Recycling

I smiled understandingly, but still said haughtily, "Yes. Most boys are like that. But I am a superior horny man."

Debbie smiled enigmatically. "But... I can't ask you out."

"Why not?"

"I can't say."

"Can't say because you don't want to?"

"I can't say."

"What if I want to?"

"Want to what?"

"Want to ask you out."

"Do you?"

"I can't say."

This earned me another resounding smack on the shoulder. I realized I shouldn't tease her anymore if I wanted to continue using my left arm.

"I guess if you don't have the guts to ask, you'll never know," she said challengingly.

"Fine! Debbie, would you like to catch a movie this weekend?"

She grinned, but then turned serious. "Gerry... isn't there someone else... you've got your eye on?"

I raised my eyebrows at her. "Well... no. I don't have my eye on anyone else."

Was that skepticism I saw for a passing moment?

"And you're not looking for a wife?" she probed. "A 'Mrs. you?'"

"Nope."

"And you wouldn't mind having a low maintenance girlfriend you don't see every day? Or even every week?"

I smiled broadly. "No, I wouldn't mind having a low maintenance girlfriend. As long as I get to, you know... maintain her, now and then."

She burst out laughing, and I joined in. After our laughter died down, she sat staring at me with a playful smile on her face. Then it looked like she'd make a decision.

She pulled a notepad out of her backpack, tore out a sheet, and wrote something on it. She flagged down one of the guys going into the frat house.

"Hey, could you do me a favor?" she asked, smiling prettily up at him. There was no way in hell the young man could say no to her.

"Sure."

"Could you put this on the table in the study room off the main hall?"

"No problem."

She pulled me to my feet, smiling impishly. "So you're not a dumb horny frat guy?"

"No," I said tentatively. If this was going where I thought it was going, I wasn't going to say something stupid to ruin it! But she went where I hoped she was going.

As she began leading me down the street, away from the fraternity, a sly smile appeared on her face.

"Have you ever snuck into a sorority before?"

Debbie and I were a couple through the beginning of our senior year, and I like to think that we both enjoyed our time together. I know I did.

It was my first time dating a sorority girl, as I seldom encountered them socially. I lived in a dorm along with most of my high school buddies; we'd decided to go that route when we realized no one fraternity could take us all in.

Debbie had been right, sorority life made it awkward for us to date. Compounding the problem were the many Greek functions she organized, that by tradition excluded non Greek students. Since she had to go to them, we'd spend those weekends apart.

More often than not our dates happened when Jennifer threatened Debbie with bodily harm if she didn't take the time to go out on a double date with her and Larry.

What private time we did have together was a whole lot of fun. Debbie was an enthusiastic and energetic lover to say the least. We got together so irregularly in our "low maintenance" relationship that our trysts were usually all out bed shaking marathons that left us breathless. The gentlest thing in our love making was the exhausted sweaty cuddle afterwards before we fell asleep.

Debbie and I eventually agreed to break up in our senior year. She met a fraternity guy that she began to mention fairly regularly in our study group conversations. I noticed that Jennifer often frowned surreptitiously when she did; Debbie seemed not to notice.

The last thing I wanted to do was have our relationship blind Debbie to the possibility of a more... 'serious' long term love. I thought too much of her to let that happen.

After reflecting on the situation a while, I asked her, as gently as I could, if she might have finally stumbled across a fraternity guy that wasn't just dumb and horny.

She automatically said no, which I accepted. But I also asked her to think about it. The next day she called and tearfully said I might be right. I suggested she try a date with the guy.

Their date went well, and led to others. Debbie and I ultimately parted as low maintenance boyfriend and girlfriend with no long term regrets. We were both a little sad at the time, but I felt fortunate that we were able to continue on as friends.

During that time, Jen and Larry's relationship had become a bit more... tumultuous. They never completely 'broke up.' All I can say is the make up sex must have been really good for them to keep separating and reuniting so often.

It was funny how it never affected their contribution to our study group. The only way Debbie and I could tell if they were together or apart was by watching where they sat at the work table. Sitting side by side meant they were together. Across the table from each other meant they were on the outs.

But... they always got back together.

The night after Debbie and I agreed to end the intimate part of our friendship I was studying in my dorm room after having another fine cafeteria meal, featuring the legendary 'mystery meat' entrée.

