All Comments on 'Revelations Ch. 04'

I'm not sure I like the idea of the drugs. It seems both Vanessa and Victor (Gary) are quite insane. However Vanessa did what she did of her free will. Victor was totally betrayed and it caused him to go off the deep end. I can't see any redemption nor would I like it to happen. I know how betrayal makes you feel. Please continue...

This whole chapter is either crap or a very bad joke. No matter which, it was just plain bad 2*

I stopped a few paragraphs in. Any further and it would've been me clawing at myself.

is almost as if you were getting paid by the word and padding the expenses. And this "chapter" moves the story no where.

Apparently, this author is not listening to his readers. This story deserves low scores.

Despoiling a better writer's work.

I stopped at covered with feces. Apparently Vanessa has a very low IQ and next got a nervous breakdown. Ah ok that's the explanation. I got it, story finished . Finito.

......the "Vanessa soul search" is touching, the drugs bring in a new dimension ...but you do know you have to reconcile the acts while she was under the influence and the subsequent emails,because unless I am way off she was not drug to exchange those and it can't be blackmail because she didn't know about the tapes.

......won't rate the story yet.....there may be a lot of padding ...but there is a story in there I feel....a hard one to word but there nonetheless.....as earlier said rating is over rated if you don't have the whole story....'til your next instalment...

your first 2 chapters were ok but now you have gone completly round the bend...really introducing a character(Dr. Josef Mengele) named after a nutty nazi war criminal dockter who infamously operated on jewish twins ect is really going too far ..I will continue reading just to see how bad it can get..you are certainly trying hard enough

puddy

Mengele and clauberg were nazi doctors who exterminated hundreds of thousands in the extermination camps including American soldiers, Mengele was called the Angel of Death because of this, Freeman lobotomized hundreds and many died, he was banned by the US govenment to practice medicine and ishii was the mastermind of the infamous Unit 731. All 4 conducted human experiments and except for freeman who was from a different time frame, were considered as war criminals.I do hope the author will leave this site and stop meddling with a great story!!!

???????

This whole "love" thing is bullshit. "in love" is another phrase for infatuation. An infatuation is easily ended when your dream mate turns out to be a turd. To Love is a verb. Loving another person is an act. It is a choice. It takes an act of will to chose to love another person. When they turn out to be a turd, it is easy to simply stop loving that person. However, years of generating love for other people forms a habit. It simply means that you need to find other people to love that are not worthless pieces of shit. Victors reaction towards his children still has not been explained. Why would he leave them? Why not stay, divorce and destroy the bitch right there and spend time with his kids? If the kids then chose their mother over him, well, then leave. No, for a 60 year old man he should be much tougher and wiser than he is behaving in this story. He also wasn't too bright not to have figured out something wasn't right years ago when his wife was a drugged up whore. In reality, that would have come out then.

This story started out interesting but then has taken this meandering diversion through truly weird events. Here are some of the lowlights:

"Sure we both saw the sex, damn I got a hard on just looking at it, I had no idea mom was so hot."

"He wondered if Karen (his daughter) were here would she let him fuck her? What about James(his son)? He had a great ass."

I have no idea where you are going with this. Have you intentionally turned it into a farce? Jacking her off every day? Victor getting wood over his wife doing gang bangs? You don't need chemicals to get hard at 60 or even 70. You might need them but if he could get wood before he can do it now. And what you don't know about mature women is - damn - everything. You are like a doe in the headlights frozen and then running around hitting every surface looking for a way out.

Hope you do better next time.

where in the heck this is going... I will try the next chapter... if the same as this one... well another one tossed in to the corner

You totally fucked this up. I liked the original, why he ley you do this to his story I'll never know..

Boy, did you ever screw the pooch on this chapter. I gave it a 1 only because 0 wasn't an option. Your first chapter was good and then you must have had a stroke. I hate to be critical but this last chapter seems like it was written by someone else. Where does one start at to describe the issues with this story? The medical team is comprised of doctors who would not have a clue on how to treat a mental illness. Then there's the injection of implied incestuos thoughts from father to daughter. You killed the character (Victor) with that introduction.

