Reinventing Emma

"Um, happy to help?" she said, making me laugh again.

"You did," I admitted. "I've never really gotten all that much enjoyment by doing that by myself. I guess it just always felt too weird, but having you next to me helped for some reason." I wasn't about to go into what that reason might be and thankfully, just this once she didn't push.

"I'm totally spent," she sighed. "Maybe we should talk about what happened tomorrow?"

"You and your insistence that we talk!" I groaned. "I don't want to dwell on what happened. It wasn't planned and it was more than a little weird, but it happened and we both enjoyed it. How about we leave it at that?"

"So, you just want to forget the whole thing happened?"

"Forget? Not really," I admitted. "I just don't want to talk about it, at least not tomorrow."

"Okay," she said slowly. "As long as it doesn't affect our friendship."

"Sophie, I'm starting to believe nothing is ever going to do that so relax and get some sleep."

"In that case, good night," she said, finally sounding okay.

"Good night." I climbed into my bed and lay there as she turned off the light and asked me yet again if she could put on music. I agreed easily and a few moments later I heard her breathing slow. I knew she was sleeping.

I tried to do the same, but despite my exhaustion from the bus ride and the relief from what happened, sleep came to me slowly. The problem was that my senses were sending my mind data that made it hard to shut down, as if the memories weren't enough.

I could still smell our mutual release in the air. Oddly, Sophie's was almost as strong as mine despite her being across the room. I couldn't figure out why until I remembered feeling the hand she used to take care of herself gripping my arm just below the elbow as I came earlier. I'd been pretty out of it at the time, but now that the moment came back to me I couldn't stop myself from bringing my arm toward my nose. Sophie's scent was intoxicating. I fell asleep breathing it in.

**********

"Are you ready for your first finals tomorrow?" I asked Sophie. Her schedule was tough. She had two finals tomorrow and then one the next two day before getting a four day break before her last one on Tuesday.

I'd lucked out in that I only had four finals this semester and they were spread out perfectly. I'd already had my first and although it was tough, it wasn't as bad as I feared. Of course, the dreaded calculous wasn't until the end of the week. I had one final before that on Wednesday and one more early next week, but thankfully the last one wasn't supposed to be that bad. The professor gave out a study guide and based on the other two tests we took this semester his tests were pretty easy as long as you reviewed what he gave us. It wasn't even a real final. It just covered the stuff we learned since the last test.

"As ready as I'm ever going to be," she sighed. "I feel like I know what's supposed to be on the tests frontwards and backwards, but there's a part of me that's afraid I missed something important. Frankly, at this point I just wish tomorrow was over already."

"I understand," I empathized. "I felt the same way last night. How about we take a break from studying and watch something?" We hadn't had a lot of time to do that recently with finals beginning, but I figured now was a good time if she thought she'd studied enough.

"You don't mind?" she asked in obvious relief. "I'm wound so tight I feel like a spring about to snap."

"I'll get the popcorn and wine coolers," I grinned. "You pick what you want to see."

Sophie and I had a bit of awkwardness the day after we got back from Thanksgiving break and watched the porn movie together, but true to what we agreed on she didn't bring it up and as the days passed everything felt like it was back to normal. The only problem was that it wasn't, not really.

First, she now knew the real me. I'd told her about how I was in high school and she hadn't told anyone. That I pretty much expected. What I didn't expect was the fact that she still treated me the same. In fact, if anything we seemed closer these days which brought me to my second concern.

Just because we didn't talk about what we did that night and hadn't done it again, that didn't mean it didn't happen. Worse, I couldn't stop myself from thinking about it over and over again. There was a part of me desperate to repeat it while the rest was mortified by the thought.

The stress of finals wasn't helping. My mind was all over the place in regards to what happened, but I couldn't deny how good I felt the day after. Say what you want about sex, even self-gratification, but an orgasm was definitely a good form of stress release. Last night I was in such a bad way worrying about my first exam that I even tried to give myself one while Sophie was out. It hadn't gone well. I mean, it felt good enough I guess, but I still just felt too awkward and stopped well short of my goal.

