Pig Dicks and Broomsticks

"How do you like the new attachment for my broom?" Abigail asked her long time friend, Nora.

Nora looked at the corkscrewed eight-inch handle sticking out from the side of Abigail's broom. "So you're still afraid of falling off, are you? I figured you'd be over that by now. It's been a couple of hundred years since you learned to ride."

"It was that damned tree from last Halloween," Abigail replied. "I swerved to miss it and, bam! I was on my ass on the ground. I'm too old for such shit. I don't bounce like I used to."

"Well, that handle should give you something to hold onto," Nora replied as she studied it. "I had a boyfriend way back when that had a dick that looked a lot like that."

After a moment or two more thought, she said, "You need to move it forward a good bit though. Otherwise it'll make you sit too far back and screw up the balance of the broom."

Abigail cackled and shook her head. "No way. I like it right where it is. It fits just right. Nice and tight."

Nora gave her a funny look and then her mouth dropped open. "You don't mean...."

"But I do, dearie. I sit on it. Not only can I not fall off but I also get off. It's a pig's dick so the orgasms go on and on like that damned pink bunny."

"Abigail!" Nora said shocked.

"What? Pigs have orgasms that can last an hour."

"Not that! How can you fly with that thing in your.... Uh.... You know." Nora protested.

"I fly very well, thank you. At first I had problems with directional control and especially with speed. An orgasm would hit and I'd go through the sound barrier. It took some getting used to and a lot of practice but now, it's the only way to travel. When I yell 'I'm coming', I really mean it," Abigail replied and then cackled until she coughed.

"It takes all of my concentration just to keep my broom in the air. Having any distractions at all would bring me to the ground in a resounding crash," Nora said, shaking her head.

"I told you, it took some getting used to and a lot of practice. I started out hovering a few inches off the ground while that little redheaded familiar of mine licked my clit. That little bitch has a quick and accurate tongue, let me tell you."

She paused and sighed a second as a frown crossed her face. "I'm just glad I let go of the broom when that first orgasm struck so suddenly. As it was, I had to call a tow truck to get the damned thing out of the tree across the road."

"How long have you been working on this?" Nora asked, as her eyes got big.

"Since last Halloween or rather, just after I got out of the hospital from that crash. My ass still hurts when it rains."

"I still don't see how you can do it," Nora said huffily.

Abigail cackled and danced around. "It's got your goat that I can fly and come at the same time. Now maybe you'll believe that I'm a better witch than you are."

Nora drew back her hand but Abigail was faster on the draw and Nora was frozen in place. "Now. Now. No reason to get all hostile and shit. You can learn how to do it if you'll just listen. I'll tell you all about it."

Abigail got an evil glint in her eye. "Maybe I should get you a bit more comfy." With a twist of her wrist, Nora's raggedy old dress vanished.

"Now that's much better," Abigail muttered as she studied her friend's body. The face might be three hundred years old but the body wasn't a day over forty.

"Have you been working out? You look marvelous, dearie," Abigail said and then realized Nora couldn't reply. With a wave of her hand she released Nora's head and vocal cords.

"You bitch!" Nora yelled. "I'll fry you in baby oil."

"That would be a total waste of babies," Abigail replied, a note of disgust in her voice.

"Not real baby oil, you ditz, the kind from Johnson and Johnson. Now, let me go."

"After I tell you about learning to fly while having an orgasm," Abigail replied and then leered at her friend's perky tits. "You know, I haven't sucked on those for years. Can you still have an orgasm from it?"

"You leave my little girls alone," Nora said and then whimpered as Abigail's head moved toward her right tit.

Abigail cackled and then coughed. She paused to spit and then grinned. "You do still orgasm from having your tits played with. I've always loved that about you. You're so soft and sensitive, especially when you're coming your brains out."

"Tell your damn story so I can get free," Nora replied in a harsh, hissing whisper.

"Boy, the older you get, the more you get in a snit over the littlest things."

"My tits aren't little. They're... they're... perky. Yes, that the word for them," Nora told Abigail sharply.

"If you say so. Now relax and let me tell you my story."

*****

When I left the hospital, I caught a ride with one of the wood nymphs that works there. Even sitting on that danged inflatable donut didn't help much as she drove like a maniac and I think she tried to hit every pothole in the state. Give a nymph a four-wheel drive and she'll use it.

I had my seat belt on and pulled tight but that damned truck had those big old tires and the stiffest suspension known to man or nymph. My ass hurt and I wasn't in my normal cheery mood by the time she dropped me off at my place.

As I got out of the truck the little nymph said, "If you'd drove a nice four-wheel drive truck instead of that beat up old broom, you wouldn't have hurt your ass."

I didn't reply but she got my message as she pedaled away in her new kiddy car.

*****

I spent several days trying to figure out a way to install a seatbelt on my broom but gave it up as a bad idea. Even if I was strapped to the broom, I still slid around a lot. And if I did crash, I was tied to the broom, which wasn't a good idea.

That's when it hit me; I needed something to hold me in place. A saddle of some sort was my first idea. I tried a horse saddle but it felt weird and looked even weirder. The stirrups were nice but looked ridiculous.

The seat off my old Harley was comfortable but I still slid around and, without handlebars, I didn't feel safe. Handlebars on a broomstick look even sillier than stirrups. Anyway, the Harley was already jealous enough of the broomstick and that old hog could be mean when it wanted to be.

