Occultation

"He's a lucky guy, even if he doesn't know it."

"How so?" she breathed.

"To have someone like you want him? He's an idiot if he doesn't realise."

"Top me up, will you?" she whispered, after a silence.

"Sure thing."

.:.

And just like the previous time, I ended up carrying her to my bed, and just like the previous time, she demanded my presence beside her. I sighed long-sufferingly, shed my socks, crawled in behind her, and pulled the duvet over us.

This time, however, she snuck her foot in between mine, and pulled my thighs up against hers. And then she pushed herself gently back against my chest, sighing.

So, of course, my idiot body responded in its natural way.

I heard the soft noise she made as she felt me.

"Sorry," I breathed.

"It's ok. I don't mind. Take it that it's been a while, hmm?"

"Yes... but... that's not really it. You just smell... really good."

"Mm. Well, you're nice and warm, and I approve wholeheartedly," she whispered. She shifted slightly against me, and laughed again as I grumbled and tucked my face in against her.

"Sorry. It will go away at some point. Hopefully."

"It's nice to feel appreciated," she whispered.

"Oh, trust me, you are."

"Really?" she said, amused.

"Yep. Think mirages in the desert."

She laughed at that. "Unreal visions on the distant horizon, hmm?"

"I guess the analogy doesn't hold that well. An oasis, maybe."

"Oh, so you meant wet and inviting?"

"You're not helping."

She pulled my arm tighter around her, and shifted slightly against me again.

"Fee," I grumbled. "That's... distracting."

"Oh. Is it? What a shame. I really would hate to distract you."

She slowly began to rock her hips back and forward, pressing along me.

"Fee. What are you doing?" I groaned

"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just shifting my hips a bit. For exercise. Not my fault you're... mm... against me like... that."

"You're... torturing me."

"Oh. Is that what this is?"

"Fee..."

She laughed, then pulled her legs upwards and sat up. "Unzip my dress," she said, soft and low.

"Um..."

"I'm overheating and getting uncomfortable in it. Unzip it, please, so I can take it off. I'll do it but it's a real pain to reach behind my shoulders..."

Hardly daring to breathe, I reached out and slowly slid the zip down her back. She sighed out her breath, reached up to her shoulders and, with a slight struggle, slipped it up and off her and discarded it heedlessly onto the floor.

And then I let out a panicked whimper as she rolled over to me and I got a view of her small, erect pink nipples behind their screen of transparent mesh and black lace trim.

"Oh," I groaned.

"I take it that you like the view?" she whispered, amused.

"Oh my God. Yes. That is... spectacular scenery."

"Take your shirt off."

"Fee, this is a terrible idea."

"Take your shirt off, Jamie. And those jeans of yours. You can keep your boxers on if you want, but I'm cold, and deprived of anything even resembling touch, and I want your body against me tonight."

I swallowed, thought of several salient objections, then abandoned them to the wind and struggled gracelessly out of my clothes. She watched me, flushing slightly, smiling a small smile and waiting for me to settle down again.

And as I lay back she shifted in closer to me. I offered her my arm, and she lifted up then settled in against me, head pillowed on me, eyes closed, still smiling that small, private smile. Her thighs were warm against mine, and the lace of her bra tickled against me as she let out a long sigh. She shifted in closer still, and I shuddered as she slowly trailed her fingers over my bare chest.

"You ok?" she asked.

"Um... not really sure, so lets go with... I think so?"

"I need to be held tonight, Jamie. I'd... I'd like to be in your arms tonight. If... if this is too awkward or disturbing or... hah, hard for you, tell me, and I'll get dressed and go. But... I'd really like to stay. Here. With you."

"I just want to apologise in advance for the way I'm reacting to you. If I say or do anything even dumber than usual... well... could you just keep it in mind that I'm a bear of very little brains and I've only got enough blood for one of them at once?"

She snorted softly. "Is it that bad?"

"Fee... you're a beautiful woman. Probably the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Your body is glorious. And so delightfully soft. And your scent... It's... well. It's a struggle."

"What is?"

"The strain of not doing something... dumb."

"Like what?"

"Like..."

"Touching me?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"You have my permission. I'm lonely, Jamie. It's ages since anyone was with me. It would be nice to be... touched... a bit."

"Where?" I breathed, hardly daring to believe what I was hearing.

"Honestly? Anywhere you want to. My breasts. My bum. My pussy... if you want."

"Are you... sure?"

