Right where You Want Me to Be Ch. 06

"Yes...I mean...if you can..."

"Of course I can," she said, laughing a little.

"Listen...we're really starting to get close lately. Especially now that Sara and I have agreed to end what we had going. All I want, is to be there for you through the good and the bad. So, I'll be on the next flight to Philadelphia; okay?"

"Okay...thanks Alycia."

Due to some bad weather, it wasn't until the following morning that Alycia actually boarded a flight to Philly. She was supposed to have been on a plane at around 10:30 the night before but there was a storm rolling across the East coast and it had caused some problems, resulting in the flight being delayed. The only thing I cared about, was the fact that she would be here eventually.

When she finally did arrive, I met her at the airport and threw my arms around her, pulling her close to me.

"I told you I would be here," she whispered in my ear.

"I know...I believed you."

We kissed briefly, then getting ourselves together, we grabbed her luggage and made our way back outside to my car.

On the drive to the hospital, I told Alycia the updates that I had received from my mothers doctor. According to them, there was still no sign of any brain activity. As far as they were concerned there was no chance of recovery.

They were now pushing me a little harder, to consider pulling the plug. More of my family had gathered at the hospital once this news was released, making me even more nervous and uneasy then I had already been.

"This is it," I had told Alycia in the car.

She was going to meet a lot of people that were related to me and there was a possibility, that her gender identity could come out in the process.

She assured me that she was okay with that and that she was only here to support me; she didn't care what anyone had to say, about who she was.

When we got there, we made our way directly up to the floor where my mother was and found a crowd of my family members sitting in the waiting room.

Half of them, I didn't even really recognize.

Uncle so and so and Aunt blah, blah. There were of course, a few faces that I knew but for the most part, I was surrounded by people I probably had not seen since I was a child.

"John," one of my aunts shouted, when she saw me.

"Goodness, you've grown so much!"

It took me a few moments, then it clicked; my Aunt Sandy. She was my fathers step-sister and yes, I had not seen her since I was at least twelve or thirteen years old. She had always been one of my favorite aunts though.

"Aunt Sandy...how have you been?"

"Oh, I've been okay sweetie. What about you? I heard things didn't work out so well, between you and Carrie."

"Yeah...life tends to happen sometimes. We're still on good terms but the marriage just wasn't going anywhere."

"Oh," she said, looking disappointed. "Well, who is this young lady?" She asked, glancing at Alycia.

Alycia stood behind me the whole time, looking extremely nervous. She had been silent since we got to the waiting room and I turned around and smiled at her.

"Aunt Sandy, this is Alycia. She's my girlfriend."

"Oh, so you've moved on already?"

"Yeah, Carrie's actually seeing someone too."

"Oh my; well, it's nice to meet you Alycia!"

"Likewise," Alycia said, stepping forward and shaking my aunts hand.

From there, we were greeted by a bunch of other people, half of which I recognized and the other half I had no idea who they were. That was okay though, because it seemed like a lot of them did not really know who I was either.

Eventually, I made my way to the room where my mother was and took Alycia along with me. I wanted her to meet my mother...even if she couldn't acknowledge that we were both there.

I told her all about how my mom had been one of the most caring people, that I had ever known in my life. When we entered the room, we stood at the side of the bed for a while and remained silent.

A million thoughts were suddenly rushing through my head, as I finally accepted what I knew I had to do. Sensing my distress, Alycia came up behind me and wrapped her arms around me, resting her chin on my shoulder.

"It's going to be okay," she whispered, giving me a peck on the cheek.

"I just wish she could have met you," I said, my voice shaking a little.

"I know. Me too."

We took a few minutes to just sit with her, before finally Alycia stood up to find the doctor so I could let him know my decision...a decision, that I really did not want to make.

After I told the doctor what I planned to do, he went to fetch the paperwork for me to sign. In the mean time, a lot of my family were in and out of the room taking time to say their goodbyes. It was a good couple of hours, before I could actually meet with the doctor and sign off on the paperwork.

