Need

Without even logging off, I stood up and left my desk. Whatever was happening, this environment was contributing to it. I needed to leave right now.

On the way out I spoke to my coworker Thomas, not even slowing down.

"I'm going home. I don't feel well."

"This is out of nowhere. Are you sure?"

I had never been more sure of anything in my entire life than I was sure I needed to leave. Without pausing or even looking up I walked to my car and drove away.

My mind was assaulting me, railing at me for abandoning my work in the middle of the day. Another part of me said it didn't even matter anyway, since I never had a chance of going anywhere in that company in the first place.

It was too much. I just wanted to stop thinking. I needed to stop feeling.

My mind flashed back to how I felt when I was drunk, how the alcohol made everything go away.

God, you just fucking promised to never drink again. Didn't you learn anything? You're pathetic.

Who gives a shit? Nothing I do matters anyway.

I was ripping myself apart, but in the background something else came to mind.

If you ever get into a mindset where you consider doing something like what you did last night again, call me. I'll talk some sense into you.

Pulling over, I grabbed my phone and tapped his number.

It rang and I suddenly felt like an idiot. It was 2 PM on a Thursday. Why would he pick up his cell phone? He was probably at work like a normal person, like I should have been.

But to my surprise he answered.

"Hey, this is Colton, right?"

"Yeah. You told me to call you, and...I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I don't know what to do."

"Did something happen?"

"Not really. It's stupid. I shouldn't even be bothering you with this."

"Come over. I'm home right now."

"No, I couldn't do that. I'm not inconveniencing you again."

"It's not an inconvenience. Just get here."

He phrased it like an order that time. I wanted to obey him.

"I'm texting you my address right now," he stated.

"O-okay."

In about twenty minutes I was at Ash's impressive house and rang the doorbell. He answered, looking a little concerned.

"Hey, Colton. Come in, let's talk."

I walked inside, feeling like a kid walking into the principal's office.

We sat down on the same couch I woke up in that day. He got us both some water.

"Last time, I never really got any details, but now you can tell me as much as you feel comfortable saying. I've got time; I'm off work today."

I nodded and began talking. At first I was intending to give him an abbreviated story, but I ended up going into much further detail about everything. I told him so much about what I had been through and what I was feeling. I told him about being disappointed I didn't get that promotion, and how the performance evaluation seemed to be the straw that broke the camel's back for me.

"I felt almost...afraid of myself. I was scared of what would happen if I snapped."

He nodded.

"I don't know too much, but I can say this: you seem like the kind of person to bury his feelings and absorb everything in hopes it just goes away. That's not healthy."

I fidgeted in my seat.

"Well...what else am I supposed to do? Lash out?"

"You don't look comfortable right now. Can I try something?"

His voice sounded so confident. I wasn't in control right now, he was. I wanted to do what he suggested.

I nodded and he reached out to reposition us both. Now I was laying on my back and had my head in his lap. He gently petted my hair.

"Something tells me you haven't gotten human contact in a while. Does this feel good?"

It felt so good I didn't even know how to put it into words. I'm a 6'2" fully grown man. I couldn't even remember the last time I did something like this.

"I think you have social anxiety or depression and just try to ignore it. That's not healthy either."

"I don't have anything to be depressed about."

Ash laughed a little and stroked my cheek. Every touch, every word made me feel more comfortable and safe. I adjusted my head in his lap.

"It's a really common trap to think you need a reason to be depressed. I fell into that trap myself. Look around," he gestured to his nice house. "I've been doing well for a while now. It didn't make sense that I was unhappy. But just because the feelings seem irrational doesn't mean they aren't real or valid."

I repositioned my head again in his lap. It felt so nice.

"You're overworking yourself, that much is clear. You can't just keep chugging along indefinitely. You're burning yourself out. It's okay to take some personal time."

I furrowed my brow.

"What are you talking about? I take breaks in the evenings and on weekends."

"I'm talking more about emotional burnout. You're always on, always trying to prove yourself. Sometimes that turns around and makes you miserable. If you base your entire personality around what you think others expect of you, there's not a lot of room to be yourself."

"That's...that's not true..."

"Is it? Maybe it's not even other people. Maybe you're just too hard on yourself and never give yourself a chance to breathe. Nobody else expects you to be perfect, why should you?"

