All Comments on 'New Girl in Town Pt. 09'

thanks mate - keep it going

I had begun to worry about this fantastic story. But this chapter really brought it all back into focus. I adore every character you've crafted and I can't wait to see where they go. 5/5, 10/10, 100/100

you do know you are writing a book, right. great story. keep writing. please please

First, didn't Jess tell Jake at the Thunderbird that she was still a virgin?

Second, why does Jess think it is ok to withhold the information about Sean from Jake but made Jake kind of, sort of explain about Jennifer. I call bullshit.

Third, and most importantly, great writing. Thanks for sharing. You such a good writer that, to be honest, although I'm not normally interested in the categories I will be reading your other series and, hopefully, will be just as pleased.

This is coming along well. It was a little repetitive with telling each person, but it is what it is. Very sweet story and I like the characters. I like that you’re fleshing out the other characters a little each time, like the garden.. but Staci annoys me a little... the hot tub obsession... and because each of the couples are coupling up at once it’s a bit too heavily girl drama, and lovey dovey.... the boys, or Jake and Jess’s dad, or the school group need a decompression school and teenager episode.

Looking forward to the next chapter and hope you’re feeling better :)

Glad you are back and loving this unfolding. Your characters are a lot fun and can't wait for more.

your a good writer i enjoyed this very much so far

This series has been fantastic. I can get why you might have ripped up a previous incarnations of this chapter. The reason I state it was a tough read, was not due to the very few spelling and grammatical typos, nor even the occasional and obvious missing word. It was because you make us, the readers, feel the underlying emotions and angst that the characters are going through. When an author conveys emotions so well, you will always be hanging on for the next bit of the tale. May chapter ten be forthcoming very soon.

Devir Ginator <devir.ginator@gmx.com>

Reading 1 through 8 in anticipation. Did not disappoint. Complex chapter to write but very good use of secondary characters to portray how their feelings evolved.

I love that the story is a story first, not just a series of vignettes tied together with a central character the way I think about writing.

I love the way your writing plucks so wonderfully at my emotions, really well done.

Now we need to see that idiot Patrick get his comeuppance .......please?

Excellent story with superb character development. Two quibbles:

1. The rapid changes from 1st to 3rd person narration are giving me whiplash. I'm fine with alternating, but please keep it consistent during the scene. It's disrupting and pulls me out of a story that I would much rather stay immersed in.

2. As a survivor of the 80s, Jake's taste in music really sucks.

Keep up the good work.

Was worried you gave up, glad your back and feeling better. Enjoyed this very much as usual It's about time for revenge on the football players I hope . My brother was a-hole jock in school

Wonderful read

She's already had her first time though, now it's just a little anticlamatic that only jake will be experiencing his firsts, when & if they get to that point

Your editing was a little off in Pt. 09. Can that be fixed, or is it set in stone now?

Let me know if you want the corrections.

An excellent read and staying very interesting with the storylines. Keep up the good work looking foreward to the next chapter

You've established this story is taking place in a small town, and Jake and Staci are a part of the same circle of friends. Why would Jessica be at all surprised he knew her mom?

Same goes for the whole bit where Jess is surprised Staci provided cookie dough ice cream - one of the most popular flavors.

I like the story, but this whole thing where everybody's astounded by each other's "insights" that are quite obvious.

You're mixing up first person and third person within conversations and it really isn't working well. If you've got someone speaking from first person (e.g., "I said") then everyone talking to that person is talking to "me" not to "him".

I agree with (I believe) all commenters here (or at least most) in being glad that the latest installment in this series (and its author) have returned to Literotica.

(I also agree with *some* of the commenters in noting that (when reading this episode in particular) some things seem odd (to my mind not so much that Jessica doesn't know the backstory (which we readers have yet to learn) about Jake and Staci's Mom -- as Jessica is still (see Title) a "New Girl" in the Town) , but (it seemed to me) Marybeth somehow knowing that Jake's dismay about Jessica had somehow specifically involved kissing -- when it seemed that Jake hadn't (yet) said anything to her and Bobby about that, Jessica and Jake coming (again, it seemed to *me*) in *Jessica's* just-bought Mustang car -- but with Staci's mom saying it was Jake's (and Jake stating that it's his) -- and some other things seemingly left-out (which a careful review and revision could "fix") ... -- and then there's the matter of Jake narrating as "I" (a limited first-person narrator), parts narrated when he isn't present narrated in a 3rd person/all-knowing "omniscient narrator" voice, and some conflict in reading when the 2 perspectives seem to "clash".