"We're both adults, Jamie. And I'm... I want you to be with me, to take some of this... sadness... away. Even if it's just for a little while. Can... can you do that for me? Can you just... be there for me? Just for tonight?"

I stared at her, and as the silence stretched on she frowned up at me.

"What is it?"

"I... just... I don't want to lose you as my friend. You're the most important person in my life."

"So then don't," she said, with a small, sad smile. "Let me be in your arms tonight, kiss me goodbye in the morning, and phone me like you always do. I'll still answer. I'll always answer when... when you call for me."

She reached over, found my free hand, and slowly pulled it to her breast. I groaned as she slipped my finger in under her bra, and she whimpered and shuddered as she rubbed it over her nipple.

"I need this," she whispered. "It's so hard, being by myself. Just touch me. Just make me feel wanted. Just for tonight. Tomorrow we can pretend that all this was a dream and we can go back to how it was, but for tonight, just... just..."

And I bent forwards to kiss her.

She moaned, arched hard against me, and clamped my free hand hard down against her breast.

"Like that, please," she begged as she broke away. "Just... just like that."

She rolled away from me. "Unclip me," she begged, and she shivered as I fumbled at her bra. The straps sprang apart as I released the clip, and she quickly pulled it off herself. She rolled back to me, and climbed half onto me, trailing the small perfect globes of her wonderful breasts over my chest.

"Fee, my God. You're so stunning," I whispered to her, and she lowered herself to kiss me again.

"Stop flirting with me," she breathed. "You don't need to convince me of anything. I need you. But... but you can't be in me, ok, you can't be in me."

"Ok," I whispered. "Can... my fingers?"

"Yes," she moaned. "Those you can have in me. And your tongue. But not... not this," she added, as she stroked her hands along the engorged line of my penis. "Oh. God... I wish you could... but... you'll need to do something else with it. Or I will. But not in me, ok? Promise? We can't. Please, Jamie. Please."

"I promise," I panted.

She shuddered and bent to kiss me again, and she clamped her arms around me as she ground against me.

"I need you to touch me," she whimpered. "Can... can I lie down? Can you... can you play with me? Just a little. Just a little bit? Please?"

And then she grunted as I levered her unceremoniously over onto her back. I walked my fingers slowly down her belly, then hunched forward, grinding hard against her and groaning as she seized my hand and moved it abruptly down to her. "No teasing," she begged. "No teasing. Just... just do me. Do me, Jamie, do me hard, please..."

"Christ, Fee," I moaned, as I fumbled past the crotch of her lace underwear. "You're... so..."

"Famed for it," she whimpered. "So wet for you. Oh.... oh God, yes, in me, please."

And then she arched back, crying out as I penetrated her hot, tight entrance with first one and then two fingers.

She clawed at my hand, then at my arm, then arched again as I drove my fingers into her again. She spread her legs, hooked her calf over my hip, exposing herself for me as she squeezed and pinched her nipples and breasts. I kissed her throat, her neck, down to her breasts, pushing my fingers in and out of her, twisting and splaying them slightly inside her, and her moans changed quickly in both pitch and desperation.

I could feel her legs shaking. She was panting, little breaths she fought for each time I pulled back that she then grunted out with each thrust I gave her.

"Jamie," she moaned.

"Uh huh."

"You're so... perfect in me... all the... best... spots... Jamie... don't stop... don't stop what you're... what you're..."

"You... going to come?"

"Almost... there... so close..." she whimpered. "Don't stop... please..."

Then she shuddered.

"Oh god oh God oh God," she moaned. "You're killing... me..."

I forced my arm under her, gathered her to me, curling my thighs under hers and pushing my rock-hard cock against her bum. I started to frantically drive myself into her, and she stiffened, arching up off the bed, jaw locked open, moaning loud and deep in her throat.

She convulsed. Her legs locked behind me, pulling me hard against her as she began to groan, grinding against me, the muscles of her body spasming hard and fast on my fingers, every rippling contraction lifting her head and shoulders physically up off the bed.

She let out a long, breathy moan and slumped backwards. I kissed her breasts, gently nibbled a nipple, and she shuddered as I eased my fingers gently out of her. Then she just lay there, moving ever so gently from side to side as she slowly relaxed.

"I should have let you do that to me years ago," she whispered, when she'd recovered sufficiently to speak.

She pressed herself against me.

"Can I see you, Jamie? Will you... take those off so I can at least see you?"

"Ok," I whispered.