Look at the names of the guys in the gangbang. Did we have a gangbang in the original? Look at the amazing doctors and their ridiculous names. Like a mental patient is reason for half a dozen specialists to gather. A mental and uterine specialist? WTF? The guy is thinking about his daughter's and son's asses? This is more like a Lewis Carroll dream sequence or something. It was repulsive and very strange. I fear the author has some serious issues and should seek help.

Please drop the Mengele name and say he left and another doctor replaced him. There is nothing, nothing human or postive about the monster who tortured and murdered thousands. If you do not know the history, read it. If you do, you know you made a mistake to use that name.

Dude what the fuck is wrong with you? I can't believe you actually used Dr. Death Mengele's name in a story. He is only responsible for the murder of millions, but I guess that is not a big deal if your mind is as warped as it seems to be. I think you have seriously lost the plot!

You may or may not like what I'm writing or where you think it's going, but believe me, I'm having a hell of a good time, I think the commenters, especially me have the same feeling. TK U MLJ LV NV

I gave you a one, only because I couldn't give you a zero.

You are writing a different story about different people and doing a bad job of it. Too many inconsistencies. Pretty petals was a sort of pet name with her husband and you are trying to bury that connection. You make a big deal about the thousands of jobs, research projects, and families that would be in jeopardy if she didn't do it but CEOs come and go every day and the companies keep going on. Otherwise capitalism would have died a long time ago. If she fell for that bull crap she is too stupid to live and that is not the way the character was originally written. You can't try to characterize her as having a warm and caring heart and then have her betray the man she loves more than anything in the world and continue to do so after she had moved and gotten out of the situation. You are all over the map with the characters and motivations. This is a mess and it is long past time to pull the plug.

As other commentators have written though well written this chapter stinks. Your insensitivity in the selection of doctor names does not bode well for your thought processes. Were you trying to deflect criticism from your plot line? Her treatment of sex - bondage - submission is pathetic. The excuse of her being lightly sedated to drop her inhibitions does not fly as she voluntarily took them and was conscious enough to know what she was doing at the time and why. Further there is nothing to explain the years of e-mails. If Victor was merely angry at her he could have divorced her. Not only did he take from her all that they shared but he left all that they had including the kids. That said the only possible positives in this chapter is your description and admission of guilt by Vanessa. You still have a chance to salvage your story while keeping it true to the original.

Like the direction you are taking with the extreme manipulation from the old bastard. But, her original motive to start down that path was weak given your opening lines of devotion to Victor... That doesnt match up.

If you'd spent 2 minutes ... Albert DeSalvo was convicted and sentenced to life in prison. He escaped and was transferred to a tougher prison. He was stabbed to death in prison. He was not sent to a mental hospital.

He confessed to the stranglings and eventually recanted. He was convicted of rapes not involving murder and when charged with that he confessed to the stranglings. Nothing you said was correct.

It reads like a report of a surrealistic nightmare. Everyone seems slightly off their rocker. Should this be considered humour? I kind of wish you would get on with the story....

ruining a goodd story by making the wife now drugged and peer pressure from her friends, did you just graduate high school? Because all your stories are just teen soap opera shows but has less sex in it. Nice job ruining someone else's work.

so it was not a date rape drug.?..

instead the whore cunt wife was sedated ?? EVERY time or over 2 years?

wow this is awful

we know she was a happy whore for at least two years. if it was only drugs then why the fuck did everyone supposedly tell her to fuck harry because he needed it? why was she outside getting finger fucked by harry before the wife was even dead?

sending copies of this to the original author only means you are sending copies to the original author, not that the recipient approved of your story.

if that is the best mental clinic they can afford. they should read nervous breakdown for idiots. Their mother is getting finger fucked by the nurses and the doctors don't seem to make sense. wanna see how this ends just out of curiousity.