Deep down I knew that what I needed was another night like the one Sophie and I shared previously, but it's not like I could just ask for it. Not that I would anyway. I mean, it really was weird and shouldn't have happened. Besides, for all I knew Sophie regretted it and was happy we moved on. I was starting to think that maybe it would have been better if we did talk after all, but then again, probably not.

We watched the movie in front of the television, with the popcorn between us as usual while we drank our wine coolers. Neither of us went for a second because it was finals. Besides, I wasn't sure what I would do if I had another. I was already staring at Sophie almost as much as I was the movie.

"That wasn't half bad," I admitted once it was over and we stood, putting our blankets and pillows back on our beds.

"I liked it," she smiled, and then climbed into her bed. I did the same on my side of the room. I finally got Sophie to put the music without asking me every night. I had to tease her unmercifully to do so, but it was silly to keep going the way we were. I guess that was true about a lot of things.

Fifteen minutes later I was still awake in my bed, unable to sleep. I had the feeling that Sophie was as well because her breathing hadn't really slowed yet. Five more minutes passed and I was starting to get frustrated that sleep wouldn't come.

"Um Emma, are you awake?" Sophie whispered, confirming she was having the same problems sleeping as I was.

"Yes," I sighed. "I can't fall asleep for some reason." We couldn't see each other because it was dark in the room.

"Me neither," she said, her voice sounding odd. "And I really need to get a few hours in before my tests tomorrow."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Um, not really," she replied. "I just need a way of mellowing out." A couple more minutes passed before she surprised me by sighing loudly and adding, "This is so embarrassing!"

"What is?" I frowned.

"Look, I don't want to freak you out or anything, but I really need to get some sleep before my finals tomorrow and I'm getting desperate. Sometimes when I can't fall asleep the only thing that works is if I take care of myself." She paused, probably embarrassed by her admission. I mean, it embarrassed me and I wasn't the one who said it. That didn't stop her from eventually continuing. "I know I promised not to talk about what happened when we got back from Thanksgiving break, but it's not like it didn't happen and since it did I don't see why I need to stay awake half the night afraid to do what will help me sleep."

"Oh," I said, not sure how to react to what she was saying. "Do you want me to leave? I can't come back in a little while."

"You don't have to leave if you don't want to," she replied softly. "I just want to make sure you're not going to lose it if I try to take care of my problem."

"Go ahead," I said with some difficulty, my mind spinning. I know I should have left, but I couldn't make myself do it. Maybe what happened when we got back from Thanksgiving hadn't freaked her out half as much as I feared.

Still, I was surprised when she turned in her laptop. I guess I figured she's do it quietly in the dark, but the glow of her laptop lit her half of the room. I faced the wall and tried to ignore it, but after a few minutes I couldn't stay that way any longer. I turned around and saw Sophie staring at the screen. Her hands were still visibly. Every once in a while she'd glanced my way and frowned before refocusing on the screen. It didn't take long to realize that despite her earlier words she was uncomfortable with me in the room.

I got out of bed fully prepared to grab my robe and leave to give her some privacy, but I already took a shower earlier so I hesitated, not sure what to do. I guess I could have gotten changed quickly and left. That would have been the right thing to do. Instead, I let my eyes slip to her laptop screen. This time there were two couples.

I don't remember moving to her side of the room, but I do remember feeling surprised again when she shifting over, clearly giving me room to join her. I hesitated only a moment before lying next to her.

"They're really going at it," I mumbled as I settled in.

"Yeah," Sophie said, clearly excited despite her earlier discomfort.

We watched in silence for a few moments. I refused to look at Sophie at first, but it wasn't like I couldn't feel her next to me.

The two women in the movie were on their hands and knees with the guys behind them. Both were brunettes this time, but neither looked much like Sophie or me. That didn't stop me from daydreaming about what it would be like to kiss Sophie. I had a pretty amazing imagination sometimes which wasn't really helping at the moment.

Eventually, the two women on screen kissed while the guys continued to do what they were doing. I'd been expecting it, but that didn't mean it didn't affect me. The heat between my legs grew and I felt myself begin to get wet.

