All Comments on 'Pussy-Wrapped'

GREAT HORROR STORY AS ALWAYS. VERY IMAGINATIVE. NOTE TO MANYEYEDHYDRA.... PLEASE SAY HI PHILL, I MISS HIM A LOT.

dmitry

Let me start off by saying that I love your writing. It flows well, gets the point across, and the sex is fantastic. It always is. <br /><br />That said, there are a few points I would have changed with this story if it was up to me. First and foremost, I would have given a longer opening. I would have liked to read about the three way with the hooker instead of reading it as a flashback. It also would have been more of a shock when Rich died if he was a bit more developed. More of an intro could have also given you more of an opportunity to build up the strange rumors surrounding this particular crime lord. I think it could have added a lurking, brooding element to the horror. And, quite frankly, it would have made a little more sense when the succubi attacked. Although the paintings in the entry way were plenty of warning, especially having read your writing before, I think the surprise of a giant man-eating vagina may have caught some readers off guard.<br /><br />So, on to my second point. It's a minor one. I think the line, &quot;Would you like to fuck one of them? Right now?&quot; could have been simply, &quot;&quot;Would you like to fuck one of them?&quot; Then maybe Rich could have replied in a shocked manner, &quot;Right now?&quot; It gives the feel that Koontz simply expects the sex to be right now without having to say it. It implies that this sort of behavior is more in the norm for him. Or, at least, that he wants it to appear that way. This point is really more nit picky though, so don't mind it.<br /><br />So, all in all, my major problem was that I wanted more story. And, on the whole, that's a pretty good problem to have. I love your writing and I think this is a fantastic start if you had planned on making it a series. (Which I hope you do)<br /><br />I hope I wasn't too critical. I've just been editing my own stuff recently so I'm stuck on problem finding mode. I voted you a five because what was there was awesome even if I wanted a little more.<br /><br />Thanks for writing!<br /><br />-Lalochezia

....and not cartoonish-pistolpackinpete

Fantastic work Manyeyed, I enjoyed this one a lot. Having said that, I had a few comments I wanted to make.

Firstly, great to have someone being fed from through oral sex, I would love to see more of that in your stories.

Secondly, I thought Rich's capture by the succubus needed more focus. It seemed the most interesting element there, so I thought that more of the story should have focused on his experience in the giant pussy.

Thirdly, in your early stories you focused a lot on the pleasure the men received in graphic detail, which is what made the stories so appealing. I could picture what they were feeling in my mind, every orgasm etc. In recent entries though this has given way to more of a drive for the plot and has been neglected a bit, so if you could balance the two more that would be fantastic.

Fourthly, I would love to see another story with Sister Squeeze, easily your best character.

Anyway, I hope that was constructive and you continue to write more of your excellent stories.

Really, this was a great story. As for some of the comment's you've received, I'd just say ignore those that want to be editors and don't have any stories of their own, and those that don't have the guts to even post a profile with their stories so you can turn around and critique their work in public like they've done yours. Looking forward to you future stories, and I promise I'll try and get at least one more Succubus Ranch story up before the end of this year.

Great work as ever. I enjoyed the combination of the highly unorthodox demise with the more typical action. Also good to see Physalia again, I hope she gets another starring role sometime<BR><BR>

Incidentally, "like a toad on ecstasy" is possibly the best simile I've read. Cracking stuff

I had no issues with any portion of the text: feelings inside Rich's head; memories of three-ways, etc. The tale from Donald's POV read smoothly, by the second paragraph there was no stopping until devouring every word. I know you prefer criticism to gushing adulation although the only thing I can offer up is I'd've liked a little more closure, seeing the hippie godfather's world undermined by the underestimated Donald. You've got a great villain in a cryptic lair with his hench-bad-girls that would be a helluva lot of fun to explore. As an accomplished writer you know the 'try-fail cycle' drill. Does Donald enlist the aid of a rival demon to go after Koontz, or does he go it alone, or does he catch the next flight to the south Pacific under an assumed name? Only Hydra knows.....

Very much enjoyed. I reaaly like the erotic inventiveness.

... great story teller, cheers!

I didn't see some of this happening, even from the title. Donald needs a seccond chapter, maybe rising higher and gaining similar bodyguard ?

A few typos concerning character names, which was confusing. Great story, though.

Another great belter of a story with Mr Koontz.