All Comments on 'On The Train'

ok i definitely could see some humour in that one ... good work - keep it up

Yes I liked it, and yes you should read it yourself and keep the names straight.

The dance metaphor went a little too far for me.

Otherwise an excellent read.

"Alex watched her head bobbing, smiling to notice her bottom moving in unison with it. [...] his fingers darted forward, teasing Alex's clitoris, and Alex's head jerked up and off his cock in astonishment as her first orgasm ripped into her."

Try proofreading more carefully. Using gender-specific names might help you and the reader keep track of who is doing what to whom (presumably Alex does not have a clitoris nor was he giving himself a bj).

There are also a few issues linguistic/stylistic issues (e.g."smiling to notice").

As regards the plot, I would have preferred Angela not to encourage him but rather to be thoroughly ashamed of her enjoyment.

That said, it is better than most.