One Hundred and Fifty Five Miles

Sometimes I feel like I miss Dana, then I feel like I still have her.

I know. That sounds strange, trust me when I say it feels strange, also. But it gets to be less all the time.

Dana's Mother knows, and she accepts her new daughter completely. She told me once that she knew from the very first day, and never let on.

I am not completely sure of that.

I suppose in truth I think I knew myself almost instantly, I just would not let myself accept it.

But I am not completely sure of that, either.

They told me the woman in that hospital bed was my Dana and that is what I wanted so desperately that I accepted that.

All of the little signs, the hints? I just ignored them.

Her Mother never let on because she couldn't.

That by itself is strange, but I suppose a substitute daughter is better than none? The real truth is that Dana IS her daughter, I do not know the why of that, it just is.

Maybe, just maybe we are all insane? But then who in this world really is sane?

Now, after more than a half dozen years, Dana really is her Mother's daughter, they have total acceptance and a bond. With her own parents long dead, it gives Dana a foundation to hang on to.

Plus the kids, of course. And me.

Every single person that knew Dana before looks at her, and she is Dana. Were we to ever tell any of them the story, they would not believe it.

The truth? We keep that to ourselves, it is our secret and always will be.

Our life together is good, sweet. We are hopelessly in love. We are not even living in sin, we took a little trip to Reno. Even her name is now completely legal, we saw to that, too.

Jack Bittler? He remarried, to the same woman that he had had a long term thing going on, on the side. Dana knew about that, and she told me they had fought about it.

She had plans to divorce him, she was fed up.

Crazy things happen and are said in our crazy relationship, in the blur of former lives that sometimes gets mixed up into a blend with now.

My wife, fighting with her former husband about his affair? Planning on leaving him, divorce?

Yet she has always been married to me, that is what it feels like most of the time.

So Jack? He is happy, especially since he collected the hundred thousand dollars in insurance he had on his wife Sally.

Our two kids, now three with little Mike with the head full of dark black hair, they are happy.

The only ones unhappy are those at the company Dana used to work for, she never went back. They still call from time to time, asking, she always tells them no.

Once when they called she grinned at me.

"I wouldn't have a clue." She said, I just laughed.

Our Nikki? She is still here, she did go into Portland and married her girlfriend when some official simply declared that they could. There was quite a fuss about all of that in the press right after, so I am not sure that worked out to be completely legal for them but who gives a damn?

Our kids love her, they love Mary too.

There really is a point in life where there is no way back.

The only thing to do then, is move ahead.