Patches of Ice

While she couldn't deny the passion between them, she knew that wasn't enough to build a relationship on. She'd had a healthy desire for Eddy for a long time, until she'd found out he had desires for numerous other women.

She sighed and rubbed her forehead, tossing the remote control onto the couch beside her. She didn't know why she let thoughts of Eddy ruin her time with Anatoli. Whatever was, or wasn't, happening between them now, it had nothing to do with Eddy.

Other than making me feel inadequate, she told herself.

She thought of all the women Hilary seemed to think Anatoli knew in other cities. She wondered if he was like that. Then she denied it, weakly. She pushed her thoughts to his work instead. Even if he didn't sleep around, he was only in Washington a few nights a week, if that. What kind of relationship could they manage with that kind of schedule? She couldn't expect him to give hockey up and she would never even ask him. She might have known him a short while, but she knew enough to know that hockey was his life, his true passion.

How can I compete with that? she wondered and stared blankly at the television screen for a long while.

"Lena?" Anatoli's soft voice came from the staircase and she looked over in surprise, wondering how long she'd been staring into space.

"Anatoli. Did I wake you?" she asked.

He shook his head, moving into the room and sitting beside her on the couch. He'd pulled on a pair of boxers but, as he put his arms around her and drew her close, his semi-aroused state was very obvious. Lena bit her lip but bent against his body, going gladly into his embrace.

"I woke up and you weren't in bed," he murmured sleepily. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she lied and smiled up at him. She cupped his cheek in her hand and drew him down for a quick kiss. "I just couldn't sleep."

He grinned wickedly and Lena felt her body react instantly. She didn't try to tamp it down either; if her time with Anatoli was limited, she wanted to savour every moment of it.

"Maybe I can help with that," he suggested, his hand traveling up her bent leg and beneath the flimsy hem of her borrowed shirt.

He found her center and stroked her, drawing more moisture out with every touch. Her breathing quickened and she dropped her hands to his lap, determined to return the favor. He sucked in a sharp breath as her hand slipped into the opening of his boxers to cup him.

"Do you always wake up like this?" she asked with an impish smile.

He was still grinning at her, his normally bright blue eyes dark with desire. Without speaking, he reached for her, pulling her into his lap. She went willingly, letting her legs fall to either side of his, sighing happily when she settled against every hot inch of him. Still, she stroked him, loving the way his eyes narrowed and became so intensely focused on her.

His hands moved up her thighs to cup her bottom, drawing her even closer, nearly trapping her hands between them. She pushed back when his hands traveled up her back, slipping the t-shirt off over her head. She lifted her hands just long enough to let him undress her before putting them back on his body, stroking him to full attention.

She met his gaze and felt her throat constrict at the unbridled passion she saw there. His eyes devoured her, meeting hers before skittering down over her lips and to her naked chest. He traced the outline of one breast, drawing a strangled sound from her as he squeezed her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. He still had that focused look on his face, almost reverent. She loved the way he looked at her, the way he bent her against his body so he could taste her.

She definitely loved the way he brushed her hands away so he could push the elastic waist of his boxers down far enough to free his straining erection. Without a word, Lena rose above him and drew him inside of her, settling around him with a contented sigh.

He was so delightfully hard and filled her so completely. She rocked her hips against him, gratified to hear his moan and to feel his hands flex on her body. He squeezed his hand on her breast and clamped his lips around her nipple. She jerked against him, clutching his shoulders for balance as he lifted his hips to thrust into her.

"Anatoli," she murmured his name, almost unaware that she was speaking.

Releasing her puckered nipple, he laid his head back against the couch and smiled lazily up at her. His hands slipped over her shoulders and down her back. He dug his fingers into her bottom and drew her right up against him as he thrust again. Lena gasped, her fingernails leaving marks on his shoulders. He hissed at the sensation but didn't tell her to stop. She held onto him and watched as he lifted his hand to her mouth, pressing one finger between her lips. Their eyes were locked together as she sucked his finger. He pushed into her at a leisurely pace, allowing them both to take as much time as they wanted with this.