When I did, I stood with Alycia and Nick and watched as the doctor flipped the switch, shutting off all of the monitors and the life support machine. With just the flip of a few small switches, my mother was gone from this world and I was left with a feeling of emptiness, in the pit of my stomach. I felt sick...I was sick.

Immediately after the machines were turned off, I ran into the bathroom and dropped to my knees in front of the toilet and unleashed the contents of my stomach.

Mom...I missed her already.

Hours later, we left the hospital and made our way back to my house. I invited a few family members over, to sit and talk and catch up on missed time...Nick was one of the people, that I invited.

As we all sat around the table talking, Nick offered to help me out with planning the funeral. Being an only child, I could certainly use the help. Of course I had Alycia there to lend me a hand, but I accepted the offer from Nick as well.

We got to talking about what exactly we were going to do and I decided by the end of the night, that I wanted to go with a cremation. I would keep the ashes with me in a nice urn. That being said, instead of a burial, I would have a gathering at my house.

As we sat and talked, a few other people started showing up at my house, having just heard the news of my mothers passing.

Shane and Michelle showed up, both of them embracing me in a loving hug and sharing tears with me. I had been friends with Shane for so long, that he knew my mother and looked at her like a second mother to himself.

A few days went by and I had been quite busy, trying to set up for the gathering that would take place at my house. I needed food and drinks...party trays specifically. Michelle offered to make meat balls and I gave her the okay, to go ahead.

The day of the actual gathering, my house was packed with people. Friends, family, former co-workers that my mother had worked with in the past. Not to mention, my own friends who had all shown up...some of them, I had not seen in a couple of years.

I gave a very brief speech once everyone had arrived and from there, the rest of the day was just about people recalling the good times that they'd had with my mother, over the years.

I soon found myself hanging out in the backyard, smoking a cigarette when Alycia came out and sat next to me.

"You doing okay?" She asked, concerned.

"Yeah...I'll be alright."

We sat side by side, Alycia holding me with one arm and just doing her best to be there for me.

"John!"

I was startled by the voice, as was Alycia. We both turned around to see who it was and standing in the doorway, was my ex-wife Carrie. She was wearing a nice dress and her makeup was runny, with tears.

"I'm so sorry..."

I smiled faintly and nodded my head. Even before we had gotten married, Carrie and my mother had been very close. I knew they had stayed in touch after the divorce and remained just as close as they had always been. If anything, my mother was like a mother to Carrie, just as much as she was to me.

"It's so unexpected," she said, as Alycia and I stood up and met her half way across the yard.

"Yeah. I was hoping things would work out. That she'd pull through, but..."

"I know," Carrie nodded. "I won't say, she's in a better place...I know that's not always the best thing to say. At least she isn't suffering anymore though."

"Yeah, that's true..."

Carrie looked at Alycia and smiled.

"You must be a really good person, to fly all the way out here from Florida and be with him during a time like this."

I was surprised by Carrie's words and Alycia seemed to be, too.

"Well...that's what you do when you love someone," Alycia said, with a few tears in her eyes.

I looked at her, stunned at what she had just said. We hadn't used the words "I love you" just yet. She just said it, like she'd said it a thousand times before though and Carrie smiled.

"You are a good person," she said, reiterating what she had already said.

"Hang on to her John; she's a good catch."

"Oh, I'm not planning on letting go anytime soon."

"Good. Have you told anyone...you know..."

"About me being born a boy?" Alycia said for her.

"I uh..."

"John doesn't have to tell anyone if he doesn't want to," Alycia said, rubbing my back.

"I'll wait as long as I have to, until he's ready to tell them. If he never wants to, that's fine with me too. The only thing I care about, is him being happy."

"Well hold on now," I said, interrupting her. "I do plan on telling people soon. I just don't know when."

"He has told a few people," Alycia said, happily.

"And everyone's okay with it so far?"

"No problems yet," I replied, shrugging my shoulders. "I told Shane and Michelle, but that's about it as of right now."

We talked for a few minutes longer, then Carrie had to get going. She was due in work that afternoon and she was only able to stop by for a short period of time.

