One Way to Graduate

Or was it? Her eyes glanced to the screen, reviving a bit of that confidence she thought she left on the front porch.

"You have saved me twice now." the speakers recited, flatly.

"What do you mean? You said you were fine!" Ethan poked her, making light of it but obviously bitingly sarcastic. He realized her fit was mostly over and loosened his hold. Not wanting to come off inconvenienced like some jerk, he added awkwardly, "Really, it was nothing."

Nora typed furiously. It wasn't nothing to her.

"No. You had a party-ending disaster and took care of it. Actually. Twice. And. You saw my feed line and wiped my spit. How the hell are you not afraid of me yet?"

He balked and stood up, zipping up her care kit, hanging it from her handlebars, and retreated to his bedside, to which she followed the few feet.

"Afraid of you?! Nora, I was afraid for you! I thought..." he let out a sigh, "I thought you might die, or at least need an ambulance! How often do you have to go through all that?"

He waited, wishing he could still peek at her screen, but it felt better to sit across, in front. Watching Nora compose her thoughts over her shoulder had felt... intimate in some way, and he didn't think he deserved to cross that line. Nora's tight hands touched together in the middle of her tabletop, and he caught her eyeing him eyeing her, before darting back to her screen. Ethan could tell she didn't like how long it took, getting anxious, but he was patient, grabbing his drink and giving her some too.

"More when I was a child. Now it is like one or two times a month. So. Lucky you I guess. People do die from it. But. Only if I were left alone for a long time. Breathing is hard. Muscles burn. It is like running a marathon. Or so they tell me." Nora added a big smile when the voice got to that last quip, but Ethan's face was far from amused.

He honestly couldn't imagine his body not only refusing his commands, but also liable to go into such a frenzy at any time. "That's awful. Is there a cure?"

Nora looked up before typing so he got the gist before the details, but those came quicker this time. "Sure. Deep brain stimulation."

Ethan almost did a spit-take of his soda. "That sounds a bit... invasive, doesn't it?! Why am I picturing a deep tissue massage with your head cut open? Like 'Oh Doc, I've been real tense, give it your all!'"

Nora's whole body shook and spasmed with a laugh that squealed out of her open mouth, before she had her eyes back on the screen building her reply. "It is not much better than that. I heard the word PROBE and said. No. Way. If it happened to me more often then okay. Maybe. But no. Medication works fine. I just cannot be left alone."

"Wait, so you're never alone?" he had to ask.

"No. I love the gap between Mom's van and the school front door. I drive myself in and wait for Vicky to arrive. All by myself. It is great. But now school is over. I am always within eyesight of someone. Morning to night. Then the health monitors take over." Nora stopped there, not wanting to tell Ethan how her Mom or Dad had to come in every few hours to turn her in bed.

What was said was enough. Ethan's eyebrows raised at the now-obvious consequences of Nora's disability. Somehow he fully understood that Nora needed help with virtually everything, but he hadn't fully grasped the fact that she required someone, nearby 24/7, having zero alone time, no sacred space to escape to whenever she wanted to. He grew a little more thankful then for his room, even if it was under his parents' roof.

Ethan didn't know what to say. "Well, I hope you can be yourself here, like you're alone... or something, I don't know." he ruffled his messy curls and tried again. "Consider this room a private space. It's off-grid, no trackers or health monitors or anything."

Nora smiled silently, thinking of the phone under her leggings, or the GPS in her Dynavox. Still, if she just... tuned it out -- the devices, the tickle of medicated liquid slipping into her, the ache of her braces trying to correct her in every which way -- Nora realized she was alone... with him. She was miles away from a safety net, a girl alone in a cute boy's room, and anything could happen...

"I just hope you're still having a good time, considering." He gestured to the room with its two occupants alone, muddled pop music hammering on the door, and the obvious traumatic event now behind them.

"Oh my god. Shut up. Asshole." Nora typed at his ham-fisted goodwill, interrupting her fantasy. Maybe she was overstepping, but he needed to talk to her as honestly as he touched her. "I am having a good time. Yes. Thanks to you. No one from school would have helped. I would be alone with that shit tee music all night. If I had a dystonic storm out there with those idiot plural. I could have hurt myself. Badly. I have done it before. That is why I am all tied down. Instead I am in here with you. Our private space. And. Good time. Is an understatement."