How you continue to make up stuff that never or couldn't occur from the original. They seem to have a bottomless well of funds to draw on. And your insistence that she was drugged when even her character knows its not true makes this story laughable. It truly shows what the original author thought about his copyright, nada.

she was drugged and lead a stray. First, if a group of people came to any woman telling her that they would loose their job if they didn't fuck their boss. I would think set up and move on. But then I have common sense and wasn't looking for a reason to justify cheating. Same old song.

Got the references to those two bastard real life medics...

Put a fork in it - its done. She knew all along what she was doing. She deserves all the consequences. On the positive side, the portrayal of the wimp husband has been consistent. Author - is that faggot MM co-writing this stuff?

What a mess you was made of this story, sorry but you lost me. You can do better than this story that has turned into bunch impossible mumble jumbo .lost it..

Carvohi this story is bouncing all over the place its like you can't remember what you have written in past chapters never mind what happened in the original story.

That...was....terrible. Sorry, but that was such a disappointing read that I found myself skimming it...and then ultimately stopping completely. You mentioned that you're having fun with the story and where it's going, but I have to say that you're probably the only one. Wow...now Victor wants to nail his daughter and son (who has a nice ass)?

I have to think that you are making this an absolutely crappy (pun intended) story, just to try and get an angry response out of people on here. There can't be any way at all that you can read what you just wrote, and say: "Yeah...this is good!".

I think everyone is correct in stating that you aren't staying faithful to the original story. I also think while the reader doesn't know where this story is going - you also have no clue where the story is going. As for the original Author letting you post your story; Hell, you're making him look Great! I'd let you keep going with this crap too, because then the ones who read the original and thought it was "ok", will read this and look back thinking the original was much better.

Sorry Carvohi, but this is BAD...REALLY BAD.

Suicide.

Interesting comments . Here is mine . I believe what the author is doing is showing what can happen to a family in the time of a crisis . The cheater has already had a break down and I believe the the husband is having one also . Just in a different way . Thus the weird way he is thinking and the out of character things he is doing which he never would have before . I think I will follow this to the end . Good or bad . Thanks

Why do you get when you have one "btb"er and two cucks?

A: three cucks!

Tickled testes, his fartibutt, betrayed!

This story started off as shit, then it turned into total fucking bull shit. You wanted fun with this story, copy the story off then stick it up your fucking ass. Take a broom handle and use it as a ramrod to shove it all the way up your ass. Give us a break and burn your computer.

For starters, even tho I am not Jewish, I am very offended by your use of "Dr." Josef Mengele. He was a criminal, a killer, and a cruel beast who shouldn't even be called human.

Secondly, the scene and atmosphere described at the mental hospital is very unrealistic. If there is a mental hospital like this one, it should be shut down immediately, if not sooner and it's staff, including the so-called doctors, jailed for life. Your treatment of Vanessa is horrible or worse. No hospital--mental or otherwise would treat patients that way.

This whole chapter stinks of s a writers fantasies and completely destroys the storyline.

I liked some of your other writing, but have Victor grow some balls and get over this shit and move on. "It hurts" well suck it up pussy and move on. I hope they do not get back together that wuld just blow chunks.

Using Dr. Josef Mengele as a character in a story. He experimented on holocaust prisoners, without anasthesia. He was beyond a monster. You are a fool!

All Vanessa really wanted was her bosses cock fucking her and his cum dripping out of her three holes, that's all she ever really cared about. If she loved her husband like she says she does she would have never ever fucked around on him . It black and white --no gray areas

you can't even keep the characters in character the way you've previously characterized them.... I think you're the one on drugs.

Next next next next next.

Shiro Ishii - head of Unit 731, Japanese Imperial Army's biological warfare unit

Carl Clauberg - German doctor who 'experimented' on women in Auschwitz.

Herman Webster Mudgett, AKA Dr. Henry Holmes - Chicago area mass murderer specializing in women.

Walter Freeman - developer of the "icepick lobotomy" he performed over 3400 lobotomies despite having no formal surgical training.

Josef Mengele - also 'experimented' on death camp inmates, generally children.

.

Why would you bring these names into your story? How does invoking these memories advance your plot? I'm disappointed.

I am not sure what the relevance is with the 4 male names that fucked Vanessa ! ?

