love." So the more dicks Suzanne gets the happier I should be, right? Right.

I guess the key question is how jealous do I feel and how well can I deal with it? I believe jealousy is normal, in that 99% of all people I know about have problems with it. Some people kill over it, some people just get out and leave the relationship behind forever, and some people just forgive and forget and go on. But how many people actively practice a lifestyle that repeatedly subjects them to intimate situations that are sure to trigger the green monster?

Maybe it was like a fear of heights. You climb one step and then try to relax and adjust to being up there. Then you take another step and wait until you settle down, and eventually you can climb all the way to the top of the stairs with no problem. But Suzanne was going to go all the way with Günter tonight. I had no time to adjust. Was it better to just tear off the bandage all at once, or take it slow? Maybe it was better to not get cut at all!

I guess I would wait and see how I reacted to tonight's action. I knew a few things for sure right now. I would never accept this kind of thing in a long term relationship with a wife. With a hot lover in the short term, maybe. It might be that if I watched Suzanne with Günter, it might turn me on like it did when I watched her with Strelsa. I sure hope not. But even if it did, I could not abide with passively watching my wife with another man. It might be that after I watched Suzanne with Gunter, I would never want to touch her again. That would be quite a loss, but as it is very popular and very annoying to say lately - it is what it is. I had agreed to go forward with this, and I had already done Strelsa with Günter as my audience, so I would try to be a silent voyeur tonight. I would soon learn that Suzanne was either just a hot girlfriend during our 'wild college days' or if she was really a long term option for me.

With only about 20 minutes left until we were due for dinner (a 15 minute drive from her place), Suzanne emerged from her bedroom, hair shining, in full makeup and heels with a low cut dark blue dress. She looked totally fantastic, of course. Bitch!

I drove, she talked.

"Robbie, you know I love you, and I always will."

Uh-oh. This can't be good. With women, isn't it always the good news first and then the very, very bad news second when the 'talk' starts out like this?

"I love Lara, too."

Who doesn't?

"I trust both of you. I trusted you enough to let myself be a total slut with you both. I discovered that I was a total slut when I let myself go with you. Because of all the things that happened to me before I met you, I was shut down, sexually. I realize now that I was also shut down emotionally. I would have stayed that way if you hadn't been so honest with me. When you said you were just a freshman and you weren't even thinking about long term relationships, and you would be my meat puppet, I realized that was just what I needed. You just can't shut yourself off emotionally, no matter how badly it hurts to stay open and vulnerable. I know now that I can't shut myself off sexually either. I am a slut, just like Millie is. In the long term I want to be a one man slut, like Millie is doing with Jay Kincaid. Before I met you, I never thought I would have a long term relationship with a man again, so it really didn't matter, back then. Now it does."