Nothing as Sexy as a Man in a Skirt Pt. 03

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I got to have my discussion with Amy by accident, walking in on her and Dwayne while they were in a fierce lip lock, her hands groping his crotch while he had one hand locked on a boob and the other was gripping her ass. I didn't say a word, I just reacted.

Amy must have been airborne for twenty feet before she hit the floor and skittered into a wall. Dwayne had turned around when I yanked them apart. If he was pissed because of that he must really hated what came next, because I was right in the middle of an old fashioned Southern ass-whuppin' when Amy jumped on my back screaming.

"Stop! Please Stop! You're killing him."

I dropped him like the piece of shit he was, pulled Amy around until we were face to face. "Are you worried for me? Or him? Doesn't matter, I'm done anyway. I'd hate to hurt my hands to the point I can't play. Toss the trash out. You and I are going to talk, and don't even think about refusing, or I'll have a serious talk with Dave."

She helped him up and out the door. I watched as he limped down the hall, blood dripping all over the carpet. Amy shut the door and got just as far away from me as she could and still be in the same room.

"Ewan, I..." was all she got out before I stopped her.

"Have you fucked him yet?"

"Ewan, please, I..."

"Have you fucked him yet?"

Amy put her head down and snuffled. I got a handful of hair and pulled her up until we were face to face.

"HAVE YOU FUCKED HIM YET?!"

"YES!," Amy almost wailed. "I didn't plan it, it just happened. And we have feelings for each other, so please don't try to lessen it with your judgements."

She got her confidence back, and stood defiantly, waiting for the tirade. I sighed with true regret.

"This will kill Dave. Do you have any idea how much he loves you? How glad he is that the band is finally over, and he can spend his time concentrating on you and the kids? You're throwing a really good life away, Amy. You know if you do this, you lose your children, right? No judge in their right mind is going to award custody to a travelling musician, especially one that isn't going to make all that much money. I bet you'll even have to pay child support. Did you even think once of your children? Even if they don't end up actively hating you, how much of a relationship are you going to have, calling them from odd places at odd times? You'll miss all the games, the dance recitals, the plays, the first crushes, the very first kiss, while off chasing your dreams.

And Dwayne? You need to be really careful here. If he's willing to go after one married woman, what makes you think somewhere down the line he won't go after another? Then you'll have thrown everything away for nothing.

And as for Scumbucket, what makes you think he'll ever trust you? You willingly betrayed your husband and kids for him, what he's gonna do when some producer or someone higher up the food chain takes a shine to you? Think he won't worry about that? Even if you guys end up together, you're doomed form the start."

She had gradually shrank into the sofa, my words hitting her as hard as any physical blow I could have given her. I stood to leave.

"Do me a favor, Amy. Don't tell Dave until after the show. Let him have that one good memory of the last time he ever plays with his wife onstage. Right afterwards though, and I mean within a day, you need to tell him your plans. If you don't, I will."

I walked to the door, looking back one last time. "Oh, and Amy? You're no longer my friend. Or Amanda's. If you need to speak to me before the end of the week on business, talk. Otherwise, you and I are done. I'll never be able to look at you again without disgust. Goodbye, Amy."

The enormity of her situation was finally sinking in, and she was crying in earnest, trying to talk as I closed the door.

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I ran from the hospital, hailing a cab and rushing to the airport. While I rode I sent the video to the hospital Administrator, and the Raleigh Police Department. Later on, I found the Administrator, in a classic example of ass covering, also called the police, all the while decrying what a horrible person the doctor turned out to be.

The Police arrived, looking for both me and Dr. Krall. Finding neither, they decided to watch the airport, sending a picture of the doctor to airport Security. A camera with facial recognition hardware flagged the doctor immediately, and the police were there very quickly. They were surprised the doctor resisted, having to cuff him and take him through the terminal to a waiting car

I heard the noise, and thought they must have picked up a drunk or thief, not even glancing up. I had rushed to the airport first thing, still in my lab coat and scrubs, my only thought was of getting to Ewan.

I had forgotten I needed My passport, and was near hysteria when I remembered the Colonel telling her if I ever needed anything, to call him, no matter the time of day. I fumbled the card out of my purse and dialed.

It must have rung two dozen times before anyone answered, the Colonel demanding to know if I knew what bloody time it was. I couldn't help it and started crying again, and between wails and hiccups managed to tell him who I was and what had happened.

"I need my husband, Colonel. Can you help me?"

"Stay right where ye are, lassie. Someone will come to collect you shortly. Tell him to call me when he gets there."

An hour and fifteen minutes a man in a wrinkled suit was standing before me, saying the Colonel sent him. He called the Colonel, and even though he couldn't see it, was constantly shaking his head yes, saying 'yes sir' quite a bit.

He hung up and grinned at her. "Lassie, are you ever going to have a tale to tell to your grandchildren. Come on, let's have a coffee while we wait for our transportation."

He got most of the story out of me while they waited, his frown deepening. Before he could say much a shadow fell over the table, and he looked up to see a SAS leftenant and an American pilot.