As already mention in comments they ate some very sick characters in real life !

Also I am not sure about the significance of the rehab / mental clinic and sexual nature of the treatment. I am surprised and a little bemused really. Is this chapter I think the plot line, characters, sequel of events msy habe detracted from alex_lovers original stories.

However still a very good read.

More please

I might be not a member with an invented anonymous name but I CAN READ!

and you can't. just the first 3 paragraphs in this chapter turn around whatever the original writer wrote:

What was I to do? My husband, my mate for life has gone. Victor Brown, my man, my hero, the boy who'd become the man of my dreams, one time young girl's fantasy lover, father, role model, bread winner, guardian, protector, defender of the hearth, bulwark against all life's exigencies committed suicide, and I'm the one who led him to it. I killed him with my lies, my deceit, and, oh my god, my unspeakable infidelities.

I had no idea Harry had taped any of the things we'd done. At the time I thought they'd been wonderful things, good things. He was so sad. He needed someone. Everyone said so. All the men, all the women; the women who were my colleagues told me I had to do it. I had to be the one. They said I was the only one who understood poor Harry. I was the only one who could bring Harry back from the brink. They said he needed me, the company needed me. I did it, but in the doing I betrayed the one person I loved more than anyone else in the world.

Mona my best friend at work had said it best. I remember what she'd said, "Vanessa dear more than 20,000 people earn their livings through our company. Each one has a family. Think of the many husbands, wives, and innocent children who'll lose their livelihoods, their homes, their futures if someone doesn't stand up," she'd said, "Vanessa honey Harry's the corbel stone that holds everything together. Our company does medical research. Think of the doctors and nurses who right now are making new surgical discoveries, think of the new technologies, think of the pharmaceutical discoveries."

_____________________________________________________________________

if he is ok with that ? hey nobody knows he did not comment on your bullshit. I wonder why he would like to have everything turned around and why you have a ball fucking up the story instead of writing your own.

I don't even have to read past these paragraphs, it is not worth it!

At first I kind of followed this, just to see where it would lead. You have destroyed A_Lover's story and made a monstrosity. Why don't you come up with your own ideas and leave others' alone? Alex_Lover leaving the original shitty ending is still a far better effort than this tripe you are posting. If you have any decency stop and have the other chapters of this abhorrent shit storm deleted. The queer cuck tales are better than this and they are un readable.

Yeah this was a pretty fucked up remake. Thats my REVELATION.....

more more more

Humorous recycling.

I have to say, your an idiot and that's putting it kindly. You contradict the wife claiming she KNOWINGLY slept with her boss by coming up with some drivel excuse by her son and some quack that she was drugged. That plot don't can't standup at all then after you say the wife was drugged into having sex. You have her being molested by nurses daily???? You stopped the plot you were originally going off on and went on some asinine tangent for no reason. The best thing you can do is stop now for all of us.

Too bizarre and totally goofy!!

Don't know why I was reading it again but now that I did I really don't know why I bothered.

You took a good story by Alex_love and in the course of 3 chapters managed to turn it into a giant pile of crap. I like some of your other stories but in this sequel you just wandered off the path and over the cliff. Just too many odd twists and turns that really made no sense and in the end - you FAILED to end the story. Total waste of time for you to write and for the readers to read. BARF!

And the cast of characters got real interesting - you gotta love a history buff using old names for new ideas heh

So far still think you are going for reconciliation and you are building a fair case for it - she was stupid BUT she was abused, drugged and fucked over by her "friends".

Where is the next chapter kind sir ?

Only a government person can ignore what the readers want as well as a politician ignores the people haha..no really it is to concentrated on the wife as she is a retard ..why talk about her at all? a monkey writes a story carvohi proof reads it and puts it on lite as his own, we the readers see it and say "for a monkey he wrote well but for a human it was poorly checked for a plot or characters, so good monkey.

The first two chapters were wonderful and was worth reading. But as I got to the end of 3, There was no need for sexual aspect in the hospital. (I thought I clicked on wrong story) The ending was rushed.