I shelved the idea for a while and decided it was time to see if that fall had injured anything other than my ass. I retired to my bed and grabbed a handful of my most trusty dildos and vibrators. I was ready for a real workout. It had been ten days, after all.

So, there I was, sprawled out on the bed with my big double-pronged vibrator working in and out of my pussy and ass. The little redheaded familiar was lying on my stomach licking one nipple and then the other. I was building to a barnburner of an orgasm when it hit me.

"Isn't that the vibrator you used on that fairy princess? Uh, what's her name? The one you put to sleep for a hundred years," Nora interrupted to ask.

"Yeah, it's the very one. But it wasn't my doing that put her to sleep. She stole it so she could get in some practice for that prince she wanted to marry. The little bitch should have known better," Abigail replied with a crooked grin.

"By the time they called me in to consult, she had been coming for three days. When I checked her, her eyes were crossed and her pussy wouldn't let go of the damned thing. I had to use a crowbar to pry it from between her legs. When I did, she sat straight up, yelled, "Fuck!" and then passed out."

Nora shook her head. "I always figured there was something funny about that story. You know, something more that wasn't being told. Blaming it on the witch is always better than saying the little princess fucked up."

"Yeah, we always get the bad end of the stick. Well, most of the time. That spell I had on that dildo and all those orgasms made her sleep for a couple of weeks or so."

"A few weeks or so? I thought it was like a hundred years or some such," Nora said and then she frowned as she eyed her friend sharply. "Ok. Out with it. What else did you do?"

"Uh, I don't know what you're talking about," Abigail said shifty eyed.

Now it was Nora's turn to cackle. "Spill it. I want all the details."

"Uh.... There ain't much to tell. You know how much I love them little blonde princesses. I just couldn't stay away, so every week or so I'd pop into her bedroom with my strap-on and let nature take its course."

"Which strap-on?" Nora asked in a breathy whisper. "Not Black Beauty?"

Abigail grinned and nodded.

"Holy bat shit! No wonder she kept on sleeping. I'm surprised she lived through it."

"Live though it, she couldn't get enough of it. The more I gave her, the more she wanted. The harder I fucked her, the harder she wanted it. That little bitch has a monster of a sexual appetite. I finally had to go find that damned prince and get him to take over. She was about to wear me out."

"Huh? How could he compete with black Beauty? I mean that thing should have been on a horse."

Abigail cracked up and ended up sitting on the ground she was laughing so hard.

"What the fuck is so funny?" Nora asked.

"It was at one time," Abigail confessed. "Do you remember that knight on the black horse that slew my pet dragon?"

"You don't mean...."

"Yeah, I sure do and you know that big tin can that sits on my desk.... That's what's left of the knight."

Nora shook her head and grinned. "You are something else, girlfriend."

"Anyway," Abigail said, "quit interrupting so I can tell my story. Now, where was I?"

*****

Oh, yeah, I was headed for the big O and then it hit me. A dildo screwed to my broom would keep me in place and keep me from sliding around. I jerked that double pronged one out of my ass and pussy and looked at it closely. I figured it would be perfect but then again it was my favorite toy and I didn't want to be able to use it only when I went flying.

I spent an hour or two sorting through my toy box. I never realized how many toys I had or how many of them I loved so much. Decisions, decisions, decisions. I couldn't make up my mind. Of course, some were just out of the question. I even considered folding that long double ended dong over and....

Well, I couldn't do that. If I did, then what would I share with you and my other friends when you dropped in? I mean, there are limits and then there are responsibilities of a good hostess. I know you love Black Beauty almost as much as I do but after a while it gets to my lower back.

Nora shivered and groaned. "My lower back ain't even close to where it gets me. I swear sometimes I can belch and taste that damned thing."

"That reminds me. I didn't have lunch and all this talk about that princess and Black Beauty has me hungry." Abigail's eyes wandered up and down her friend's body again.

"Oh, no, you don't!" Nora whispered fiercely. "I can't move with this damned spell on me and I'm likely to pull something. Anyway, the last time you ate me, I got a heat rash from all them peppers you like in your chili."

Abigail frowned and shook her head. "You had to mention chili, didn't you? I ain't had any in a couple of months. That last batch made my cauldron throw up and now it runs off if I even mention chili."

"No chili, huh? In that case, let me loose and I'll serve you the hottest, juiciest lunch you've had in a while," Nora whispered with a big grin on her face. She wasn't anyone's fool. Abigail had a tongue that was pure heaven when it wasn't pepper coated.

"Hey!" Nora yelled. She rose three feet off the ground and then rotated until she was upside down. When she felt her legs spreading, she knew where this was heading. "All the blood's going to rush to my head."

Abigail rotated her friend around until her feet were once again pointed toward the ground. "You are getting so picky in your old age."

"I've just learned that a little comfort goes a long ways," Nora replied huffily. "Tell me about this broom deal and then we can take this inside and pile up in your bed."

Abigail grinned and released the spell on her friend. "Your idea sounds a lot better than anything I might have had to say. Anyway, if you've had several dozen orgasms and your brains fucked out with Black Beauty, it will be easier for you to try out my broom later."

"Sounds like a plan to me," Nora replied with a big smile. She didn't give a shit about the broom; Black Beauty would have her flying around the room without one.