Then he pulled his finger from her mouth and slipped his hand between their bodies. When his wet fingertip met that throbbing bundle of nerves, she moaned, letting her head loll back, exposing her neck to him. He pressed his other hand to her back, just between her shoulder blades, drawing her close enough to could suck on her neck.

He pushed into her again and nipped the sensitive skin of her neck. She didn't care if he left a mark; she didn't care if he wanted to mark her all over. All she cared about at the moment was the way he felt inside and all around her.

His finger pressed harder against her and she jerked against him. He made a sound against her throat and his hand moved from her back to grip her shoulder. With his next breath, he pulled down on her shoulder as he lifted his hips, bringing their bodies together in a deep thrust. Lena groaned, grinding her hips against him.

"Oh, yes," she breathed, still hanging her head back, letting Anatoli do what he wanted to her.

"I want to feel you come, Lena," he said. His hand moved again, cupping the back of her head and forcing her to look at him.

He moved faster now, his eyes darker and his fingers pressing harder. Their chests were rubbing together and all the sensations together made Lena do just as Anatoli asked. She came apart, rocking frantically against his body and crying out as she climaxed. Anatoli held her, his mouth against hers and their breath mingling.

When she thought he was going to let her come down from the high, he started moving faster. His hands were firm on her body and his mouth demanding on hers. He swallowed her passionate moans and sucked her tongue into his mouth as he thrust himself over and over into her body.

"Please," she begged, hearing herself speak as if from far away. "Oh God, please, Anatoli!"

He growled at her, biting down on her lower lip and together they came again. He thrust into her a few more times, his breath hot on her face. At last he stilled, holding her against his body for several quiet minutes.

"Are you tired now?" he asked as he smoothed one warm palm up her back.

She couldn't speak so she nodded weakly, smiling when she felt his deep laugh rumble up from his chest. She could feel him in every part of her body, but nowhere as strongly as the center of her chest as he cradled her close to him.

Oh, she was in so much trouble.

***

Anatoli woke up before Lena the following morning and watched her as she slept. Her mouth was hanging open and she was snoring softly. A small spot on her pillow was wet from drool and her hair was sticking out in all directions.

He was smitten. The thought of leaving her even to go play the game tonight was enough to give him anxiety. With a sigh, he rested his head on the pillow and reached out to brush away some loose strands of hair. She stirred at his touch, closing her mouth and rolling onto her back. Grinning, Anatoli reached for her again, tracing the line of her lips with one fingertip.

She murmured something and tossed her head to one side, her eyes blinking open. Anatoli kept stroking her lips until she faced him with a confused look in her bleary eyes.

"Anatoli?" she whispered, her voice hoarse from sleep. "What time is it?"

He glanced at the clock on his bedside table and told her. "It's a little after seven."

"In the morning?" She groaned and rubbed her eyes. "Why are you waking me up so early?"

He chuckled and cupped her cheek in his hand. He leaned down to kiss her and she relaxed beneath him, her hands lifting to cup his face.

"How did you sleep?"

"Not great," she confessed and flushed at his curious gaze.

"Why not?"

"I was having bad dreams."

"About what?"

She shrugged one bare shoulder and Anatoli was momentarily distracted as the bed covers slid low over her chest. He swallowed, letting his hand drop to trace the line of her throat and over to the swell of her breast. He watched in fascination as her flush spread down her face along with his hand.

"It doesn't matter," she said.

"If it kept you awake, it matters," he replied and added a grin.

Sighing, she rolled towards him and rubbed one palm over her eyes. "Fine. I dreamt that you left bed to go out with a bunch of other women," she said it all in a rush and wouldn't look into his eyes. "Then I tried calling you and you just told me to make the bed and go home."

Anatoli couldn't help himself; he burst out laughing and kept laughing, even when Lena thumped him weakly on the shoulder with one closed fist. "Why would you dream of that?" he asked when he'd caught his breath again.

She shrugged and rolled away from him, reaching for her clothes. Anatoli watched her with a smile, letting her stand up and guessing she was embarrassed by sharing her bad dream with him. She rose to her feet and glanced at him over her shoulder.

"Shouldn't you be getting up and going to practice?" she asked him.

