Purgatory

"Yes. A mystery."

She smiled at me. "Have you been celibate since the incident?"

"Oh. Yes. Well, I mean..."

"I see." She moved her hand in the universal gesture. She laughed.

I said, "What about you? Do you take some comfort from the odd customer?"

"Yes."

"Ah....okay. And now?"

"One and Seven have been seeing to my needs since they arrived."

"Both, then? At once?" She laughed again.

"Often the three of us come together. But they're leaving at the end of this week, two days. I'm sure the three of us will see each other tomorrow night. After that, I may need....another outlet."

I stood up and held out my hand to her. She took it and I led her into the cabin. She turned to me, and we kissed, fervently on my part at least.

She stepped back, "You can consider this an audition. Not to put too much pressure on you. And, of course, sub-par performance could result in a painful beating for you." Now she was openly laughing at the taunt. I wondered if it took both One and Seven to subdue her. Or maybe even the two of them couldn't do that. I was counting on her cooperation.

I got it. Oh, did I get it.

We were naked in seconds, on the bed. It was like a whirlwind took me up. She was almost as strong as I was, almost as big. I let her take the lead. She straddled me, rubbed herself on my cock until she was ready and then lowered herself onto me. I was taken with her and her assertiveness. She basically fucked herself on me, and had several orgasms before I came deep inside her. She lay her head next to mine, breathing hard.

"You have a wide cock. It's....fantastic. Your audition is going very well."

"Oh, thanks. I'm going to escape my beating, then?"

"For now."

We had started around 9:00. In the next five hours we fucked and sucked almost continuously. Never in my life had I had any experience like that. Kim was beautiful and ardent. But Jen was a quite a few notches above ardent.

After two am she slipped out of bed, and I got some sleep. But the gong rang at five. I rolled out, went for the morning run. I was not as energetic as I had been the day before. I expect the others knew why, but no one commented. There were some smiles between the other three when I fell a little behind.

In my morning fights with Jen, I took a step back. I found myself looking up at her over and over again. After almost an hour of this, she helped me up and said, "I see that you're distracted and tired. In life those days will happen. Can you overcome these things?"

I turned away from her, and I stared at the wall for maybe two minutes, emptying my head as completely as I could. I turned back. We assumed the fighting stance and I struck her immediately and she went down. I helped her up. She looked at me funny, but assumed the stance again. She struck first. I evaded her punch, and then a following kick. I pulled her leg with her momentum and she was down. I helped her up. I said, "Perhaps you were correct about my being distracted."

We assumed the stance again. This lasted for several minutes before she knocked me down with a kick to the chest. She smiled down at me. "That was a magnificent fight. When you're not distracted, you're my equal. You've made amazing progress." She pulled me up and we were finished for the day. When we emerged, there was a crowd outside. Ostensibly they were returning from the facility. But they were ranged in a circle around the door. Jen walked right past them. So, I did as well. I assume they were only curious. I turned back and asked One why they were there.

"The last time Jen stayed at night with someone that she fought the next day, the guy was injured. We were curious. You're not injured. By the way, we were expecting her tonight -- our last. Seven and I. Will she come?"

"I'm sure she will come. Just don't know with whom. That's up to her."

Jen and I had dinner together. She was quiet. Then she looked at me. "It's their last night. And...there are two of them, and only one of you."

"Your choice and I respect that. We have time." She smiled at that. She got up and walked away. I didn't see her until our morning fight session.

I won all but two fights in the first hour. I finally said, "Perhaps you are distracted."

She looked at me and started to laugh. She assumed the stance. She threw me to the ground in seconds. She said, "I believe you were correct." She helped me up.

She said, "This is our last session in the small room. You have progressed enough to fight on the mats. I admit that I have enjoyed fighting with you."

Such an odd thing to say, eh? But I also enjoyed it -- fighting with her. I only nodded.

That afternoon Manny taught me some footwork that set up punches. Then he asked me to try the material on the mat with Seven, in his last session. I looked carefully at Manny, but saw nothing different about him -- a stoic.

Seven and I squared off. I was....peeved at him (and One, too). But I faced the wall and emptied my head. Then we went at it. The new footwork was a work in progress, and Seven got the best of me for a while. Yet, I was calm. I worked on the footwork, and then -- just like that -- it worked. Seven went down hard. I helped him up.

