Sadie Outlaw Ep. 004: Plumb Loco

1876, the month of May.

Sugar Plum, Texas, population who cares, 3 just recently though. Ghost Town in the year 2021...

"RIDERS COMIN'. RIDERS COMIN'. "

"Calm yerself Boy. I can see that for myself." Deputy Ira Grennen narrows his eyes to pierce the distance, stepping down from the towns creaking boardwalk for a better look. Coming from the local mercantile in his afternoon walk as required by the Sheriff, he ushers the young children running rampant in their game of tag out of the middle of the street.

"You younguns go on home to yer mommas, until I know who our visitors might me." They hesitate briefly, disappointed on not getting a front row seat to watch the lawman at work. Irritated by their defiance he spits tobacco juice on the sand and snaps at them, "I SAID GET." A swift but harmless kick to one boy's behind sent the message clearly and all seven ran for the alleyways beyond the business district.

"They don't look Indian, or Mexican Ira." A feminine voice from the mercantile stops her sweeping to glare out toward the outskirts. "Who do you think they might be?"

"Dunno, Mrs. Carlyle. You step inside too. No tellin' if they're trouble or peaceful. With Tom gone I'm the only law in town."

"You want I should tell my husband to load his rifle and stand by you?"

"Have Wilbur pick up but stay inside unless he hears me yellin'."

"I'll just do that Ira."

"Thank ya, Loretta."

The woman hurries inside with her broom and rallies her man. In the meantime, Ira moves toward the center of the street, using his hand to shade his eyes, a tad more helpful than his hats brim could assist in. Ira Grennen was somewhat of a meek man at a mere five foot five in height. Lanky, but quick on his feet if need be. He had more guts than his build could carry, his only real claim to fame, and what got him the job was that he was a crack shot with a rifle, and lightning fast with a pistol. That and 20/20 vision to carry out that perfect shot.

"Well, I'll be... the lead rider's a woman. There be a sight ya don't see much." He observes another three minutes of riding time before a secondary revelation. "Are those fellas tied over their saddles?" His curiosity peaked enough to start walking toward the train of horses once the woman removed her Stetson and waved it his way. Seeing her long red hair billowing in the breeze Ira whistled. Not out of attraction, but of amazement.

Continuing his tour of the town in expectation of a friendly greet, Ira passed a number of businesses, ranging from a doctor's office, a Barbershop, the local Bank, and one side of a large Saloon cornering the two only streets in town. Not even the piano music stopped in preparation of the arrival. Those inside too busy drinking, playing cards, and pawing up the saloon girls. Daily ritual.

The closer Sadie Outlaw led her train of horses toward Ira the more she laughed inwardly, all she could think of was a Spaghetti Western, whistling theme and all. Reaching Ira's outstretched hand telling her that's far enough, she tips her hat up.

"Deputy Don Knotts?" She smirked.

"Never heard of no Deputy Knotts around here. Before me it was a fella name of Conway."

"No shit." She chuckles recalling the actors Tim Conway and Don Knotts being a laugh riot when she was a child. Her parents loved the old westerns. Even the comedic ones. Shaking off her amusement she watches the Deputy move around her leerily, uncertain what to make of her. Everything about her was not of his world. She rather enjoyed that fact. Friendly fear would be to her advantage. Wiping sweat from her exposed cleavage with her handkerchief she let Ira glance at her melons. He swallowed wryly at her performance and chose to skip over the fact that Sadie was most likely the prettiest girl he had ever seen.

Instead, Ira inspected the men tied and gagged over the saddles of six of the horses. The fact their pants were tugged down and their asses mooning him made him wince. Only their eyes looking up at Ira gave him somewhat of a clue they might be bad news. Well, that and the use of lipstick to write their names on their asses helped. He tried not to look at that part. Their sneers usually do that to a fella. Avoidance that is.

"What can I do for ya, Ma'am?"

"It's not what you can do for me Deputy Dawg. It's what I've done for you." She digs into her leather jacket and produces a bundle of ruffled up papers. Tugging her left glove off with her teeth she unfolds them for the Deputy. Looking through them she shares the wanted posters that gave away their identities and notoriety.

"Dillsby Gang." She compares posters with a point to each. "Sam, Spur, Sonny, and Shep. Coming up on the rear is Cletus Birch and Ned Potter. All six, pretty as ya please Deputy."