He shrugged. At the moment he didn't want to be anywhere else. Not while Lena was walking around the room and stooping to pick up some of her scattered clothes from the floor. He felt his body reacting every time she bent down, a little more of the borrowed shirt riding higher up her backside each time.

"Well, now that you've woken me up, I think I'd better get home," she told him and turned to face him with an armful of clothes.

"Don't you want to stay a little longer?" he asked, tossing the covers back a bit so he revealed more of his naked body.

She rolled her eyes at him and he could see the flush in her cheeks as she turned away again. "I don't want to get in your way."

"In my way?" he repeated with a laugh. "You're not in my way."

"Anatoli, you've got a game tonight. And practice has to be starting already. You don't need me hanging around."

"Lena, why are you saying this? I want you to stay."

"I shouldn't," she said so quietly, Anatoli wondered if he'd heard her right.

Frowning, he jumped up from bed and yanked some boxers on before stopping her from leaving the room. "Lena, please. Stay a little bit. I want to spend time with you."

She looked up at him. "I want to spend time with you too but you have practice. That comes first."

"Not if I don't want it to. Right now, you come first." Then he smiled and leaned close, brushing her hair back over her shoulder. "You always come first when you're with me."

He felt her shiver and his smile widened as he watched the blush spread over her cheeks.

"Anatoli, please don't do this," she whispered, lifting her face to his. "I should go."

"No, you shouldn't."

"Why? Why do you even want me to stay?"

He drew back at her sharp tone and studied her face. She looked tired and upset and he didn't understand why. Last night had been so amazing and they'd woken up together happy.

"I like you, Lena," he said, unable to think of anything more eloquent. "I can be late for practice. I would rather spend more time with you."

"I don't think you should," she replied stubbornly. "You don't want to get in trouble for being late. I know how important hockey is to you and I won't get in the way."

Anatoli blew out an annoyed sigh and shook his head. He straightened and ran a hand through his unruly hair as he looked down at Lena. "I don't know why you're saying these things," he said, feeling a familiar fear creep into his mind. No, he told himself. Lena isn't like Natasha. She wouldn't try to make me feel guilty for going to do a job that I love.

"I don't know why you're still arguing with me," Lena said. "I'll just use the bathroom and then I'll go."

Without another word, she walked out of the bedroom, leaving him standing stunned just inside the doorway. He watched her cross the hall to the washroom and shut the door. He scratched his head, wondering what had just happened. He didn't think he'd missed anything and yet, Lena was getting dressed to leave.

"I don't understand," he said to himself.

A few minutes later, he had on some flannel pants and was pacing the hallway when Lena came walking out. Her dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail and her clothes from the night before were wrinkled, but she still looked gorgeous.

He wasn't going to let her go without an explanation.

"Tell me why you want to leave, Lena," he demanded as they walked downstairs to the front door.

"I don't want to go, Anatoli," she said but something in her tone didn't convince him. "But hockey is more important. I won't get in the way of your job."

"Damnit, Lena!" Anatoli exploded, feeling his patience snap. He'd been so certain Lena was different from Natasha, and from any number of women, but the way she was talking to him now made him doubt all his opinions of her.

"Don't yell at me," she replied quietly, narrowing her eyes at him.

Anatoli felt bad for raising his voice but his frustration was at the same level. "I didn't mean to yell. I just don't want you to go."

Sighing, Lena shook her head and slipped her shoes on. She faced him again as she pulled her coat on. "Are you telling me you'd give up practice every morning just to spend more time with me?"

No, Anatoli instantly wanted to reply but hesitated for some reason. His hesitation was enough to make Lena nod knowingly before reaching for the front door.

"I didn't think so," she said. "It's OK. Call me when practice is done."

"Lena," Anatoli stopped her by placing his hand on the door and holding it closed. "You're not leaving because I have practice."

Her eyebrows went up but she didn't say anything, waiting for him to finish instead. He felt his irritation grow with each passing second. "You just want me to be able to give it all up just to be with you, don't you?" he demanded, giving voice to his insecurities and old fears.

