Requiem for a Heavyweight Ch. 03

* * * * *

As if no longer hearing him, Ken looked at the car stunned before looking back at Jake. He looked at Jake as if he was joking.

"My car? Seriously? That's my special car? Are you kidding me?" He walked closer to it while looking at it as if it was a fire breathing dragon that was about to burn him. "It's so big. It's so long. It's so wide. What the Hell is it?" He walked toward it and then walked around it. "The car cover is nice," he said with a laugh. "It's nice and thick and feels more like fabric than plastic," he said feeling the car cover. "Does it come with the car?"

Jake nodded Ken a smile.

"Yes, the cover comes with the car. It was a factory, accessory option back when this car was new."

Ken ran his hand along the car cover as if trying to identify the car by the feel of it.

"It looks big enough to be an old, full-sized car from the '60's or a limo," said Roxanne. "Is it a limo?"

Ken laughed.

"Nah, it's too short for a limo." He turned to look at Jake. "Or is it? What is it? Is it a limo? It's not a limo, is it?"

Jake walked to the car in readiness to remove the car cover.

"That car is a very special one and a car that Jeff wanted to buy, had he had the room to garage it. It's a worthy, modern day, collectible classic and a real sleeper investment wise. With only about 9,400 Lincoln Town Cars made for 2011 and very few of those were Executive L models, it's a rare car that will surely increase in value, once the dust of depreciation settles," said Jake with pride. "This is the last of the factory limousines ever made. There are lots of stretch limos but unlike this car, they weren't made by Lincoln but by some specialty shop. Moreover, because it's black on black, it's a very desirable color for the limousine business."

Ken looked from his supposedly special car to look around at all the sportscars that filled the garage.

"Gee, I don't about this car," said Ken with his enthusiasm burst. "I really wasn't in the market for a limousine."

Obviously at a loss for words, Ken silently stared at the car as if he was psychically and magically trying to change it into something else. This was the car that Jeffrey recommended. This was the car that Jake recommended. Maybe they both know something that he doesn't know. Maybe they know his wants and needs better than he does. Perhaps he should defer to their car knowledge. Nonetheless, he wondered why they both recommended such a big car for him.

"You must admit, Ken. This is a special car," said Roxanne obviously liking what she was seeing. "Even though it's big and difficult to park, I like it."

"The Hummer of cars, it's a Bulldog of all modern-day cars," laughed Jake and barking like a Bulldog. "And I will guarantee you, unlike many of the other overrated and expensive Italian sportscars, such as the Lamborghini Countach and the Ferrari Testarossa; you may never see another car like this one. With very few of these cars made, this one is special," he said walking past Ken and pausing before ceremoniously pulling off part of the car cover slowly. "Are you ready to see your car?"

Ken watched Jake slowly and carefully removed the side section of car cover so as not to scratch the car. He tossed the car cover on the roof, trunk, and hood to give Ken a full side profile of the car.

"It is a Lincoln Town Car. I thought you were kidding," said Roxanne to Jake. "Awesome. For a car as big it's sexy, especially in black," she said.

Jake beamed with pride as if he had built the car himself.

"Actually, it's a 2011, Lincoln Town Car Executive L series, the last factory limousine made. The wheelbase is extended six inches giving you an extra six inches of leg room in the back. Automobile magazine in a piece entitled Requiem for a Heavyweight, called this car America's version of the Rolls Royce. With the automatic, self-leveling, air suspension in the back, it rides better than a three-hundred-thousand-dollar, Mercedes-Maybach S600 sedan," said Jake.

Ken walked around the car again while Roxanne stared at the oversized Lincoln with awe.

"Look at the rear doors, Ken. They're oversized," said Roxanne. "Custom made by the factory to get in and out of the car easier, the rear doors are wider than a standard Lincoln Town Car, Signature Series," she said looking at Ken and smiling. "For such a big car, you must admit with all of that chrome, that it's a strikingly beautiful car."

Ken looked at Roxanne when she said the Lincoln was strikingly beautiful. He wanted to tell her that she was strikingly beautiful too but suddenly at a loss for words, he wished he had Jeffrey's innate ability in seducing women. Instead of complimenting a woman he wished was his girlfriend instead of just an acquaintance, he continued circling the car as if he was a fighter in the ring assessing his opponent.