There came a gentle knock on the door. That was unusual; standard dormitory protocol meant most people hammered on it or just barged right in.

"Come in!" I called.

The door cracked open, and a female voice replied, "Are you decent?" It sounded familiar but I couldn't immediately place it.

"Yeah, come on in." I was pleasantly surprised when Jennifer came hesitantly into the room. Our study sessions were always at the library or at Larry's fraternity; she'd never been to my place before.

"Hey, kiddo! What a nice surprise." I got up to give her a hug in welcome. She smiled as we came together, but I thought her eyes looked a little red.

"I hope you don't mind me just dropping in," she said tentatively, "Debbie gave me directions."

I couldn't help but solicitously ask about my newly former girlfriend. "How is Debbie? Is she okay?"

Jen smiled kindly and reached up to ruffle my hair. "She's okay. And she definitely still likes you. She wants only the best for you."

"I want what's best for her too." I looked at her with mock suspicion. "Did she send you here to check on me?"

She smiled enigmatically.

"Sort of."

"Sort of?"

She smiled again, but it was an oddly nervous smile. I was puzzled; this wasn't the Jen I knew. She was invariably confident and outgoing. Except... right after a separation from Larry.

She had left the door to my room open, and I noticed a decided increase of foot traffic in the hallway outside. She'd barely had time to sit down on my bed before some guys had already gone by three times. Did I mention she's beautiful?

I got up and closed the door; Jen looked up at me nervously.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Is what okay?"

"Uh... nothing, you just seem a little nervous is all I meant."

"Oh." She sat and fidgeted, looking out the window and back to me; apparently not thinking my question required more of an answer.

"Would you like a soda?" I asked, trying to calm her by sounding as relaxed and casual as I could.

"Sure."

I got a Coke out of my mini-fridge for her, popped the tab on top of the can and handed it to her. She stared down at the can in her hand for a moment before looking back up at me.

"Why did you do that?" she asked.

"Do what?"

"Why did you open it before you gave it to me?"

"Oh. I know it can be awkward for girls with long fingernails to open a pop can without breaking a nail. And you've always had beautiful nails." (I've found you can never go wrong complementing a woman's fingernails or her shoes.)

I'd hoped I was lightening the mood, but now she was staring back at me like I was a space alien. I started to feel uncomfortable. I decided it was time for me to poke a stick into the hornet's nest.

"Is everything all right? Any trouble with... Larry?"

"We broke up."

I nodded sagely; I hoped sympathetically.

"It's... different this time."

Despite my best effort to maintain a poker face, she still saw my faint skepticism.

"I know, I know..." She shrugged and gave out a great sigh. "He'll always be special to me," she said softly, looking down and picking at her pretty fingernails in her lap. "I'll probably always love him. I told him that."

I started to believe it really was different this time. I sat on the bed next to her and put an arm around her shoulders.

"Hey, I'm sorry, Jen. I know you've been together a long time. That's a tough one."

"Yeah. Debbie and I have been consoling each other most of the day." She sniffled, as if to emphasize the point.

"I guess that's one good thing; you two can help each other get through it. Although it's pretty weird for you guys to break up at the same time Debbie and I split."

Jen's eyes widened for a moment. Then as if to hide her expressions from me, she nestled her head on my neck and shoulder. I brought my other arm around to hold her, and we sat silently hugging each other.

Eventually she cleared her throat and sat upright again. I was happy to see at least a little of the merriment in her eyes I had come to expect.

"Gerry?"

"Hmmm?"

"Would you... go out with me?"

You could have knocked me over with a feather.

"Sorry?"

"I said, 'Would you go out with me?'"

I was suddenly incapable of speech. Then she really amazed me.

"I would have asked you sooner, if you hadn't been dating Debbie. She's known how I feel about you for a while. So, when you guys started to talk about maybe seeing other people, she clued me in right away."

"Oh. Wow." She smiled briefly at my paralysis. "Uh, are you, you know, really sure? I mean... about Larry... this time?"

"I'm sure. It wasn't really working out with me and Larry either, Gerry. So please don't think you're the reason we broke up. It was only a matter of time... and I think now is... a really good time." She underscored her words by hugging me again.