"That's pretty hot!" Sophie said, her voice thick with need. I wasn't sure what about the movie was getting to her, but I guess it didn't matter in the end. What did was that she finally slipped a hand under her waistband. I was relieved because by that point I couldn't resist touching myself.

It didn't take long for both of us to get excited enough to help ourselves, only this time when she pushed her hand under her waistband it was the one closest to the wall. That left the one closest to me free.

Sophie wasn't nearly as shy this time in seeking her satisfaction. She opened her legs wide. I did the same and rested my knee against hers. I hadn't realized she was using her opposite hand to take care of herself until she took it one step further by placing the hand closer to me on my thigh, somewhat tentatively. I moaned softly and her hand settled, sending shivered through me. I doubt she realized what her touch was doing to me.

I could hear Sophie's fingers working their magic and she was already panting. It seemed like her orgasm was growing more quickly than mine, but I was sure I'd soon catch up. Sophie was rubbing up and down my thigh and squeezing every so often. I slipped a second finger through the sparse hair between my legs and had it join the first in pushing in and out of my opening. Neither of us would last much longer this way.

The room was beginning to smell like our excitement which reminded me of how I felt the last time. Sophie had grabbed my arm after her orgasm and her sticky finger had left her scent on me. I fell asleep breathing it in, intoxicated by the aroma.

"You smell so amazing!" I gasped out. A part of me was mortified by what I'd just volunteered, but I was in too much need to care.

"You mean this?" Sophie asked, and then stunned me by pulling her hand out from between her legs and thrusting it under my nose. Her other hand released my thigh and took the place of the first. Sophie's fingers were sticky with her need, and the smell...delicious!

I had no idea why she did what she just did, but I was powerless to stop my reaction. I grabbed her wrist, paused a moment to fully enjoy her scent before taking her fingers into my mouth. Instead of being horrified Sophie moaned loudly. That was more than enough to drive me over the edge. The taste of her excitement and her moan were too much for me.

"Cumming!" she gasped while I was in the middle of my orgasm. Her body thrashed next to mine, our legs intertwined.

I'm not sure what we would have said to each other afterward, but thankfully, it didn't come to that. Frankly, both of our orgasms were so powerful that we pretty much passed out when we were done.

**********

I woke up slowly, feeling amazingly good. That only lasted until I remembered what happened the night before. Did I really grab Sophie's sticky fingers and suck on them? I groaned to myself as I opened my eyes.

I was disoriented slightly because I'd forgotten that I'd fallen asleep in Sophie's bed. I quickly glanced over and frowned when I saw that I was alone. That's when I remembered that Sophie had an early test.

"Sure, and that's the reason why she let me sleep in," I sighed as I sat up. "I'm sure it had nothing to do with what happened." I got out of bed and looked at myself in the mirror we shared. "If you're not careful, you're going to lose the best friend you've ever had."

Sophie told me that it would be okay if I was a lesbian and it was certainly starting to look that way. I mean, I enjoyed sex with guys, but just taking care of myself next to Sophie and tasting her excitement had given me the best orgasm in my life. If I wasn't a lesbian then I was certainly bisexual. I had no idea how to deal with that, but at the moment it wasn't my greatest concern. Sophie was. Just because she said she'd be cool with me being a lesbian that didn't mean it was true. I mean sure, knowing her the way I did, it probably did mean that, but even still, that didn't mean she'd be okay with me being into her...and God knows, I was definitely that!

"I'm still not even sure I am a lesbian," I argued with the girl in the mirror. "But I'm clearly a Sophian." I could swear my reflection was laughing at me. "I know, Sophian? Seriously?" I did begin laughing then, but it didn't help. "You do know there is no way this is going to work out in the end, right?" The answer was obvious, but I didn't want to dwell on it so I moved away from the mirror and grabbed my robe. I'd showered the night before, but I felt like I needed another.

I dressed quickly when I was done, grabbed my book bag and headed off to the library. I had a test the next day that I needed to study for. Maybe that would help distract me from my thoughts. As it turns out, studying wasn't all that easy to do with your mind distracted. An hour later I'd gotten nowhere when I felt my phone vibrate.