Thank you for trying to entertain us. Your talents far exceed chapter 3.

rating 1

I do hope you can find the time and interest to finish the story. We need closure!

And stupid.having doctors that were war criminals is not funny,it is sick.More importantly,it is like the author is setting this up to be a drug induced fantasy someone wakes up from,it is that weird.One problem with the drug line is that vanessa continues to see Harry after they move away,if it was the drugs why would she see him?

Poorly written, poor premise, poor current conclusion.

Irregardless of how you cut it, she is a slut.

Do you even have a plot?

Stop listening to the crappy comments and just finish the story.

Author - you brought it this far - finish the damm story.

I apologize for leaving this thing to hang. I do have a plot. I do have it all outlined, but this story, like one or two others, has drifted off my plate. I'll be back to it some time after the holidays. And in spite of the way things may look, I think it will carry pretty well.

Last, though your prefer to remain anonymous on the public comment board you can still email me and we can collaborate.

Why would you write an extension to a story and NOT finish it? Someday Literotica will ban or refuse to post unfinished stories and the Readers will rejoice.

Do we shoot Carvohi for not finishing the story? Or do we shoot Literotica for not forcing authors to post ONLY finished stories? I vote for the shotgun. It has two barrels and I think we can get them both. Where is Finishthedamnstory when you really need him?

I'll finish the damned story!

The original had no indication of any drugs being involved. How do we explain the continued correspondence via email since they moved to Houston? Were they drugging her then too? The simple truth is she fell in love with Harry. Plain and simple. In the original, she was unrepentant and got angry when she was called on the carpet for her lewd behavior.

Any relationship between this story and the original characters is purely coincidental - not to mention trash.

In the next addition to this story we should have carvohi add carvohi to the story and have Dr Mengele practice on him. Dental work without anesthetic should do for a start. Then he could be chained to a chair and be forced to listen to an endless loop of Matt Moreau stories. Then Mengele could get really nasty. Since carvohi the author is the real villain of this piece we would be burning the bastard to the satisfaction of the majority of commentators who are irked that he is (1) not finishing the story, (2) randomly creating story lines by throwing darts at a dart board, and (3) adding and subtracting characteristics from his put upon creations in accordance with the rolls of three twelve sided dice.

This chapter, as others have stated, bears no relationship to the rest of the story besides the names of the characters. The author has provided lots of excuses for Vanessa's affair (drugs, saving the company and jobs for its employees, altruism, the Tooth Fairy, and God knows what else). None of these ring true, and none of these matter. Further, no rationalization jives with the storyline as presented in the original story by Alex_Lover. I've had the thought about finishing the damn story, and the author even commented that he/she wants to write chapter 5 to do so. Well, it would require a Houdini to fix all the contradictions so far presented.

If this was supposed to be a finish to another authors story then why doesn't it have an end? You made a reasonably good start in the first chapters, but here you completely fall off the cliff. There certainly isn't an ending to this so why write and post it? To antagonize the readership? You've certainly managed that successfully. I've read some of the comments and to say that they take you to task would be putting it mildly. I would suggest another chapter that puts a clear ending to this mess. If not, I fear many will give any story you post going forward a bad rating simply in reaction to this poor offering. Just an opinion.

How about an ending?

I HOPE her "treatments" are all in her head. No reputable clinic would treat their patient that way.

And yes, where is the ending?

How can you drag this pile of manure for so long???

This is a totally different story, nothing to do with the original...

Terrible non-finish. And chapter 4? Absolutely abominable.

This is a great sequel to the story, but it has no ending.

It just stops.

Is there an ending coming?

How did you get from where you started to this pile of oddity?

Wow. I don't have the words to describe the limb you've climbed this tale out on and the strange things you've added that are not consistent with the original tale or even your earlier chapters. I can only hope you've been writing on pain killers.

Can you send me the name of the ghanja that you are smoking? His son has a great ass? He wants to fuck his daughter?

What we have here is an unfinished and seemingly abandoned "ending" to a story that the writer thought needed an ending.

Really though, the way this is written where can it go from here ?

