All Comments on 'One Damn Fine Truck'

Bummer they all died. But well done. Really enjoyed the read /applause. Thank you.

Finely tuned story that went a bit pitchy with Sarah's carefully plotted plan for widowhood.. MGM did a WONDERFUL job with establishing Darin's gearhead and mechanical cred for his felony forays ,but not so with his wife. Her crime required a sophistication beyond what the author bequeathed her.

All in all, this is still a quality read & am going full marks because I have a serious weakness for stories that remind me faintly of the recently departed great Elmore Leonard.

its best not to lose sight of all the obstacles. TK U MLJ LV NV

Greed and Stupidity got both Hubby and Wifey visitibg each other in Hell. along with dumbshit Dennis.

Garbage.

Darin was so close. This is why it doesn't always pay to resort to violence to get revenge.

@ ariesgirl

Hubby killed wife and loverboy to save his own life more so than just for revenge. His mistake was in not killing wifey first.

I dont need a mechanics course..... just straight from the first page to the last line to post comment! Boring

A fine story with a clever twist, I enjoyed it, Thank you

propane stinks, they add to propane to make it stink. he was a working man

and would have smelled it. missing bolts would have been seen. to much

info on engine rebuild that did nothing for the tale. over all to much info for

the readers. car nuts may like all the info.

at the end and a good read.

thanks for posting!

Nice surprise ending. Works, Thanks!

Pulp fiction at its finest! Wifey plots to kill Hubby with Asshole. Hubby finds out and turns the tables. Wifey didn't give up, however. Everybody dies. The End.

5 Stars.

It is always a pleasure to see another story by Magmaman in the New Stories. This one rattles along nicely, keeping interest all the way (apart from the fact I do not understand any of the engine stuff).

This is a story not real life but I cannot help thinking that Darin would have got a longer lasting and more satisfying revenge from going to the police. Still one cannot let common sense by the protaganist get in the way of a good plot.

I know what kind of carbs his truck has. I know the horsepower, how many fuel tanks, that he has a 2.05 something something. I know it was scratched and he almost went ballistic over that.

What color was his wife's hair again?

The priorities of an author are always interesting.

Good story. I felt like I could relate to the guy, and then you killed him! That's going to cost you some stars!

It sometimes amazes me how different readers can have such diverse opinions. One even goes so far as to claim they read part of it, skipped to the end, then voted?

That person probably also votes for President, something to think about there, isn't it?

Anyway, I don't write about "38DD" breasts or 10" long dicks, either. So to those who don't like my style, it's easy to avoid.

I am called MAGMAMAN. Just click the next one down the list, I bet some 38DD's will be in the first couple of paragraphs.

To those who do enjoy my poor rambling efforts, thanks! I did have a different ending but Debra came in and read it so I asked her what she thought before I hit that "submit" button..

"Kill both of them!" She told me with a laugh so I rewrote the thing.

BTW: Man do I have a story to tell about what just happened to my Debs and I.

No one will ever believe this one, but then I am still in shock myself. But then? It was kind of fun. Hell, if I wasn't a little bit naughty I wouldn't even write this stuff.

Be patient, I type at about 20 WPM.

LOL

MGM

was that you DID kill them both off.

Too often the authors here make ONLY the manly hero have any brains at all. While the timing and efforts she made were a bit confusing (I thought we established he EMPTIED the tank...didn't we?)

It was a nice little twist at the end.

And I wasn't looking for 38DD. You put more car porn in the story than lady porn. An interesting choice. Granted, seldom is there any sex in my stories, so who am I to throw stones?

I think someone else mentioned this: smell is added so it can't blow you up. Really leaped out at me as I was reading.

@FD

It's a great piece of pulp fiction. Take it at face value. :)

Good to see a Magmaman story for a change. Was the wife at fault? Of course, but as in life the hero does not always succeed. Hero is a flawed character. Murder is murder folks and while one could see it as pre-emptive self defense. The hero lowered himself to her level in killing two people. I liked the ending, karma is a bitch. This was a ***** story.

Good story, Magmaman. Sure, anyone can find a flaw in ANY piece of fiction, but I think you did a marvelous job with this one. A slow build to the twist ending kept me reading and isn't that what fiction should do? I am one of your biggest fans and I particularly enjoyed your departure from the usual 38DD and 10-incher stories prevalent on this web site. As usuall, I can't wait until your next submittal.

More please.

Thanks

AMerryMan

glad you killed them all off. made for a balanced ending. wonder who got the truck. must have been one fine truck

in the end karma is satisfied... Another way of looking at it would be that pre-emptive strikes often lead to complete desert...