I looked at the text that came in. It was from Sophie. All it said was, "My first test is done. It wasn't too bad. I'm going to take the second now. Want to share a late lunch afterward?" I shook my head and smiled as I read it. Sophie always typed out her messages out fully. She refused to abbreviate. I had no idea why. It was just Sophie. Of course, that was only part of the reason why I was smiling. I figured if Sophie was texting me then we were okay.

I texted back my agreement and told her to come get me when she was done. After that, I went back to studying. This time it went better. I actually got something accomplished. In fact, I was so enmeshed in my notes that I jumped when Sophie dropped her book on the table next to me.

"Well, thank God that's over!" she sighed loudly as she sat next to me.

"How did it go?" I asked. She spent the next few minutes telling me about both tests. I was only half listening. I was just too relieved to see her acting normally with me after what I'd done the night before to really care.

"I need to study for my history exam tomorrow, but I need a break first," she said when she was done. "You hungry?"

The rest of the afternoon went by quickly. We bumped into Billy and Ben at the cafeteria and they joined us. I made sure to sit between Ben and Sophie. She was still uncomfortable with him, but she didn't want to make a big deal about it. I wasn't thrilled, but I didn't say anything to him. That didn't mean I was going to let him get close to her.

"Don't forget about our party Saturday night," Billy said as we parted after lunch was over. Billy and I had become friends over the last few months. He was a decent guy.

"We'll see," I replied with a sigh. "We both still have a final next week."

"Everyone whose coming does," Ben shrugged. "Otherwise they'd be on their way home instead."

"A fair point," Sophie laughed. "We'll probably make it."

"See you then," Ben said a little too intently. Either that or I was starting to get paranoid when it came to him.

Sophie and I went back to the library and studied together. We spent most of the time quietly focused, but it was a companionable silence. Afterward, we went to dinner where we bumped into a few hall mates. Most of the time was spent complaining about tests and studying, but we laughed a lot too. We even agreed to go with a few of them to see the Christmas lights in town since we were mostly done with studying by that point anyway. We stopped for coffee and hot chocolate after we were done and then went back to our dorm. Sophie and I went in to our room to study.

It was getting late after we spent about an hour quizzing each other on our notes so we decided to go to bed. Neither of us were in the mood to take a shower, so we changed, shut the light and went to bed. I was feeling pretty good by the time I'd closed my eyes. Sophie and I were okay. She hadn't said a word about what happened the night before. I figured she just wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened. Apparently, I was wrong because not five minutes later she turned on her laptop.

"Do you mind?" she asked as if she were talking about the weather.

"No," I barely got out. I think she figured I'd join her again, but honestly, I was afraid to. I was scared of what I might do.

It took Sophie a lot longer to get excited without me sitting next to her. I could understand that. I mean, if I wasn't doing it with her then I was an audience and who wanted an audience for doing that? Still, eventually she was able to get her release. I didn't see if because I refused to look her way the entire time. That didn't mean I didn't hear it, or worse yet, smell it.

It took me a very long time to go to sleep that night and a large part of me regretted not joining Sophie earlier, but it was the right thing to do, right?

**********

"I'm going to fail," I said in a monotone two nights later as we dressed for bed. "I hate calculous!" Sophie had the audacity to actually laugh.

"You'll do fine," she insisted. "And just think, you only have one more test afterward and it's easy." Both of our tests next week were jokes. We'd spent plenty of time complaining about having to stay another weekend because of them. "Just get a good night's rest and everything will be fine."

Fifteen minutes later I was still awake. The night before we'd both gone to bed without a problem. Sophie hadn't opened her laptop and taken care of herself again. I remember being relieved and more than a little disappointed.

Five more minutes and I was ready to scream. I was tossing and turning so badly that I was close to getting whiplash.

"Oh for Pete's sake!" Sophie sighed, sitting up in bed. I guess I was keeping her awake. She opened her laptop and went to the same site we'd used in the past. "Here, watch this and get some sleep." Sophie was holding out her laptop to me. I'm sure I was blushing badly at what she was suggesting, but that didn't mean she was wrong.