Nora reread her thoughts. It was crude and honest, too honest, but she eyed the "Speak" button anyways and looked at Ethan as seriously as she could. Of course her face continued to move and so did her tongue. She made some throaty "UH"s where she wanted emphasis, but mostly let the words speak for themselves. Most of all she just focused on his face as each word was recited.

Ethan suffered the sharp end of Nora's unlocked tongue, blinking dumbly at the sudden change of tone, when he had sat there for like five minutes expecting a very different response. It was softened only by Nora grunting and rolling her eyes dramatically, but she was right. He had helped her, because... he had to admit he found Nora attractive, whether it was in spite of her tied-down, uncooperative body or because of it; he didn't know. He had to start treating her normally, that's all she wanted...

The flat voice interrupted his inner debate, "What is up? Remember I am the one who cannot talk. Right?"

Ethan glanced up at Nora's eyes sparkling with her wit locked up inside, before they pulled up-left and her arms shook, spasming straight out. 'Perfect timing,' she thought, but luckily it only lasted a moment, and then her braced right fist wasn't hitting the hard plexi but instead his open palm; warm, soft. Nora looked at Ethan, confused.

"I was trying to think of what we were doing before you seized up," he white-lied with a smirk, looking at her, his heart beating a mile a minute. "I offered to unlock anything else, but I guess I didn't just mean your voice. I can... help you with other things, if you want."

Nora's lashes fluttered, her back pasted to the chair seat. Was he asking what she thought he was?

"I mean... have you ever held a guy's hand? You yourself said I'm handsy, you must agree I know how it's done."

She melted in her seat, looking down at the useless fist, curled tight. Yet she felt his palm on her fingers. Her arm shook even as she begged it not to move an inch.

"I do not know if I can." she said eventually. The tone was flat but her words held all her uncertainty and desire, bare, heart on her sleeve.

He smiled gently. "Let's give it a try."

Chapter 8

Nora's cheeks turned a rosy shade. Was she feeling flush from the storm, or was it by being taken care of by this boy, so ready to jump to her aid, and now ready for... more? It was hard to tell, but Nora's mind was flying a mile a minute as Ethan confidently began tearing the velcro from her right wrist. It was necessary to get at the brace's own fasteners underneath, sure, but... he didn't know how her body worked, the ways it pushed away every person she wanted to get close to...

He was going to get himself hurt!

Eyes wide, darting between him, her arm, and the screen -- she wanted to type but he was so fast! -- Nora moaned a warning, "Ughhh!" and tried to calm her muscles, but thinking about them only agitated her arms more, an endless cycle like resisting pins and needles when you've been in your chair all day.

"It's okay. Just tell me if I hurt you, or something, alright?"

'It's not okay!' Nora panicked, which only made her body more tense, and right when the velcro tore, her fist went flying up, missing his face by just an inch or two, waving around unsteadily in the air, outstretched.

"Woah!!!" Ethan dodged. "You nearly got me there!"

He grabbed her thin forearm and brought it down again, not without effort, so Nora now had a moment to type things out. "I am sorry. I am dangerous."

Ethan chuckled, before realizing what she really meant. It wasn't a playful threat; it was a solemn admission of guilt, built up over years of untold accidents she could only watch her body cause.

"Hey," Ethan rubbed her shoulder gently, "I'm fine. You didn't hurt me. I'll go a bit slower now that I know you're coming out swinging." He smiled simply, not making fun, just trying to keep the mood light.

Nora flicked her eyes up for 'okay, I guess,' and watched as the boy unfastened more velcro and unwrapped the brace from her wrist, pulling the plushy ball end out of her clinging grip, causing her fist to collapse and dig her short nails into her palm. It wasn't too bad, her mom had trimmed them just a few days back, and she made a throaty sigh: slipping her braces off put the relief of going braless to shame.

The exposed skin revealed some inoffensive fragrance and maybe a hint of sweat, and Ethan's hand tentatively wrapped around the girl's small, balled-up fist; admiring the slim fingers all pressed together and smoothly curved at the joints, the knuckles like unimposing foothills, the odd bend of her wrist almost asking for the brace's guidance again. He found it oddly feminine, so delicate, with skin lacking most wrinkles or patterns; soft from a life of complete disuse.