That hit so close to home I didn't even know how to react.

Ash saw the shock on my face and petted me tenderly.

"You don't have to have everything figured out. Like with everything else, it takes time. It's okay to be confused or unsure of yourself."

I nodded slightly.

"You want to just relax a bit more, Colton?"

"I would love that."

The two of us stayed like this for a few minutes. It felt so good. I nuzzled into his embrace and sighed happily. After a while I looked down at my body and saw something that made my heart stop.

I had a rock hard erection, clearly and obviously tenting in my pants.

Quickly I covered it with my hands, feeling my face heat up. I prayed Ash didn't notice, but he did, unfortunately.

"If you were enjoying yourself there's nothing wrong with that."

I bolted upright.

"No!" I said defensively. "I don't even know how that happened, I swear I don't even—"

Then I looked back down at his lap and was struck dumb.

He was erect, too. Not just that, his bulge was almost comically huge. I remembered all the movements I made in his lap. Was I stimulating him by accident? Or even on purpose, subconsciously?

"You've got the wrong idea! I'm not gay! You need to believe me, I would never—"

"Calm down."

He said that in such a loud, authoritative voice I shut up instantly.

"It looks like we have two options here. Either we can stop things now and forget about it, or we can keep going and see where it takes us. I know what I want, but the choice is yours."

I kept going back and forth between his face and his bulge. What the hell was happening to me? I never had thoughts like these before. Why was I considering this?

Maybe the attraction I was feeling didn't really have anything to do with Ash being male. Maybe it was his strength. He was confident. He was in control. I wanted to give in.

"I...I..."

"I'll take care of you. You don't have to worry about anything."

He was so warm. So caring.

My face heated up again and I nodded meekly.

"I don't want reluctance, Colton. I want consent. What do you want?"

I made myself look at him when I spoke.

"Please take care of me, Ash."

He pulled me in for a kiss and I acquiesced. He probed around my mouth with his tongue and I felt like I was melting.

"Just let me know if things go too far, alright?"

I nodded again and he put my head back in his lap.

"Looks to me that you need somebody to take care of you, someone who takes control and doesn't ask you for anything."

He bent down and kissed my forehead.

"It's okay, little one. I'm here."

I chuckled confusedly.

"'Little one'? You're one to talk, you're like five-foot-four."

Ash gave me a stern look.

"I am a cool five-six, thank you very much, but if we're talking about dominance, I'm much bigger than you. You're tiny. But there's nothing wrong with that."

He was right. His quiet authority was palpable. I felt like a helpless little child next to him.

"Yes, sir."

"I never really cared for the term 'sir.' It's just not my thing. How about 'Boss' instead?"

I nuzzled his crotch with my face a little.

"Whatever you say, Boss."

He patted my cheek.

"How about you take those clothes off and let me see how handsome you are?"

I stripped down and displayed myself proudly. I have a nice body; good muscle definition, sparse body hair, and a 6 inch penis.

"You're gorgeous, little one, but now it's time to show you who's in charge. Pull out the cock you've been teasing for so long."

I reached into his pants and was shocked to find something I could barely wrap my hand around. Then I pulled it out and...holy shit.

Ash's cock was gigantic. Thick, cut, straight, and insanely long. It didn't even look real.

"This is my secret weapon, boy. My greatest endowment. Nine and a half inches of pure, concentrated power."

My jaw dropped. Now I understood how he was so confident. Normally a tall dark-skinned man like me is supposed to be dominant, but with a cock like this it didn't matter. Sexually, he completely overpowered me. He was a giant.

He ruffled my hair. "How about you give your new best friend a little kiss?"

"Yes, Boss."

I looked at the head of his magnificent cock and saw a little drop of precome on the tip of it. It looked so inviting. Almost feeling hypnotized I licked it off. The taste was wonderful. I needed more, so I put his giant cock head in my mouth and worshipped it with my tongue.

Ash patted me on my head like I was a dog. "Good boy."

It should have been demeaning, humiliating, but nothing about his tone of voice was condescending. I was a good boy, his good boy.

He ran his fingers through my hair. It kept going for a few minutes before he spoke again.

