Reinventing Emma

I was only halfway down the hall when I bumped into one of the girls who Sophie and I hung out with regularly. Pam asked about my holiday and then proceeded to talk about hers for a few minutes. I was happy she had a good time back home, but I was relieved when her roommate Edie joined us. Pam was likable, but a talker.

"I need to take a shower," I said a little too quickly. Edie hid a smile. She was a smart girl and recognized that I wasn't in the mood to chat.

"We still on for lunch tomorrow?" she asked before I disappeared.

"Of course," I smiled.

"See you then," she replied and then let me go. Edie was someone special. She was probably my closest friend after Sophie. She wasn't really pretty, but she had a nice smile and a good sense of humor.

I moved to the bathroom and got ready to get in the shower when I realized that I'd forgotten to replace my shampoo. I'd run out just before leaving for the holiday. I grumbled to myself the whole way back to my room.

It had only been gone five minutes at most, but Sophie tended to fall asleep easily so I eased the key into the lock as quietly as I could, opened the door and slipped in quickly so that the light and noise out in the hallway wouldn't wake her. To say my eyes grew big at what I saw would have been a huge understatement.

Sophie's laptop was open, but at an angle where I couldn't fully see she was watching. What I did see was more than a little shocking. There were naked bodies intertwined on the screen and although she had the sound low I could hear moaning. That was bad enough, but one of Sophie's hands was under her top while the other was underneath the elastic band of her shorts. It was pretty obvious what she was doing despite the fact that I couldn't see any actual skin.

The movement of the hand between her legs sent a shiver between my own that both horrified and enticed me. In some ways that was the worst part of the whole situation.

"I am so sorry!" I cried, and then in a panic, I turned around and left the room as quickly as I could. I'd never seen an expression that was so completely mortified. I was guessing mine wasn't any better.

I pretty much ran back to the bathroom and got into the shower as quickly as possible. It was the one place I knew I'd have some privacy. I stayed there a long time trying to get over what I was feeling. Certainly, there was plenty of embarrassment and mortification, but those weren't my only emotions. I desperately wanted the memory of what I saw Sophie doing out of my head, but nothing I did or thought about helped. Worse, my own excitement began to grow as I got over the initial shock.

Eventually I had to go back to our room. I was hoping that Sophie was asleep and that we would wake up the next day and act like nothing happened. I figured that was the best possible way of handling it. Apparently, Sophie didn't feel the same way. She was sitting up in bed waiting for me.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm fine," I said tersely, trying to cut the conversation short. She frowned at my tone. Sophie obviously knew I was lying. I was many things right now, but okay wasn't one of them and the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it at that moment. Thankfully, she moved on to her next question.

"Are we okay?" That one caught me off guard. I could see that she was really worried about how what I saw would affect our relationship.

"Of course," I said a little more calmly, going to the refrigerator and getting us both the last two wine coolers. I was still buzzed from earlier, but after what happened, I needed another drink. I guess Sophie did too because she took the bottle I handed her and opened it without comment. She also patted the bed next to where she was sitting. I sat down with some trepidation.

"This is all my fault," I added. "I'm sorry I walked in like that. I wasn't trying to catch you at it or anything." Did I really just say that? I started talking faster. It didn't help. "I needed shampoo and I thought you might be asleep so I came into the room quietly. I wasn't expecting to see you with your hand down your pants." God! Someone please shoot me now. "What am I saying? I'm so sorry!"

"Emma, take a breath before you explode," Sophie said kindly, patting my leg. "It was an accident. They happen. I can't say I'm not embarrassed by it, but I'll deal as long as we're okay."

"We're fine," I said with a somewhat forced smile. Sophie's touch sent a thrill through me and I had to fight hard to hide my anger. I was so pissed at myself that I could barely think straight. The feelings I was having for Sophie were wrong on so many levels. Here she was worried about our friendship and all I could think about is how amazingly sexy she looked when I caught her earlier and how just her touch warmed my most private places.

"You don't look fine."

"I will be," I said still sporting my forced smile. She stared at me intently trying to gauge the truth.

