All Comments on 'One Hundred and Fifty Five Miles'

Enjoyed very much but an editor should have gone through it and taken care of some of the grammatical errors. Keep writing, magmaman.

The only thing missing is some revenge on Dan's ex boyfriend.

I liked this story, a little quirky to be sure but still a good read. Thanks for writing.

I hope that there is a chapter 2 with full revenge on Harmon White. He deserves to have his balls stuffed down his throat along with his dick. The only real loser here is Dana. She was trying to do the right thing and got the short end of the stick.

Very well-written and original story. If I have any complaints, it's only that it may be a tad bit too brief. After all, I can't imagine the emotional anguish the children felt originally and the complex emotions when he discovered Dana was dead and the woman was actually Sally. These all seemed to be all too briefly explained, as a result of which the emotional impact was deadened.

All told, though, imaginative, original, and well done!

what a silly story, really you should write science fiction. What did this woman have no friends ,no family and his wife did she have no friends, no family. Just plain stupid that is what this author has reached in his attempt to be different.

While there are some plot holes we have to remember that this is a 3 page story, not a 30 page opus in which every loose end is perfectly knotted and tied off. 155... was creative and imaginative and very nicely put together.

Yes, thank you! I DO write science fiction, I even sell it. Shorts, we call them, for pulps. I don't get rich at that stuff but I did sell a few grand worth last year.

I also write romance, adventure, and technical service pieces for the automotive industry. One really fun one was the classroom pieces I did for a local Massage Therapy college instructor in Beaverton last month.

I got paid for that one, too!

Hell, I will write about anything, if it's something I know nothing about, there is Google.

For here? I just write for fun. I really do write for ME, anyway.

Now I like to try to be different, and most of my work will be way less than erotic. So when your pants are unzipped and you are waiting for someone to bend over their mother or show off their 40DD knockers and 14" long dicks...?

You got the wrong writer...LOL.

MGM

Not what I expected; but definately worth the read.

but surprisingly sweet, at the end. Can one imagine the husband behaving like that? I don't know, but maybe...given all he had lost, and all the energy and emotion he had put into helping his wife recover...

Fascinating and original idea--thanks, ohio

But very good. I enjoyed it very much.

the killer for me... what when author wrote that Dana's Mother KNEW early on that this woman was not DANA and that she had accepted this other woman... Sally... as her own daughter " magically"...

i busted out laughing.

There is science fiction and then there is Bullshit ...

there are other portions of this take that are hard to believe... but that one takes the case.

Write a story for us, please.

We are all waiting..lol

MGM

A story about survival, and the human spirit and the ability to "go on" when most hope is lost. I liked it.

I too realized what was going down early on and really enjoyed listening to the husband's thoughts. One does not have to believe that they could get away with this in order to appreciate your idea. Thank you MGM

a body in a horrible car wreck can not be immediatley identified (for mis-identifcation to possible take place, even if for a short time): and that's if the car burst into flame and all the occupants are burnt to crisp, leaving only mostly bones behind. But even then, the coroner, before they pronounce any definite thing, will have done dental and other DNA testings. <p>

for the husband to have to wait, for many weeks or months, until he saw how the nipples on his "new" wife are so pinkish and small, compared to Dana, who had very big and dark nipples.... that's a bit hilarious, really.... <p>

the story would actually have been more creative, more interesting, HAD IT BEEN A CASE where both "Dana" and the grieving husband ACTIVELY conspire to fool the world ONCE they knew what's going on, and NOT waiting for months to do it, like told here, which, supposedly came to pass only or mostly because the woman/Dana was supposed to be in a coma for a long time. It doesn't matter. The kids knew right away; the mother in law knew right away... so the story as told here is NOT very creative, original, and believable. <p>

but, again, had it been a conscious decision from the get go, once Sally/Dana woke up from her coma, and the husband immediately concur with her... it would have been more odd and yet more believable... since people in desperate and tragic circumstances can really do weird things... and both the husband and Sally have reasons to want to be together, although they HAD never talked about it, indeed, never even knew one another well... only the dead real wife/Dana and Sally were best friends... but again Sally's own husband had been cheating on her, just like her dead friend HAD been cheaint on the HUSBAND/HERO of the story,,, <p>