"Pull off for a second, I need to talk to you."

I obeyed, though I wasn't too happy about it.

"What's your sexual experience, Colton? I want to know how I should do this."

"I've had a couple of girlfriends in high school and college. I only slept with one of them, though. Ever since I started working relationships have kind of been off my radar."

"Okay. This is uncharted territory for you, then. I know this is probably sudden, maybe a little bit scary, but it's okay. There's nothing wrong with some experimentation among consenting adults. Just keep up the communication and we'll be fine." He cupped my cheek with his hand and brushed my lower lip with his thumb.

"What about you, Boss? What have you done before this?"

He smiled. "I'm gay. Nothing against the ladies, they're beautiful, but boobs and pussies just never appealed to me. I was married for five years, but we sort of fell apart and decided that divorce was the best option for both of us. My ex wasn't half as cute as you are, though."

I felt myself blush again.

Ash stripped down completely. His body was lean, toned, and well-proportioned. Well, except for his wildly out-of-proportion cock.

"Suck it."

"Yes, Boss."

I got on my hands and knees like the girls do in porn and started feeding his cock into my mouth. Due to its girth, I couldn't get very far without gagging.

"No need to rush this, little one. Just focus on the head right now."

I slowed down and did my best to make is cock head feel good. It felt like such a privilege, like it was an honor to service such a powerful man. The joy of submitting to somebody else wasn't a feeling I was used to, but I liked it more and more with every passing second.

After a little bit he pulled me off.

"I can't stop looking at this ass," he grabbed a cheek in each hand and kneaded my ass like he owned it. It made me sigh in pleasure.

"You like this, boy?"

"I do, Boss!" I moaned.

"Is this bubble butt mine to use as I wish?"

"Yes, Boss!"

He landed a decent slap with both his hands.

"What if I want to punish you?"

"OH FUCK YES!"

That response came out of nowhere. But my subconscious apparently knew something I didn't. My cock let loose a bit of precome at the mere idea.

Did I want...punishment?

For months now, I felt like I had been doing something wrong. Nothing ever seemed right and I always felt something unsatisfying about my life. It almost made me feel broken. Maybe I really did think I deserved some kind of punishment. Was that something else wrong with me?

I looked up and saw that Ash's eyebrows were raised.

"Wow, that was a little more enthusiasm than I was expecting. I'll do it, but maybe you should think about it some more. There's an enema attachment in my shower. Go clean yourself up and get back to me. It's up to you where this goes."

I nodded. "Yes, Boss."

He pointed me to the bathroom and I began the process of cleaning myself out. I'm pretty regular, so it wasn't long before I was squeaky clean inside. During the process, I thought about whether or not I wanted to go through with this.

I really did feel broken, the way I had to run out of my job because it felt like I was about to lose control of myself. I never wanted that to be who I was. But what was I supposed to do about it? Maybe I did need therapy or medication or something, but that on its own didn't seem like enough.

I was guilty, though of what, I wasn't exactly sure. But there's always two steps in dealing with those guilty. The rehabilitation needed to happen, but punishment always came first.

When I walked back out I noticed that my clothes weren't on the couch like they had been when I left.

"Where are my clothes, Boss?"

"Out of sight, out of mind," he replied. "I'll give them back when you're done. Speaking of which..." Ash walked up to me and held both of my hands with his. He looked me dead in the eye.

"What do you want to do, little one?"

I smiled at him.

"I think I want some punishment. Just something to clear my mind."

He nodded.

"Say 'yellow light' and I'll slow down. Say 'red light' and everything stops. Understand?"

"Yes, Boss."

He squeezed my hands. "Good boy."

Ash walked us both to his room and sat me down on the bed.

"What do you want?"

I swallowed nervously.

"I...I want punishment."

"And why, exactly?"

I fidgeted a bit.

"Because I've made a mistake somewhere. I've done something bad to myself and have been ignoring it for so long I almost lost control."

"I think that about sums it up, little one."

He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him.

"I'm not doing this because I'm mad at you. I'm doing it because you asked me to. And I want to help. Keep calm, boy. Remember your safe words."

"Yes, Boss."

With alarming force he flipped my body over and landed a blow on my left cheek. There was a sharp, searing pain that dulled a little but still kept aching. He hit the other cheek, just as hard. Then he went back to the first one.