Just to chew on a detail. Not only did Denis' services come real cheap. IF he had used his head he would have skipped town after receiving all but the last parcel and not be under any risk and have 85% profit....

and everybody happy.yes he killed a freeloading scumbag and cheating whore.who was trying too kill him.weak writer trying make wimps happy.

What goes around comes around and around. Thanks for sharing.

Yep, Propane smells. Way back when I really really DID run a repair shop and parts outlet, there was a Propane tank out back. It ran my furnace, a Pizza oven I really did use for metal work, cooked my lunch on a two burner hot plate hooked into it and had a torch I ran off it for soldering stuff.

Yep, it stunk to high heaven all the time, so did the grease, oil, cleaning chemicals, minor stuff like Polyclorinated Biphenols, Sodium Hydroxide. On hotter days I bet I smelled, too.

So. Would I have noticed a leak? Yea, probably a big one.

But if the old head was in the ass like our hero here, just having rather violently commited a very serious offense? Worried a bit about getting...caught?

It's force of habit to reach up and throw a switch, now isn't it? I bet I did exactly that, threw that power switch without checking anything literally thousands of times.

Never did blow up.

Now you folks that NEVER smell the stuff would probably go "What is that smell?"

Maybe.

LOL.

MGM

This story was well written and very unsetteling.

But still a good piece of work.

Fucking hell I couldn't take any more and shot a huge load all over the keyboard. Unbelievably I withered not an inch and, still tumescent, read on...

As usual the protagonist is an honest naif. His woman got away from him but let's be realistic, it was his indolence that allows this - she had it all except him. Get a grip on your wife, Darin...

We're back into an engine , Denis's, - I fuckin love this..and suddenly a little empathy goes. At this moment of the story, Denis has done nothing more than feel the hots for some lush and bored but married chick. Is this the turning point? Overworked, suspicious but silent, a frustrated and impatient Darin gets a little short with Denis, who has come in perhaps even to make friends but at least to offer some payback for the gas we now concede he must be stealing....we can take a hint, mgm..at the very least he enters the scene bearing gifts...and if someone told me to my face That I wasn't his bud - well then there's no barrier standing...now we're toe to toe and it comes down not to respect of another man's but to what I can fucking do to fuck him fucking right up. You ain't my buddy and you just met me then I am your worst enemy. Etc, etc,

But we do know one goddam thing we don't like , the motha's ridin' a mustang. Jeez...

But wait a minute, mgm is too clever an author and we're off on a rollercoaster of favors negated and budding, tentative steps at respect and friendship, totally shredded by...

the fuck you get that itsy thing? ""I got it on sale, it was only $229.00. And I am perfectly decent."

Brilliant. I wish my wife had that attitude sometimes..especially with the suit slowly disappearing, those tan lines tell some secrets, great writing I'm thinking and then..

it goes the way of all LW rambles. It becomes a slick yarn in my favorite genre. I prefer people to live but mgm has written an awful lot of those too and I hold nothing against him for throwing his pen around.

Love it - the laidback style, the precise plot, the awareness and irony and humor. 8*

Great until the coincidence about the fatal day. Too big a coincidence. I guess no one's bad deeds can be allowed to get rewarded!

5*

It nice to see a balanced ending that doesn't involve a reconciliation, and where a couple of psychopaths get what they deserve for their over-the-top behavior.

Thanks for the offering.

So he thought he stopped her but she set it up and now both are dead . If he was smart he would have turned the video over to the D.A. She would have gone down for attempted murder and he would have keeped all his money . Two greedy fucks wind up dead .

get horny and BUST NUTS to HORSEPOWER TV every Sunday Morning. Not one description of FUCKING, but we know all about cams, heads, torque, boat motors, rebuilt gas tanks. I see why she was FUCKING AROUND. He probably brought Car and Driver in the bathroom to jerk off while she played with her 149.00 vibrator.

you are either a machinest or have researched auto repair thouroughly. very few people know about cam overlap and narrowing the centerline fron 110 to about 106 to change power band- i know who you are now, i am one also.

She was the cunt. She used her pussy to get her husband killed. It didn't work.

He was a cheap hard working husband. He got suspicious and acted accordingly. I would have liked if he lived but as it turned out both were psychotic and both died.

Fuck 'em all.

HA

Loved it, justice is served.

you've done it again - just like real life!!!

I understand, why this story is below 4.0 average.

I agree two greedy people. Sometimes the Police is the best solution.