I slowly slipped my boxers down, then kicked them free of my feet. The skin of her thighs was warm against my shaft, and I took a hissing breath as my cock throbbed from the sensation of her skin against it.

"Mmm," she moaned, as she pressed her thigh against me. "You feel rock hard."

"You could... um... say that."

"How long's it been? Since you were in someone?"

"Ages."

"And... self pleasure?"

"All the time. Constantly."

"You... like it?"

"It's better than... nothing... but far worse than... what you're doing... right now."

"Do you want to... come on me? On my belly? My breasts? Not on my pussy, though, ok?"

"Do you... want me to?"

"It's on the list of things I'd love you to do... to me. Come... come lie here. Up. Next to me. So... so I can watch. And feel..."

I shifted slowly out from behind her, and she sighed as she stared down at my body.

"Can I... touch you?" she asked, hesitantly, flushing bright pink.

"Yes."

She reached out, took me in her fingers, and slowly stroked her hand up and down my shaft. She shuddered, then let me go and rolled up onto her knees. She peeled the black lace of her panties off herself, and kicked them away.

"Lie on your back," she told me. I did, and she lifted her knee over me and straddled me. I got a brief, taunting glimpse of her smoothly shaven lips before she took me in her hand again. She started to slowly stroke me and I arched backwards.

"Fee," I whispered. "You're stunning."

"Mm. I suspect. You're... uhn... just horny and want to... be in my... dripping, tight, hot body."

"You're still... unbelievably beautiful..."

"Jamie. Confession time. You know. I would... quite honestly... love nothing better than to put... this gorgeous thing of yours against me, slick you up, and take you all the way into me. There's nothing I want more right now. Nothing. I'd fuck you until I was broken. But..."

"I... uh... know."

"So," she whispered, as she squatted back on her haunches and slowly stroked me. "Tell me what you'd do to me. Tell me how you'd do me."

"I'd... love to spread those lips of yours... and lick you until your toes curled..."

"Oh," she said, shuddering. "Oh... that sounds delicious."

"Stick a finger in you. Penetrate you while I was tonguing your clit."

She dropped her hand to herself, and slowly teased a finger between her lips, and shuddered again.

I stared at her hand and crotch, at the slight movements I could see her giving herself, the way she'd spread her lips with her fingers to better reach herself. Then I looked up at her. I reached up, took her breasts in my hands and gently began to brush my fingertips along her nipples.

"Oh," she whimpered. "Oh God, you light fire in me when you do that. Your hands on me are so good, so good..."

She squeezed me, and my toes clicked as they curled over.

"I'd... fuck... I'd push you down. Kiss your body all over. Tease... mm... my knees in under yours."

"Get me nice and... hot and... ready?"

"Uh huh."

"Put this lovely head to me?"

"Uh huh," I groaned.

"Push it into me, until I... uh... couldn't take any more?"

"Uh huh..."

"Fill... uh... fill... oh..."

She began to grind along my legs, groaning. She hunched slowly lower and lower, and I could feel her thighs compressing against mine. She opened her eyes, staring at some point beyond me, a small frown furrowing her brow.

Then she grunted, hard and deep, and cried out as she fell forward onto me. She writhed against me, my cock hard against her belly, digging into her and slicking the arm she had between us with my sticky pre-come. Shudder after shudder wracked her before she finally slumped down onto me, sweaty and panting.

"Sorry," she groaned. "Sorry. Wanted to do something for you and... just... ended up being selfish."

I laughed and clasped her to me.

"I enjoyed that a lot," I whispered. "Feel free to do it again."

"Too raw," she moaned. "Need lube to really go to town. Oh. Oh wow, you do it so well for me. Mm. Jelly legs. So delicious."

She levered herself up and off me. She glanced down at my engorged, throbbing, aching cock, and gave a despairing groan. "God. It's a crying shame to not be able to slip that into me. Oh well. Second best it is. "

She leaned forward and took me unceremoniously in her mouth, groaning in harmony with me as she closed her lips on me.

I closed my eyes and slumped backwards; she started to slowly torture me, to ride me with her lips and tongue, while she moved her busy hand on the base of my shaft.

I tangled my fingers in her hair, unable to quite believe the heat of her, the clear pleasure she was deriving from having me in her like this.

She gasped a breath.

"God, you're nice in me," she whispered, and I moaned my agreement.

"Just... wish..." I panted.

"Uh huh," she moaned in answer before she took me back into her and then began to bob up and down on me, working my shaft with her hand and tongue.