Pocketing her loose glove as she hands him the posters Sadie allowed him to venture about, examining their features, Sadie chose to stretch her legs. It had been a while riding to Sugar Plum so her body wasn't used to it. Bad enough, yesterday she had been roped spread eagle naked for the Dillsby's sexual fun. Not that it wasn't erotic to her hormonal escalation, one wrong move could have meant her being ripped apart limb from limb. Luckily, the horses liked her. That part still had her wondering, giving her the willies.

Dropping to the ground she stretches vibrantly. In doing so Ira caught a glimpse of her belly button, her white camisole riding high over her pants. Ira was torn between his nerves of these six desperados grunting violently behind their gags, and Sadie's sensuality. Rubbing his sleeve on his brow to wipe away perspiration, he turns back toward her.

"No offense Ma'am, but you sure don't dress like no lady. I figure I gotta insist you button up yer coat before the locals see ya. I surely don't wanna arrest ya for indecency after you went and did the impossible. How did ya...?"

"Catch the Dillsby's? I wore them out and whupped their asses." She walks over to Sam Dillsby and swats his ass. Even through his gag Ira Grennen could make out curses. "I'm just damn good at what I do Deputy Dawg."

"Grennen, Ma'am."

"Why yes you are." She winks at him, then looks about her at the town's populace being nosey, "Sheriff around so I can collect my reward for these bozos?"

"Sheriff Barrett's over in El Paso until tomorrow. I can't pay out no reward money myself. Ain't sure even Tom can. These fellas wiped our bank out. Unless ya'll brought back the money there's no payout."

"Hold up." Sadie winces connecting dots, "You're Grennen... He's Barrett?" Chuckling she shakes her head thinking to herself, "Grennen, Barrett. Priceless."

"Yes'm. We can lock these fellas up in the town jail until Tom gets back from El Paso. You're welcome to find a spot to hole up for the night Miss...?"

"Sadie..." She holds her breath realizing that using her true name of Outlaw might not go over so well. Not only that but should her ancestor Jessup Outlaw of the Texas Rangers come to town, the last name might bring about questions. Instead, she changes her last name to protect herself, "...L'Amour. Sadie L'Amour." One of her dad's favorite authors was Louis L'Amour. A tribute couldn't hurt. Of course, the Dillsby's knew her as Mae West. It was time to retail the ole' girl once and for all. Mad respect Mae.

"Sounds French." Ira comprehends the moniker as he notices that she still hadn't covered her perky tits. "Ms. L'Amour? I must insist ya cover up yer lady parts."

"Oh! Right. Sorry Deputy." She fidgets pinching her camisole at the top revealing even more, "You can't tell me the local Saloon gals hide more of their breasts than I am."

"God faring town, Ms. L'Amour. Chest may be, but not their tummy's. If'n ya don't mind."

"Fine!" She buttons her red leather coat up as high as it could go. Using her handkerchief to mask the leftover cleavage seemed to satisfy Ira. "Used to the freedom of the open range is all. You should see me ridin' all Lady Godiva like."

"That the name of yer horse?" Ira notes her horse to be male and narrows one eye.

"Not my horse. Lady Godiva's a... never mind. You need help lockin' these boys up?"

"That would be helpful Ma'am."

"Call me Sadie."

"Ira." He begins untying Spur Dillsby the youngest first. Dragging him over the saddle until he collapses on the ground. By now, the remainder of the locals who had been watching in the safety of shelter, began pouring out to begin their gossip. Instant recognition of Sam Dillsby as Sadie yanks him to the street dramatically, riles up their chatter. That, and the fact she was such a strong woman, something most folks had never witnessed before. Sadie liked that. Her senses heightened; her hearing let her in on the masses. The women were more in awe than the men. The men were more interested in Sadie's body. Some things never change. Let 'em.

Sadie was just recently explored those heightened talents. If she had adapted before running into the Dillsby's blindly, things might have gone differently. She was still new to not only herself, but of her surroundings. Even after being somewhat willingly raped by the gang, she could still feel her hormones raising hell within her. Tingles between her thighs had to be put under control before she did something stupid. The laws in this era were a far cry from those in the year 2022. Who knows what might get her arrested. Knowing the men around her were undressing her with their eyes didn't help. Of course, she was undressing a few of them herself. The only thing keeping her at bay was the fact that in her time these fellas were all residing in some cemetery plot rotting. A dead lay kept her somewhat amused.

