Numbers

Today's feature playing in the IMAX theater was remarkably akin to Disney World's Space Mountain. It was a doc on atmospheric light refraction, powered by warm soothing synth music and an equally warm narrator's voice. The ladies and their fellow audience put on 3-D glasses, fastened their seat belts and settled in to have their visual world rocked. The film took them through, amid other spectacles, a space flight simulation, having their seats mounted on a moving platform and raising them from the floor. A bit of reorientation of the senses was in order following the movie. Finally, the exhibits were completed.

The dining portion of this date took place at one of Juniper's—not to mention Minnesota's and the planet Earth's—finest Italian eateries, La Pancia Felice. More aggro flirtations were exchanged across the table. They agreed to resist stuffing their bellies as much as possible, so they could take the rest home and order dessert. As today it was Cat chauffeuring the both of them about, she dropped Angie off a little after 9:00. Angie'd told her folks she'd be spending the day with "a friend," which was not really a lie, merely discreet. So she exited the car by herself... but not before the adieu.

Cat parked, and both unbuckled. They leaned in, traded a few quiet parting words... and this time made a kiss happen. As the lips came into contact, all four eyes gradually fluttered shut, and arms found way around one another. They did not allow said lips to open much, nor their tongues in on the action. Both, nonetheless, enjoyed it. Cat felt her body swell with warmth. And Angie saw some premature fireworks. Maybe the hearty Italian fare had helped put them in the mood. Maybe even the science center helped, activating and stirring their shared passion. Whatever built up to it, the kiss brought each to her own realization. Cat realized that she hadn't felt this way since her ex-husband ages ago. Angie, already having felt itchings of being in love, realized she was truly, purely, one hundred percent gay. She dated and kissed boys in her teens, and none of them ever made her feel like this. They didn't make her feel anything at all, in fact. And it seemed to be this kiss that really drove it home.

Smooch it broke. Three eyes opened. Angie's left was a bit dizzier than her right and needed another moment. Just like at the movies in June, she let her head drop to Cat's shoulder, with a hushed "Oh!"

"Well, I can tell you one way in which your name suits you, hon," she heard Cat tell her. "You kiss like an angel."

Angie smiled and giggled. Grateful as always for the mental privacy, she thought but did not say, Funny, you don't kiss like a cat. When she finally decided all parts of her body were functional again, she made herself vacate Cat's Legacy and wandered to the front door. Once again, she really wasn't keen on saying good night, but was grown-up enough to accept that she had to. She resumed normal routine on Tuesday and Wednesday, including her job. Which brought her to America's birthday on Thursday.

The Mister and Missus of the Cadwick household, Jack and Elsie, expected two decent handfuls of relatives. Most arrived with an offering in tow, either a culinary contribution or a firework. The grill was active on the back porch, preparing the first batch of patties and franks. Chips and dips, veggies and other goodies were put out while the real meal deal was in progress. The burgers and dogs would be accompanied by potato salad, mac and cheese, and a piping hot apple pie for dessert. The tables were clothed and adorned with American flags, and many of the relatives showed up wearing red, white and blue. The game taking place on TV was ironically being played in Canada, the Twins taking on Toronto's Blue Jays. The temperature was 81° outside and 72° inside. Everyone fixed a plate and claimed their seats on the back deck. A patriotic thanks was given, and they dug in.

Twenty-five minutes later...

"Angela, honey?"

"Wh—huh?"

She looked up. Her Mom Elsie was addressing her.

"Y'all right, babe?"

"Uh...yeah, sure. Why?"

"Well, you've barely said a word since we sat down. You got something on your mind?"

The truth was that Angela had a lot of things on her mind. She was happy, but frightened. The happiness stemmed from the fact that, unable to think of anything but Cat since their dates, she was actually in love. Full-blown love. She lay in bed at night thinking about Cat. She woke up thinking about her. She dreamt about her. Even though she didn't know if there was a future to be reaped. Or if she'd feel the same way years down the road. Or even if Cat felt similarly about her. Hence where the fright came in. It was not as if Angie'd never had her heart broken, but she could do without it happening again. But...if things didn't work out with Cat, there was no shortage of other attractive women about, younger and older. If she did a raw calculation, dividing the world's population in half to only women, and then in half again to only adult women—geographic proximity aside—that was a rough total of 1.36 billion ladies. Now, as to how many of them would like her back, that was a different story. If only there were a way to...

