All Comments on 'My Perfect Guy Ch. 01'

Can Jeff have some chest hair to please his sister? He seems such a great and sexy guy! They've waited so long to enjoy each other!

I really like this one, it was an emotional ride but full of heartwarming moments and a truly romantic resolution. Sure hope you keep it up like that and bring the next one soon.

5* with ease!

The only thing I take issue with is about the "exploding" handgun that took off her forearm and two fingers of the other hand. As someone who had a similar thing happen on a range with what was determined to have been a triple load in round of factory ammo, the gun's cylinder, top strap and rear sights were blown off. My right hand tingled from the explosion but I lost no digits. Obviously the author isn't that familiar with firearms..

I know the injury isn't what would really happen. I exaggerated it so there would be a reason for her to need so much help.

Dearest Katie,

I love your story. Nobody can care like a sibling when his/her sib is injured. The love of a brother for his sister is immortal.

I'm looking forward to more stories from you!

Much love,

Char

it was silly, bordering on stupid.

I'm embarrassed that you saw me naked. Please help me cum harder. In fact, yes, fuck me.

You mixed up her arms and fingers, first it was the fingers on her right hand blown off and then the left. Needless to say we filed a lawsuit? Yes, it was needless to say.

The rest of the story was pretty dire too.

Such poor fiction, did you copy it from a cheap magazine !

Plus who in the USA settles a lawsuit that fast, come on, oh and it only happened to her with the falty bullets eh, there made by the millions so it would be a whole batch exploding !!

I commend you on your creativity and willingness to test the waters. Your narration and perspective seem to be contiguous. But the reason a reader continues is being drawn in either by relation to circumstance or character. Thus an author needs to research even more for fiction material as it is subjective. Think of it as in the Matrix movies which asserted that deja vu was the system resetting itself to keep the occupants believing. To many inconsistencies and an occupant or in your case a read begins to question the plausibility and thus leaves the story.

He puts her toy's for her to use but you never touch on how he knew which was her favorite nor how she felt about his knowing that. We will leave the whole weeks law suit settlement issue alone as well as the defective bull.

She just leaps like nothing from a time at college where he shows her how to date but she's unsatisfied. You completely missed on the flesh out of her figuring out the ideal cock and whom it belongs to.

The story has to have content. Other wise it's.. "oh he whipped it out, she sucked, he groaned, cum splattered and where is your purse I need cab fare."

A tip for you. When your mind pictures a person in your story. A smell a eye color and act, anything. Just type it write where ever. Learn how to change fonts to Italic with hot key strokes so it will stand out from other righting. Then come back as you're proof reading ( an incredibly necessary step like spelling) cut and paste the material in where it would fit as you're building the story.

I want to encourage you to continue with more. Just do better. Best of Luck

I thought it was rather nice. 5*

If you have ever contemplated the variations and inconsistencies of literary licence you may have encountered assorted arachnophobias associated with your pompous writing style. Free yourself. Admit to being a culinary failure. And move on to the next level.

With love,

Aunt Edna

Uhm, you people are reading an erotica, not judging a 6th graders paper. I think it was great and even if it wasn't, who cares?

Wow, you got one moron who uses a separate account so he can be a stupid troll, but the coward can't take it himself. And of course there is the anonymous idiot.

My favorite is the one who wonders if you have a fear of spiders while failing at cooking. It is creative at least.

I don't find you writing pompous, but it is a bit flowery. I prefer stories where people talk as the would in real life. I can honestly say I've never had a woman say fill me with your love. Don't know if you've ever said it to a guy, but I kind of doubt it.

The main advice I would give is read your story over carefully before you submit. You'll be surprised how many stupid mistakes you find. I've written a number, and it still takes me quite a while to proofread before I submit.

Because of this you made me realize my one true fetish.

nice read a little short but great story

Being written in 1st person you missed the steps needed for the love to become total. She was thankful, then suddenly wanted to be his wife. It jumped too quickly, although may have worked if written in 3rd person pov.

Also injuries more likely with faulty explosive ammo. Perhaps just losing a finger or two and badly strained or required skin grafts, broken bones etc. Then needing help because both hands were bandaged. It is fiction, I know, but unless you go to fantasy or science fiction you cannot go past believability.

It was a great story that has the makings of a much longer one, at least double that length. Disappointed that its short but can't complain because it was still lovely and hot

"My Perfect Guy Ch. 01: - Approximately Twenty-six Year Old Sister, Christy and One-year Older, Twenty-seven Year Old Brother, Jeff.

For the most part, the previous comments are somewhat constructive criticism and advice. DO NOT get down on your writing ability because reader's constructive advice is NOT any type of your overall ability that can and WILL flourish as your writing style matures!!

I'm pleased with the theme and context of your story. In fact, I like and appreciate the theme and plot very much. It's very unusual. Take note that you're not looking for number one (1) on anyone's Best Seller's List--at this point in your writing career. My advice is write what your feel, the way you feel, proof-read a couple times right away; wait a couple days and , with nothing else on your mind, proof-read as you read it again.

This story was definitely in my "wheel-house"--blood-kin incest, love and romance, respect and devotion (as in titling Jeff's house in both their names) and the high probability of the couple's agreeing to their pregnancy.

You have the knack--maturing talent--for writing great incest stories and it will continue to improve...as all things worthwhile endeavors are wont to do! I'm rooting for you!!! By the way, you titled your story with an add on of "Ch. 01," which hopefully is not an error!