The "doctors" don't speak psychobabble but gibberish from 1960's sitcoms.

The "treatments" are like something out of very bad pulp fiction.

The storyline has wandered away from the original into the weird and surreal.

Four months ago he said he would finish this, but still nothing.

Kind of like a train wreck it's hard to look away.

I am not sure I want to read an end to this version of the story.

After all the set pieces and new modifications to the original any ending using these "new" facts would only be even more unsatisfying.

Vanessa is in a mental clinic being molested daily by the staff.

She is supposed to have forgotten what she had a clear memory of and told her husband in detail.

Everything that she participated in for years was in a drug induced state. The entire office staff was complicit and has now disappeared.

The husband saw and heard from the videos and his wife what happened and left.

But now he wants back?

NOT!

Dear Carvohi, I fear you have painted yourself into a corner from which there is no escape. Leave it here and walk away. Please.

Rightbank

...has been hijacked by someone slowly slipping off their trolley.

I suppose you could say it's humorous if you like black comedy or think using REAL WWII monsters' names is worth a giggle. This thing is so over the top it's hard to tell.

Even if there are any further chapters of side-splitting humor I'll forgo the pleasure of reading them.

Have a delusional day.

Vanessa was used she could have said no but she did not because her good friends and co-workers talked her into it. They drugged her used her for sex and that is the bottom line. The employees should be found and brought up on charges as well as the company and the company should be sued for 50,000,000 dollars for there part and another 50,000,000 million for pain and suffering to the family. Vanessa admitted in one of the 3 sections what she had done so at that time her mental state seemed sound plus she was just fine until the C D 's and pictures were received than she went off of the deep end. Well actually when her daughter called her a whore after watching part of the C.D. is when it truly started. I do not FEEL THAT THE STORY IS ANYWHERE NEAR COMPLETED. IT NEEDS A CHAPTER ABOUT FINDING THE EMPLOYEES AND WHAT DRUGS SHE WAS GIVEN AND THEM SENT TO JAIL AND A CHAPTER ABOUT FINDING VICTOR AND THE COMPLETION OF THE LAW SUTS AND IF SHE GETS BETTER OR NOT AND IF FINDING SHE WAS DRUGGED IF VICTOR TAKES HER BACK.

RON

This is another unfinished story. Actually I'm glad it is unfinished because I didn't like the direction it was heading. 'The poor misguided wife was used and abused for a year by the mean and dishonorable boss that she fell in love with.' What about the years and years of emails and secret meetings? This is really reaching the bottom of the barrel looking for excuses for the wife. She even admitted to the guilt she felt by buying him more toys. Drug or no drug, she really believed she cared for her boss as her actions prove. She is nothing but a whore and all the psychobabble and excuses can't disprove that. He would be a lot better off if he just forget her and moved on. She played him for a fool for 30 years and is still trying to play him.

You take over someones work ?

You are tearing up his work or you gave up ? ?

You had good intentions but you wasted our time...

Dumb azs still gave you a 5 for trying.....bill

Another FUCKING unfinished story JACKASS

but 1st figure out who is the one hiding, TK U MLJ LV NV

...Jackass...

I HATETHESE DAMNED UNFINISHED STORIES.

The only reason being is that it isn't finished. You've posted other stories past this one. Why don't you finish this one?

Finish it please!

I'm dizzy from the author changing from not only first to third person within a single phrase, but sometimes back again. I'm convinced after reading this, there may be a 2nd, 3rd and even a fourth person hidden within this story!

This has been hanging out there unfinished for too long.

Venessa was still in touch , in one form or another,with Harry well after retirement. She was diffently cockholding Victor and she knew it. It wasn't a mistake that the law firm sent this package to V. Brown, rather than Venessa Brown , Harry wanted to show Victor who really owned Venessa; that being said I love the story and can't wait to read the rest. I would love to see them get back together but with a different set of rules. I also feel Venessa should have taken the million dollars and have given it to Victor.

I wish I had a signal light with FTDS on it that I could shine into the night sky. He won't let them get away with this extensive reworking of Vanessa. She has drifted way to much from her original character.