All Comments on 'One in Ten Ch. 05'

I enjoyed this story. It is original and intellectually stimulating. Keep it up!

I haven't had this much fun since I read the Belgarion series, keep this going for as long as you can, I would gratefully appreciate it :)

Yours sincerely, salohcinpayne@gmail.com

When does chapter 6 appear?

5*

I am almost as frustrated as

the victim in this story with how virtually all the women in the story are incapable of understanding reasonable arguments. Changing feelings can be difficult and people can be unwilling to change, but the profound lack of understanding is disturbing and has inspired self-reflection. Good job!

Had to comment because i saw the Belgarion reference. Your writing is really interesting, thanks!

I am ANXIOUSLY waiting on each new installment. This is by far one of the best series that I have read here. Your development of the characters, as well as the plight of all involved, is incredibly well done.

Thank you for making this so enjoyable!

This tale reminds me of the Handmaiden's Tale, but what is singularly amazing is that you are even less compromising in the brutality and one-sidedness of life. Yet you've managed to personify it and exacerbate it in such a way, while crafting an engaging dystopian world. That you did it better than Margaret Atwood, is because you've enabled a male (me) to truly empathize with the plight of the minority both in gender and race (as a white male) I try to do so but what you've taught me is that I have failed gravely in doing so.

The realm of science fiction, truly great science fiction, is to tell cautionary tales of what might be so we don't fall into them. You have certainly done just that. As an author who has failed to complete every story I have set out to write, I apologize for saying that if you don't finish and publish this...you will be doing the world a great disservice. I hope you can make peace with your demons long enough to give birth to this in its completeness.

This just keeps getting betterr. I'm so glad I decided to read it

This one deserves to be super-edited and published. It is another Brave New World!

"Your cop friend Angel - she's not your friend. You wouldn't be going through this latest indignity if it wasn't for her."

Angel needs to be less of a cop and more of Israel's friend. I like Capri, Kuiko and Francesca better...

I will be astounded if this series doesn't turn out to be a tragedy (in the classical sense). Riveting. My only complaint is that there seems to be gaps, which makes it difficult to follow in places.

This is the best story (of any kind) I have ever read..... i have not beem disappointed one bit.... please keep going

Some of your stories threw me off because of sudden jumps in the story where parts are missing (probably were in the brain but not on the paper), but this one... Omg, keep it up! There might not be a happy ending in this one, but then it's the way that counts, isn't it.

Hand this over to at least a dozen of them and watch the bidding start. This is GOLD. You have your very own money printing machine with this story. Better and better and better.

I wrote earlier about how this story sticks with me and I love how much time it has been on my mind. * * * * *

I was impressed with the first two chapters. The potential was clear; the question was could you execute.

That question has been clearly answered. This is no longer erotica; this is literature now.

Please keep writing!

I love this story. The imagery is wonderful. The emotions the story brings me as a reader are a revelation. I would pay to read this novel. Thank you.

This is really, really good. I mean Really Really good! I'll have to think about things before I can comment on content...just so much there to consider. Holy cow was this good...

I thought Chapter 1 had potential when you let me read the rough draft.

I was so incredibly wrong.

This quite possibly one of the most thought provoking stories I have read in 30 years and a genuinely great read.

Thank you very much for expanding on the 1st draft into a real story!

PLEASE KEEP WRITING!!

Should this be recompiled into a purchasable format - I'd be plopping down the bucks for it as soon as I found it. This is GOOD. Totally messing with my head, but I can't help myself except to want more...

Absolutely incredible!! I'm so hooked and addicted to this series that I can't wait for the next chapter!! Keep up the great work!! I'm only very slightly disappointed with the detail of the sex scenes, but the drama, intrigue, and suspense are going to be keeping me coming back!! As another poster put it, "This is no longer erotica; this is literature now."

Just .....brilliant.......