(Oh: and it was so long since I had read the football-team conflict with Patrick and his minions that when another commenter mentioned Patrick, I thought "Don't you mean Sean?") )

I hope that at some point there will be a review and editing of this installment, but it's definitely good that the series (and author) are back here, and I (personally) am glad that the plot has been outlined for (I would guess) quite a few more installments yet to come.

Thanks.

E./"nycreader" (in New York City).

Love the story. The humor and the writing style. Looking forward to the next chapter. Thank you.

In Tom Deitz's SoulSmith trilogy(1990s) there was a character who did a Tarot reading using the songs from his old style push button car radio as the cards. Just thought maybe you'd want to Czech id oud.

Evebody loves this series keep it coming. Can't wait to see what happens next.

More more more more more more more I'm so happy to see this up today more more more more

Excellent series. Looking forward to the next part

Thank you for keeping the story going. I can't wait for the next chapter.

Great story, I believe that it took sold long to post because the site editors are using authors like you to build up the site hits. Part 9 was posted 3/23/18 but did not get t where we could read it until 4/1/18. Look at the number of stories (Parts) posted each day, someone was holding this part back for some reason. We need more STARS, every part has been worth 5 factoral STARS!!! That is 120 STARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Curious to see how you will solve the future college issue. You know both in love then going away seperatly to college for 4 years after this senior year would be a sad way to end. Well written story. I find myself checking often to see if a new chapter is out yet.

This is a great story and like the others, I'm looking forward to the next installment(s). By my count, here are the outstanding questions (yes, there may be more):

What will Coach Pennington's inquiry into the hit reveal?

What are Patrick's new plans for Jake (and Ray)?

Did Staci ever tell Jessica why she kissed Jake?

Why do Staci and Roxi not trust Somer? Is there some history there?

How does C.C. fit into the picture?

Will Jake get an invitation to Sunset Beach?

What's up between Jake and Staci's mom ("Staci's mom has got it going on")?

I agree with the comment saying that we need a normal school decompression chapter, and I also agree with the first comment there. Their questions are what I was also going to leave in my own comment. I also would like to know some backstory on Jake’s parents if that is able to fit it’s way into the story. Love this series and can’t wait for the next piece of it! I am glad you have an outline for the future as well, because reading pt. 9 here had me worried that it was coming closer to an ending. Great work!

ECD for part 10?

Thought I'd answer some of the questions in the comments here.

About Jessica's virgin status. She never came into this story as a virgin. She never outright said she had sex until she confessed it all to Staci but she never said she hadn't either. Hope that clears this up.

On Jessica wanting to hear Jake's secret while not sharing her own. It was meant to show her difficulty to trust after what happened to her in relation to Sean. She hoped she had put Sean in the past but as the story unfolded she found out she hadn't.

I'm correcting the perspective change ups to save you all the brain pain they cause.

From the "So by my count" comment

1. Upcoming

2. In flux at the moment. You'll see next chapter

3. She told Jessica about how Jake gave Ray sex advice and how great it was.

4. Both are gut feelings though Roxie isn't a fan of most people. :-)

5. Upcoming

6. Upcoming

7. Next chapter

I think that's most of the questions. Glad everyone's enjoying the story.

This has been a great read. Really hating the wait betwee chapters but its worth it. Please post the next chapter soon.

AuroraIncident, you need to stop answering questions and go write the next chapter!

As Jake just said... We'll get there when we get there. If it takes you awhile then it takes you awhile. We don't want to rush you.

Just continue with your great story.

I think I speak for everyone when I say that the wait between each chapter is to much, can you upload like on a schedule or a rough schedule instead of waiting months for the next chapter, just give us a general idea on when to look for it

This chapter is just as good as always, and no harm intended, but HURRY the FUCK UP in making these!!! Seriously tho

But whenever I see that you have a new chapter posted, I put my dick away. I don't want to be distracted. Yes, the story is that good, and it stands on its own without adding nonstop sex. I think that is the highest praise I can offer. Please keep it up.