"Your new maneuver is very difficult to defend, Six. When done well." Seven and I went at it several more times. He was very creative in his defense to offensive maneuvers. But the new footwork was difficult for him when I could work it in. It involved a jab step, then, depending upon the response, either a straight punch, or, if there was a retreat from the jab step, a round kick. Or, I found, a round punch. Manny hadn't said anything about that, but it worked well. When we were done, Manny and Seven shook and Seven and I shook.

As we walked back to our cabins, Seven said, "She wasn't into it last night. Oh, she had a good time, as did we. But she was different. That's on you, I think."

"I've only been with her once -- well, one night. She's...I have no right to be jealous."

"But you were, though. I saw you clear your head. Manny saw it, too. He set up the practice as a test for you, I believe. You passed."

We separated and I saw him at dinner that night. Seven, One, Jen and I were at a table. She seemed embarrassed when they came to sit.

One said, "Jen, I have been so happy to have known you here. I'll remember you as long as I live. Which may not be so long, perhaps.' He smiled.

We talked about other things -- the four of us. She hugged them each when we were finished eating. They walked out and I never saw either of them again. But I did see a lot of Jen.

I spent the next three months at the Farm. I learned quite bit about fighting. I could spar with anyone, including -- at the end -- Manny.

Jen and I were together each night. She had no new lovers among the men who came and went. The longest stay, aside from me, was a month.

After a week when I sparred with him, Manny called me to his office after a dinner.

"You have a plan for confronting the boxer?"

"No. well, not a definite one. I thought I might go back and see what happens."

"Brian, I believe you could incapacitate him in any fight on the street. But if that happened, given the past associations, you may well be jailed. I have seen how close you and Jen have become. She and I would not like to see that. So, I have an idea."

"What?"

"You box him."

"How could that be arranged?"

He explained his plan.

The next week I was up early and after my run, I took a car and drove to Mountain City, to a gym by the tracks. It was a boxing club and training center, owned and run by Jenks Martin, an ex-boxer. Jenks had been a near champ as a middleweight, and had a big reputation as a trainer. He had local fighters and two who fought on a national basis. One, Jerry Tatum, was a light heavy. The other was a welterweight.

I met Jenks in his office. Manny had spoken to him about me. Jenks had a plan. I was togged out and stated by hitting a light bag. Then a heavy bag. Rope skip. At the end of the day, I went a round with a heavyweight local guy. Jenks told me not to hit him, just stay out of his reach. I did that. Despite my regimen at the Farm, I was tired.

Jen asked all about it and I told her. It took two weeks before Jenks set a bout for me with a light heavy. It was a pro bout, but a club fight. I registered as B.B. Farmer. Jenks told me to hit the guy a lot, but not knock him out, if I could help it. It was a three round bout.

I hit the fellow -- Larry Bonds -- many times, lightly. He never actually hit me except on the arms. I won on unanimous decision. Each day I trained with Jenks, slept with Jen, and lifted weights. I also chopped a lot of wood, stockpiling.

I eventually sparred with the light heavy true pro that Jenks trained. Rashar Jones was his name, and he brought me down from whatever high I had been on. He could hit me. I also could hit him. He hit harder. For a while.

I began working on what I saw him do, which was fire combinations in rapid succession. I had the hands for it. I upped my work on the heavy bag. After two months I could spar him even up.

During that time, I had ten bouts locally, and two more down state. I won them all, nine by decision. One guy annoyed me in a downstate bout. I knocked him out cold in the second round. He was a flashy guy, and thought he could taunt me. Apparently, he had been able to do that before. With me, it was a mistake.

I was now an undefeated pro. Jenks asked me if I believed that I was ready.

"For what?"

"Jamal Bennett. He's doing a kind of bum of the month series of bouts. He knocks all of them out. You would be next month."

"Okay. But what do you think?"

"I took the bout. You'll get paid four thousand, and expenses."

"Okay. I'm looking forward to it."

For the six weeks before the fight, I studied film and trained with some guys recruited by Jenks. I felt a mounting anger as I watched the video. I had to hold back sparring. Jenks warned me a few times.

We were headed to D.C. for the bout. Jenks, Manny and Jen and I. Bennett was a big deal in D.C. and a ranked light heavyweight.

The four of us stayed at a nice motel. The fight was set for a Friday at a largish arena, seating five thousand. It was almost full for the card. Our fight was the main attraction, billed as a battle of undefeated fighters.

