by SrahFox
I really liked the way it was written, phrased and done. Thank you for a very good read.
I don't read erotic horror but I figured what the hell. This was very well done and left a great deal to the imagination which really works with this story. You realized the animal very well.
It could have used more time in the editing process. Some sentence framents and grammer mistakes hinder it from being as good as it could be. I noticed that you use "site" when you should use "sight", for example. For what it's worth though, the interpretation of an old fairy tale with your own twists has its promises. I suggest proof reading it and and fixing it up so that this story will be as good as it can be.
I do completely agree that it could use more editing. Believe it or not it has been read through maybe times and checked in every way I know how. I've had a tad bit of issues finding someone I trust to check through this kind of thing and not want to change to story to much.
Sorry is my mistakes are distracting in anyway.
Oooh I really liked that. ^^ please make a part two. We write the same :)
-Searin
Very very nice! It's almost surprising how many people are into the whole consentual rape kind of thing. Two thumbs up! Please make a part two!
I loved it but really disappointed at the ending. For a contest entry you should have completed it. I gave you 5 stars anyway (if the stupid thing rated). Great job.
well done srahfox! i loved the quick and racy read. i agree with the other commentor about making a second part to this story. as for the other commentors who wrote about grammar errors and such, i understand the concept of constructive criticism, but to me, grammar does not count as "constructive" criticism. anyhow, thank you for submitting this great piece of writing!
this is in response to the anonymous reviewer who posted on 5 APR 10:
it's spelled "GRAMMAR" for heaven's sake! also, what the hell are "framents"? oh did you mean "fragments"? your comment itself could use more time in the editing process. you do not need the word "be" at the end of the two sentences you used them in (it is understood), and for what it's worth, the word "though" is completely unnecessary at the end of the phrase "for what it's worth". sheesh! if you're going to be a grammar nazi, at least be a GOOD one. (yes, i know i do not capitalize my letters when they're supposed to be.) p.s. srahfox, i had to reread "red" because i liked it so much. 5 stars!
Excellent display of creativity by reinventing a classic fairytale. The erotic angle was very delightful and well done. You have excellent use of descriptive detail in the writing. I would suggest having a beta reader/editor for tweaking and correcting syntax and grammar but that is easily accomplished and did not detract from the gist and drive of the story. Overall, I gave it a 4 star rating for originality.
I am a little unsure of the age of this girl/woman. I hope this wasn't a child.
Emily is 100% an adult, which is why I make reference to her curves and hips, children do not generally have any. Honestly I figured the description "Little red riding hood... for adults" covered that and this is the first time anyone has told me they were unsure. I'm sorry you were confused on this point as I'd certainly never write anything erotic with a child in it. I don't intend to make any changes as I like the story as it is, but I hope this clear this up for anyone who might be confused in the future.
This is very arousing and well written! Love the imagery, will there be any more to thos story?
Thank you!
Honestly, I have kicked around some ideas on a follow-up, but so far nothing has measured up. This is one of my favorite stories, and if I ever write a second part I want it to be decent, that level of imagery takes extra effort. So, maybe there will be more one day. Sorry, I can't be more helpful in my answer.
I first read this story years ago and keep coming back to it. Easily one of my favorites. Thank you for posting it!
Being told someone comes back to read your story is extremely flattering. Thank you to everyone who has left such amazing comments.