Nora felt his warmth around her clenched fist, tracing her, every touch laced with curiosity about the differences between them as his dexterous hand swallowed her little club-end whole. She felt everything, every stroke and graze and grip. From internment in the braces with guided outings in therapy to sudden contact; it was all so very new! Then he went for more.

He began to pry her fingers open, which wasn't too tough itself, but spreading them apart elicited a pained grunt from Nora, "Agh-uhhhh!!"

He stopped, her speech saying all it had to.

The two of them wouldn't be interlocking fingers, it was plain to see. Her eyes almost begged him to try again, knowing full well it wouldn't work. Her physical therapy routine didn't include that in their stretches, and why would it? Nora was wholly discouraged, wondering if she could work on it; wondering if she would ever get a chance like this again, but Ethan blew her silent doubt away like it was nothing. He simply slipped his fingers into her palm and let her spasticity hold down gently but persistently, as it had her whole life.

Nora hadn't known what to expect, but feeling him instead of a palm protector, imagining she was consciously holding him instead of a glorified stress ball was... incredible! With the pressure of his other hand fighting her unsteady arm, keeping it at bay -- without pushing down too hard either -- Nora felt so safe right then, wishing she always had him holding her down instead of hard plastic and tethers. She thought about moving her arm and it simply shook in his grasp, but the intended side-effect worked! Her hand reflexively gripped him tighter -- slightly, she wasn't as strong as she thought she was -- and after trying to smile a few times she simply squealed and looked his way so he would get it.

"So you've really never done this before?" Ethan asked. It hadn't really been too hard, all in all.

Nora looked into his dark eyes, casual and unaffected but focused on her, so close; Nora's darting around once in a while when she would lose control, then right back. With great reluctance she glanced at the screen. "If I say yes. Just in therapy. Therapist guiding my hand with a utensil. Practicing. Pointless. Or when young. With Play-Doh™ or finger paint. It is not the same as." Nora couldn't find the final words -- in her head, not on the screen -- and the sentence timed out and auto-played.

"As what?"

"This feeling." she eventually replied with those flat words, her gaze carrying all the earnest wonder they lacked. Nora might still have been strapped securely in her seat, but she felt closer to Ethan than she had been to anyone...

"And... is it like you expected?" he smiled, enjoying how novel this was for her.

Nora took a moment to think. Her cheeks flushed, almost embarrassed by how affected she was, and definitely annoyed by the bolster between her knees. That damned 'posture correction' kept her legs apart, and kept the empty feeling there too, as it was too far down to even push on the padding of her diaper. She hadn't minded it for years and years, but just in the last couple -- when the carers' hygienic wipes began to do more than tickle, Nora blushing and gripping her thumbs in something more than just shy boredom -- that's when it became her sworn enemy, rivaled only by the wedge pillow that filled the same job in her bed. Nora eyed their hands entwined, and at Ethan looking at her sweetly, and then down at her writhing body and her gently squeezing thighs.

Fuck she was pent up, and warm, and about what? Was this what 'getting turned on' was all about?

She had asked Vicky once in the school cafeteria, "Do you ever feel warm and tense in your V-A-G-I--" but the volunteer had acted so weird, panicking and shutting off Nora's speaker before it could finish her thought, and the two uneasy companions had finished their lunch in silence. That had been enough to stymie any further questions, but who else her age could she ask?

"You are very warm," she finally typed, not wanting to say more than she should.

Ethan wasn't too far off, himself, but knew very well what the tightening in his jeans meant. "Hmmm, yeah... you're warm too. And smooth," he replied, his thumb stroking her idly. With every lingering touch he felt like he was transgressing some unspoken set of boundaries and taboo, each one seeming insurmountable ahead before they dissolved to pointless worry in hindsight.

"Said no one ever." She squealed alongside the speaker and squeezed his hand again. It was clumsy; Ethan had to hold her arm in place on the tabletop to resist the yank and push, but he could see-- he could feel her intention.

"Well, they're just distracted by all this..." He didn't have to gesture to make his point. "I'd say you're a pretty smooth talker at least... I mean, with some killer lag." He laughed with a squeeze back, prompting Nora to absolutely glare at him and moan 'I'm going as fast as I can!' before she focused on her screen.