Up to this point, I had heard little or nothing about Jamal Bennett and my now ex-wife. There was nothing in the paper, and no one from my old milieu knew where I was. Bennet and his handlers were not taking me seriously. But the fight was going to be a moneymaker for him. There was television, for one thing -- cable to be sure.

Manny took me aside as I was getting ready to go.

"Your wife is here. She appears to have a child with her. She'll be at ringside."

"Does she know it's me who's fighting?"

"I don't know. I'm sure someone from Bennet's camp would have recognized you. Or, maybe he did. He's surely watched video."

"You know, I only saw him once. And not for long. I guess I'll find out when we meet at the center."

I went into the ring, to a lot of boos. Bennett was a big home town favorite. I had a hooded robe that I kept on in my corner. Jenks was my cut man. Manny and Jen were at ringside.

Bennet came into the ring to a lot of fanfare. I watched him carefully from under my hood. He was a showoff. I was filled with rage, actually seeing him. I turned away from him and stared at nothing. I felt the calm descend on me.

We were called into the ring for the pre-fight meet. I kept my hood on. I could see that Bennett didn't have any idea who I was. He was dancing around, shouting.

I saw Kim at ringside. She had a child with her. I doffed my hooded robe and smiled at her as the bell rang. I saw a shocked expression on her face as I turned away.

Bennett danced out shooting jabs that had no chance of hitting me, but looked good. He had a habit of moving back and forth in front of his opponent. He had a rhythm. It was a weakness, because he could be timed.

In the first minute, he was getting into his rhythm, and so was I. His jabs, and one right, all missed. When he dodged to his right on rhythm, I stuck him with two hard jabs and a lightening right cross. The right hit him flush on the cheek. He was staggered. I felt the rage rise up inside me.

I bulled him into the ropes, hit him in the body. Right, left to the ribs. Right to the kidney. Savage left to the ribs. I felt him sag. I stepped back and hit him on the jaw with a right hand, knocking him back onto the ropes. I saw that he was out, but he fell toward me as he came off the ropes and was headed down. His head was right there for me. I could kill him with another right. I felt the rage -- as much as ever in my life.

But I held the punch.

He dropped to the canvas, out cold. I stood there for a second, looked down at Kim, who was staring in shock. I flexed. I mouthed 'bitch.' Then I turned and walked to my corner, through the ropes and out of the ring.

The four of us went directly to the dressing room. I didn't shower. Manny had a van outside with all of our stuff. We got into it and drove away. No press. No TV. Manny drove us back to the Farm. It was about a two hour drive, and we were ebullient, after we were clear of the arena.

There was beer for Jenks and me.

When we were about thirty minutes from the Farm, Manny used a pause to ask me, "Why didn't you hit him that last time, Brian? I could see the rage come out when you had him on the ropes."

"I'm not sure, Manny. There it was. Right there, a dead asshole. I didn't want to kill him. I have to think about why."

Jen said, "It's a good thing, Brian. Anyway, it's sure he's hurt bad. Enough."

"It was a free shot. Perfectly legal. I'm conflicted."

"Well," she said, 'they're going to offer you money to fight. Do you want to fight?"

"Dunno. I have enough money. The business is going well, and I could sell it for a bunch. But, I do like to fight."

"You might be able to be a champ. These days, though, that's not the same as when Ali and Frazier fought."

"I'll think about it. I like the MMA stuff, you know."

She laughed. "I bet. You're a killer!!"

"Seems I'm not a killer."

We arrived at the Farm, and off loaded the stuff. Jenks was to stay the night. We were all in the main house, and Jen and I were heading upstairs, when Jenks turned on ESPN. There it was. The entire 90 seconds of the fight. Underneath it said I'd knocked out Bennett and then disappeared. We all chuckled. Our reason for fleeing was the possibly very hostile crowd, including Bennett's buddies.

I found myself exhausted. But the sight of the short fight was mesmerizing to me. I looked, and it was like I was back there, but also like I couldn't believe that I was the person I was looking at. They had slow motion video of the knockout. I would be there and not there, as I watched. Slow and then fast. I had to sit down. When I watched the moment when I could have killed him, I focused on my face. (His face was slack and expressionless.) I saw the rage disappear. One millisecond it was there. The next it was gone, replaced by blankness close to despair. I hadn't felt despair -- that I recalled. But it sure looked like that on video.

