All Comments on 'One in Ten'

i love it, it seems so real and not real at the same time. i can't wait for the sequels ^-^ X3

This is a nice twist. And good writing to!

I really hope there is more to this story

Loving this great story

Could be a bit smoother, but then I mostly read experienced novelists. Actually you are better than some published authors. Keep going, you have a good topic to work with, and some talent. You've apparently put a lot of thought and work into this. Definitely looking for more. I'm also interested in reading some of your other works.

Kudos!

Good story but its a little bit too mysogonistic for my tastes. It kind of sucked out all the sexuality.

Actually, the part about what happened to him his freshman year in college has happened in real life to both genders, but more often to girls targeted by fraternities at parties with too much alcohol. He is also touching on assault in the military. I think it is good commentary on our particular brand of culture. Less misogyny, more like power and privilege corrupting whoever is dominant. You just do not hear from the men and poorer women as often when it happens. It may only be sexy to those with power-play fantasies, but I would not say the author's intent is to be misogynistic. He knows the difference, because he can describe power being abused by anyone.

I like the world building you are doing here. I like the premise. Thanks you.

Etaski has it right - this is about power, privilege and corruption. I apologize if it came off as misogynistic. That was not my intent. I wanted to tell a story about a man living with some of the discrimination that women go through (though in the extreme). I didn't want it to be femdom; the women, for the most part, don't want to control or oppress men.

To have this make some sense, I had to radically remove men from power. I did that with the plague. There was no violent overthrow of power and no conspiracy. Women didn't seize power, they received it from the hands of their dying male counterparts. Mothers, wives and daughters inherited the wealth. As male political figures died and kept dying, it made more sense to replace them with woman - who would be guaranteed to be alive next year and the year after that. Since most political systems rely on seniority, as the senior males died, the senior women replaced them. This is not male vs. female. There is no point. The males have relatively little worth taking and there are far too many women.

Also consider this: when a mother is informed that she is going to have a male child, it is a virtual death sentence that she has to deal with - her child's death. It takes twenty pregnancies to get one surviving male child (half are female and 9 out of ten males die). That's a horrible thing for parents to go through.

The Aurora Slasher and Bethany are pretty freaking horrible people. On the other hand, Kristi, Kuiko, Aniqua and Debra are pretty nice to Israel. Sure, Kristi is intrusive but I hope by the end of the story that make sense.

Also, not all men feel bad about the situation. I have not planned this to be a harem story so I didn't go there. In this story, monogamy remains a strong impulse though plural marriages are mentioned.

As far as I can tell, the only misogynistic moment Israel has when he is with Debra and mentions a man's power to ignore women to exert power over them. In my mind, women counter that by legally demanding men have sex every twenty-eight days.

This looks like an interesting tale. I do think you are skewing the society to be rather dark. There would have been many alternative means to help with procreation that did not have such devastating emotional effects on the males. IN fact, You seem to have aimed for the sweet spot of unsupportable interactions. So little power and respect that life is unbearable but just enough so that they could still find ways to end it for themselves through suicide or some other means.

It would seem more likely that the entire male population would be either drugged or institutionalized to 'protect themselves'. Your forum comment about the women at the apartment does make the situation seem less bleak. But that was not how it seemed in the story itself.

Made me think of another story about people vital to survival disappearing. If fertile men are 'Makers' then Who Is John Galt?

I thought you had a really good writing style, the characters were nicely written and felt out. I would appreciate more on this, maybe even a series. Good luck!

where the power and number has shifted in favour of females. We have seen women suffering in a man's world. Now we can see how a man survive in a women's world....

Can the men also 'review' the women?

Excellent scenario and character development. I would like to see it continued.

I cant wait to see how Israel and the women of his Complex get along. and does he and Angel find out whats happening to the other men.

Totally love how this story is building up. Can't wait forthe next one

WHERE THE *&$# IS THE REST!!!

Seriously, if you where fishing to find out if you caught something, let me tell you, you did, caught it and skinned it and everything, you just need to actually cook it...

Fckkin bookmarked!

This story is quite unique and I have to say, what a tremendous idea. I hope you go forward with this and I'm looking forward to the next!

We want more! We want more! We want more! We want more! We want more!