"...A-actually, I do, yeah."

"Oh. Wanna talk about it?"

Angela let her eyes dart back and forth, accepting awareness that the family's attention had turned her way.

"IIIIIIIII... dunno."

Her cousin Jeff to her right shrugged. "Well, it's totally up to you, Ange," he said. "But I'd like to think we're pretty open books."

I'd like to think so too, but sometimes you can't be that sure.

"It's...a little complicated."

"Is there anything we could do to help un-complicate it?" asked her aunt Dolores.

"I wish. Doubtful."

Her uncle Edward chimed in. "I'm sure we'd offer whatever insight we could."

Angie couldn't predict how this would play out, but she really did want this off her chest. A bit worried someone else would address her—or that the subject would be changed—she spoke before putting her thoughts in order.

"...I'm in love with my math professor from last semester, who's... older than I am."

The revelation provoked some raised brows and exchanged looks between the relatives. No one replied immediately. Even though she'd exercised discretion with this statement, Angie berated herself for starting this way. There were two bombs she had to drop on them, the age difference between her and Cat being but one. The much smaller one. With this being said, she was sure no one would see the big one coming. Bringing this up first made the rest considerably harder.

"...How... much older?" asked her cousin Carlina.

"Um, well...old enough to be my...'teacher.' But...but... that's not even the most... uh..."

She couldn't figure out how to finish this sentence. But she suspected the others saw what she was getting at. So she let it trail off.

"So there's more?" asked her father Jack.

"There...kinda is, Dad, yeah. I-I just...dunno exactly how to... say it."

A spell of silence followed. Her cousin Jeff broke it with a chuckle.

"Well... I mean, Ange, we... we don't really pick the people we fall in love with."

"Yeah...yeah, no, I know that. It's just...there's more to it than that, like I said, and...and..."

She visibly became a bit upset. Her loved ones around the table became congruently concerned.

"H—...Angie, how bad can this be?" Carlina wished to know. "I mean, it's not...not like you're trying to tell us you're a..."

Her voice slid down to a murmur, launching into what she felt was a harmless, tension-denting joke.

"...LESbian or something... right?"

Angie's heart froze, stopping mid-beat. She dropped her eyes back down to her plate. She said nothing, but Carlina got her answer. Her face clouded and blanched.

"Oh my god... oh my god, I'm s—..."

Angie felt pretty embarrassed, but not as terrible as Carlina suddenly did. She covered her face with her hands for just a moment.

"I'm...I'm-I'm so sorry, I...excuse me, I... gotta go to the bathroom."

The haste with which she jumped up from her chair and scurried back into the house hurt Angie's feelings a little. But she was more consumed with everyone else's feelings now that the whole truth was out. Literally. Her eyes stung a little, even though she couldn't cry. Her ears felt hot, her feet cold. It was now she who wished to know what everybody else was thinking. But she didn't know if she could look up and regard them. For several seconds, all she heard were soft sounds of chewing and nature.

Somebody say something, she silently pleaded. For hell's sake, someone please say something!

The first voice she heard came from her uncle Robert. He cleared his throat and stood.

"I'm gonna... get some more food."

Angie realized she was wrong in reckoning she was unable to cry. Her eyes welled. Though maybe it made her a hypocrite, if she could've right now, she would've read everyone's mind sans hesitation. If no one else would say anything, she had to.

"Look, it's not like I planned on this," she desperately tossed out. "I...I wasn't looking for attention, or trying to, like...confuse anyone. Including me. But-but...over the course of this semester, with my math professor...I did, I found out I had pretty strong feelings for her." Sigh. "Yes. Yeah. Her. It's a her. And she's...you guys' age, Mom and Dad. I'm...I'm sorry if that, like...disorients any of you guys, or makes you uncomfortable, but... there's...nothing I can do about it. I-I can't just shut off who I am. And I...I know you think I might just be confused, but I'm not. Nothing's ever been clearer to me. So...that's it, guys. That's...the whole story. I am a lesbian," she hissed, scornfully mocking Carlina's whispery tone. "It's true. And I'm in love with this older woman. And while I'm at it, we—she and I—went out to a couple movies together. And we kissed once. That was it. I swear." Sigh. "...That's it."