"I don't know. I just don't know," said Ken. "It's so long. It's so big. It's so black. Maybe, I should look at that blue BMW over there," he said taking a step back and looking away from this odd-looking, monstrous lump that was now partially hidden beneath the car cover. "I saw a nice two-door, three series with red leather that I'd be interested—"

Allowing the car cover to fall to the floor as if the Lincoln was the Devil's snake shedding its skin, Jake removed the rest of the car cover and bunched it up like an expelled parachute. The more of the car cover that he removed, the more of the giant, 18' automobile that he revealed. It was a long, black on black, factory, limousine, full-sized sedan. The more of the car that Jake exposed, the more that Roxanne stared at the car.

"It's beautiful," said Roxanne looking at Ken. "As much as I love my Mustang, had I known gas prices were going stabilize and not go through the roof, I may have bought a Lincoln Town Car myself instead. If only for the fact that Timothy Olyphant drives this car in Justified, this car would be worth owning," she said while laughing. "I should have bought a Lincoln instead of a Mustang. Only, this one is so fancy." She turned to look at Ken. "Oh, Ken, this is a special car indeed. This car is wonderful. You must buy it. You'd be crazy not to buy this before someone else does."

Jake nodded his head in agreement to Roxanne voluntary assessment of the car.

"It's not just any Town Car," said Jake. "This car is quieter and rides better than any other Lincoln including the MKZ and the new Continental. It may not outhandle or out brake a sportscar or most cars for that matter but it will carry all you need to carry for an extended vacation. Moreover, after a long interstate ride, you won't feel tired and be cranky."

Ken walked around the car and, something that men who don't know much about cars still do, looked as if he was about to kick the tires.

"What's so special about it?" Ken took another slow walk around the car. "It looks like any other Lincoln Town Car, albeit a little longer."

Jake smiled at Ken's lack of knowledge about a Lincoln Town Car.

"Well, for starters, as Roxanne pointed out, the rear doors are wider. As I mentioned before, the wheelbase is six inches longer. That extra six inches not only allows the car to ride smoother but also gives your passengers six inches more legroom in the rear seat," said Jake.

Roxanne nodded her agreement while opening the rear, passenger side door to look inside while Ken opened the driver's side, front door to peek inside too.

"That extra longer suspension and that extra bit of leg room that affords for a better ride is nice," said Roxanne giving Ken a sexy smile. "You could be comfortable enough to stretch out and have sex in the backseat," she said giving Ken the eye.

Ken looked from Jake to look at Roxanne and blushed before returning his focused attention back to Jake and changing the subject.

* * * * *

"What else makes this car different from other Lincoln Town Cars?"

Seemingly happy to expound the virtues of the 2011, Lincoln Town Car, Executive L model, when no one else liked the car enough to buy one, Jake continued bragging about his car as if it was the only car in his collection.

"Lincoln stopped making the self-leveling, automatic, rear suspension except for on this car. Because of the self-leveling rear suspension, it rides much better than the Signature Series that no longer comes with the self-leveling suspension," said Jake. "When the air suspension needs repair, some people swap out the air suspension for shocks but I don't recommend it. It won't ride like a Lincoln Town Car without the air suspension."

Ken looked at Jake with curiosity before asking him his question.

"Pardon my ignorance but what is a self-leveling suspension?"

As if he was a showcase model on the Price Is Right, Jake stepped closer to the car and turned to raise a hand to the rear quarter of the car.

"Every car will sag in the rear with passengers in the backseat and a load of luggage in the trunk. This car won't. The rear, air suspension will adjust and level itself automatically," said Jake.

Jake looked from Ken to look at Roxanne before focusing his attention back on Ken.

"That's a nice feature," said Roxanne as if encouraging Ken to buy the car. "With a car that automatically levels itself, you could definitely have sex in the backseat," she said again while giving Ken the eye again

Jake nodded his head in agreement while beaming Roxanne a big smile and giving Ken a wink.

"As long as you're not lead footed, don't stop hard, and go fast, especially off the line, this car will deliver 18 miles per gallon on regular 87 octane gas in the city and a whopping 27 miles per gallon on the highway, pretty good for a 4,600-pound car," said Jake. "That's pretty darn good for a car that's over 5,000 pounds with a full tank of gas and two passengers."

