All Comments on 'Pool Boy'

yo continue this story man. Luved it. wanna see where the characters gor from. My idea is that Hunter and Alexis become a couple even while he still screwing Olivia, Emma, and Sophie.

Loved the story, please continue to develop it further and please make Hunter and Alexis a couple even when Hunter continue to fuck others.

I'm going to read on, but I needed to say that you almost lost me on the first sentence. Hunter is a 'cool guy' name, having him tell me he was made fun of for it threw me right out of the story and I wasn't even in it yet.

If the intent was to build some sympathy with the guy, show me. Following up by describing is physique and stats doesn't support this.

I have high hopes for your story by what some of the other commenters said, but I had to forward my constructive criticism before continuing.

Your version of this cliche was pretty average. You also switched to third person at one point & your descriptions could use some polish.

Don't listen to what the dicks (especially the wanna-be writer one) below me said. Good story, hope you continue it.

I thought this was very hot. Bring it on. More please.

Great story. Loved the detail and hot bodies fucking. Why not get Hunter to invite a friend or two over next time. Would love to see these sluts take two or three cocks at a time. Looking forward to the next instalment.

Loving it. More story, more people, don't stop.

Only way this gets any better is if Hunter knocks them up. I hope you'll write some more chapters and Hunter marries Alexis and takes care of him financially and him take care of her and all the lonely housewives

Awsome story so far. Please continue this. Thanks

Like many excellent stories here, the quality of the ideas and imagination here is top notch. It is a shame that the mechanics of this ' first draft' quality effort leave it in an unfinished state. The potential is there. Sadly the realization remains elusive.I fully intend to read parts 2-10, if only to see if they also show similar characteristics.

State (state)

University (university) (2)

girl friends (girlfriends) (2)

some king of visual (kind)

Engineering (engineering)

school work (schoolwork)

part time (part-time)

Logo (logo)

finger-tips (fingertips)

It fell (They)

king sized (king-sized)

counter-rotate (counterrotate)

girl friend (girlfriend)

over my ball (balls)

any more (anymore) (2)

couple of inched (inches)

Fingers (fingers)

wide eyed (wide-eyed)

four women ( Olivia, Sophia, Emma, and ????)

Pool Cleaner (pool cleaner)

clamp her clips (lips)

at Olivia's instance (insistence)

to be cock (on my)

Shit (shit)

eighteen year (eighteen-year)

half-way (halfway)

Fuck (fuck)

Throatjob (throat job)

run-away (runaway)

hard as erasures (erasers)

Pool start up, women needed with more stamina or laidmentum.

But I don't feel bad, b/c your ability to use proper spelling & grammar stopped LONG before that!

Excellent writing. Please keep going . we differently need more.

I enjoyed more than 1 female. This..

Came across your profile when I saw you're latest chapter on the new stories page. Rather than read the new one on its own I decided to start at the beginning and glad I did. That's an incredible start to this series of stories and certainly look forward to the other chapters. Can understand it's high rating and certainly scored 5 stars like a lot of others have. On to chapter 2.

you have one. you know how to move and up the action. it was like listening to a well written piece of music. get an editor/proofreader and don't worry about the small stuff, work your style!

This pool boy is a lucky one. Great story.

- www.ishared.life/19-crazy-sex-skills

It’s clique not click. Diction is important if you want to write well.

This is only the first chapter. Hunter is going to need a lot of help from his friends to clean all those pools and fuck all that pussy. Great start. Looking forward to more.

All the errors in the text takes some of the enjoyment away. I absolutely love the premise, a young guy with access to a lot of hot trophy wives, and the story is actually pretty good.

Unfortunately there are a lot of things that don't really work for me. The author seems to be aiming for a more advanced language than he really has mastered, there are plenty of places where he uses words that are wrong for the context, also the continuity leaves something to be desired, for example, near the end Alexis is standing up, doing something to Hunter that seems impossible to do while standing, only then does the author reveal that she is in fact lying on her back. It's important for the writer to keep the reader updated about what is going on in the story, and he should definitely avoid moving the characters around without telling us, at least those involved in the story's "present."

And there are more examples like that.

But the biggest blunder (IMO) is when Olivia and Sophia have decided to invite Emma, because they realize that they are better off including her in the action than having her accidentally discover what they are doing, and possibly start blabbing, and they discuss how important it is to keep absolutely quiet about the whole affair. The next thing out of Hunter's mouth is that he would like to invite a friend of his into this secret group activity! And the women think that is a GREAT idea! WTF? Remember that Olivia has met Hunter twice, the first time for just a few minutes, and really doesn't know him at all, and that Sophia has literally never met him before in her life! They don't know if Hunter is trustworthy and they certainly don't have any reason to trust his friends with something like this! It is a completely harebrained thing to do when they both (and possibly Emma at this point) have so much to lose.

Not least because it seems to be almost impossible for teenage guys to keep quit about their sexual adventures...

I'm going to cautiously read some more, but since I, unlike most who have commented before me, don't like stories where the MC shares his women with his buddies, I feel that the story is moving in the wrong direction for me.

That was enough action for 10 chapters! Wow. Nice.

A real fantasy but aren't most of them i loved every word. I wish i had a pool boy like that. 5*

why is hunter a tough name to grow up with? i googled insults for people named hunter etc., several different ways and couldn't find an explanation.

Loved the story

Good 1st chapter

During their initial encounter, nearly every sentence began with ‘she.’ Kind of boring.