Then I saw my flex, staring at Kim. My face was still blank, as if I had preplanned this and was going through the motions. I remembered leaving the ring, but not the flex. There was a fog there for me. It seemed to have lifted as I moved toward the dressing room. I saw myself skipping at the end of the runway.

Jen was holding my hand. I found that I clutched her hand. We looked at each other. I didn't understand what I had seen. I stood up, and pulled her with me.

"Bedtime." I whispered it. I needed her with me.

Manny and Jenks said nothing.

Jen and I, by this time, were firmly in love. We knew it, and had said it. It was something more than I ever felt for Kim.

We undressed, and showered together, but no sex play. I put on light PJ's and she wore a nightdress. We cuddled.

She said, "What did you feel when you watched?"

"I felt....estranged from myself. From the person who fought. I felt estranged, but I knew I was that person."

"I've been thinking about your entire journey here. I believe that you have to settle about Kim -- why she did it. All you've said is that her folks told you she had some earlier mental health difficulties that they never mentioned."

"I don't want to see her. She has his kid. She did me so wrong. And it was out of the blue, as if I never meant anything to her at all. She filed for divorce so quickly."

"But, Brian, she was your wife for some time, and no hint until almost when she showed up with the boxer. How could that be? I think you'll always be unsure -- about us maybe -- if you have no resolution. Maybe you should go see her folks."

"I'll consider that. I can't just drop in on them. For all I know Kim's living there."

"Let's investigate tomorrow, okay?"

"Yep. Okay."

The next day Jen and I looked into a couple of things. First, we checked on Bennett. He was still hospitalized, in no danger of dying, but perhaps incapacitated.

Then we looked into Kim. It seemed that she and Bennett were living together in a condo in Virginia. There was mention of a child, but no details or photos. ESPN had a story on Bennett's rise and the bout. Kim was shown in one part, hugging him after a victory. They said that Bennett's future in boxing was uncertain.

I decided to call Kim's parents. They lived in a suburb of D.C. John worked as a civilian employee at the Pentagon. Eileen was a high school math teacher. She answered the phone when I called at lunch time.

"Hi, Eileen, it's Brian."

"Oh. Oh, Brian, why have you called now? This isn't the best time."

"Eileen, I'm sorry that he got injured. But that's not what I would like to discuss. I'm...I remain confused as to what happened between Kim and me. I feel as if I need some explanation, but I don't want to see her."

"I see. We did tell you that Kim had had some problems as a young teen. We believed that they were behind her. They weren't. Let me see if John agrees to a discussion. I'll call you back. At this number?"

"Yes. Thanks."

Kim and I went about our business. She kept her cell nearby, in case they called. Reporters showed up at the Farm. We should have anticipated that. They were not admitted to the grounds. But some of the customers were nervous. And Manny was nervous.

I called a buddy of mine who knew more about public relations. I was advised that the press would press us until they got more information. They hated a mystery. Or, they liked a mystery because it bumped ratings, but it had to be resolved.

I sent Jenks out to the gate. I had arranged to have a side room at his gym for a press meeting. He announced that, and a five pm time.

Kim's folks called back then. I set up a dinner with them at a D.C. hotel, two days off. I thanked them for doing that.

Jen and Jenks and I discussed how to handle the conference. Jenks and I walked into the place just after five. There were video cameras, and flashes. I had a prepared statement. I said that I hoped Bennett was okay. I also said that I had no plans for a next bout at this time. I finally said how grateful I was to get the chance to fight a major contender.

There were questions. How did I feel when knocked him out? (Numb.) Did I believe I could win, going into the fight? (Yes.) Did I think I could beat the champ? (Never saw him fight.) Why did I flex when he went down? (I don't recall doing that. I guess I was just happy, celebrating.) Why did I say bitch? (I don't recall that.) Was I talking to Bennett's girl? (No. (a lie.)) Would I give Bennett a rematch? (Unsure. Don't even know if he wants one.)

At that point Jenks interrupted, and ended the presser. We fled into the main gym. When I had come to the presser, we had gone through the side. But now, when we entered the main facility, a bunch of guys were in there working out. I got a round of applause. Granted, it was muted by the presence of gloves. There was also hooting. I smiled and took a bow. I was pummeled then. Later, when I thought about whether to continue, I factored in those guys.