We want more! We want more! We want more! We want more! We want more! We want more! We want more! We want more! We want more! We want more! We want more! We want more! We want more! We want more! We want more!

I haven't looked forward to a second part of a story this much in years.

Smacking story, I hope you'll continue it, the sooner the better.

I'm waiting :-)

Welp, you hit something here, story is bookmarked, I'll be checking back waiting the next part.

women are pigs....

Brilliant idea might be nonconsent reluctance though for obvious reasons.

It is still on my mind. Weird world. Keep it up.

i tought the story was well reasoned and well written. i enjoyed it immensely.

I can't even put how powerful and beautiful this story was I really hope you continue this

I do have a question for you. It is your story and your "reality" but one question kept bothering me. If the men are so "valuable" as to restrict their freedom for fear of losing them, then why are they treated as they are by the women? I'm curious as to your thoughts on this. If China continues it's one child policy and the families keep choosing men, then it will be in the reverse situation. Too many men, not enough women. Just curious as to your thinking.

Thanks for the story and I look forward to the continuation.

would all the known rules apply, TK U MLJ LV NV

Like where this storyline is going. The gender biases et al are reminiscent of 'brother's price' by wen spencer

Hey,

I just wanted to say I think this is a fantastic story, and I look forward to seeing the next chapter. If you need any help with editing, I'd be willing to help out on a story like this.

Thanks for sharing!

... I keep coming back to your authors page on a daily basis, hoping you've posted something else.

The proofing was off a little and there are some tonal elements that need to settle, but the sheer power of the idea is amazing.

More please!

I think that "One In Ten" is very interesting. As valuable as men are in this society, there is somebody collecting them? Makes sense.

Poor Israel.

Back in the Old West, women's sexual aspects were referred to as their "commodity", and they were tightly, more tightly, controlled. It isn't something that is spoken of much. But, to offend a woman, was to put your life in your own hands. It wasn't the women who decided what the offense was, though I'm sure that they agreed, and it wasn't the women who dole out the punishments. A worldwide shortage of males would inevitably end up with multiple females/single male families, but with the man living in purdah.

Good job once again FS. Always enjoy reading your work

Very well done, FS.

I just hope it opens some people's eyes.

Part 2 went to my editor's today. It is 12,000 words, which is about a thousand less than Part 1. Part 3 is in the works and stands about 5,000 words. This story has stuck in my mind since the readership suggested a continuation. Unfortunately, little else has though I've been trying to work on installments to other series.

Final Stand, you did a great job building suspense! I usually don't comment until the end of a story but with a start this good I had to chime in. Going to read the next chapter now.

FS, I was so pleasantly surprised that you have posted a new storyline. I'll have to remember to check back more often. I am very impressed with your terrific writing skills and well rounded characters.

I was planning to wait till the end of last chapter to comment but I think a little historical perspective is due. Human societies have often faced the loss of male numbers and it has never resulted in Feminist domination.

Maybe with control of technology that might effectively change but I doubt if testosterone would be willing to surrender Patriarchy without a brutal conflict. That is going to be a serious problem for China, India, Japan, etc; that have burgeoning male demographics. I do not see how they are going to avoid fighting over the diminishing pool of Asian females.

From 1914 through 1950 with the leadership of Stalin and Hitler and their toadies, Europe lost several generations of young men. Males may share power but in no way do women dominate. The Paraguayan War severely depleted the manpower of that region but patriarchy continues. A DNA poll of Central Asia estimates that 25% of the present population are descended from the family/clan of Genghis Khan's bloodline. Cause the indigenous population was exterminated.

Following the Plagues and Crusades and other wars, Europe was left with a large excess of females with rights of inheritance. That was resolved with waves of slaughter as inconvenient women were accused of witchcraft. Before you complain that I am criticizing Catholic nations and the Holy Inquisition, that brutality also existed in full force throughout the Protestant nations. If I remember correctly the last two official executions for witchcraft were in Protestant Switzerland and Protestant Scotland?

As the British government in the 18th Century slowly reformed and modernized. Okay, very slowly. Women rights were advancing, as it was to the Crown's political and economic advantage. A carefully ignored result of the American War of Independence, was that the revolutionary legislatures of the States deposed civil and economic rights for Women as well as Free Blacks.