"So. You have found my true disability. No comedic timing. The doctors say I cannot quip. And you are teasing me. Ruthless. Asshole."

Ethan didn't just chuckle to himself, he laughed outright, rubbing her arm and feeling her whole body tense with every silent, gasping laugh of her own.

"Well, you've put up with so damn much already, what's one more jab?"

"Jab? Oh. You are beating up cripples now? Very cool."

Ethan couldn't help himself, and he stood up from his bedside, leaned over, and kissed Nora's cheek. It was more than a peck but he didn't linger either, pulling back while she fluttered between the two sideguards in her headrest, attention locked on him regardless of her head's excited movements, an unmistakable smile on the corners of her mouth, and in her sparkling eyes.

Nora's disbelief burned bright red where his lips had touched, and some sort of tiny involuntary sound escaped her. She caught herself embarrassed not by him but by how excited her body got, how transparently down for that kiss she was, how obvious it was she had been waiting for him to simply make that move like he had to make all the moves tonight.

She averted her gaze just long enough to trigger one word: "Again."

Infused with all the confidence he needed, Ethan stooped down as requested -- no, as commanded -- but just as his eyes closed, Nora used all her focus to turn her head sharply and catch his kiss on the upper edge of her open mouth!

Ethan recoiled just a bit, caught off-guard by the messy kiss! It didn't take him more than a second to decipher the mischievous grin behind her roving expression. The passive girl had reeled him right in and got him good! She was just full of surprises!

"Sneaky!" he chided her, "So you want a real kiss, then...."

She squealed, shook, and glanced hard upward, 'Took you long enough!'

Restraining her wrist again with the tether, he freed his hands and brought them to Nora's face, brushing her sandy hair away and wiping her chin dry, before gently pushing on her jaw.

"Can I?" He asked before using more force. She was tense, unsurprisingly, and Ethan had no intention of hurting her for this, when he could kiss so many other places instead...

Nora was up for anything it took at this point, glancing up for 'go ahead,' or was it 'good luck'?

Cradled between her chair and his attentions, there was nowhere for Nora to retreat to as he caressed her cheek and gently-but-firmly closed her gaping mouth, forcing her head back into the cushion, until her teeth met each other; an odd feeling for the girl who hadn't done a whole lot of chewing in her life. Focused on the boy above her massaging her jaw into submission, Nora hoped this would work, just once... so maybe she could feel what those girls in the living room felt when they drank too much and found someone to pull aside and...

"You okay?" he asked, wiping a tear away from under her foggy glasses.

Nora glanced up for 'yes', blinking fast to quell the tears. She didn't want to derail this... "MMMMMmmmmmph!" she added, eyes hungry, mouth held closed. 'Kiss me already!'

Ethan let another tear fall. When none followed, he leaned in.

She had no idea if her lips were puckering right, but it must have been close enough. Ethan's face, so close to hers, held no hesitation -- none of the fear or pity she had expected for her first kiss -- as he held her head steady between two strong hands, thumbs holding her jawline. Nora shut her eyes and felt his lips on hers, full and warm, a bit wet but also... all-consuming. Bound as it was to the chair, her body shook, twitched, and tested every restraint keeping her down, but it almost didn't matter as his soft touch kept her right where she needed to be.

For as long as he could.

Ethan didn't expect her to kiss him back, and she didn't really -- she couldn't -- but her lips were pliable for just a few sweet moments before her face grimaced and jaw muscles really cranked back open.

He tried not to let his discouragement show. The hardest part for him was decoupling her body -- her expressions -- from the intentions and desires underneath. What felt to him like a girl somewhat disinterested, then rejecting his advances, was actually frustrating Nora just as much, if not more.

She was about to apologize, about to call this all off, but Ethan leant in and began kissing her neck, something she hadn't expected... to feel so good! Nora eyed her screen over his back, "I did not know people kiss there. Please keep doing that."

Ethan chuckled, listening to her guttural purr. Even that didn't sound 'sexy' per se, it was just her uncoordinated vocal chords trying their best. He didn't really want to get into why he knew this secret spot was so sensitive, how many girls it had worked on in college when he should have been focusing on his grades. But Nora was different, this wasn't a drunken fling in a frat house or a dorm room. Last he checked, Orange Crush was zero proof.