You really, really need to find an editor to help you. You continue to leave out words, mix tenses, and change POV rapidly, often in the same paragraph. Your plot is a delight and your character development is very good, but if you want this story to be where it deserves, you need an editor. I know a couple that are quite good. Here is an example of the problem. You wrote:

"Ray pulls up to Bobby's house after spotting Jake's Mustang parked in the driveway. Bobby, Marybeth and I all look up as Ray speaks."

In these two sentences in the same paragraph, we have "I" and we have "Jake", but I is Jake, plus you use present tense! The other glaring issue is use of subject pronouns where object pronouns are required. Contact me and I will suggest a couple of good editors. That is all that stands between you and the top of the heap. Thanks for the hard work!

The author has done a very good job so far of describing the emotional issues of the typical flightie high school girl.

I really wish this were less quipy and the dialogue less "snappy". Basically everyone in this story, up to this point, feels like they're working on their tight-five. And when they're not, they're doing something super sappy, or are basically glorifying Jake. Like, I respect that this is your hobby, and you should write the story that you want to write (and people obviously love it), but for me, it's starting to get a little one-note.

You are doing fine with this story line, please keep the series going.

Great work, ignore the haters.

Jake has "Nice Guy" syndrome. You all know how that ends!!!

I never thought I’d comment something like this on this website, but I absolutely adore Sarah, she’s the cutest little thing!

It's called chips

Going to have to agree with HDK here. Great story and good characters, but the grammar issues detract quite a bit from the overall impression.

Aside from the too-frequent changes in PoV, what really bugs me is when you're writing from Jake's first-person PoV and he's telling us what others feel at the moment or what Jake is *not* seeing. Jake can't possibly know any of that but he is still telling us about it.

Don't get me wrong, I really like the story, I just wished some of the issues might get fixed.

Ok, I was reading this story and for some reason it went out of focus. Then I dried my eyes and continued.

Otherwise why would so many reread it. Bravos again.

5 stars for another great chapter. Wish I could give 6 stars for the Vixen reference, love them.

To expand on HDK's comment regarding this entry:

Ray pulls up to Bobby's house after spotting Jake's Mustang parked in the driveway. Bobby, Marybeth and I all look up as Ray speaks.

Jake's Mustang was not parked in Bobby's driveway. Jake walked to Bobby's house. On Page 1, skip to SUNDAY and you'll see. In fact, Marybeth makes a big deal about "You WALKED here?!" and Jake says how it's only a mile to two.

Here's my take on issues like this...Until I am told otherwise, AuroraIncident is not a professional writer. Unless the number of issues is so overwhelming that I have to repeatedly go back and re-read paragraphs, I am going to grade the story based on whether the plot was interesting or not mainly. So far, I have given each Chapter a 5 Star vote. Now, I do think that you, AuroraIncident, are good enough to need an editor. If someone can't write for shit, an editor isn't going to help them or their story. You can clearly write...you just need to have someone who is good at editing to assist you if you decide to continue writing in the future. I just looked and I see that Chapter 24 was submitted only 2 weeks ago, so you obviously are continuing to write and that just put a BIG smile on my face.

Here is another important thing to consider. Be careful when choosing an editor. I don't have any particular names in mind, but I firmly believe that a lot of "editors" on Literotica are just people who enjoy getting sneak peeks at new stories and enjoy being able to say, "Yeah...I helped XYZ write ABC Part 1 & ABC Part 2. I was the editor. It was my recommendation that Joe's dog runs away. Originally, the dog was going to be stuck by a drunk driver and blah blah blah". The reason I have made this admittedly harsh comment is because I've read stories where there are 2 editors listed and there were spelling errors in the very first sentence of the fuckin' story!!

Writers should finish a draft with errors in it. They're often pushing a stream of consciousness onto a piece of paper, or onto a keyboard these days, and spelling something incorrectly is not nearly as bad as losing your thoughts on what you were going to do in your story next. I highly recommend installing the browser plugin Grammarly. Even for non-writers.

Anyway, I am wasting far too much time talking out of my ass here... I need to get my butt back to reading!

FINALLY

Dang, what a page turner.

And what a sad chapter.