The SAS officer stood stiffly while the pilot grinned. "Get the stick out of your ass, Nigel. We're on a mission here."

He looked at me. "Don't worry about him, ma'am, someone very high up just messed up his American vacation. Come on, your taxi is right outside."

The taxi turned out to be a military helicopter, sent to fly them to Fort Bragg, where twenty more SAS soldiers were waiting by a plane, their joint training interrupted. Amanda went from helicopter to plane in six minutes, was airborne and winging towards Britain ten minutes later. She tried to relax on the uncomfortable seat, dozing as the men talked in quiet tones. She woke with a start, listening to the soldiers in front of her.

"Who is she? Whoever she is, she knows people with clout. Word has it she's the daughter of a Colonel and Earl, trying to get home for a family emergency. The Captain says the royal family is involved, and said to spare no expense to get her home."

What the Earl had told them was to treat me like I was his daughter, and of course by the time it got to the rank and file I was his daughter, at least in their eyes. And he had called his cousins, who graciously offered their help.

They saw she was awake and fed her hot tea from a thermos. "I'm afraid that's it for amenities here on Air Britain, ma'am. Is there anything else you need?"

"Yes. I need to know how long it's going to take to get to Ferth, Scotland. My husband is playing a festival there, and he goes on at three. I need to be there."

The soldier frowned. "That's cutting it a bit close, ma'am. We didn't leave until about two in the morning your time, and it will take at least six hours before we land at the airfield. It's a military airfield I'm afraid, so there won't be a commuter air service available, You'll have to motor about ninety minutes before you get to a city large enough, and then you'll have to book and wait. Then, after you get to Ferth, you'll have to hire a car. I don't see you making it on time, but you can get together later."

Tears streamed down my face. "No! I have to be there! It's the very last performance his band is giving. Plus, I just got wonderful news I need to share with my husband. We're going to have a baby! Our very first. I hope it's a boy. If it is, whether he likes it or not, he's going to be named for his father. Ewan McLough Junior. Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?""

The soldier had nearly stopped listening until he heard the name. "Is your husband a Scot?"

"No, he's an American, but he served in your country for almost four years."

"Does your husband have a nickname?"

"No, not really. He was written up in the papers for some things he'd done, and they termed him "The Mad Yank. Does that count?"

He almost tripped, he was so excited, standing up abruptly and moving forward, where he engaged an officer in serious conversation. The officer stood, making his way back to me.

"Ma'am, can you describe your husband, or better yet, have a picture of him?"

Amanda pulled out her phone, and scrolled through her gallery. The Captain had a huge smile on his face when she was done. He unbuttoned his tunic, showing her a tattoo that matched Ewan's. "It's a small world, Mrs. McLough. I served with your husband. And he is indeed a Mad Yank, but a solid man, one you could depend on in tough times. Now, tell me your story."

I gave him our history together, from the day we met until now. The Captain nodded, asked a question or two, and then left her, going forward to get on a radio.

I dozed again, emotionally wrung out, only waking when the plane touched down, looking out at the verdant green below. The Captain helped me unbuckle, grinning, and led me out to a huge helicopter.

"Your taxi, Lady McLough. We'll see to it you reach your Yank on time." He turned to the men behind him.

"Load up, lads, we have a package to deliver."

They stowed their gear in minutes. I took advantage of the wait to call Molly. She was overjoyed to hear from me.

"Amanda! I really wished you'd have gotten to come. Your hubby has been mooning over you pretty bad."

"Well, he may see me sooner than he thinks. I need a favor."

I had to hold her phone away from her ear as Molly screamed. "I'm on it! See you soon."

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I wondered what was going on, Molly and Rob were walking around grinning, Tony and Mike trying to hide smiles. Amy, I found later, hadn't been told.

"What's up with you guys?"

Molly grinned and hugged me. "Nothing. We're in Scotland, preparing to play to sixty seven thousand people, why wouldn't we be smiling?"

I knew they would tell me when they wanted me to know. I assumed it had something to do with the show.

Molly scheduled one more practice, because one of the Scottish drummers was going to play a few songs with us, to give Robbie a chance to shine. We ran through the songs until we were satisfied.

I tired to call Amanda just before we went on, disappointed when it went to voicemail. I told her how much I loved her and that I couldn't wait to get home, then went out to do our last performance.

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I looked at her phone and smiled. He was going to see me a lot sooner than he thought. The big helicopter stopped, landing on the Castle grounds, and the Colonel, his wife, and a young woman, wearing the bars of a Captain, met them.

"Right," she said, as she led me inside, "let's see if I've gotten this correct."

I had wondered why there had been a discussion on the radio about my clothes sizes, but it was revealed when I entered one of the bedrooms.

The Captain was tugging on my lab coat. "Okay, love, you've just enough time for a quick shower, then into your clothes, and we'll deliver you to you husband. Get cracking, now."