She dropped, plopped and propped her chin on her fists, letting the next wave of silence wash over. Seconds wore on, feeling like hours, Angie's anguish steadily gaining on Carlina's. Despite the fact she'd done nothing morally or ethically wrong, she couldn't help but feel she'd somehow ruined everyone else's holiday. She no longer felt very much like celebrating. Or eating.

"...I'm sorry, I think I... maybe I'd better excuse myself too."

No one objected, so Angie also wandered back inside. Her head was spinning and her belly felt a bit funny. She put a hand over her mouth, even though she wasn't queasy enough to throw up. Her pace picked up as she retreated through the kitchen and around to the hall. She didn't notice the bathroom light shut off or its door open. But she did notice Carlina exit, emerging just in front of her.

Carlina looked up, and registered Angie semi-rapidly approaching. Simultaneously and reflexively, she gasped and took a step back.

For just a moment both stood still. Then, Angela registered Carlina's reaction. It shocked her... and hurt her. She couldn't help it; even if just a reaction, a small fracture was torn in Angie's already fragile heart. As Carlina in turn took in Angie's reaction to her reaction, she once more found herself faced with guilty consternation.

"Oh...oh no! No no, Angie, wait a m—"

But Angie didn't hear her words. She heard nothing more for the moment. Her face began to break into a wracking sob, as she pushed past Carlina and rushed into her room.

"No, Angie, wait! Please! You just startled me, that's all! I swear!"

Slam! went Angie's door. Isolated in her bedroom, this was the only state she could bear. She felt as if her worst fears had been confirmed. Dead-on metaphor aside, this was the only way she thought she'd get some comfort. She slipped into her closet, closed its door as well, spread across the floor much as she could, and let the tears come.

Few times in her life did she wish more than now that she was a small child again. When nothing like this would have befallen her. Here in the silent, timeless darkness, at least she could actively cause no further angst. It was this tiny morsel of succor to which she clung through her weeping. She was sure Carlina hadn't meant to react to her in a way construable as homophobic. Even if she was the kind of girl Angie could be interested in, they were cousins. She figured Carlina'd returned to the family. She couldn't help but wonder what they were talking about now—if the subject matter had moved on from her confession, if things remained awkward. All she knew was that as long as she lay here, she couldn't make things worse. And she'd needed an escape. The closet was a sanctum sanctorum, a safe shelter from outside scrutiny. But back in it or not, she couldn't deny who and what she was.

She heard little past the ticking clock and her own sniffling as she licked her proverbial wounds. She'd been outed. She was having trouble saying it, and Carlina wasn't trying to do any harm, but...it had happened. She didn't know if her relatives would look at her the same way, even though she was still the same person. She'd never thought of any of them as homophobic, but then, the topic seldom presented itself. She had thought that today there'd be safety in numbers, but...things hadn't quite worked that way. Finally, her full tummy, compounded by all the thinking and crying, resulted in Angie falling into a peaceful sleep on her closet floor.

She was awakened by the sound of fireworks coming from outside. She slowly pushed herself up and the door open. She didn't know how much time passed, but it must have been a few hours, because the sun had started down. Her bedroom companion, the alarm clock, informed her it was almost 8:00. Her head hurt a little, but her heart felt somewhat better. She made herself egress and wander back down the hall. She shut her eyes, listening to the fireworks explode around the house, imagining the hallway was the Milky Way. As she sauntered out a bit further, she saw the living room was now occupied only by her mother. With the TV entertaining her, Elsie sat solo on the sofa, toiling at a crossword puzzle. The approaching shadow caught her eye. She looked up.

"...Hi Mom."

"Hey, sweetie!... You okay?"

Angie waved a hand. "Oh, I...guess so. I, uh...ended up taking a little nap in my closet. Back outta the closet now..." she uttered, making a gesture as if to add, "...Pun intended."

"Did, uh... everybody leave?"

"Oh, no, no," Elsie shook her head. "Actually, they're all still here. They're just outside shooting off fireworks. See?" She pointed toward the window. "I would've joined them, but, well... you know."