I shook my head, still incredulous that this marvelous creature was even in my room, let alone asking me out. "You're sure you want to date me?"

She smiled coyly. "You don't want to be seen with me? I think the guys on your floor would probably be okay with it."

"It's the other way around, Jennifer. Are you sure you want..." She interrupted me with a firm tug to our hug.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Really..."

"Yes, Gerry," she interrupted before I vented any more of my insecurities. "Especially after you opened my Coke for me."

She giggled at my look of surprise, then pushed me down on the bed. She looked down at me, smiling broadly.

"Maybe this will convince you I want to date you," she said softly. There followed the most amazing toe-curling kiss I'd ever had in my life. I couldn't tell you what was different from other first kisses I'd experienced, but my first kiss with Jennifer left me gasping.

"Well, okay then," I eventually managed to say. "You're not going to tell Debbie how easy I was, are you? I am on the rebound, you know. I'm vulnerable right now. "

Jen laughed that sparkling laugh of hers. "She told me to get my ass over here before somebody else beat me to it."

"Okay, now you're B.S.ing me."

She shook her head, her beautiful blond hair moving sensuously. "You really don't know what a catch you are, do you?"

"Yeah, right."

"Gerry," she said patiently, "why do you think Debbie and I made sure our study sessions were never at the sorority?"

"Why?" I asked, still puzzled.

"Oh, good grief," she said in exasperation. "Just shut up and kiss me."

And the rest, as they say, is history. My beautiful Jen and I have been together ever since, through twenty five years of marriage, four houses, ten cars, and two wonderful sons that now attend — why, the University of Washington, of course...

Chapter 3

I don't know how long I had been standing in the garage that fateful recycling night, thinking back to college while staring at the letter that Jen had put into her office trash can. I must have been there a while to cause Jen to leave our bedroom and come down to see if I was alright.

She appeared in the doorway into the house, and my heart jumped up into my throat. No one else could ever evoke the depth of feelings that woman causes inside me. She was wearing a translucent black night gown that her lush body transformed into an erotic sculpture.

But seeing her breathtaking beauty now was just heart breaking. How could she have done this? How could I look at her, ever again, without seeing Larry on top of her? Thinking of how tears had filled her eyes as she thought of having to forgo her secret lover... for me?

Jen's smile faded as she saw me staring at her, straining to keep my expression calm and neutral. I tried to be as casual as I could as I folded the letter and put it in my back pocket. Before she could speak, I preempted her with a stumbling apology.

"Hey, babe, I'm sorry... but after that nap I'm pretty wide awake now. I'll come join you in a little bit, okay?"

She looked at me in concern. She came to me and wrapped her arms around me. I hoped she didn't detect my recoil from her touch. She pulled back to look at me from arms length.

"Are you all right?" she asked softly. "You look like something's upset you."

"I'll be fine." I did my best to come up with a cover story. "I guess I've got more things from work going through my head than I realized."

"Are you sure you don't want to come up now?" she asked softly. "I'm sure we could come up with something to take your mind off your troubles."

I tried to chuckle convincingly.

"No... I think I'd be too... distracted. Why don't you go on up, and I'll join you in a bit."

She looked at me carefully. I hadn't lied to her about anything in decades, other than what she was getting for her birthday. It felt like she was reading every thought going through my head.

"Okay," she said finally. "Just be sure to wake me up when you do."

She gave me a kiss that I ended somewhat abruptly, but it was the best I could do under the circumstances. After another probing look, she turned and went back into the house.

After Jen went back upstairs, I spent some time driving myself nuts, thinking insanely about divorce and private investigators.

I finally came up with something I could do (I mean, besides trying not to throw up) that wasn't guaranteed to immediately ruin my marriage. It was partly crazy and definitely stupid, but it was something.

I went to Jen's office and found Debbie's number in her rolodex. I knew that she and Jen had caught up at last week's sorority reunion in Seattle. After college she had remained close friends with Jen, but I thought that if I caught her by surprise I might be able to tell if she was covering for her.

Like I said, it was stupid.

She answered the phone after only a couple rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Debbie! It's me, Gerry. I hope I'm not waking you up, am I?"

"Hey, Gerry! No, I'm up... Is everything alright?"

"Oh, yes, we're fine. Hey, I'm sorry to bother you, but I was sitting here thinking about the fun you girls had getting together last week, and it reminded me I hadn't talked to Larry in long time."