Again. And again. And again.

I lost track of how many hits he landed. Before long, the pain made me cry. I was sobbing, heaving, but never once did I consider telling him to stop.

This was punishment, after all. It wasn't supposed to be pleasant.

It took a solid minute for me to realize he had stopped his assault. He was now tenderly stroking my back.

"It's okay, Colton," he murmured. "You're doing great."

I sniffled. "Yes, Boss."

"I'm going to fuck you now. And it's going to hurt a lot. Get ready for it."

I heard a condom being unwrapped and some lube being dispensed. All of a sudden I felt the gigantic head of Ash's cock on my poor defenseless hole.

"Deep breaths, baby," he soothed. "Relax and take your punishment like a good boy."

I nodded.

He began pushing and I felt like James Bond in that scene from Goldfinger. Except it wasn't a laser cutting me in half, it was Ash.

It was too much. It was too painful.

"Y-yellow light," I hissed through clenched teeth.

He slowed down immediately.

"Let me in. Relax or you'll only hurt yourself even more."

I did what I could to follow his order. I saw it not as him invading my body, but as me giving him my body willingly, letting him take it.

The head sort of popped in and a bolt of pain coursed through me. But now it wasn't something I couldn't handle.

The long, slow glide continued as the gigantic cock went further and further inside me. It never stopped hurting, if anything the pain intensified, but pleasure fought against it.

No, that wasn't right. It was more like the pain and pleasure worked together. I'd never felt anything like it before.

Deeper, deeper that cock snaked up into me. I felt like my body was being taken over from the inside. I was slowly losing control.

At long last he bottomed out. Ash put his arms around me.

"You're a good boy. I'm so proud of you."

Then he began fucking me.

He started off gradual, but he stopped holding back after what only felt like a few seconds.

The only way I could make it bearable is if I totally relaxed, let him take me completely. I can't really describe it, it was like an out-of-body experience.

Time was meaningless, but after some had passed he began speeding up.

"I'm almost there, little one. Just let me use you a bit more."

Two, three, four more thrusts and I felt the humungous cock start pulsing its release. For a moment it was like I had two heartbeats, mine and his.

He remained inside me for a while after that, petting me and whispering sweet nothings in my ear before he pulled out.

"Your punishment is over, Colton."

I sighed in relief. I was happy it was over, despite how much it legitimately made me feel better.

We cuddled naked in his bed for a while. Despite our size difference, he was always the one holding me. I didn't mind in the slightest.

"Are things clearer now, baby? You know what you have to do?"

I snuggled into him some more. At the time I didn't want to think about much besides how good this felt.

"I should probably listen to the evaluation," I offered. "Try to be less stiff."

"Baby steps."

I kissed Ash's shoulder.

"Would you be willing to help me again?" I asked timidly.

"My door is always open for you, Colton. I'm usually home. Just give me a call and you can come on over."

That made me so happy to hear. Then I got curious.

"What exactly do you do for a living, Boss?"

He chuckled. "I'm an author, although at the moment I'm going through a bit of a creative dry spell. I'm helping some of my peers as an editor right now."

"Wow, that's cool. Have you written anything I've heard of?"

"Probably not. I mostly write biographies."

He stroked my hair lovingly. It was a few minutes later that he got his phone.

"It's 6 PM right now. You want to stay the night?"

I nodded energetically.

"Good. If that's the case you won't need your clothes until tomorrow, then." He began getting dressed. "You cool with that?"

It certainly wasn't something I would have thought of, but if he wanted to I wasn't going to turn it down. I told him it was fine.

He patted my head again. "Atta boy."

*****

With that, I began my regular sexual relationship with Ash, although over time it blossomed into something a bit more than that.

When I felt overwhelmed, or depressed, or like I was doing everything wrong, I would go to Ash and get punished. It became almost like a confessional for me. Whenever I felt broken or not enough I would go to him and he would make things right again. There were always two parts: the intense sex where he would hurt me and make me feel incredible, and then the aftercare. When I was laying against him, sobbing in pain, he would pet me and coo at me until I brought myself down. During those moments it felt like all my sins were being forgiven and I was starting over again.