so Sally, feeling guilty for her having helped her friends cheat/cover it up,,, Sally could, in an aweful way, have wanted to metamorphose into her dead and cheating friend, to love the man who was good and loving, unknowingly toward Dana, and his kids, one of whom even Dana confessed to Sally COULD have been her lover's, not her husband's... But, again, ultimately the horrible mis-ID was just too much of a problem. In the 1950s, yes, it's next to impossible to easily do DNA/dental analysis... but not in the 1990s or 2010... NO MATTER how badly mangled or even crisply burnt the bodies are... so that angle just didn't work very well... and so when you added the husband's having to wait to see Sally/Dana's wrong nipple shade to confirm his doubt... it's a bit too silly to be believable... <p>

it's not bad; it just did NOT work as a plot device/concept...

Yes you Harry but you are not alone.<P>

Short story fiction cannot always be built on absolutes and scrubbed as clean as some would unreasonably expect. Many short stories lean more heavily on literary license because muti - chapters don't always fly well here.<P>

Perhaps the expectation is akin to critiquing a novel of John Grisham whose group of 13 editors failed to be clear or credible which given the time, size of the material, amount of people involved is a reasonable expectation.<P>

But not here - I mean please - be thankful for this Author and those like him who given reasonable parameters try to be innovative and credible while avoiding the absurdities often found here.<P>

Nice work Author - you are looked forward to and try to suffer through the unreasonable expectations of the few.

I really enjoyed reading this story. There was nothing at all to dislike in it, and the outcome demonstrates that despite tragedy life goes on and we (humans) are able to adjust and accept.

I enjoyed the story. Thank you very much for the effort. I am here for that enjoyment, not to pick holes where I can or to analyse a story to death. I can speak with some authority an the accuracy of dental records. I was once asked to compare xrays of an older patient to those of a "floater" in a local river. The police declared that floater as my ex patient even though their xray film showed a wisdom tooth that I had removed years ago. Didn't even listen to me. Authority is not always correct.

....that's my department. BUT, Harry is correct to say that there are glaring points of disbelievability (not really a word, is it.) Another one would be that hubby had never met the husband of his wife's best oldest friend? And they live in the same state? Regardless of that, I was still grateful for your effort at revising the age old man in the mask switch plot, Dumas and Cervante probably the first I know of.(Sorry Ohio but you gotta search much deeper to find truly original plots.)-BUT NO! You destroy the best aspect of this story (the ethical conundrum raised by his "taking" Jack's wife), which you wash over by the convenient insertion of Jack's infidelity and pending divorce.Still a great read, great Idea but oh, it could have soared.

....you are joking right? This medium is exactly the place where artistic license should not be heavily relied on. This is a genre best enjoyed if believable. Otherwise it is a comic book.

It is fiction, for Christs-sake! So what, if it is a bit improbable? It was a damned good story. Personally, I enjoyed it and my only regret is that it was not much longer.

I’ve enjoyed your writing for some time. For the many hours of enjoyment you’ve given me, I thank you. As for this story, I found it to be quite thought provoking and enjoyable though it made me somewhat uncomfortable.

In late June I read “Tribute Tales: In Memoriam” by SirThopas. Both your story and his offer different perspectives on the practice of deception. Both stories involve two couples, and both involve a woman assuming another’s identity. In ‘Tribute Tales’ two of the participants were twin sisters and one dies assuming the life of the other.

In that story, the dead woman’s husband is deceived by his wife and her lover. We come to see his pain and his anguish at learning of his wife’s deception. He thought for years that she was dead when in fact she was enjoying her life with her brother-in-law (who was her lover). This is often how deceit is viewed, from the perspective of the deceived. The ending of that story was one of the best I’ve ever read.

In your story the two women are as close as sisters and we see the deception as practiced by the deceivers through the eyes of the deceivers. This is a rarely explored perspective.

Your characters are happy to deceive a wayward husband. So what if the husband grieved, we learned earlier that his wife was going to leave him anyway. As an observer I should see that that husband should be placated by the insurance money obtained. So what if the money was obtained by fraud.