I'd been sexually active since I was fourteen, but nothing I'd done prepared me for what I felt just by sitting next to Sophie right now. I'd never once thought I had homosexual tendencies until she came into my life. I still wasn't sure. The whole idea scared me. I had to get a grip and find a way to control what I was feeling because it could ruin everything.

"I think maybe I should stop drinking for the night," I said, putting my half-filled bottle down, sure the alcohol wasn't helping.

It was all so stupid anyway. I knew I'd never act on what I was feeling for any number of reasons, not the least of which was that I did not want to be different from everybody else. I'd done that already as Mia and hated it. Emma was exactly who I wanted to be. She was a slightly above average looking coed with nothing particularly remarkable about her other than maybe the fact that she had an absolutely gorgeous roommate. She wasn't quite the girl next door I'd tried to make her, but she was a hell of a lot closer than who I used to be. No, there was no way I was going to do anything to ostracize myself from my new friends. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"I think maybe you shouldn't," Sophie said with a shake of her head as she handed my bottle back to me. "You look like you need it. Worse case, it will probably help you sleep." I didn't argue. I just finished it quickly. I felt more in control when it was gone.

Still, despite everything there was a small part of me that wondered if I'd take the chance if Sophie wasn't so obviously heterosexual. I mean, she dated Alex for over two years and really seemed to appreciate the attention the guys on campus gave her. Well, all except Ben, but that was different.

"What's really bothering you?" she asked. "I mean, I know you've lived a pretty sheltered life, but even a virgin..."

"I'm not a virgin," I interjected. The words escaped my mouth before I could stop them. At first I was horrified, but then I felt a wave of relief settle over me. It was time to tell Sophie the truth about my past. If it caused her to hate me then so be it. In the long run that might be better for both of us. My only hope was that she wouldn't spread what I was about to tell her around campus. "In fact, I'm not any kind of a virgin."

"You're not?" she asked, clearly floored by my admission.

"Not since I was fourteen," I admitted, standing now and going back to the refrigerator for another drink. I'd forgotten we were out, but it didn't matter. Sophie stopped me before I got there, took my hand and pulled me back to her bed. I hesitated before continuing. "I lied to you. I'm not the girl you think I am."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Look, everything I told you about what happened when I was in grammar school and earlier is true, but I pretty much made up anything after that."

"Why?" Sophie was frowning, but seemed more confused than angry.

"Because I hated the girl I became in high school," I said honestly. "I slept with a lot of guys, tried drugs and just about anything else that I thought might make me feel better. None of it did."

"I played with being Goth for a time and even after I gave that up I still pretty much wore black all the time," I continued, looking away from her now. I needed to tell her everything and I didn't want to see her face when she learned the truth. Well, almost everything anyway. There was no way I was going to let her know how I felt about her.

"Something pretty bad must have happened when you were fourteen for the girl you describe in grammar school to turn into the girl you're now telling me you were in high school."

I sighed to myself. I didn't really want to talk about that, but I should have realized I'd have to with Sophie. She was too smart not to realize the truth.

"I call them Amelia and Mia," I said more to myself than her. "I know it's crazy, but it's just the way I think about the different stages of my life. Amelia was a sweet innocent girl who was going to save the world. Mia was a completely screwed up, pessimistic bitch who probably wouldn't live long into her twenties, if she reached them at all."

"And Emma is who you made yourself into for college," Sophie said, catching on.

"For the rest of my life," I replied. "Hopefully."

"So what turned Amelia into Mia?"

"Exactly what you might guess," I said slowly. "I tried to save the wrong boy, and he and some of his friends showed me the error of my ways. It was quite the awakening, but in a very dark way."

"I'm so sorry," she said gently.

"It was years ago," I said with a shrug. "I've moved past it." Mostly anyway. Still, if felt good to get it off my chest and even better when I saw that she wasn't running from the room screaming.

"So, what made you decide to leave Mia behind?" Sophie took my hand as we spoke. This wasn't working out quite like I expected.

"The decision was easy," I frowned. "There was almost nothing about her I liked. It was believing I could change that was hard."

"How did you do it?"