"Oh yeah," nodded Angie, reminding herself that both she and her Mom were pyrophobic. "Guess that's where I got it from. That, and my thing for crosswords and other puzzles and stuff."

Elsie patted the cushion beside her. "Wanna sit down?"

"Sure." Angie joined her mother and let her head rest on Elsie's shoulder. Her Mom took a breath.

"...Angie, hon, I'm really sorry that happened the way it did. I hope you know none of us meant to make you feel bad. You just really caught us off-guard, honey, that's all. But please don't take that the wrong way. After you left and we finished up, we, um...we had a talk. And... well, I have to be honest with you, babe: not all of us quite... understood. Like...like Carly, she's a little...awkward about things like this. But then we agreed, there's a lot of things about life and the world we don't understand. And just because we don't understand it doesn't mean we have to reject it. And... sweetheart, the bottom line is that you could never be turned away from this family. If you're straight, or a lesbian, or whatever, doesn't matter; you're our love, our blood, our heart. You're my daughter. And it's my job to love you unconditionally. But more important than that, it's a privilege, and a joy to love you unconditionally."

Angie wrapped both arms around her Mom, feeling fresh tears come to both eyes. And as much as more crying ached her head, she'd take happy tears over no tears any day.

"I love you too, Mom. And...ditto all that last part."

"Thanks," chuckled Elsie. "Now...as to the other thing you told us, again, completely honest... I'm sorry if this is tougher to hear, but I don't know if I approve of you getting involved with someone—male or female—who's your Dad's and my age. That's not a no, mind ya, it's just a don't know. Maybe we should meet her. That's a conversation we could have another day.

"In the meantime, Angie, when everybody else comes back in and sees you... I think they're gonna wanna do what I just did, and hug you and apologize. Especially Carly. Well... she might leave out the hug, but...you get the idea. So, just be ready."

"Heh. Got it."

"Bear with them, Angela. They're family. I know I'm not telling you anything you didn't know, just... keep it in mind. Sometimes they drive you crazy, I'm aware. Believe me, sometimes they drive me crazy. But they're our family. Always will be."

"I know. Decent-size family too; good ten of 'em out there. Not quite Home Alone-size, thank god."

Elsie laughed. "Amen to that."

*****

Forty Fun And Flirty Days Later...

Tuesday, August 13th, 1991, 9:20 p.m.

"I'm really glad my parents liked you."

"That makes an enthusiastic two of us, my dear. It's been a long time since I've had to charm someone's folks. Clearly, though, I still have my touch. ...So you're sure they're cool with you staying over?"

"Affirmative."

"You're abso-tively, posi-lutely abso-tive?... I'm sorry to be so...'stickly'... and to make up words that clearly sound better in my head than they do out loud... I'd just hate to think we'd be doing anything against your Mom and Dad's wishes."

"Oh, Cat, they loved you! I meant it just as much telling them tonight as I did saying it to you: age is nothing, but, a number. I knew they'd feel the same way. They know how responsible I am, and besides, this is my birthday week. I'm 21 now. A lotta cool things are going on now. We're about to get the Super Nintendo on this side of the globe, and that's gonna be my present from myself. Few years ago, things might've been different. But even though I'm still under their roof, they made it clear to me I make my own decisions now. One day I'll have to, y'know."

"Mm, true, very true."

Cat pulled into her driveway, parked, and proceeded to take Angie in by the hand. Following a grand tour of the domicile, they resumed the living room, where Cat brought the lights to half-mast, and lit a candle.

"Glass of wine, birthday girl?"

Angie arched her eyebrows.

"Oh, gosh, I... um, I-I don't know. I've never had wine. Well, I mean, I can now, I'm legal and all, but... what if I don't like it?"

"You can spit it back into the glass. My feelings won't be hurt. But I won't pour you any if you don't want it."

"No, no, I do want some, please. I mean, yeah, there's a chance I won't be crazy about it. But I've never turned my mind off to trying new things. And... I... talk and think way too much. Go ahead, pour. Please. Twice. Again. Told you, I'm polite."

Cat chuckled at the girl's adorable nervousness.

"Angie, relax," she smiled soothingly, caressing her cheek. "Nothing is going to happen tonight that you're not completely okay with. 'S like you said in the car. This is your birthday week. You call the shots."