Everybody is happy at the end. The children have a new sister and a new mother. Even the wife’s mother is fine with this secret. So why am I uncomfortable?

Could it be that this secret, this lie, is of such a magnitude that the underlying ethical framework of each character is brought into question? What else are they likely to lie about if it pleases them? Since we know that the ends justifies the means with them, to what extent will they go?

Certainly there are secrets that we take to our graves. And sometimes those are the secrets that spare people harm or provide protection for their lives. However, the secret in this story is just utterly selfish.

I’m reminded of a line somewhere about the “path to hell”. These characters have found that path.

I am rarely disappointed in your stories and this is one of your better ones.

The situation is tragic and complex and the characters deal with it in the only ways they can find . . . and still keep themselves together.

Well done.

"never met the husband of his wife's best oldest friend?" Hey, it happens. I've never even seen a photo of my ex's husband let alone met the guy in the 10 years they've been together. But I've gotten together with her several times over the years, socially speaking, and seen her daughter. Never him though. But I know he's there, cause she talks about him and has his kid.

And to the "Silly" nony, the friends and coworkers loss of recognition can be explained away (mostly) with the amnesia and disfigurement.

Interesting story story magmaman. Thanks.

Not a too bad story, but a lot of problems could have been avoided with a DNA test as soon as doubt came up. Fantasy OK, but keep to reality.

But ole Herman would have had a very serious accident, but thats just me, thanks.

I admit I do enjoy the comments, and even more enjoyable is that the opinions are all over the map.

One thing I might mention is that nearly every story I have ever written here has some foundation in truth. I got the basic idea from a tragedy, a local young woman was lost in an accident. Unrecognizable, identified and nearly buried.

A mother thought for five long days that her daughter was dead, until the daughter arrived from a trip not knowing one morning in a taxicab. On the very morning of the funeral.

I wanted to write that scenario, can you imagine the flood of emotions those two endured?

Some would say instantly that the daughter would have called her mother, let her know of her trip. Or called to say she was arriving. Oh, really?

Have any of you gone five days without calling your Mother? This one happened, a Mother very nearly buried someone else's child.

The woman lost was a supposed close friend, borrowing and driving the other's vehicle. Dodging collectors, she had stolen the other woman's identity.

Not a friend in truth having done that of course, but that happened.

DNA? Dental records? Nope, just assumptions and a government with nearly zero capital for expensive tests. A vehicle, a purse, an assumption, simple as that. False identification in hand, accepted by officials anyway.

Assumptions, some say, are the very first step up a ladder to a screwup.

Then there is my niece's husband, a State policeman. They live less than 80 miles away, I see her now and then, I have never met the man in almost a decade. But then few come to see me except for family, I suspect my situation causes some discomfort. I have spoken with him on my head phone is all. I know the man only as a voice.

I have a brother, he has a new wife. In three years, I have never met her, or even spoken on the phone. I have seen my brother. Twice in three years.

Could people really do what these characters did? Under trauma, grief, hope? I think so. I really do think so. Sometimes an odd path feels easier? Like being stricken with an ailment, with signs obvious?

So many then choose denial. Truth can be painful, denial can offer hope.

Could they then get away with that? Over time, I wonder? Could they then love? Yes, I think so. Love is easier than pain. Can a new love replace the earlier?

Perhaps. Perhaps not. We shall see. I still write.

The comments make me think, some of them can make what I do better, perhaps?

Opinions. All over the map. It appears I did my job. And Harry? Yes, he gets to me. He normally makes me laugh, I like his take on life. And Pete? Usually you get it?

You aren't slipping on me now, are you? LoL

MGM

...In all honesty, look at the two examples you gave me and tell me with a straight face they are comparable to a wifes's "best friend" whom she gets together with often. Not twice in three years(MGM) or the hubbie of an ex(closet)-(who would WANT to know him????).Nope my point stands. I am trying to tone down the anger which is now possible due to the current crop of organics available but when I run out I'll probably make Harry look positively civil!

This was a different take. I liked the story and the plot development. I wish there had been more on the discovery process of Dana/Sally. Seeing him slowly come to the realization that it wasn't his wife. But that is just me. Thanks for the good read.