"My grandfather," I replied, remembering with a smile. "It took my parents quite a while to react to the changes in me. Almost two years. I love them dearly, but they really are so clueless." I lost my smile as I remembered that dark time. "They finally figured out something was up and sent me back to my grandfather for the summer. He was a life saver."

"Now I have to meet him," Sophie insisted. "And thank him for helping to bring my best friend to me. I mean, I know it took a lot of work on your part, but I'm happy he helped show you the way."

"You know," I said slowly, looking at her for the first time in a while. "This is not the reaction I was expecting. I mean, I did lie to you three months."

"Like I told you on our first day, we all have our secrets," she smile slowly. "And I expect that one day you and I may shares all of ours, but until then I'm willing to accept whatever you're willing to offer. Besides, I don't really care about the person you were. I care about who you are, and so far you've been the best roommate and friend a girl could ask for."

"Yep, you're definitely an odd one," I said, smiling slowly.

"There are worst things to be," she retorted. "Like unhappy."

"I've been both in the past," I said, losing my smile. "I'll settle for normal and happier any day."

"I still think normal is overrated," she insisted. "After all, how many normal girls spend their nights at college watching marathons of old sci-fi and fantasy television shows?"

"Hey! We go out too," I argued, but I was smiling once more.

"Sure, once or twice a week. We watch every night."

"Shh!" I joked. "I don't want any of our hall mates to know."

"Oh, they know," she laughed. "They just don't care. Well, except for one or two who I think might be jealous."

"Of course," I said easily. "Who wouldn't be jealous if the time I get to spend with you. I guess we could let some of them watch with us."

"No thanks," she said in embarrassment. "Could you imagine what would have happened if one of them had walked in on me earlier instead of it being you?" Okay, her comment did not make me jealous not matter how much it felt like it.

"Speaking of which," I joked, reaching for her laptop. "What were you watching? I couldn't quite make it out."

"Oh no you don't! I didn't clear my history yet!" she cried, trying to grab the laptop from me, but I held her back with one hand and went to her history. I selected the last thing she looked at and a web page appeared with all different categories of porn.

"Hmm, interesting," I teased. The alcohol was obviously affecting me because I actually began reading off some of the categories. "Hot Moms, Naughty Neighbors, Amateur Wives, Matures only... I wonder which one you like best? I bet I could figure it out?"

"If you must know it's the one with the parodies," she sighed, finally pulling the laptop from me. "Is it really any surprise considering how much I like Sci-Fi and Fantasy?"

"I guess not," I laughed. "I bet you were watching a Xena parody!"

"Me? You're the man hater," she taunted back, clearly embarrassed and falling back on an insult she knew would bother me.

"For the last time, I do not hate men," I sighed loudly. "And now that you know I'm not a virgin, I don't know why you insist on continuing to say that."

"Maybe hater is too strong a word," she replied. "You're just not comfortable around them. I guess that makes sense now that I know what happened."

"Really Dr. Freud? Do tell?" I asked, not wanting the conversation to turn serious. "And what does it tell you about a girl when she watches porn parodies?" I reached for the laptop again, but she fought me off.

"That's she's horny and misses the sex she used to have with her boyfriend," Sophie replied between laughs. "And it's your fault I'm still feeling that way. If you had only waited another couple of minutes before walking in..."

"What are you complaining about?" I snorted. "I haven't had sex in far longer than you and I think it's pretty obvious I was used to a lot more of it than you were."

"Well, in that case here," she said, surprising me by holding out her laptop and clicking on one of the links. "Enjoy."

"Don't you dare!" I cried, but we were both laughing so hard that it didn't matter. A moment later a porn parody of Star Trek came on. I took one look at a guy who was obviously supposed to be one of the main characters and burst out laughing. "He's too fat to play that role and the ears look ridiculous."

"It's not his ears or his weight that got him the role," Sophie retorted.

"Well, it certain isn't his acting ability either!" I laughed loudly, but then the green girl he was with began taking off his clothes. "Wow!"

"Exactly," Sophie said, putting the laptop down do that we could both see. The actor was rather impressive below the belt and the actress with him seemed to know exactly what to do with it.

Maybe it was all the alcohol we drank earlier or maybe it was really that we both were pretty horny, but we continued to watch. Of course, we cracked jokes and made comments, at least at first.

