All Comments on 'No Longer Sure Ch. 01'

I am hoping you add more chapters!

There's an old adage that says you've got to catch your reader in the first paragraph. While it may not be exactly true, there is something to it. I found the first chapter hard to follow -- too many characters, not enough detail to differentiate them, and not enough character development to let me care to keep going. It might have developed into a great story, but there wasn't enough there to make me turn the "page."

Don't write any more of this. You changed Mark and Ben back and forth from good guys to rats too many times for me to count, and frankly once is too many times. Mark was perfectly within his rights to be furious with Anna and Margaret. The little bit about beaching Maria and what's-his-name, obviously created because Maria is homophobic, is trying to prove Maria is bad to the bone when she most definitely is not. I don't mind Margaret not wanting Ben to go off on a hunting trip to shoot animals -- I wouldn't do it either -- but one minute he hates the ship and the next he loves it, hoping Margaret will make love to him on board -- so what does she do but run right out the door? Margaret is quite right in believing she will lose both Ben and Anna when you know full well she can't have both and she absolutely must take Ben. There is only one way for this story to end up, with Anna and Margaret destitute and devastated, likely Ben amd Mark wealthy but just as devastated. And I'd like to see the captain face a board of inquiry for letting Anna and Margaret use his private space (yes, I know, but off limits is off limits and the captain should know that). No more.

I apologize for the rant I posted. This story was a lot more complex and subtle than I thought. Please, forgive a sad man who lost his girlfriend to someone else (a man) and saw lost love under the bed.

Captain Midnight - Don't Apologize. Your instincts where right. This is just another man hating story disguised as lesbian love.