Masterful rendition of an old story........well done, very well done.

of the willing suspension of disbelief and this story is believable. Set it back in 1978 or 1965 when DNA testing wasn't done, damage her dental work and most of the nit-picks get handled. Add some other minor edits and it works, still pointing to the moral dilemmas each of the cast had to deal with. As an author I'd have been very tempted to add something about the demanding asshole who prompted the trip in the first place. I would have named him Earl and had the Dixie Chicks playing in the background as they gave Earl everything he deserved. I enjoyed the read. Thanks.

April 26, 2006. The driver of a semi-tractor trailer fell asleep and collided with a van load of students and employees from Taylor University. Five people were killed instantly, and one young woman found to be barely breathing, was rushed to the hospital. To make a long story short she was identified as Laura Van Ryn. Weeks later after she awoke from her coma and began therapy the badly injured girl was discovered to be Whitney Cerak, another student and passenger who had been reported killed and buried by her parents. Read the book. It happened. Certainly the time frame before discovery was not as long as this story but things like this DO happen.

interesting idea but sorry i cant buy this / you dont recognise your wife or her best friend for months on end / my wife has an identical twin and i have no problem telling them apart / voices / just plain feelings / then after all this everybody gets on with their lives !!!! / a big stretch of poetic licence

That would have been a good twist for an ending.

The mother knowing that the woman in the hospital was the child that she gave up for adoption years ago.

Thanks for the good story

A rather unusual twist to the story, but interesting nonetheless. Although many commentors deny something like this could happen, I believe misidentification of relatives has happened before, and will probably happen again. Keep up the good work.

First, I don't know if I liked the story or the comments best!

I have a "rule" with stories / movies: If you can fool me while I am reading / watching and don't come up with the "error" until later, you did well. So, using my "rule", you did well until the end where it all fell apart.

The mother bit was too rushed, I couldn't buy it without a great deal more build up. Why would a mother accept a substitute? It just was so contrary to normal human relations. In fact, I would have just left it out.

The reason the switch was believable was that there were no clues, but then you give them at the end, after the fact. I felt like you cheated us there. Why didn't he express his thoughts, especially, about the rings. A simple finger print test would have solved it.

Also, the Vegas part was weird. How could he marry Sally since she was dead and he was still married to Dana? How could Sally legally change her name if she were dead?

Lastly, why did you bring up Niki's orientation? At first, it seemed an easy way to rule her out as a possible romantic interest. Later, it was as if you had a list of things PC that had to be included no matter what.

I still rate this story a full 5 stars.

Thanks for writing. I guess you could ask me where my stories are, but apparently like Harry, I don't have any. I did try but those who proofed it found it very trying.

-Ttom

Nikki just seems to pop up like we are supposed to know who she is. What am I missing here?

to another story... almost exactly the same, I believe involving a car crash; but not misplaced identity, as the lover (her boss, I think) was in the car with her. I think it's on Lit, and the ending involved the husband cursing his wife to death, I think. If it's one of your stories, I apologise, haha, but I can't think for the life of me what it was called!

To answer his (the protagonist's) question: whether it's right or not, it's definitely not wrong what they did. Who are they supposed to answer to? God? Well they did get married...

fascinating comments, and absolutely brilliant to have the author joining the debate.

My twopennorth; (English expression for a minor contribution) is that of course it's ridiculous, but so what? It's a story that grabs. I bet everyone reads to the very end, even Harry.

Of all the comments only one picked up on the major error for me. VOICE. Lots of bandages, scarring and plastic surgery would hide appearance but any man would recognise his wife's voice instantly, and conversely, recognise that it's not her voice.

I repeat, so what? It's a top story!

Well believable. Very enjoyable read.

Normally I give stories, except for fantasy, science fiction, ect., that not possible 1*. However, I decided this story, original and well written, deserved a much higher rating so I rated it 4****s.

This is a very uncomfortable and morally ambiguous story. That isn't to say I didn't enjoy it. I did...I think. I am mostly sitting here thinking hard about it. What exactly would I do?

This is an excellent story you have to read to understand. Maybe it could happen in an alternate universe but not in this one. Well written but impossible.

Notice I gave nothing away about the plot. Get your own info.

HA Ha ha

Is it a just outcome??