Harsh fate for the two conspirators... Personally i favour a couple years in jail enjoying homosexual rape is a fitting fate for them too.

jolly good!!

any flaws in content were easily overlooked by the use of a strongly voiced style and unwavering tone that told this twisted tale completely and most satisfactorily. It is a shameful weakness of this site's reading public that they seem to demand that the authors should defend their character sketches of imperfect people who do NOT react the way a "normal" person might. The flaws of humanity are what provide the fiction, and a slice of life biopic featuring folks you'd never hope to meet, inspire some desire to "learn" more and read the story. Other's liked the karmic retribution, some criticized the lack of sexual description, some just want to complain for the sake of complaining. I think you crafted this story well, and I think you achieved your goals with it. I REALLY love how you credit "Debs", with making you change your ending. I agree, that it was probably the right call. If the LW category has any mission at all to deliver the message (or moral??) that "cheating has consequences!", than YES, the authors who dare to contribute to this site are challenged with the ever increasingly difficult task to find a way to convey it with originality. It might happen through the use of tragedy, comedy, dark, noir, mystery, suspense, thriller, oversexed, undersexed, juvenile, or mature themes. But the MESSAGE is the same. The cost of betrayal is always more than you were prepared to pay. But the question for the author is "how do you feel like you will tell it this time?" It should never be a question of "will they understand it?" or even less important "will they like it?" I think the successful story is one the author enjoyed writing and is happy with. If he is satisfied enough with his work, then perhaps may be, just may be, others will agree and enjoy as well. So kudos, Magmaman! I think this was a great job, and it was easy to see that you had fun with this one. I also thank you sincerely for your fine contributions to my entertainment. PS- It DID sound like a pretty cool truck!

@ The bitch used the cheating for hire an assasin. Calculating cold hearted......

The husband was a calculating bastard too........

Very good twist.

and deserved to die.....he should have survived and got away with it.....

I know, I'm a real sick puppy but I truly relish these twisted tales of tail.

Let's see, there is that old truism: Justice is what I do to you. Injustice is what you do to me!

Or, how about that old Western song: "The Code of the West is as follows. Do unto others and do it before they do it unto you!"

It seems that you are totally incapable to EVER just let a guy win, aren't you? Your male characters ALWAYS have to lose, even when they gain a victory.

there is always a story connected to it, TK U MLJ LV NV

Wow. Great story. I liked the ending too. Nice to see a story with justice on BOTH sides. Many people aren't going to like the fact that the husband died. Most people won't see that as justice. But he did kill her, so he deserved it as much as she did. Yes, she cheated and plotted his murder. He could have just divorced her. Sure, he would have to give her half of everything, but he'd still be alive to be angry about it.

I believe that Karma would have caught up with her. It wouldn't have been as instantaneous as killing her, but if he simply walked away and lived his life, he could have moved on. With her spending habits and lack of ability to make money, she would have been broke in a couple of years. Poverty is a mentality, not just a social status. People with a poor mentality will always be poor. That's why you see people who win the lottery filing bankruptcy a few years later. People who know how to make money and keep money will ALWAYS have money. People who only know how to spend money will inevitably end up broke.

That is why this tale is so sad, yet it has a certain justice to it. If he simply divorced her and moved on, he would have ended up with the better end. It would have taken time, but he would have won.

Quit writing.

I wanted Darin to get away with it!

a story full of idiots. yes, the "kid" was only 25 while his "old" lady was 32. so a whole 7 years apart. moron, if she is 20 and he is 13 then yes you good. but a 25 year old isnt a kid to a 32 year old. also if i catch my wife in a skimpy bikini around another "man" while im at work i would be pissed.a good wife doesnt put herself in that situation. why didnt his wife work she is only 32.also, if he knew something wasnt right why didnt he look into it. no he didnt care because his wife was great in the bedroom. just another story about an idiot clueless husband who has his head up his ass.

dont realy like a story full of losers so it does not rank high for me

I liked it! 5*

The rest of us liked it, which is a minority of the commenters in this cat nowadays.

This story popped up on the Random Story listing this morning and I loved it. Great ending (no - he didn't have to kill them both to protect himself - he had them plotting his murder on tape, so karma is a bitch.)

Great read - thanks (and thank your wife for making it better).

No loose ends left. They're all dead. I didn't want Darin to die as he was the aggrieved party. The cheating bitch was trying to kill him, so she and her slimeball lover deserved to go down hard. Great story though.

Otherwise punishment fit crime save money on courts

Real karma I guess. I would've liked to see Darin get by with it. It was really the wife that deserved it.

A clean.slate, as they.took each other out. I hope the cheaters at least suffered a little more than Darin when they bought it.

I liked it! While satisfying, he didn't need to kill them. He could have turned them in and divorced her, but I guess he didn't want to risk splitting his savings in a divorce? Nice little morality play.