Once Again Pt. 01

"Can I come out? Would you like another beer? I don't want a whole one, can I have a sip of yours?"

I tried to sound polite, "Do as you wish Karen, I'm not your guardian. Yes, I'd like a beer but you don't have to bring it. It's up to you."

Her voice was contrite as she answered, "I don't mind. I'll be right there."

As she sat she opened the bottle and took a swig, handing the bottle to me.

"That's all I want, the rest is yours. Bobby, what did you mean by saying just the opposite?"

The question struck a nerve, "Karen ... you're an intelligent woman, you know exactly what the opposite of 'don't go' means. Stop fuckin with my head."

I heard her sniffle, "I'm not trying to mess with your head. Do you want me to go or stay?"

I'd had enough, "Now you're simply being mean. You know exactly what I want and yet you continue to mess with my head, and my heart."

"How am I being mean?"

I grabbed the chair she was sitting on and spun it so we were facing each other. I took a deep breath and let the words fall.

"How are you being mean you ask? You ask if I want you to stay or go knowing I want you to stay. I also know I'll never be to you what I want you to be to me. I've watched you throw your life away for years and wanted to be there knowing that "once again" you'd crash, burn, and come running to me. I'm not sure I can go through that again."

Her voice cracked as she tried to speak, "Bobby, are you saying you love me? If you are, why haven't you ever told me?"

I was on the verge of yelling but gathered my wits before I spoke, "That's rich Karen, really rich. I'll answer your question with your words, verbatim. "Oh hell no, I'm not gonna waste my time on some limp dick white guy. Hell no, I got no time for a bunch of worthless white boys". Those words were seared into my brain the day you said them. Why the hell would I ever tell you I cared for, much less, loved you?"

She was openly crying at that point, I started to get up, I'd had enough and was going to leave. "Bobby don't, stay here, don't walk away. Oh shit, I said those hurtful words didn't I. But if you loved me so much why did you live with Addy?"

"I'll give you the short version, first there were all the guys you dated and dumped you in school and during our internship, then it was the hobbit guy, then it was two or three others along the way and finally, what's his name? Oh yeah, Reggie. You made it abundantly clear I was nowhere on your radar screen, not even a distant blip. Addy was fun to be with, we worked together, she expressed an interest in me and I responded. She wasn't afraid of "white guys", I don't regret a minute I spent with her."

I pulled away and headed to the door, I hadn't made it five steps and she had me by the arm. Spinning me she looked up and whispered.

"I'm sorry. Addy told me I was stupid and she was right. She said you were not only the kindest most loving man she'd ever been with, but that you were a great lover as well. All my life I've been told that black men were better endowed and superior lovers compared to white guys. I have never considered that might be wrong."

I was feeling vindictive, "That shit comes from black guys with little dicks or white guys with a complex. Let me tell you about Reggie boy, whom I'm sure extolled how big he was. Right?" She nodded. "I played basketball with that crowd and we'd shower afterward, I have as much or more than he did and guess what? I'm white. Addy never once left the bedroom unsatisfied, nor has any other girl I've ever been with."

I wasn't finished, "You see Karen, I love you to the point that I want to be with you until we're too old to make love. Too old to travel any longer, to be there holding hands when one of us dies. But you'll never be there, you're stuck in black and white land, instead of loved and unloved. I agree with Addy, as smart as you are you're stupid about certain things. I don't need another case of déjà vu, I've endured too many already. Let go of me, I need to leave before I can't hold it in any longer."

She squeezed my arm tighter and pulled me closer, "You aren't going anywhere, you're staying here with me. How could I have been so blind all this time? I want you to see my sexy parts, my sexy undies, to love me the way you did Addy."

I tried pulling away again only to have her grab hold and stomp her foot like a kid throwing a tantrum.

I needed answers, "What about black and white? Where does that fit into your scheme? Am I someone to fill the void until the next perfect black guy comes along? If that's the case let go."

"I don't care about black and white, I care about loving and being loved. I wasted years and now I want to redeem the time. Will you at least give me a chance? Let me make love to you to prove it."

My mind was whirring, I wanted her badly, but not as a revenge fuck.

"I don't think so Karen. I want you more than you know, but I don't want make up sex, or feeling remorse sex, I want it to be from the heart or nothing. Yes, I'll give it a chance. Let me take you to supper and we can decide what to do afterward. Fair enough?"

Moving her body to mine she put her arms around my neck and asked, "Can we at least kiss? Show me a little of what I've looked for in other men but never found according to Addy. Will you kiss me?"

With my arms around her waist I held her tight and gave her the most passionate kiss of my life, we broke and I kissed her again. With her hand on my chest she pushed back enough to talk, her lips were fluttering across mine as she spoke.

"My god Bobby, I've never been kissed like that before. It always seemed fast and rushed. If your love making is anything like your kissing I'll be one very happy girl. I've been a fool, I see that now and I want what you talked about. To be old together and still be in love. Are you sure we can't make love right now?"

Oh how I wanted to have my face between her legs lapping the sweet nectar of sex I was sure she'd produce, to have her hips humping into my face as she reached a climax. I wanted my cock to split the tiny curly hairs I was sure covered the edges of the labia. To shove every bit of my cock into that wet tiny pink slit between her brown colored legs, to watch as my pale dick slowly stroked in and out of her delicious chocolate pussy. To feel her pull me down for kisses as we moved together in perfect union, to dip my head and take a nipple into my mouth causing her back to arch, pushing her tit into my face as my dick slid deeply into her cunt.

I wanted all of that and more, but I wanted it when her heart was truly ready to let me become the be all and end all that she was to me. I hoped that would come soon, but today was not the day, as much as it pained me to turn down the woman I had desired for years, it was what I needed to do. For I knew inside that the day we made love we would belong to each other, there would never be another in our lives. Though she may one day outgrow my lap, she would never outgrow my heart. Our love would be to the end, or not at all.

Part two is finished and being edited.