This is where I craftily paused, hoping to tell from her tone of voice whether Larry had been seen at the reunion.

But Debbie didn't miss a beat.

"Oh? I don't have his number, if that's what you're asking about. I haven't seen him in years."

"Oh, that's too bad. I thought there might have been guys at the reunion from the fraternity that your sorority hooked up with a lot."

She snorted. "I couldn't make the first night dance. Jen said there were a few guys there that were single or had white lines where their wedding rings usually were. She said they were kind of creepy. I didn't ask who they were, though. I'm sure she would have told me if Larry had been there."

"Alright, well, I knew it was a long shot. I'm not very good at Google searching, so I thought I'd take the lazy man's way. So was it party party party last week? I know all about you sorority girls."

She laughed. "No, us old broads don't stay up that late any more. The closest we got to wild was the one night we had too much wine. But I'm sure Jen told you about that."

"Yes, she told me how you got her so drunk she had to sleep at your house."

Debbie giggled. "That girl never could keep a secret. Like at the sorority we used to say 'telephone, ' 'telegraph, ' or tell-a-Jen."

"You're making that up."

"See, I can't keep secrets from you either."

"I suppose not. Well, thanks, Deb. I'm glad I didn't wake you."

"Uh... sure. That's... that's all you called for, was to ask about Larry?"

"Yeah, I know, it's stupid I guess."

"Hey, no problem. Have you asked Jen about that first night? She would have seen him if he'd been there."

I quickly had to make up something. Why wouldn't I have asked Jen before asking Debbie?

"She said she hadn't seen him, but she said there were a lot of people there, so she might have missed him."

Debbie paused for a long moment. "Yeah... I'm sure that could've happened. Sorry I can't help."

"No problem. Well, thanks again, Deb."

"Any time, Gerry. Take care."

"You too, Deb. Bye."

"Bye."

After talking to Debbie, I became mentally and physically inert. I sat on the couch watching the late night TV talk shows, a glass of whiskey on ice in my hand, the bottle on the end table at my elbow.

I still didn't know what to do. Given the letter in my hand and what Debbie had said, I had to conclude that Jen had been with Larry that first night of the reunion. I didn't know what else to do; calling Debbie was about as far as my nerves could take me.

It was late by then, and I knew I should go to bed. But since Jennifer had sex on her mind, I didn't think I could. She'd be able to tell that something was wrong, and I wasn't ready for that kind of confrontation.

But what would I say in the morning? I couldn't hide from her forever. But I couldn't bear the thought of losing her, either.

So I did the brave thing.

I got completely drunk and fell asleep on the couch.

"Honey?"

I barely heard the gentle voice. I kept my eyes shut tight.

"Wake up, Gerry. Please?"

I tried to roll away from her, but she grasped my shoulder firmly to stop me.

"Let's go get you in the shower, baby. Please? Honey? Come with me," she cooed gently.

I opened my eyes to see Jen on her knees, her hand on my shoulder, with a concerned look on her face. I grunted, and with her help managed to get to a sitting position.

It was then that I saw the letter clutched in her hand. I gasped, and an overwhelming feeling of nausea rose up inside me. I saw her eyes widen with recognition, and then I was up and stumbling towards the downstairs bathroom propped up by Jennifer, my other hand clamped over my mouth trying to keep the bile inside.

We turned at the bathroom doorway, and I dropped to my knees just in time to empty my stomach into the toilet in a wrenching sequence of prolonged contractions. They kept coming, even when there was nothing left inside, serving no purpose other than to cause more pain.

I eventually was able to fall back and sit against the wall. Jen gave me a damp washcloth to wipe my face, and I felt the faint beginnings of normalcy.

When I was finally able to look at my wife, I tried to read her as well as she could read me.

Was as it guilt I saw? No, it was sadness. No, it was... understanding. Or was it sympathy? Finally, I came to feel it was best described as a look of... determination.

Studying her expressions was only adding to my misery, so I closed my eyes tight again, tight against the pain. If I kept staring at her beautiful face, I knew I'd be lost. I knew that I'd accept anything to keep her. I'd happily believe anything she said. I'd willingly dissolve myself, from being a man, to being... her fool.