"I can't believe she's letting him do that! She is suck a slut!" Sophie said at one point.

"Hey, don't knock it until you try it," I shrugged.

"You mean you..."

"I didn't say that!" I interjected with a grin, but then I couldn't help add, "But I didn't say I haven't either."

"I can't believe I thought you were gay," she said, shaking her head.

"Finally, she gets it!" I cried, looking up and laughing, but I quickly focused once more at the screen. I did not want to look at Sophie right now. We were both obviously horny and what we were watching wasn't helping. I knew I should get up and move to my own bed, but I didn't.

The scene shifted to another actor only this time there were two actresses with him. They were all blonds and I couldn't figure out who exactly they were supposed to be, but by this point it didn't matter. I cringed slightly when I saw the two actresses actually kiss, but it wasn't disgust I felt as I watched. I licked my lips and decided just to enjoy myself instead of thinking about what I was feeling. It was easier that way. Besides, Sophie was clearly doing exactly that that. She hadn't said a word in the last few minutes.

We were both sitting on her bed with the laptop at one end and us at the other. Sophie moved so that she was close to the wall and laying down. I glanced at her and had to look away quickly. She was clearly getting more and more excited. Her eyes were latched onto the screen. I let mine follow hers and in moments I was lying next to her, but we were both focused on the screen and not each other. We each had our own pillow. I mean, I could feel the heat of her next to me, but I didn't look at her again, at least not until her arm bumped into mine. I glanced her way and froze.

Sophie wasn't looking at me. It was almost as if she forgot I was there, but that was ridiculous. Or maybe it wasn't. Sophie was rubbing her legs together and one of her hands was pressed between her legs and over her shorts. I remained frozen there watching her, sure she would stop any moment, but instead her hand shifted and suddenly her fingers were slipping under her waistband.

I was about to call out her name, in shock if nothing else, but something held me back. I was pretty sure she'd stop if I did and suddenly I realized I didn't want her to. My own need had grown to the point where I wasn't thinking straight. Honestly, I wasn't even sure if it had anything to do with the alcohol anymore.

I never really got into the whole self-gratification thing, but watching Sophie at that moment made me wonder if I'd missed out on something. Without really thinking about it I pushed the hand closest to her under my own waistband. I was already wet for obvious reasons. I tried to stay focused on the porn movie on her laptop, but truthfully watching what Sophie was doing in real life got to me a lot more.

The moan that escaped my lips a few minutes later wasn't planned, but I didn't try and hide it either. I was beyond caring about the right and wrong of what we were doing. Besides, it wasn't like we were touching each other. We were just taking care of ourselves in the same room. Okay, on the same bed with her arm rubbing against mine every so often, but that wasn't a lesbian act, not really. We were just two girls in need.

"Oh fuck!" Sophie gasped out, as if my moan made it okay to talk now. "I'm close!"

"Me too!" I whispered hoarsely.

"Look at them go!" I glanced down at the screen to see what she was talking about. The guy was behind one of the girls taking her hard while her face was buried between the legs of the other girl. It looked pretty hot, but my eyes made their way back to Sophie's face as her orgasm neared.

Her arm was pressed against mine as she worked herself into a frenzy. I wasn't far behind her. I spread my legs further apart until one was touching the closer of hers. Instead of pulling back, she pressed her thigh against mine. She was biting her sweat covered top lip as her head thrashed back and forth. It was obvious she was doing everything she could to hold off her orgasm. It was just as obvious that she was about to fail.

"I'm going to cum...right....now!" Sophie finally cried out and lost it.

She clenched her legs around her hand briefly and then spread them even wider. I caught a glimpse of her swollen center as it throbbed in release. After that, I lost track of time...well, pretty much everything for a few moments. I was so spent afterward that it took me a few minutes to recovery enough to move.

"Are you okay?" Sophie asked me gently. "I mean, that was way over the top."

"Will you please stop asking me that!" I said with a laugh as I rolled off her bed. I was afraid that if I stayed I do something terrible like try to kiss her. "I'm fine. Actually, I'm better than fine. I guess I really needed that."