WTF is justice anyway - they are happy - Jack got off better than he should have - nothing can bring the real Dana back - everyone would suffer from the truth - no one deliberately mislead or misinformed any one -

Hmm waht do you do - what DO you do?? I am ok with their choice lol Nice one

Now I've wound up in some clusterfucks that would just raise the hair on the back of your neck during my life. But this one is over the top. Great story!

out fucking standing! 5

Thank you, insomnia. This was an outstanding story. So original, and uplifting, despite tragedy. Also, a slow build-up mystery element. I just loved it.

As the saying goes, :Love conquers all." In this tale that was the outcome.

His wife had an affair he smiles and says ok

The woman he is living with feeds him this info and he just accepts it

The guy was trying to blackmail his wife, supposedly, and is the cause of her death and he does nothing

He can find no contact with Harmon at all but supposedly he has be stalking her and threatening her, get real

This has to be the most gullible man in the world, and until proven otherwise his wife and her friend were on the way to get some strange.

Thousands of comments from that cockless loser, now making more than one per story? Get a fucking life kiddo, and move out of mommy and daddy's basement.

in the Phoenix Saga. TK U MLJ LV NV

There is no limit to the potential negative outcomes. Man has some serious issues that Sally better pray never comes forward.

Gave you a 4.

Ouch! Thank you.

I get taking care of an injured wife. I get being so distraught that you don't know it's not her. I don't get not unloading this wreck when you find out it is not her. No need for anger at the dead wife - that's over, no messy divorce - sweet! Why keep the invalid? You don't have a relationship with her. You don't even really know her, so why? There are a lot of other fish in the sea, with a lot less damage. You talk about moving on, this wasn't moving on it was perversion. Dump the co-conspirator and really move on! Besides, they would have verified with DNA if nothing else!

As are all your stories but it makes no sense.

That one was a surprise just a pity his real wife didn't trust him and tell what was going on.....he should have and kicked seven colours of shit out of that guy.

I can live with the mix up.....they love each other and the family is happy especially with the new child....I can live with the fact only close family know about the mix up....

This story was deep. There was also practical simplicity in the logic. It really worked out in the end with a win-win strategy to a very tragic serif circumstances. Very somber serious stuff. This author did a wonderful job. Thank you!

Unique fascinating plot. Very well done.5*

Tough to find something different to use as a story line but you did a great job. Well done.

I can't believe the praise for this crap story. It's like nobody ever heard of finger prints or DNA. Why wait a year before looking at her body to easily identify her? Having her conveniently take her rings off for no reason, since she didn't intend to cheat, just because the story plot needed to confuse identities, is deus ex machina at its most obvious. I give authors some lee way, but this story is just nonsense. One star.

Wow! This time it was different for me. How strong is denial? How desperate is can a husband with motherless child be? Still, I prefer the truth. I do not like denial, or procrastination, and of course cheating. I think I would rather have had the life insurance and a chance to start again without the baggage of living with the busted up friend of my dead cheating wife. The friend that didn't encourage her to come clean, but rather to go on a ill conceived attack on a blackmailer. Still a thought provoking story, more than most. I enjoyed reading it!

'Nuff said!

I don't often give 4 stars but this was an intriguing story.

Well done!

I still had to give it five stars. In the face of horrible tragedy, people see what they need to see and do what they need to do. As a surgeon, I have seen this too many times. Your story felt uncomfortable. It is an excellent rendering of an awful might-have-been. Only quibble is that it turned out well for everyone (except poor Dana, of course). No cosmic balance for friend Harmon?

Different and fascinating

There was no retribution toward Harmon White for his blackmail/ extortion scheme that led to the real Dana's death. He really needs to feel some pain over it, lots of pain.

It was nice that the two found happiness.

Sad that Dana died trying to hide a lie from one mistake.

But too many holes for the outcome to be probable.

The only reason to think she was Dana was the name on the car rental and being in the driver seat.

There may have been bruising and damage but they had fingerprinting (match to objects at home or in the purse), dental records, blood types, past medical conditions, allergies, scars, birth marks, eye color, vision tests, and more. The cosmetic surgeon would have struggled trying to reconstruct the face if the under bone structure didn't match the features. If he can get DNA confirmation of paternity, they could have obtained identification.