Humanity is sinking and the musicians keep playing. This story lost touch with reality a while back but I keep forgetting to notice or care. Keep up the good work :)

Great story; read most of it in one night. Just one question has popped into my mind. Where are his goddamn parents? I don't recall reading that he was an orphan. There doesn't appear to be a government "child care" service as he was worried about the sorority sisters raising his daughters and sons. So I assume that the parents (i.e. Mother) is responsible for the raising of their offspring. What would a mother say/teach in a societal situation so grim?

To begin with, Israel mentions his Mother (no Father). She dies in his junior year in college and he uses her small insurance policy to buy out of some of his sexual obligations. He has exhausted that fund by the time the story starts.

Orphans/Wards of the State aren't really a problem - many women have little hope of children of their own so the Foster Care system is strong. The thing is, the population is aging. In Israel's world, women easily live into their mid- to late-seventies. Men live about ten years less. It wasn't stated clearly, but Delilah Fremont is rather old as she was HEADING up a research project twenty years ago.

Another character will be introduced soon. He is a co-worker of Kuiko's, another welder, who is a 67 year old male. He was quarantined, then inducted into the Navy, then quarantined again, then served two years on active duty (even a combat command) then discharged when males were removed from service. He used to ride motorcycles until they stopped issuing men motorcycle licenses because it was too dangerous. He is essentially a Man's Man in a social landscape that is alien to him. His male buddies are all long gone now. His social networks have dried up. His female friends drifted away. He is not a rallying cry for male resurgence. He is the sad relic of a world gone by - a device that has run out of replacement parts but still refuses to stop working.

Chapter 6 is done at a whopping 25,000 words - and it covers one day (Monday), but it covers a lot of ground. It possesses a descriptive sex scene that took me a day to write because I wanted to keep it true to the characters involved. As is becoming usual, it has a somewhat cliffhanger at the end. It is a more positive chapter as Israel is being proactive in his life, but the underlying sadness remains.

I must say I like your writing. I check everyday that I get on to see if you have a posting. Thank you for the talent that you share here. I look forward to more instalments of this and other stories from you. Thank you once again.

This chapter seemed to be a brighter note but it also gives me a a stronger sense of impending doom

An excellent piece of dark sci fi.

Update (4/10/14) - Chapter 6 is already with the editor and Chapter 7 is at 14,460 words and growing. This story is still going strong in my mind.

A sort of story where the intrigue holds me for a long time wondering what i would have done in his situation. Very well written, thank you for the time and effort you put into crafting a story like this , - thanks to your editor too :D

His transformation from a wimp to a raging confident maniac was a little too sharp.

5 Stars all the way.

The story so far is by far the breath of fresh air i've been waiting for in literature.....

i'm really anxious about reading more from you and this story....

keep up the great work....

please?!

^^

Freaking awesome. I need to go to bed, but I can't stop reading. This should be in a published book not just here.

when you quit trying.

Tell it like it is only means something

if someone is listening

Just wow lol

The majority of writers would sell their sainted mother to learn how to sculpt language the way you can, its simply incredible

JC

The only thing else I can say is I have, through trial and error here on this site, come to only want to put out a product I feel worthy of being read.

Thanks again,

James aka FinalStand

If you spot this amongst your hundreds of comments, thank you again.

I'm about to publish my second novel... or rather finish it, and I needed something to use to inspire my discourse. You my amazingly gifted (friend?) man, were the one I turned to.

JC

Wow! Thank you very much. High praise indeed. Best of luck on your new work. I know sometimes those last few steps out of the starting gate can be the hardest ~ always a word, or turn of the phrase, you are wondering if you could do differently.

By the way, what was the title of the first novel?

I read all comments and, when the mind cooperates, try to respond in some fashion and usually within a few days.

... and then I remembered the title of your first work (Path of the Necromancer). This will teach me to type stuff with only two and a half hours of sleep in me. Doh!

James aka FinalStand

Unbelievable story do far interesting and engrossing. More please 5 stars.