All Comments on 'One in Ten Ch. 04'

Exciting storyline

When does the next chapter appear?

I can hardly wait.

You are a truly gifted writer. It is rare that I am really captivated by a story, but this is most definitely a captivating story. I can't wait for more chapters!

I am really enjoying this story. It is one of the most creative ideas I have seen on here ever and one of the few that could be packaged into a novel .with some extra editing once it is done to be sold on Amazon or any of the other electronic book sites.

What has me worried is we clearly have a lot of story left and so many of the good stories on this site go for a number of chapters and then just stop never finished. This story deserves to be completed. I would hate to see it end up in limbo.

I can say that Chapter 5 comes out tomorrow (3/28/14). Chapter 6 is 8756 words as of this posting and growing. I can not promise I will finish this story. If I could make that promise, there would be a half-dozen stores NOT sitting in my cue begging completion. I am not the author I wish I could be and I do a disservice to my readers when I leave things unfinished. I feel bad about it, but I have to muddle on as best I can.

I can say this much about One in Ten. It was supposed to be a stand alone story. I left it to the readers to decide what happened next. It was supposed to make people think a little differently and it was fun to write. Then I began getting requests about what came next. I gave it some thought and this has become one of me most extensive stories I've written for Literotica. It is not just the number of chapters, but the length of those chapters. I think I've only written more for CCSC and that's saying something. I'll keep at it for as long as I can. Keep the Feedback coming - it helps.

This site is awesome but limited in reach. I truly suggest you post this to some of the bigger non-erotic sites like lightspeed magazine or other sci-fi publishers. I've been a fan of this site forever and yours since starting this series. This is the first time I've felt compelled to post. This series is as good as if not better than the writers on light speed, et all. Good luck and keep writing!!!

Love this story, it broaches a mostly unused section of philosophy that forces you to think. Though i can say I'm not happy about chapter four more specifically the cliff hanger could you have possibly made a bigger one!!!

And I love it. Reading this story has expanded my insight. And again, it scares me, or maybe the new insight does. Keep up the good work.

I do enjoy thinking while reading. A novel idea I think.

As much as I think women (or men) would be more of the self preserving in the broad scale, I think the balcony conversation with Delilah is more accurate than I fear.

If you think one of your stories is dieing on the vine, find out of another writer will give it a shot? FinishTheDamnStory seems to only tackle those kind.

Val

waiting for more.....

can´t await your next chapter.

i´ve been reading sf for about 50 years and your Story is equal to the best.

thank you so much

pikejohn

If I was him honestly I think I'd take the help in vanishing, especially considering how well he's been treated. Hmmm wonder if this is how other men have vanished.

Your idea to get people to think in this story is getting very high marks in my books!! I do wish there was a bit more detail in the sex scenes, but that's small potatoes in the larger scale of this story. Here's a question that hopefully will be answered in the next chapter or two... If Israel chooses to 'vanish', will Angel go with him or will others go with him? Keep up the great work and I hope to be able to read this story to the end!!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. Normally I can figure out what is going to happen in a story but you have me on the edge of my seat stumped as all hell. The story is so dark yet it has such beautiful and bright moments that I can't even guess whether the ending will be a good or semi-good, bad or horrible, (even though sometimes it seems like things can't get worse for Israel but they keep getting darker and darker but he still latches onto sanity) or if its going to be an open ending for the fans to figure out. I am enthralled by your story and I can't wait for the next installment.

As always you kicked ass on this chapter. Keep up the great work! The cliff hangers are awesome. You suck for making 6 pages go by quickly. Write more damn it!

As always, your fan,

Freznel

goes double for me,,,, this is a great story... please give us more

and I have been reading the stuff for 65 years! This is quite marketable.

We have a saying which translates as, "If you run the beast catches you and if you stand there it will eat you". That certainly describes the situation of the protagonist as he has pointed out several times. Really a well constructed world worth reflecting on.

You didn't take my advice - your characters never simply talk, but hey, thats your style. Still I can't give you less than 5 stars.

Cheers

In a male dominated society; but the message I'm getting is the danger of our out of control government and the police state that lets them get away with it.

The story was great, as is usual for FS. That has to merit 5 stars.

The "but" comes from some of the language used. Calling anyone a "spaz" is just unworthy of a good author. It literally turns my stomach. the term is derived from spastic but here is used as abuse. In some countries, its use would be a hate crime.

Since I write most of my work from a Point of View (POV) character and I write few people as perfect, or nearly perfect, I have them say and do stupid and insensitive things ... because that feels 'real' even if ... and especially if, it adds to the realism. Is calling someone a 'spaz' wrong? Yes, it is. My RL Son has ADHD and his gets pretty spontaneous when he's not on his meds - like when he's on vacation, or its a snow day (like today). He feels the meds 'cloud' him a bit, so I let him do without. Does this make him a 'Spaz'? No. It means he gets loud and a bit wild and I would be insulted if someone hurt him that way. Still, I live in an imperfect world where such things can happen ... and I feel compelled to write my worlds with a touch of that ugly realism. I apologize for offending you. I do. I still believe that 'keeping the ugly' in the stories, if not used abusively' adds to the texture of the tale and provides another 'hook' to invest them in Israel's plight because they can go "if only ..." these events transpire. James aka FinalStand

Spaz is offensive? New to me. Also just learned "cunt" is used as a term of endearment in New Zealand and UK. Context, context. The world can't be responsible for hyper-sensitivity with no balance of reason, so it is adapt or die of anxiety because you can't change the universe.