My back and legs locked almost immediately, and it felt like it was only a few brief, amazing, unbelievable seconds before I arched and came, gasping and panting her name.

She swallowed, coughed, and then gave me a small, private smile. She levered herself up off the bed and scampered off unsteadily to wash and rinse her mouth. Then, suddenly strangely hesitant, she slunk back to the bedroom and lay down beside me, only beginning to relax when I wrapped both my arms around her and pulled her as close to me as I possibly could.

And then I just held her and kissed her.

We didn't speak much. She asked me to hold her; to gently rub my fingers along her neck and back as she tucked her face into my neck.

And in almost no time she was asleep.

I, however, lay awake for ages, aching in a different and unfamiliar way.

.:.

I woke and lay quietly, still as deep water. She was still curled up in my arms; snoring gently and utterly relaxed.

I watched her as dawn crawled closer. I watched her as the light slowly grew, as her skin changed tone from coffee to latte to a deeper tone of her usual pale. I watched her, and as I watched her I wondered about her. And about us. I wondered why she'd suddenly wanted this, why she'd needed to be touched and held by me after so long.

Had the thing with the guy she'd said she wanted become or been acknowledged as unattainable? Was I the nice, reliable rebound on the side she could come to who would always welcome her with open arms, grateful for whatever crumbs she deigned to give?

Was I simply a port in a storm? Safe harbour?

Surely not.

She wasn't that kind of woman. She'd never been that kind of woman.

Maybe it was just a passing thing. Some strange conjunction of the spheres, when her soul and mine had had their one, brief periapsis. Some mad outlier of probability that permitted this night to have happened against all contrary wisdom.

I sighed, and she whimpered softly in her sleep. I watched her face, watched the dream-driven muscles in her brow and cheeks shift and reform. And I wondered what she was dreaming of.

Whatever it was, it would not be of me.

And that thought cut deep into me.

Would I trade last night for anything?

No.

Did I wish it hadn't happened?

No.

Would I ever be able to forget her, asleep like this in my arms?

No chance.

Would I ever let her see how much this had damaged me?

Never.

I quietly resolved to go to my grave without ever expecting more from her than this one, perfect gift of her touch.

God, I loved her so much.

I bit my lip hard, focussed on breathing, fought the bitter flood of sadness away.

If only things could be different.

If only someone as perfect and precious as her could want someone as ordinary and unremarkable as me.

If. If.

If wishes were horses... beggars would ride.

But wishes didn't exist in this world, and this fae creature would all too soon stand up, dress, smile at me, and walk out of my life again.

I would always be the one left behind.

I sighed again, then cursed myself as she stirred in her sleep.

She yawned once, and slowly rolled over.

I watched as her eyes opened slightly, then flicked open wide.

I watched as she rolled her head over to me.

And I felt as she took a near silent gasp of air. Not much, but enough for me to notice it.

It had been a lovely fantasy while it lasted.

Time to pretend again.

"Hi," I breathed.

"Hi," she whispered. "Um. Just... just checking. I think I remember everything we did. Are... are you ok?"

"Yeah. I'm fine," I lied, false as Judas. "I had a really nice time. Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm good. A bit... um... tender. But... good."

"We didn't... I wasn't in you, if that's what you're worried about."

"I... that's good. I remember, but thanks... for confirming it. And for keeping your promise."

"Sorry. You're welcome. Um... you know what I mean."

"It was... it was what I needed. So... thank you."

"Would you like breakfast?"

"No. No... I should... probably get going. I still need... to pack and to... to see some people before I go home."

So be it.

"Okay."

I pulled the duvet back and slipped out of bed. She made a small noise as I bent to pull on my discarded clothes. I shot her one light, gentle smile, noting the flush on her throat. "Can I at least make you some coffee before you go?"

"Please," she whispered, as she tried not to stare.

She was so lovely, and so transparent as she tried so hard not to hurt me.

My heart nearly broke. But I kept my liar's smile for her.

"Ok."

And then I went to the kitchen, and turned on the kettle, and composed myself so that I would not upset her any further.

Clearly she regretted everything about our time together.

And that hurt almost more than I could bear. But I would not show it, for her sake.

I brewed and poured her coffee and brought it to her while she struggled awkwardly into her clothes. I pretended not to notice the tightness of her pose, the way she seemed to want to speak but somehow couldn't. I tried my best to make it easy for her, to not extend this awkward hell for her one moment longer than it needed to be, being the fleeting breath of courtesy and lightness she needed.