The rest of the day passed quickly and it wasn't long before the gathering had come to an end. Everyone piled out of the house, shaking my hand and giving me hugs, even taking the time to say goodbye to Alycia. There was a pile of envelopes on my dining room table; donations. I had not expected anything from anyone but apparently, they had all taken it upon themselves to leave cards with money.

I made out pretty well, even though I really didn't want the money...who was I to complain though.

Alycia managed to get a few extra days off from work and spent an extra week in Philadelphia, with me. There wasn't much sexual activity between the two of us to be honest; I just wasn't feeling up for any of that. I loved how understanding she was though. Rather then being pushy or getting pissed off, Alycia completely understood my mood.

Instead of pressuring me, she did her best to try and comfort me and even took me out to dinner a couple times that week and paid for the whole thing.

When that week was finally over, she had to return to Florida to her job. Before she did though, we made arrangements for her to come back for the holidays. Thanksgiving, she would spend here in Philadelphia and Christmas and New Years, I would spend in Florida with her and Sara.

The holidays rolled around and we carried out our arrangement, with Alycia coming out to Philly for Thanksgiving and a month later, I was on my way to Florida for Christmas and New Years. It was going to be one hell of a holiday though. Alycia and I were both completely unaware, but Sara had a huge surprise for the both of us.

It was during Christmas dinner, when she decided to spill the information. We were having a small dinner...Alycia didn't have any relations with her family, so none of her people were there.

Sara however, had invited her mother and her younger sister, Erin. Sara looked nervous the entire time and Alycia and I both had a feeling that there was something on her mind; it was only a matter of time, before she let it slip. We were just finishing up dinner when she took a deep breath and exhaled.

"Everyone...I have something to tell you all."

Immediately, all eyes were on Sara. I looked at Alycia, to see if there was any indication at all that she might know what was

happening...surprisingly, there was none.

She looked as clueless as everyone else in the room. That was strange though, considering the two girls were so close, they always knew everything going on with each other. What could Sara be planning to tell us, that she had not even told Alycia yet?

"Um...I'm not really sure how to put this. Everyone is going to be really shocked and believe me I'm shocked too. You're not going to be more surprised then I am..."

She was struggling; trying to delay, even. Alycia smiled and reached across the table, taking her hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Whatever it is...we're all here to support you. Don't be afraid."

Sara smiled faintly and nodded her head, taking another deep breath and exhaling.

"I...I'm pregnant."

Everyone at the table froze. Alycia's eyes went wider then I had ever seen them in the time that I had known her. As for me...well, I thought that I had misheard her at first. Actually, the first few seconds I didn't even register what she had said. Once it set in though, my first thought was that she must have said something else that I had misunderstood.

"Say again?"

I couldn't help but to make her repeat it; I had to be positive, that's really what she had said before I could say anything else.

"I'm pregnant."

So I had heard right; there was no misunderstanding. It quickly began to set in and as it did, my heart began to pound in my chest.

"I...thought you said you were on birth control!"

"I am," she said, her voice shaking. "I mean, I was. I must have missed a dose and didn't realize. Even if that's not the case, there are situations where it can fail sometimes."

"This is...crazy..."

Alycia sighed, rubbing her eyes and looking from Sara, to me and from me to Sara's mother and sister.

"Honey," Sara's mother said. "I just...I'm happy, don't get me wrong. But who's the father? I didn't even know you were seeing anyone."

This had all been shocking enough as it was but I was still so damn clueless; we all were. Of course, you're probably thinking the same thing that I was thinking and that Alycia was too. At this point, I was positive that I was the father.

That threesome that we had, had back in October. I hadn't used protection and I had came inside of her. The promise of birth control, had kept me at ease but obviously, that had failed. I looked at Alycia, trying to figure out how exactly we were going to tell this woman that her daughter had been impregnated by a guy that she had a threesome with.

Alycia spoke up first.

"This is going to be hard to explain," she said, in a soft voice, as calm as she could sound. "But um..."

"It's not John," Sara said, cutting Alycia off.

We both spoke up at the same time, "What?"