Rushing through my shower, then the Captain helping me with makeup, saying I needed to be perfect when Ewan saw me. I blushed at the racy underwear while the Captain grinned. "He'll want you out of these clothes as fast as he can, might as well give him a treat."

The clothes were traditional Scottish garments, in the McLough colors. There was even a tam, which was placed over my curls at exactly the right angle, and held in place with bobby pins. The troops whistled as I came back to the helicopter. The Colonel, in his full dress uniform, and his wife in a very nice dress, were already onboard.

We arrived at the concert, the big black helicopter circling the arena, and I was amazed at the mass of humanity below. I could see the stage, and knew he was on it. Tears threatened my makeup, and the Captain and Millicent fussed over me, trying to keep me calm.

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Well, here it was. The last time we would ever appear together again. I looked at their faces, trying to memorize them all at this instance. They were all smiling, even Amy, though she lowered her eyes and refused to look at me.

We heard our names, and took our places. We started out with the song that gave us our name, Robbie beside me as we sang. The crowd seemed to love it, and we went through our set, playing the songs that had the most meaning to us. It seemed like no time at all until we were winding it up.

Molly stepped up, thanking the crowd, and announced for the final song we would have a little help. I knew Charlie and another of the pipers were going to play with us, but was totally surprised when the entire pipe and drum corp came out, taking their places. The band just grinned, pleased at their actions. The only glitch came when a huge helicopter circled the arena, almost drowning us out. Press, I guessed. I knew they were filming the concert for British Television, and figured it would end up on PBS sooner or later.

I had my accordion, starting the opening notes of The Rhythm Of My Heart, and I started talking as I played.

"Thank you so much for allowing us this time with you. Most don't know it, but this is the very last time we will ever play together as a group. Most of us are older and we're retiring, and the younger ones, as they should, are going to carry on the tradition. Before we do this song, I wanted to say a few things.

"I've spent a lot of time here, in service. America is the home of my heart, but Scotland will always be the home of my soul. In Iraq I was with some lads of impeccable bravery, loyal to their friends and their cause. I came home with them, those that didn't leave their Highland blood on desert sands. Good men all, may they rest in peace."

I don't know where they got it, but the video that journalist had taken so long ago flashed up on the screen, showing me in the tower, playing even as the bullets flew around me. Then the picture changed, showing me at the terrorist attack, flying through the air with the little girl in my arms, and later some of the Queen knighting me and presenting me with my medals.

The crowd grew really quiet, most were old enough to remember the event.

The jumbotrons showed a picture of Amanda in her wedding dress. "This is my wife, Amanda Abasi McLough. Quite a lass, eh?" The crowd roared out their approval.

"She's a doctor. What she sees in an old piper is beyond me, but I treasure her. She was supposed to be here with us, but her duties wouldn't permit it. I miss her terribly. We're in the process of trying for a wee one, and I harbored a hope that it would be conceived here, in Scotland."

The crowd applauded and cheered before subsiding again.

"This song is our personal one, one that we hope to sing to our children as a lullaby. We use in our show, and decided it would be a fit ending to our group. Manda, honey, I love you, and can't wait to have you in my arms.

Thank you again, from all of us."

We started into the song, Molly helping me off with the accordion, leaving me to just sing. The entire pipe and drum corp played along with us, a wall of Scottish sound. I had shut my eyes, concentrating on the emotion of my words, when the crowd roared. When they kept roaring I opened them to see what was going on. At first, I though it was an illusion.

Manda. It couldn't be! But there she was, being carried across stage on the shoulder of two brawny SAS troopers, an entire squad marching smartly behind, being led by the Colonel in full uniform, Millicent at his side.

Amanda was dressed in my clan colors, down to the tam. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my time on this earth. She was holding up a little sign that I couldn't quite make out until she was close. I read it and dropped to my knees, overcome.

The cameras zoomed in on the little sign, and the crowd roared yet again. "WE'RE PREGGERS!," in big block letters. She slid off the shoulders and rushed to me, dropping onto her knees in front of me, and I swept her up into a hug, too overcome to speak, as the tears flowed down my cheeks.

We stayed there the rest of the song, hugging and crying. The instruments stopped, all but Amy on the piano, as sixty seven thousand voices rang out, following the words on the screen.

The whole band had gathered around us, holding microphones and singing, joined by their families. Tony had Bernice and both daughters, Dave had his two, Janine trying to hide behind him. The SAS were standing at attention, confused, and the Colonel looked at them before giving them an order.

"SING, YE WANKERS!"

The rhythm of my heart is beating like a drum The words I love you running off my tongue.

And never will I roam or leave my happy home where the sky meets the sea I'll be sailing.

The end

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Well, that's it. Yes it was over the top, and unrealistic, but then, aren't all fantasies? Thank you for your time.

I could have written about their life afterwards, the success of Molly and Rob, Bernie and Tony, the heartbreak and recovery of Dave and Amy. But this wasn't their story.

And of course, Amanda and Ewan lived happily ever after.

And special thanks to Randi, who got me away from my profession projects long enough to come home.

Q