This story has me so caught up in it that I check for a new chapter almost every day

But certainly it is being very well presented. The characters are interesting and the breakdown of civilization is just around the corner. I will have to check out the rest of your production!

good beginnings. interested to see where this goes.

Its not the first time i read a story with his kinda setting but it is bye far the most interesting and enjoyable keep up the good work you have talent

Unlike other people who have given feedback, this is the first time i have read this type of story - on this website. I love how you can really connect to the characters emotions and feel their pain, this is the first chapter and i should probably go to sleep, but i think this story might be worth being tired for :).

So far I am enjoying this series. Very well written story wise. Only complaint I have thus far is the lack of a good editor.

Interesting idea, well written ...

This is ridiculous; artificial insemination would be far more effective. Then you closed that loophole, making this a very interesting story. Five stars.

Reminds me of Y the Last Man. Maybe this came first though, I don't know. I like how this deals with the issue of gender inequality, rape, sexual abuse in a gender-bender-y way. It's very uncomfortable reading about this from a man's point of view, but if you think about it, the main character's situation is similar to how women feel right now, though more intense. An interesting video to watch in relation to this is an Indian awareness video of a man dressing up as a woman and filming all his encounters with the other men who kept undressing him with their eyes.

What does SOP stand for in this sentence?

"Aggressive but not too aggressive," Francesca warned me. I found it SOP that she didn't want me to mock the job that made a mockery of me and my education.

SOP = Standard Operating Procedure

Look, the story is well written and pretty good, the MC is interesting and so is his condition. But come on, the metaphor thing? The in your damn face analogy? We get it, this is how women are treated, ths is what female victims suffer. It is a good idea, but be more subtlet about it!

We're not retards. There is no need to rub in our faces whole 4 pages of it, non stop. Damn, there were times you even forgo any metaphor. Calm down.

So I wrote that review when I was in page 2. The in your face onky gets worse, but the ending was fantastic. Israel really laid it down, so kudos where it's due. Still annoying as fuck 'metaphor' the way you do it. It is a pretty great idea. Just execute it better.

I already 'Messaged' you about that.

If 95% of men died shouldn't the title be one in twenty?

... is the number of males who survive their first year of life. As the story later reveals it isn't even one and ten anymore, but dropping. You could look at it as one male in twenty total births survive, but more males are born than females so it could be more like one in nineteen. I went with one in ten because it made for snappy government propaganda in the story.

So far so good after reading the first chapter. Nice to see a different kind of story here, and one that I don't skip parts. Teasing and the femdom is great.

A couple nitpicks with some grammar, but very well written and imaginative.

Holy shit. This is so real.

I hope the readers appreciate the subtlety of the gender reversal used as a plot device. Women will recognize it immediately, men, not so much. The verbal cues, the visual references, the powerlessness attributed to the "weaker" sex are spot on.

My mind was running a parallel course to the storyline replaying the circumstances that happened to my grand daughter at University. Invited by a popular campus athlete to a social function, given a drug in her one and only drink, then used by her date and his friends for the weekend. The city deferred to campus authorities and chose to not prosecute. The University thought it in the best interest of the promising futures of the young men that no blemish should appear in their transcripts. Her scholarship was withdrawn and she was denied permission to register for classes the next semester. She was personally responsible for what happened to her because she chose to go to the party and must have been a willing participant.

.

Right bank,

I have two daughters, what is the name of the university?

The "keep it quiet" only works when they actually can keep it quiet, once people name colleges that allow that, women won't go to those colleges, and most guys won't go to an (effectively) all male school. Boom, schools that don't protect female students go broke and die, as they should.

Good ideas, I guess, but why makes him such a wimp?

In Israel's world, kick-ass, alpha-male types are not nurtured, or appreciated.

In this dystopian future men have been denied all sorts of political, social and martial power. They are not permitted to be part of the Armed Forces, paramilitary, or police forces. They are also not permitted to take part in any life-threatening hobbies either. They are not permitted dangerous careers.

They are required, by law, to exercise five days a week/one hour each day - so they are physically fit, but that doesn't translate over to physical dominance.