Ken looked at Jake amazed.

"Wow. That is really good gas mileage for such a heavy car. I didn't expect such a big car to get such good fuel mileage," said Ken. "I figured a car this size would get about twelves miles to the gallon."

Jake nodded his head.

"Those mileage numbers were true of cars from the 60's, 70's, and 80's. For a big car, it has a zero to sixty time of eight and a half seconds and a quarter mile time of just under seventeen seconds, that's really good for such a big car with such a small V8 engine. It has the same engine as the Ford Crown Victoria and Mercury Grand Marquis. It has the same engine as the older 4.6-liter Mustang GT before they came out with the 5.0 but detuned for better reliability. Other than a Toyota Avalon, even more reliable than a Lexus, there's not a more reliable used or new on the car on the market."

Ken nodded his head while formulating his next question.

"What makes this car different from the new Cadillac models or the new Lincoln Continental model?"

Jake smiled as if Ken had just asked him a loaded question.

"The most important difference is that this Lincoln Town Car is body on frame construction. They actually mount the body on a steel frame. All other cars manufactured today, but for those that make heavy SUV's and trucks, such as the Lincoln Navigator and the Cadillac Escalade are unibody construction, meaning that the body panels make up the frame," said Jake.

Ken nodded while listening to Jake lecture him on what made this used car a better car than many of the newer cars.

"I didn't know that," said Ken.

Now that he had an audience, Jake continued explain the differences of a body on frame car and a unibody construction car.

"The car manufacturers will tell you that the reason why they stopped making body on frame cars was because unibody cars are safer. The real reason they stopped making body on frame cars was because the unibody construction cars are cheaper to make. If you're in a crash with a unibody construction car, you'd have a better chance of totaling the car and injuring the driver and passengers than you will in a body on frame car. Fixing a fender on a body on frame car is much less expensive than trying to fix the frame by reestablishing crush zones in a unibody construction car," said Jake.

Roxanne interjected herself in the conversation.

"I heard that," said Roxanne. "I read that a lighter unibody construction car crashing in a heavier body on frame car will not only have more damage but also that the driver and passengers may have more injuries."

Jake nodded his head in agreement.

"That's a fact," said Jake. "Also, the last difference between the new Lincoln Continental and this Lincoln Town Car is a big difference. The new Lincoln is a front wheel or can be optioned as an all-wheel drive car. This car is a rear wheel drive car. Front wheel drive cars are twitchy compared to rear wheel drive cars. Granted, front wheel drive cars are better in the wet and snowy conditions but to fix that is to mount four snow tires on this car in the winter time," said Jake. "Most folks don't realize the huge difference that snow tires make over all-season tires."

Now with much to digest, showing his pressure to pull the trigger and buy the car that Jeff and Jake had both recommended, Ken pushed back his hair with both hands before rubbing his chin. He was never good at making big, financial decisions and expensive purchases. That's why he invited Roxanne along. Even though he just met her, being that she was as much of a car buff as was Jeffrey, he put a lot of stock in her opinion. Besides, she was good company and good to look at too. Moreover, if she was to be his future girlfriend, they'd be spending a lot of time together in this car alone.

"I agree. That's pretty quick for such a heavy car," said Ken opening the driver's side door to look inside again. "Only, it's so big. It's enormous really. Actually, now that I think about it, even though it's so big, at four-thousand-six-hundred pounds before fuel and passengers, it weighs one-hundred-fifty pounds less than Jeffrey's four-thousand-seven-hundred-fifty pound Alpina B6," said Ken with a laugh. "Only, his car has six-hundred horsepower and five-hundred-ninety pound feet of torque." Ken looked at Jake with curiosity. "How much horsepower and torque does this car have?"

As if he was a computer rattling off car facts and figures, Jake instantly answered Ken's question.

"This car has an adequate two-hundred-thirty-nine horsepower and two-hundred-eighty-seven pound feet of torque. It has 3.27 rear end ratio gears that will give it more than a gentle nudge off the line," said Jake. "Actually, if you step on the gas hard, the car will throw you back in your seat."

Ken stepped back to look at the car as if he was a car designer and had just released a new model.

