All Comments on 'Rob and Barb'

Not as good as the last one, but still better than average. It was all just about the money? I never got a clear picture of motive here. Looking forward to your next. Thanks.

Good fun read. Thanks for sharing.

In true fantasy Rob go in and shoots all three back-stabbing losers. In fiction he takes the gun and the camera and just shoots the gun for a distraction. Now if we only knew the results of the DNA test.

Oh, by the way, in reality it doesn't happen this way. That's another tale.

Five Stars

Kimi the motive was money of course. Silly rabbit.

should have been your username.

try not to find the one who is the best, TK U MLJ LV NV

Wow... a strange long long long con.

If Bev was such a grifter, why not just be the one to marry him in the first place and keep her lover on the side?

It's evident that you really love these clever, "leave 'em hanging," endings, Bob. It's also evident that the cleverness that's in your mind as you're writing them somehow doesn't get transmitted to many readers. It's understandable. The sudden, the totally unexpected, twist that is key to making such endings really work is difficult to pull off in a short, short story. I guess you like the challenge to design them. (I won't call it being just lazy; you've got writing talent and that would be an undeserved insult). So how about this idea: You write these kinds of stories -- knock yourself out. Go for it! But just don't post them! Just post the ones that you take to some overt, semi-logical conclusion. That way everybody gets what they want.

You just had to revert back to the only way you know how, didn't ya? You recently gave us a story that was virtually complete with an ending and everything. But you reverted back to your old self and gave us this.

No ending. Also, where in the story did you show that Rob (or Bobby or what ever his name was) was not to be messed with? Where were the examples?

2 stars.

I can't understand why anyone would think the story was left hanging, it was clearly completed with the tables turned and the evidence of Barb's adultery as the only movie likely to see daylight. I would have given it only 4*, because Rob's gut feeling he might need DNA evidence for his pairs of twins should have given him hopes of trumping the video of Bev and he, but I gave it 5* to counter the numbnut anons that plague this genre.

As far as I'm concerned the story is finished. Do you really want page after page of a court case and forced counseling only to get the same result. I think you're all saying JPB is an excellent writer and you expected a few more pages of entertainment. An excellent JPB story. 5 big ones.

Thank you for that JPB !

Wish Randi was editing for you though , I'm sure she would have caught that Beretta 94f turning into a 92f . Lol .( you usually always have Bersa's in your stories, if memory serves )

I'm personally glad to have you back posting again ! But I must warn you , I'm a Greedy Gussie , so get that keyboard blown out and oiled up , and let'em roll !

5*'s from me

the readers who claim the story is not finished are all anonymous. The real readers have enough intelligence to see that the story is indeed complete, very nicely I might add. This is one of his short stories which in fact are ending in a correct way and on top is well written.

When I say correct, pls note that a short story should have an end which is unexpected to be of any value. All the short stories written here ending "as expected" are badly written as a short story, they are just boring stories! *****

I agree with @Crkcppr...In a day that a storm of shitty stories has landed in LW, it's nice to finally see the sun with a JBP's story...Thank you for your sunny story...4*

I posted a comment and said this story is correctly constructed. JPB has written close to 800 stories and not all of them are this well constructed, in fact very few are real good. The concept for a short story is: A) A short intro to set the scene, then - B) Building s story line where the details slowly adds up to a conclusion, which - C) End in a short but unexpected way, ideally with a punch line. I would like to give you a perfect example, a little gem of a story. Read his "My Redhead".

most of the times a reader can consume his presentations on a first reading and months later read again and enjoy BIG 5

Four kids. Two sets of twins. What are the odds? Are they even HIS? Was there a history of twins in his family? Hers?

Other than that you get a 5

JimC

First off it's a magazine not a clip for future and you rushed thru and we don't know who the father of the children are. Wouldn't that be definitive proof who cheated First? Could have been better.

The Story. But a Follow-up on how they do Before and After Court. would be a nice way to finish.

This is a silly, almost cartoonish story, but if you turn off your Bullshit Meter and just go with the flow, it's a fun ride. None of these characters seem like an adult.

"You want me to father a child with your sister? Who will raise that child as her own? And the kid will never know his real father is his uncle? And you want me to do this naturally instead of just donating my sperm -- which I would even agree to pay for. And all while knowing that if I have sex outside of our marriage you'll walk away with everything? Hell no! Why would anyone in his right mind agree to that?!

"Oh, wait. What's that you say? I can fuck your sister's asshole? Well, okay, then! Let's do this!"

Not only that, but these two are married for over fifteen years and he had no clue his wife was a duplicitous scumbag?

Like I said, silly, but fun. I don't know what others are talking about re. an "unfinished" story. What? You need to be told what happens next? You need to see the boring details of the divorce? I think it ended perfectly.