More so, during and after the Gender Plague, financial and political power shifted into female hands and they haven't relinquished it. They have used laws to stop men from using their sole remaining commodity ~ their sexuality ~ to their advantage. Having sex with women is something they MUST do, not something they can hold over the heads of women for some sort of advantage.

Also, as later chapters reveal, the Gender Plague killed off the majority of educated males as well as the ones in colleges. For the next ten years after the plague stopped killing males, institutes of higher learning were still reluctant to admit men out of fear they would suddenly drop dead so a whole generation of men went under educated.

This trapped men in lower-paying jobs and transformed Society into a place where men held less political and economic power than even their limited numbers would have implied. In turn, all police and most lawyers and judges are women so men are subjected to justice from a 'feminine' perspective.

Now take into account Israel was raped TWICE in his life. The first time he was held in a basement and abused for nearly three months. He witnessed her rapist MURDER other men during his enslavement. He lost all hope of being rescued and completely bonded with his tormentor. After he was rescued it took 18 months of therapy to get Israel functional again.

Then he got gang-raped in college his freshman year ... and then laughed at by Campus Security because he was a guy who went to a Sorority Party. After that, he struggled through college alone - internally wounded - because to seek aid would have cost him his scholarships and most likely his only shot at higher education. So, this 'wimp' struggled through to graduate the top of his class.

So, having been betrayed by woman-kind twice, had his therapy turned against him so that he trusted Bethany, having been mocked by the authorities after his gang rape and provided no means by his Society to defend himself ... you think he is a 'wimp'?

He is supposed to lash out? That puts him in judicial-controlled therapy program and under a mind-numbing drug regimen. Giving into anger means him loses control of his life. Giving into his fear, would be surrendering to the damage women subjected him to. He persevered ... only to come face to face with one of his two chief tormentor (the other being in prison) and having a police officer regularly violating his home.

Wimp?

James aka FinalStand

I have never wanted to read a so bad that I had to read the first chapter twice. That was enjoyable.

This is one he'll of a story.seriously most story's like this are all about alpha males and girl harems.this is the first one I've read that gives a genuine look inside a guys head that's been thru some horrible shit.cant wait to read the rest.

Thank you for presenting this issue with such skill and clarity. I hope your reversal of gender rolls will get at least a few readers to become aware and learn.

My granddaughter was at uni in Hawaii.

Sadly I've seen similar situations play out in Oregon, Washington, Utah, Massachusetts, Virginia, Georgia, and Idaho.

The decision by Sec DeVos to void the investigation process put in place in 2016, instead opting to protect the rights of students accused of harrassment and rape, is a huge step backwards.

I am happy my story provides a level of entertainment beyond what was expected when you first tapped the link. I always strive to do better and provide a pleasurable read.

I will warn you right now, it is unfinished though I have completed the eleventh chapter after a long hiatus and have made progress on chapter twelve. Even so, I hope the roughly 62 pages give some enjoyment.

Take care,

James aka FinalStand

You are welcome as well.

I have a Daughter (16 ~ junior) and Son (14 ~ freshman) both possibly heading to college before too long. How we are currently viewing sexual assault as a battlefield is not a situation I am happily looking forward to. As a society we truly need to embrace the concept that 'none of us are safe unless all of us are safe'.

We cannot have an atmosphere where women are afraid, or discouraged, from seeking protection and redress to sexual assault.

We also cannot have a system which stigmatizes young men ~ telling them they are all potential rapists ~ when they simply are not.

While the recent case at the University of Vanderbilt is an excellent case of justice pursued and delivered it goes hand-in-hand with the failure of Florida State protecting their football program.

Columbia University endorsing Mattress Girl was beyond wrong though. We must not allow any supposed ideal of justice to be passed into the court of public opinion and Mob Rule. No one wins when that happens.

The damage done by Rolling Stone over the UVA article is incalculable. The 'victim' lied. The 'advocates' on campus took her word for it. The journalist took her word for it. Several male lives were almost destroyed ... except they could absolutely prove their innocence ... and then everything fell apart ... and it fell apart on the National Stage.

What was chilling to me was after the UVA fiasco, a female rape advocate was on a news show and asked about the percentage of FALSE ALLEGATIONS. Not allegations which could not be proven, but ones proven to be completely and maliciously false. She said it was critical we always believe the victim ~ the woman.