Lena's mouth dropped open at his words. "That's not-" she started to say but he cut her off.

"It is and you're mad because you know I won't give it up, not for anyone. Well, that's fine. It's better that I know now."

"What is that supposed to mean?" she asked, her lips pressing into a straight line.

"You know," he said. "You just want some rich, foreign man, who will give you everything you want. Well, I am not that guy."

"You're a jerk," she snapped at him and yanked the front door open. "You can try calling me when you've come to your senses. Until then, good luck with everything."

He watched her stalk down the front walk, a deep scowl on his face. Then all his words washed over him again and he gaped after her, wondering what in the hell had possessed him to speak to her that way.

He'd really screwed things up now.

***

Lena made it half a block before the tears spilled out of her eyes. She sniffed and wiped them away only to have fresh ones track over her cheeks anyway. Eventually she just gave up and let them run free, sniffling as she strode away. She came to the bus stop and thankfully, the bus pulled alongside the curb right away. She had just enough time on the bus ride to replay the entire argument again in her head.

It didn't help.

When she got home, she felt as miserable as she had when Anatoli had accused her of being a gold digger.

"Hey, how was your night?" Hilary greeted her as she walked into the apartment a short while later. Then she noticed Lena's red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained face and hurried to her side. "What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Lena mumbled as she threw her coat and shoes in the closet.

Apparently, Hilary wasn't going to just let it go. She trailed after Lena as she walked down the hall to her bedroom.

"He did something, didn't he?" Hilary asked. "Did he hurt you? Did he tell you he didn't want to see you anymore? It's because he sleeps with all those other women, isn't it?"

"Hilary! Back off, will you!" Lena snapped, lifting her eyes to her roommate's shocked face. "I already said I don't want to talk about it."

"He's a jerk for letting you get away," Hilary said, giving her barely ten seconds of silence.

Heaving out a sigh, Lena walked into her room and began to change her clothes. Hilary paced just inside her bedroom doorway, chattering away the whole time.

"I knew it, I just knew this would happen," she said. "He's just like all the rest of them. Nothing but a dirty man who just wants to get every piece of ass that he can. Probably doesn't even bother to learn their names. I never thought he was going to be good for you, Lena. Not once."

"For crying out loud, Hil," Lena said, dropping onto her bed with a groan. "Let it go. It's not what you think."

Hilary crossed to sit next to her. "Then tell me what it was."

"Hilary." Lena turned to face her as she spoke. "I. Don't. Want. To. Talk. About. It."

Hilary blinked at her and looked away. After a few seconds she stood up again. "Fine. I'll just go then."

Lena could tell from her tone and the line of her shoulders that Hilary was hurt, but she just didn't have it in her to care. Laying back on the bed, she rubbed at her tired and swollen eyes, wondering yet again what had happened back at Anatoli's.

She'd thought she'd been doing the right thing, getting out of his way so he could get to practice; so he could get to work. She didn't want to be the needy girlfriend who always wanted him to stay with her, always being late for work because she whined enough to get her way. She still had her insecurities about his travels, but she'd decided after her odd dreams to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Now, after hearing his little rant, she didn't know what to think. She didn't know if he was just being defensive or if he honestly believed that about her. It pained her to think that that's how she'd come across to him. Then she wondered if perhaps he'd been burned by a woman before; someone who didn't like what he did for a living and made him feel guilty about it.

They'd never discussed their past relationships. They'd hadn't known each other long enough to get that far. It wouldn't surprise her if that was the situation with Anatoli; some woman who'd wanted more than what he was willing to give.

Well, I'll let him figure it out, she thought to herself as she rolled over and pressed her face into her pillow. If he realizes what an ass he was and calls me, I'll decide then if I want to speak with him.

Then she sighed. Who am I kidding? I'll have to try to not wait around for his call.

***

Later that evening Lena was still lounging in her bed, reading her last book from the library. She was thinking she ought to head out to get some new ones, when a light knock sounded at her door. Smiling, she looked up and told Hilary to come in. Her roommate peeked in the room and smiled timidly.

"Do you forgive me?" she asked without coming closer.

"If you forgive me for snapping at you," Lena replied.