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I accept in full your argument.

Strangely perhaps, we have very similar POVs in that we both have autistic spectrum sons. Mine is a bit further along this path (he is in his forties) and needs full time residential care. But that comes without cost where I live.

Thanks for the stories, particularly this one, New Hire and the latest, Ebb Tide. They seem to have a new maturity. I am lost in wonder and admiration. 5-Star stuff all the way.

In this world men are a valuable commodity. The discrimination (and to a certain extent the sexual harassment) makes perfect sense, but not the abuse. Men would be treated as valuable collector items, not sodomized by multiple women at a time.

I cannot claim to fully appreciate the plight of the hopelessness of not having a choice. Nor can I put myself in the mind-set of an unthinking oppressor. But I can try to understand at least as much as possible. However much or little that might be.

I think you are not realizing the purpose of the sodomy. If a man isn't interested in sex, prostate stimulation can force both erection and ejaculations. Easiest way to do that is through the rectum.

If a woman wants to rape a man, she may need to do that to get what she wants. It is also a unpleasant solution to refractory period, say if 40 women each want a shot at one guy in a short, e.g. 72 hour, period.

Both my sisters were raped. One of my former roommates was raped by his older brothers when he was in his teens.

This story hits hard man.

To put it in the perspective you have, Fucking brilliant. I hope this story touches at least one mind and makes them think about how they treat other people.

Fuck...I'm not able to articulate what I'm trying to get across to my satisfaction.

TL;DR, I think I know what you're trying to say here, and I support it. Con mucho gusto

That is both very horrific ... and thank you.

One in Ten took a lot out of me to write as I channeled many of the real life stories friends and lovers have shared with me over the years into Israel. I've never been the victim of rape yet I see it as a wound which never truly goes away. Rape is magnified in its damage when we ignore it, disbelieve it, or are indifferent to those who have suffered through it.

All too often it is ... 'who do you tell?' 'Who can you trust with this and can you bare to see them seeing you differently afterwards?'

I don't want to recall all the times people told me the wondered if it was somehow their fault this happened to them as well ... yet that is another problem I've seen.

We don't like to see people we know as rapists and are too often willing to make excuses for them ... or for ourselves.

We don't like to think we see victims of rape differently, but too often we do.

Sure, there is a whole genre devoted to "I raped her and he/she loved it". In reality there are a whole legion of people who were raped and never have 'gotten over it'. Many never tell a soul, ashamed of what they were subjected to ... or, they end up telling total strangers such as myself. You are far more likely to be raped by a person you know and have some level of trust toward than a random stranger. We know to be wary around strangers, but around 'friends' we allow into our homes?

Again, I wrote the original chapter of One in Ten as a 'one-off' to get it out of my system. Some readers urged me to continue the tale, so I have. I had to take a (LONG) break, but have picked it back up again recently and hope to concluded it one day.

Thank you for your comments and take care,

James aka FinalStand

In 1975, author A.E. van Vogt came out with the novel Renaissance, which was similar to your One in Ten series, with the women in charge. The much reduced male population in your story is the original twist in your dark tale. This puts you in very good company, congrats!

... did you mean The Man of Two Worlds (1951) by Raymond F. Jones ~ also known as The End of Silence? In foreign translations it also went by the title Renaissance. Vogt's 1974 work was The Man with a Thousand Names.

Thanks for the comment and take care,

James aka FinalStand

This is a sad story, makes you wonder about our own society, I've seen how desperate young single mothers can be. It still angers me 40 years later, cost me a job at the time for helping them. Would do it all again despite the cost. 5 stars.

Are you sure this shouldn't have been in the Horror category? ;-))

all this story shows, is how being emotional really lowers one's I.Q., one's capacity to think clearly and rationally. no this mc, isolates himself at every opportunity, he wants the fantasy and gets angry when anybody breaks open the delusion he places himself in, he is only competent in how it relates to being able to complain, honestly, if the author's resolve for this story was to somehow show what women are going through, he could not take a more sexist approach in how pathetic he makes women out to be through this male character he has riding an emotional cock to fuck himself over at every chance he gets., for sympathy points.

what's truly pathetic about this character is that he is under the flawed assumption that words speak louder than actions. that he can talk change into being, and he is too emotional to see how limp dicked his approach to his fucked-up life is. he is willfully dependent on being a victim to gain some imaginary advantage on his perceived morale ground that solely exists on the Cemetry that is his delusional imagination. honestly, I'm losing sympathy with his plight the more I read, and just awaiting his crushing, for no better reason than to hope that he comes to recognize the futility of the path he has chosen to take. his balls need to drop and activate some much-needed character growth out of the petulance the author has framed as token resistance.