The counter-talking head asked her what we should do when the studies show the false allegations were wrong 2%, 4%, 8%, or higher. She stubbornly held her ground and insisted we must always believe the woman. Even if all there exists is her testimony, she must be believed.

Then the counterpoint explained that mean innocent men were going to jail for up to 20 years on the testimony of these women alone ... and yet the female advocate insisted the female victim had to be believed, or NO woman would feel safe in coming in and relating her experiences to the authorities.

"But innocent people are going to jail," and she DID NOT CARE ...

And I was like 'WTF?' ...

That boils back to the principle of "if they believe they can get away with violating the law, they will continue to do so" which happens repeatedly in this tale. People aren't being treated equally. The laws exist, but no one wants to enforce them because {insert some excuse}. The problem is the unintended consequence of this attitude is, in this case, men not trusting the police EVEN when their lives (as they have no idea if those men who 'vanish' are murdered, or what have you) are on the line, they have become conditioned to 'NOT TRUST THE POLICE' because the authorities have consistently let them down up until then.

Israel's world and this one could use a little more honesty, a little more trust, a little more fairness and a bit more love as well.

Take care,

James aka FinalStand

I'm an aspiring writer myself and your imagination and creativity with a story is inspiring. I hope you get better soon. I was thinking of writing a storyline like this and integrating it into my series but i cant top this.

I must say that this story is a refreshing change of pace, most here are just people trying to describe well endowed, beautiful people having sex. This story would make a fine premise for a movie, have you thought about turning it into a screenplay?

I liked that you created a story that came from outside the box and not another porno script like most of the useless trash on here so kuddos on that. I understand why where the main character is coming from but unfortunately his whinny bitch asshole attitude got on my nerves real quick and if it keeps up I doubt I can stand to finish reading this story which seems to be filled with promise.

I'm sot sure severe PTSD can be described as 'Whinny bitch syndrome'. To my knowledge severe PTSD manifests in at least one of several ways, the most common that I know of being spontaneous aggression or something along those lines, or a spontaneous mental shut down such as a panic attack or black out or crippling anxiety... That being said he fits the bill fairly well... That being said, he has some very valid points. In a society that literally takes away almost all of a man's sense of masculinity and then his PTSD fucks up what's left for him, what the hell should a guy do... He has a good head on on his shoulders it seems like, but I'd compare him more to a trapped and abused animal, when such a creature is insecure and unconfident in its surroundings it essentially becomes emotionally unstable and will act irrationally at times... All in all I think the author has done a decent job of depicting this kind of character...

This poor guy doesnt have ptsd, he is flat broken. Well done portraying what happens from being taken so far past your point your in the wilderness. Well done.

This is such an interesting concept. Its really making me think about what its like to be on the other side of things.

Spent an hour skimming various chapters cause of morbid curiosity. This is horrifyingly realistic. Great job.

I skimmed this purely to see which way you were going and pretty quickly lost interest in the character. Reading in-depth about some ones multitudnal issues and hang ups regarding pretty much everything simply holds no attraction.

What an intriguing storyline. A flip flop of society. I like it. Your MC is carrying in a lot of pain and why shouldn’t he after what was done to him, you are doing a marvellous job building this up.

Plus the intrigue of the missing men thrown in. I just know he will be taken by the Male resistance.

5/5 and lm reading on. The irony in this story is not lost on me.

Are... are you okay, man?

I wouldn't say I'm 'okay', but I'm struggling on. I am currently burying myself in a story which has reached 220,000 words and I'm not sure if anyone besides myself will ever read it. Yet, last night, I started work on another one of my stories here on Literotica - 'The Witches of Ravenrook Chapter 5' which has languished for years. I have also reread One in Ten, trying to find the proper muse for Chapter 12. I have already written a good deal on this chapter, but I'm not sure what to do on the road to the Silverhorn Ranch. Being crazy sucks.

Take care,

James aka FinalStand

This story is amazing I love what you've done with the difference in your story's world and ours. The psychological points work perfectly and how he deals with the situations he's in fits perfectly with how women have been treated in our society. Good job!