Thanks for contributing, JPB.

as usual, that you would flesh it out more.

it was all a ruse to get his money when his parents die, and they could have outlived her? It was good luck that their plane crashed? After waiting fifteen years, two years longer than necessary since the parents died in the 13th year of his marriage, she comes up with the brilliant plan of taping him have sex with her sister so she can cash in on the pre-nup agreement? Then she drops the camera into a corner and has sex with her brother in law? Then our hero just goes back and films her and takes her camera and her proof? Could not the three conspirators simply have sworn on a stack of bibles that they saw him screwing some whore and get his money without the subterfuge? Not many sinister plots require 15 years to complete.

He didn't think of that at all? Really? Even after he offered to pay for it?

I feel sorry that his Dad's company is in his rather short sighted and stupid hands.

I LOVED it! 5*

I agree with Hardy. Fifteen years and four kids not to mention a fortuitous plane crash is one hell of a long con. And to let the whole thing blow up in your face. As Gump says stupid is as stupid does.

Well the story is a little too far fetched over this long time period... Plus, were the two sets of twins his? Since he was so wealthy in an industry that, well can take care of their own and disappearances are never found (like an assured one-way to a southern hemisphere whore house - so Barb & Bev will get all the ass pounding they ever wanted).

I thought the story would be more creative insuring Barb/Bev/Brad never got near the kids or had more kids... With Brad becoming dickless or a prison wife for bubba. Sorry the story is very short on pay back/conclusions.

I understand the method of - "use your imagination", buttttttttt.... Literally.

So why do you expect us to accept that they lived modestly? And how could he be so dense as to believe that he had to fuck Pam to give her a baby?

A man that stupid deserves to lose his business.

JPB seems to have wanted to pay us back for the extended ending of his previous story.

this is a repeat of 300 similar versions of the JPB stories.

May be that readers out there want their pervert cuckold stories for wanking off. But your story is straight to the logical end - divorce!!! Basta!!! And the pervert idiots who believe that all men are cuckold/wimps - face the reality!!!

I like JPB stories but this one just wasn't well thought out or good.

A pleasant little set up. Fifteen years of patience to maturity and the planless guy won!

"It's evident that you really love these clever, "leave 'em hanging," endings, Bob."

<P>

Yes ... and no.

<P>

There will be exceptions, but if the guy is cuckolded and is resigned or willing to along with it, them the story plays out. Often and out, and out, and ... However, if the guy isn't willing to go along with it, if this means the end of the marriage, then the tendency is "leave 'em hanging."

It's all about the "B's": Bob, Brad, Bev & Barb.

Can't imagine someone like Bob being so clueless as not to ask this one question: Why would 1 sister (Barb) have a trust fund and the other (Bev) doesn't?

And, depending on how and who a pre-nup is written to protect can be very specific & lawyers would try to find loopholes.

But, in any case funny story; especially having the cheaters shitting & pissing themselves. Would love to see how a story such as this would play out in front of a judge.

The business mgmt major didn't have Daddy's lawyers look into the prenup? Into her? Into them?

Literotica is a place to throw things against the wall and see what sticks before you take it to a publisher/agent. Sometimes having an editor will help you with seeing what sticks before you take it to US.

This doesn't stick, but it does smell.

i would like to see this one taken further.

Need an after math chapter

Honestly when I realized, it was only 2 pages I wondered how the whole cheating and revenge thing would happen so fast. Lo and behold, it did and it was bad. Can't say I liked the story. Hopefully you improve and make better stories.

We need a part Two.

Anyone who has read your work knows that with a little encouragement, you can do the aftermath justice.... Just pick up with them shitting on each other in bed and then add the living well as the best part and Barb with no visitation.

What purpose did Hubby's ElectEng aspirations (or, for that matter, his BizAdm degree) play in this story? A man as successful as Hubby's Dad would have had a complete dossier on any female Sonny was serious enough to marry. Especially if she insisted on a pre-nup.

Ultimately, being married for 13 years to try to steal an inheritance (which MIGHT have gone decades longer, since Parents' death was accidental) comes off as unlikely. The lack of subtlety in the execution of the failed plan was just clumsy!

I always liked your writings and you did well again. You have a fan here.

This set up doesn't compute. Wait all those years and he knew of the prenup. He didn't check her out. Who would fall for this and cheat for a baby , and Brad wasn't suppose to know. Bulshit. Too many holes , to short,to unbelievable , and is that video admitable in court . It was not his home. Had to set of twins so she can fuck him financially years later .sorry you can do better than this.

for those that are upset it wasnt finished. that it was just like an old JPB story with no ending . well there is a reason for that. it is an old JPB story. this is the same story he posted before. if your gonna repost a story at least change it somewhat.