"It's not...John..."

Silence fell upon the dining room once again. Now, here is the real shock. Sara locked eyes with Alycia and smiled and after a few moments, Alycia suddenly stood up and started laughing nervously.

"Um...okay...Sara, can I see you in the kitchen please?" She asked, her voice trembling now.

Sara nodded her head and stood up, looking over at her mother.

"We'll be right back, mom."

They were about to start their way into the kitchen, when Alycia looked back at me and cleared her throat. "John...will you come too?"

I had a funny feeling I knew, what was about to happen. Nervously, I moved away from the table and followed Alycia and Sara into the kitchen. As soon as we were out of hearing distance from Sara's mother and sister, the conversation began.

"Sara...what are you getting at," Alycia asked, straight to the point. "Who is the father?"

"I guess, it doesn't really have a father...but it does have two mothers..."

"Oh my god," Alycia sighed, turning her back and pressing her forehead against the wall behind her.

I stood by, face pale and mind racing as I tried to think of what to say; part of me felt relieved. I had been certain, she was going to tell me that I was the father but I had been completely wrong. The other part of me though, was confused and stunned.

How was this Alycia's child? When we all slept together, it was me who had came inside of Sara, not Alycia.

"How?" I asked, breaking another bout of uncomfortable silence. "I mean, we all slept together sure. I was the one who...blew my load inside of you though."

"No, you're completely misunderstanding the situation," Sara said, shaking her head and rubbing her eyes, full of stress.

"Like you, my first thought was that John was the father. It made sense. I had my period in October and I had it in November. When I missed it this month though, I took the pregnancy test and naturally it came back positive. So, I went to the doctor to confirm it and they confirmed...but they told me that I'm three months into the pregnancy already."

"Three months?"

"Yes! John, we had the threesome in October. If you were the father, I would only be two months pregnant."

At this point, Sara glanced over at Alycia who sighed and wiped a tear away; Sara remained silent. She wanted Alycia to finish the rest of the explanation, but Alycia didn't have to. I was already beginning to put this together on my own.

"So...you two slept together at some point, in September?"

"Yes," Alycia said, reluctantly. "It was after we did that webcam thing for you, where Sara sucked me off. When we disconnected with you we took things a little further then that. John...please don't be mad at me."

I took a deep and steady breath, trying to quiet the rush of thoughts that was flooding my head at the moment. Was I angry? Honestly, I wasn't really. I knew they were still sleeping together at that point and I had given her the okay; I had approved.

I almost couldn't be angry, since I had told her it was okay at that point in time to continue doing her thing with Sara when we weren't together. On the other hand, I worried that this was going to complicate our relationship.

"I'm not mad," I said, finally. "We'll all figure this out. We'll all get through it together."

Sara smiled but Alycia sighed and still looked terrified and unsure of how to feel. First thing was first; we had to figure out, what to tell Sara's mother and sister. Telling them that I was the father would have been a thousand times easier, then telling them that the father was Alycia. Sara's family did not know that Alycia was a transsexual.

Honestly, her family was rather homophobic and that brought in the concern that they would disown Sara, if they knew the truth about Alycia. So we decided to tell them that I was in fact the father. Of course, Sara had to have an excuse for why she had belted out at the table that I wasn't the father, just to come back and tell her mother that I was.

She told her that she had panicked and that was why she told everyone I wasn't.

It was awkward nontheless, but I felt comfortable doing it if it meant making sure that Sara's family did not outcast her.

When dinner was over, her mother and sister left early. They could have stayed longer but I assumed they were still in such a state of shock, they just wanted to get home. That was fine with all of us; we needed the time to ourselves.

We needed to sit down and talk and come to terms with all of this...

I found Alycia sitting out on the front step of her apartment complex, smoking a cigarette. She had been quiet the whole night, since our conversation with Sara's family. I knew there had to be a million things running through her head, as much as there was going through mine.

I had stayed inside for a little while trying to make sure that Sara was okay; now it was time to check in on my girlfriend. I had to admit, it felt strange to think that my girlfriend, was going to be a "father" technically.