Then there were the missing items: The stun gun and the $2,000. (bank records of that much would be noticed)

A final negative for me is the reason she had to be there and the jerk blackmailing her. There should have been consequences for him.

I think well written with an interesting twist. I do like your stuff. Wish I could write as well!

Oh well, nice read, total fantasy, No blood tests in the North West? Harmon got off scott free? He would have met an ugly end in my world.

Interesting twist and a great read!

I like weird, especially when it is entertaining. 5*

Original(?) story. At lesst I haven’t seen it before.

4-stars

Kind of insane too

Enjoyable with clever twist. Like a previous commenter, an original storyline.

Different but nice 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Great story, you read a lot of stories and a lot of them follow certain normal flow's. This one has a lot of twist and turns so when you think you con predict the outcome it shoots off in another direction. Loved it 5 stars.

That one was way out of left field, and I liked it a lot. It’s good to see something original here occasionally.

I actually really liked it. It started out along the lines of a typical cheating wife story and ended up more along the lines of something you'd see in the original Twilight Zone series. Sure, it had plot holes the size of a truck in it what with dental records and fingerprinting and blood tests and the like but it didn't really matter. I ignored my scientific side and just enjoyed the ride. There was just something so interesting about him falling in love with his wife's best friend looking like his wife. At first I was disturbed with his insistence in calling her Dana, telling her that's who she was now, but she actually liked it. She wanted to be Dana, to be married to him and mother his children. It was weird and kind of disturbing yet wonderful. Very good story.

Enjoyed

Yes, she was a cheater, but she had regret and tried to make it right. He wound up happy. The new wife was happy. The kids were happy. That's a happy ending all around.

I love this. They built a life of love together after a tragedy. Acquaintances trusted together by forces beyond their control and through it all they fell hopelessly in love. This was excellent. I would have rather the real Dana not have cheated. That harms the story. It would have been better if he was attempting to just blackmail her and the two friends were going to deal with it.

You know sometimes a story can have more than enough conflict and tension without resorting to trope. Still, this was sweet and lovely.

Once again you have changed a sows ear to a silk purse. Great story.

Wow that was different, very good. Thanks

The prose flows and a very creative plot. I do wish authors here wouldn't feel the need to virtue signal by gratuitously writing in lesbian/homosexual characters. Nikki's "lesbianism" added nothing to the story.

Unbelievable

But in this day and age, you never know what is real and what is not. By the way, this is not.

Still a great tale to read.

Nope. Sorry. Not plausible at all.

If the two women had the same blood type, the story might be plausible, since they generally resembled each other and if there was enough damage to the passenger to make identification difficult. Would the police assume Dana was driving since she rented the vehicle? The passenger may have been too mutilated for the coroner to identify, but then there's DNA, but would they do that? Would anybody bother to fingerprint the surviving passenger if they already thought they knew who it was? It might take someone with intimate knowledge of the details of the survivor's body in order to tell the difference, just like it happened in the story. I don't know enough about police, coroner, or hospital procedures to say this story is implausible. What I do know is the story was a good read and I enjoyed it.

On the lw website there is so much crap. Once in awhile, you get a talented author writing a unique story that has never been told before, such as this one. Congratulations, it had me spellbound until the very last sentence. This could be expanded and written for a screenplay or into a novel.

Creative. Different. Entertaining. Thank you.

Ed

A story outside of the normal lines people live by. I liked it, and certainly agree that when you're so far outside of the lines, then the lines don't apply, and only what is right for you is the only thing that matters. Well done.

For those saying implausible this has happened before.

That's a fun story! It runs the full range of emotions. I do think there is one bug - how could she hide her true voice? Odds are they didn't sound the same before the accident. Still, who cares? It's a great story.

Great story. Blood type?

Wonderful story, very creative. Thanks for sharing.

3 stars - at least the husband got the best part of that mix up. The part that did not make sense is that Dana 1 had already kicked the crap out of the asshole that first time, so why would she be even remotely worried about blackmail?

Well done! 5*****

The only thing missing was him going to piss on his wife's grave. Even though he was better off without her, a good piss on real wifey's grave was deserved.