Good story 5 stars.

Too bad four kids get shit on because their Momma's a greedy, scheming, sister fucking, bitch.

Wonder who is the daddy of the sets of twins. If he brought the set up story into divorce court with evidence he could probably get custody (if he wanted it). That would restrict Barbs ability to jerk him around in the future.

Too bad he didn't record the meet with Bev or conversation with Barb. He could probably send the schemers to jail.

Armed robbery, 1st degree burglary, possession of a firearm during the commission of a felony. Guns are not maguc wands. Even in LW fiction.

Thanks for the offering. Rushed ending. I was really enjoying it right up until that point.

Thanks for all your work. Another one on the top of the list.

Shoot 'em all and let God sort it out.

The book "I'm OK, You're OK" has a chapter titled NIGYYSOB, which being translated means "Now I Got You, You Son of a Bitch!"

Works for me!

I usually try not to post negatives. But Really.

Guy goes out with sister for 'almost nine months' and not only doesn't work out that she is a money grubbing bitch or that the family is not loaded. And 15 years and 4 kids later he still hasn't seen anything with the sister?

Then doesn't bother to get documentation about the possible parental responsibilities when he is asked to help 'the old fashioned way'. If the sisters really had trust funds, IVF is not THAT expensive and is usually covered by insurance. And even if they couldn't come up with the cash, he could have FOR his 'loving' Sis-in-Law.

I guess it is possible that the villains were not so evil as to just kill him. But a 15 year con? Or did it take that long for them to disappear the parents and then they worried about the coincidence if the offed him?

Of course, that video won't mean much when he is in jail. Shooting the clock would make it easy for them to show he assaulted them. Ballistics and GSR would be easy to match. Thank God they were stupid enough to leave the tape out in the open like that. Here is hoping that the kids get a good foster home. But most anything would be better than being raised by any of this crew.

I guess this was pretty good: Except for the plot. And the characters. And the dangling ending( what happens to the kids and the criminal charges?).

I know JPB is usually much better than this so I wonder if this was an experiment to see just how many tropes he could work into a story in under an hour or to test just what kind of review he would get by simply pandering to a part of the audience without worrying about really working at it. IF this was a serious effort, JPB, I am sorry but mighty Casey as struck out. I expect you to return to your much higher standard of excellence next time.

yes it is, quick, but workable. A little too quick thinking, too pat, just too short. I know that the end will be amicable, at least for hubby. Does anyone else think more retribution is in order for the trio?

Entertaining quick read. Thank you

Please keep writing and I will keep reading!

Yes the preanup bites her ass...I agree this is good ended flash story as

Vulces "How Are You?"

Harddaysknight "Not Guilty"

or Seurat "Homecoming Call"

I sort of suspected that things were not all OK with Barb's continued visits to her sister especially the relationship that Bev and Bobby had. But ... when it happened it was a brilliant surprise! Loved it when the bitch gets burned! I am always a sucker for any BTB Story. Whether the Bitch or the Bastard gets burned!

Bob,

I know you don't do many sequels, but this one deserves one. Not a sequel that someone else writes, one that you write.

But wouldn't Rob's own lawyer tell him that Barb actually didn't have a trust fund? That would be a major part of their prenup, so confirming its legitimacy would have been very important...

So, yeah, bizarre... but not as bizarre as the two sisters. Seriously, those two really went into a 15 years plan to get the guy's money, even though they both acknowledge what a good guy and a great fuck he is? I feel like JPB missed an opportunity to fully explain why those bitches needed to deceit him at all. It really does made no sense for Barb - she could have just sit easy for the rest of her life... why the need for this dumbass, poorly planed power-play?

Ah well... still a very entertaining read. Would love a follow-up on it, but won't hold my breath.

I don't know about other states, but in Pennsylvania the property/assets Rob received through inheritance would NOT be marital property; and thus his wife would have NO claim on them in a divorce proceeding. At best, the wife would only be entitled to an equitable distribution of the increase in value of the property/assets between when Rob received them and when the equitable distribution of the marital property takes place.

Otherwise, and enjoyable little story. --JRZ

... but pigs cannnot fly.

This is what Anony's comment comes down to, given that there's no mention of Pennsylvania in the story.

Why bother w/ that shit?

Good story.... would have liked a little more retribution; how he got out of jail time for shooting into a room full of people. Which IS against the law in Pennsylvania (Grin)

Thank you Bob

In his second comment on this story, in response to so many thinking this story ends poorly, hansbwl recommends a perfect gem of a short story: "My Redhead," also by JPB. So I go read it. No ending -- just left hanging. Whereas, I did not downrate "Rob and Barb" for its ending -- it's obvious where it's going without JPB taking you there.