"It's pretty fancy inside with the black leather and the wood trim," said Ken poking his head inside. "The seats look comfortable too and the front headrests, the biggest headrests I've ever seen on any car, are huge," he said sliding his hand over the leather seatback before sitting in the driver's seat. "So, dare I ask? How much for the car?"

* * * * *

Jake rubbed his chin in the way that Ken had rubbed his chin before.

"Well, normally, on a six-year-old car with mileage this low, barely 40,000 miles, and this clean, I'd ask at least eighteen-thousand dollars. The original, manufacturer's suggested, retail price was approximately fifty-five-thousand dollars. Since you're a friend of Jeffrey's and being that I'm eager to make more room for more cars, I'll sell this car to you for ten-thousand-dollars, which is about the trade-in price for this car. The going market rate for a car this clean with very low mileage is a low of sixteen thousand and a high of twenty-thousand."

"Ten-thousand dollars?" Ken looked at him. "That seems like more than a fair price for a six-year-old, low mileage luxury car."

Ready to continue his sales pitch, Jake smiled.

"This car is the last factory limousine. Once they're gone they're gone," he said. "When you go to sell it, because they last so long and routinely get three-hundred-thousand to five-hundred-thousand miles, you may be surprised that you may get more than you paid for it."

Ken walked around the car again to take a closer look at the exterior. He looked at the Lincoln from all four sides before opening all the doors and sitting in all the seats.

"What's wrong with the car?" He looked at Jake. "Is there anything wrong with it? Does everything, lights, wipers, windows, door locks, air bags, brakes, and air conditioning work?"

Ken sat in the rear driver's side seat and looked up at him again while waiting for him to answer his question.

"I won't sell a car unless it's in good working condition. There's nothing mechanically wrong with the car. Absolutely nothing," said Jake. "As you can see, the car has a new inspection sticker. It wouldn't pass inspection unless it was safe to drive."

Ken looked up at Jake again while feeling the softness of the leather seat.

"Are there any red lights on the dashboard or hidden surprises that will suddenly appear when driving it home?"

Ken stepped out of the car and closed the door with a reassuring thud.

"There are no red lights presently lit," said Jake. "I'll even give you a 90-day money back warranty if that will make you feel better about buying the car.

Ken looked at Roxanne.

"What do you think? Should I buy it?"

Roxanne gave Ken a sexy smile.

"What do I think? Should you buy it?" She laughed. "I love the car. It's a one-of-a-kind car and this is a chance of a lifetime. If I had the room to park it, I'd buy it myself," she said with a laugh. "Yes, I think you'd be nuts not to buy this car. It's a bargain, especially at that price and with that 90-day money back guarantee."

Nonetheless Jake's encouragement and Roxanne's seal of approval, Ken still seemed reluctant to pull the trigger.

"Jeff told me that you ride a bike," he said looking from Ken to open the trunk with a push of a button. "You can fit two bikes, your bike and the ladies bike in the trunk and still close it. Jeff told me that you build robots. You have room enough to easily transport whatever it is you're working on in the backseat," said Jake.

Ken nodded his head.

"With me now able to transport two bikes and all of my scientific equipment, instead of having to rent a van, buying this car makes more practical sense to me now," said Ken.

Ken was still stalling by walking around the car again for the fourth time.

"This car takes the attention away from my high-end automobiles. It gets more attention than some of my much more expensive cars. I need to get rid of it. I'm losing business because of it. Besides, there's a limited market for these cars, that's not the market that I want to build. Ten-thousand-dollars is more than a fair price. It's a bargain price," said Jake.

Ken looked at Roxanne again.

"What do you think? Tell me and be honest," said Ken to Roxanne.

He looked to Roxanne for support and when he saw her beaming back her smile, he knew her answer before she even said it.

"What do I think? I already told you what I think. I love the car, Kenny," she said flashing him a contagious smile. "It's so luxurious and it's such a bargain. Not to mention, with you needing to transport your bike and/or your robotic equipment without having to rent a van, it's a practical car for you."

He liked the fact that she was already calling him Kenny. Having just met, there was such a nice familiarity about the sound of that. Not normally the type of woman he was attracted to, tall, busty, and blonde. All of his women previously were as short as their tempers with hair as dark as their personalities. She seemed so enthusiastic and upbeat, not to mention that she was so very beautiful. Never had he met anyone like her before. Already, he was smitten with her.

"Can we take it for a test drive?"