All Comments on 'Revenge Ch. 02'

Pretty sad chapter. It seems you are trying to get us to like this character, who was betrayed by his wife and starts sleeping with married women as a revenge, at least in his mind. Still need more info for I give this a rating. Please continue...

Some have it easy.... Then there is this guy! Any thought to writing the final chapters of your first story ???

Am looking forward to the next installment. Thank you for the continuing effort.

Me too, I'm afraid.

What's the point? Nothing erotic or entertaining about this sorry tale.

You have brad hitting new lows and becoming hardened person who is turning into a cold hard individual with no emotions .so where are you taking this story . his wife dumps him, he finds comfort with a women of the night with child and she is murdered. Any more black holes for him or does he turn his life around. And what about his child , does he recover and finally reconnect with her. So where is the revenge. A life lived well and happy is the best revenge!

This is a good installment... lt gives me more insight to of developing of our protaganist. To our fellow commenters.. be PATIENT ,,, In some store bought novels, some chapters leads us to the development of the protagnist. not to the story in whole in general.

It doesn't really matter to me what you try to do with Brad...Try to redeem him or make him sink lower. It makes no difference as we have already read the first chapter and have already seen that he is a monumental piece of shit poor excuse for a person. All this has happened to him and then he turns right around and does the exact same thing to some other poor guy and his family. Tell my why anybody would care what happens to this fucked up piece of shit!?!? The fact that he was a good guy once makes it even worse. He knows how it feels and still does it. To me that makes him worse then anyone in the whole story! FUCK BRAD!!!

The protagonist transitions from OK to depths of despair & disrepair, then back up to financially/socially successful (but emotionally empty!) Trouble with the 'flashback' approach is that -no matter how 'down in the dumps' our Ex-Hubby Hero(?) got- we KNOW he survives and, in many respects, thrives later when we-the-readers get back to the story's present. That method detracts from the tension in the miserable parts of his past!

I concur on good character presentation, especially the changes in our Hero's social conscience!

The main character is not likable which violates the first rule of story telling. His struggles are not well define. Frankly, considering how bitter he is, it is no wonder his wife found a better husband and his daughter ran away from her meetings with him. Maybe money is not the big problem here?

Keep at it. This is a better story than that Octopussy crap. More like your first story

here on LW. Boy did you get a bunch of panties in a twist with that one! Carvohi even continued it with sequels, lol.

Happy and excited waiting for the next chapter, I am

AMerryMan

Am enjoying it so far.

Allow me to pick a few nits:

1. ...sanity would return, as it often did, ... This implies that there were times when he remained insane. Don't think that's the situation you meant to describe otherwise he would have probably been committed,

2. ... new husband, nee her ex-lover ... Nee has a root meaning that refers to birth. It is most commonly used in reference to married women referring to their birth (or maiden) name. Some people confuse the idea with "former" name. It seems you have made this error, unless you intended to say that her new husband was her ex-lover since his birth. That makes no sense.

3. Brenda's elder sister ... Elder refers to age or experience without regard to comparison with another as in "an elder statesman" When comparing two people's ages use "older". Thus she would be Brenda's older sister.

I feel like I am simply waiting for the punch line....

Good read on the emotional turmoil of a jilted husband.

I do hope that the Brad pulls through !

Good read

Thanks for sharing.

doing the right thing. TK U MLJ LV NV

Sad but awesome writing,

that a chapter of pure sadness has its tone changed by a previous chapter that we remember. Shows good work by the author..

Good story, but you either need to get rid of BarneyR as your editor or maybe stop changing things after he's done, so many errors that should have been picked up.

You killed the best thing he had going for him? Not bad but she would have made a pretty happy ending, in your later chapters. But this is not why I am posting. Here is a piece of advice. FIRE your editor, the spelling errors were atrocious. Still a badass story.

The storyline is getting better as you are becoming more focused. The first chapter meandered a bit. Five stars.

nothing worth rating or reading

Looooooonnnnnngggg winded!

n othing but a wimpy auto-bio, maybe

2 star

Fuck all y'all. This is a decent story that obviously isn't finished. Enjoy, absorb, until, in the fullness of time, you can truly grok it's lessons.

The hooker explained Brenda's death with: "the lure of money was her undoing." Yep, that's the way hookers talk. Sure thing. Absolutely.

You are awsome man... this is one of those chapter that brought tear in my eyes. This chapter made you one of the fav writers in this site to me... man you are AWESOMELY FUCKING GREAT. plz keep posting stories like this .. and a bit of adventures Romantic stories will be great though. I will be looking forward ♥♥♥♥♥

You lost most of us on the first Chapter. He is a loser. His character is set. If someone had murdered his mother, would he then feel justified in murdering some other mother?? Pathetic.

The author has already dug his hole. No amount of revisionism to make him a better person will work, the damage is done. Perhaps if he had been a likable character at the start of the story and then went bad that might have worked. But to write a character that is instantly unlikable makes it impossible redeem him. Badly judged author. The first Chapter was a deal breaker.

Pity you are a good writer but consistently make poor calls in your work. 2* for bad judgement. Learn by this!

how tall are mountains, TK U MLJ LV NV

This is good writing!

5*

are you on drugs or terminally stupid? it is a interesting story but barely passable writing you closet cuckie.

I can't make heads or tails of this....so fucked up and convoluted.

Good story, but why kill off Brenda?

Aaand a sociopath is born.

Who cares

Too many characters flying about with no character development, and this chapter seemed like unnecessary fluff. I can't finish this series. Rating Chapters One and Two ★ and signing out.

It's starting to get there, I am still hopefull