So I am the opposite of hansbwl:

"Rob and Barb." Decent ending. (One might wish for more. But it is a short story.)

"My Redhead.". No ending. Or at best, poor ending.

Paul in Oklahoma

There was no mention of the kids and how Barb could handle them knowing what had happened. Was she so cold to not love them?

I think he should have shot them.

Thats no way to stop a story. Now finish it.

But I sure would like to have a little more.

1. why sign a pre nup if you never have confirmation of a trust?

2. why agree to fuck the SIL given the terms of the pre nup without visiting a lawyer to hash out its not cheating, the wife agreed to it, and he is surrendering all parental rights and responsibilities?

3. the whole point of trusts is to secure things outside of marriage contracts and civil suits - especially given how easiliy most judges ignore pre nups

You know, a guy could get a dim view of women reading some of these stories...

Another unfinished pile of shit from this has been.

It did finish a little short but I still liked it. It’s too bad that instead of shooting the clock radio he couldn’t have shot Brad in the ass. I mean, Brad did threaten him with a gun earlier and payback is a bitch. And that.45 auto would’ve made a big old nasty hole. Just a thought. 4 stars.

Too much missing! Who fathered the kids and much more not explained.

First off as usual I like your original idea but like most others I think you could have done more. Another thing that strikes me is as soon as she started wanting him to do her sister anybodies first thought would have been I won't do this because first I love you and second we have a prenup in place. Anybody with any business experience would never fall for this scam. As usual your writing is good but your story comes up short.

The craps. A non-writer with no, none, absolutely zip stories under their belt, telling a very prolific author how to write...Ballsy plus. Thanks JPB LTP

This one could have done with a little bit more at the end, the three stooges trying to fix their fuck up could have been funny.

Again. These decent Bob stories are worth reading a second time. He should have shot Brad just for having that Baretta 92F. The cheating wife too, but a Baretta? My service sidearm and I still hate it.

Simple end solution but it won't go simple in the "court".

Original plot albeit a little devious and cumbersome. You need to live many years with someone waiting for his parents to die? The daddy better be Jeff Bezos for such an effort.

And then what happened? It would be nice to get the complete ending.

@26thNC

Man, you must have REALLY hated your service sidearm, if you never read the manufacturer's name from it. You never said, but I suspect that you had at least a couple of years-worth of opportunities to see how they spelled it. Then again, maybe you carried a counterfeit?

But, I agree with you that these are decent stories.

For someone who hates JPB's stories that dark donut sure reads a lot of them.

Ok first off, you really need to learn how to end a story. Second, why does all your characters get married after dating only six months and expect it to not end badly?

Nonsense

stupid not to have a contract for having sex with Bev knowing that 15 years was up

Pathetic

As bad as the others say. It was going okay until you got into the anal fetish. Wish LW would have and Only-Anal category for all the stories like this one.

This one was just plain dumb.

Married 15 years, together nearly 16 ...had 4 kids together and Barb had been pretending all this time just waiting for his Dad to die? Cheating all that time with Bev & Brad?

Since it was Bev who introduced him to Barb that leaves me wondering... What the hell did Rob ever do to either of those women?

So Get and Brad met and got married in three months?.Also,who got custody of the kids,this being yet another story not finished?.

Why do authors insist on presenting as gun nuts - carefully detailing the precise make and model and caliber and velocity of their protagonists?

Who gives a shit? Why is any of that relevant to the story?

I don't mind authors spelling out the type of gun that a protagonist uses in a story. To me it's not different to mentioning stores, system catering or car brands and types. I'm not a gun nut and I live in a country were few civilians own firearms compared to the American population. Most who do are either licensed hunters or members of shooting clubs. In case of the latter as far as I know the guns often are kept at the shooting ranges.

However, I served in the armed forces and a little knowledge and a mild interest are almost unavoidable.

The reason for my comment is not to counter the argument made by Anonymus below, but JPB's repeated use of the term "clip" when he is referring to the removable magazine of a gun, which is the correct name of the thing that holds the ammunition of the Colt 1911 (for example) and from where a live round is fed into the firing chamber automatically after the spent cartridge of the previously fired projectile has been ejected. To achieve that a magazine usually contains a spring. And yes, the first cycle has to be executed (no pun intended) manually. A clip basicaly is a very simple thingy to store a number of individual rounds as a unit, usually with the intent to conveniently feed them into the magazine of a rifle. Most of the rifles that can be loaded via a clip have inbuilt magazines as opposed to detachable ones. Also for a few early models of (semi)automatic pistols clips have been available. There are even some oddities like clips to load removable msgazines from, but those clips are logically not inserted into the gun.