With the assist of more local gents, the Dillsby Gang had their pants pulled up then marched toward the jail. All of the gang tried their best to steer clear of Sadie. Ira noticed their fear and wondered what could possibly set them off so much. Sadie was just a woman. Ira would learn differently as time went on.

Reaching the interior of the jail, Ira nudged each of the gang into a single cell, as cramped as it was. Allowing a local man to untie their wrists while Ira held them at gun point, Sadie sat in the Sheriff's chair and stretched back, planting her boots on the desk before her. Hearing it creak Ira frowned at her yet allowed her to get away with it.

"So, can I get that reward when Barrett comes back or not?" Sadie winks at Sam Dillsby's sneer.

"I'm thinkin' Judge Bean has to have a say on it. Maybe get some money brought in. We've never caught a wanted man before to go payin' out any reward money. That, and... you being a woman. Judge Bean might not feel a lady has any right to it."

"No right to it? Well, why don't we just release these boys here and now then? I did all the work I better get paid. I need money Grennen."

The Dillsby's hearing her mention release put up their hands and begged to stay in lockup. Ira and his helpers listen to their ramblings and wonder what this woman could have done to make them fear her so.

"Don't let us go Deputy." Ned Potter whimpered, "She's plumb loco. I'd rather face the hangman."

"Calm yerself." Ira locks the cell up tight and steps back to eye Sadie's legs. With a nudge of his rifle, he removes them from the desk. "All I can suggest Miss L'Amour is you find a warm place to sleep tonight. Tom can figger this out tomorrow."

Sadie sighs and stands up. As she bends over to straighten a pant leg, even Ira admires her bottom. Tightest ass in the west. That was her thought, not his. His was more thoughtful. Her jeans were nothing like any material he had ever seen in any mercantile.

"Where you from Miss L'Amour?"

"Made in New York City." She had to laugh. Sadie knew where this was headed.

"Are... those trousers comfy? Not much room to breathe in 'em."

"Well, I don't have any parts that need to breath now do I? Least ways none that make the fit... less comfy."

"I reckon not."

"I thought you said your name was Mae West." Sam Dillsby, the only one of the brothers not to show fear of her spoke up, leaning on the cell bars with a tight grip.

"You really think I'm gonna tell you my real name Dilly the Kid?"

"Deputy? Mark my words when I say, you have the Devil's daughter standin' there before ya."

"Could be true Grennen. I sure could use a smoke. Where can I find a place to lay my weary horns?"

"Millie's boarding house above the saloon. That, and the Barber, Edward Pike has a room he rents out for a night on occasion. Padre... naw... I won't steer ya that direction."

"Barber got a bathtub?"

"If'n not he has a pitcher and bathing bowl."

"I could use a shave. I think ole' Edward's just the guy for me."

"Shave?"

"Yup. Legs and as you call it... lady parts."

"That's a tad unladylike ain't it?" Grennen winces.

"For you maybe. I like things silky as a baby's bottom."

Ira swallows while pausing to refrain himself from saying anything further. He chalked up her hygiene habits as being a city girl. He had heard places like New York and the eastern seaboard bred the strange ones. He hadn't even noticed her tattoos to form any further opinion. Not even the fuck you fingertips rising over her cleavage, her coat masking eighty percent of them. If he did Ira kept it to himself. Gentleman that he was.

"What about the horses?" Sadie turns to the door opening it, letting in sunlight, "I'm keeping Sam's horse. Not thievin', just as part of my reward. Lost my own horse out in the desert." She lied of course, unless she counted the wild horse she intended to hijack.

"O'Malley's stable down the street on the edge of town. I'll have Shaunesy here lead you there and claim yer belongings."

"Why are you givin' her my horse?" Sam Dillsby growls.

"You ain't gonna need it no more." Grennen shakes his head, "Soon as yer tried, it's a safe bet yer all facing the hangman. Bank robbin' and shootin' good men down gets ya there."

"Don't count on that Deputy."

"Why? You plannin' on breakin' out?"

Dillsby hisses and shuts his mouth. He and his boys would buy their time. Sam Dillsby always had a plan. One that he would keep to himself. That suited Sadie just fine. She really didn't want to tussle with the gang a second time. Instead, she followed Shaunesy out into the street. Grennen stepping out behind her found her butt wiggle too irresistible to ignore. Only his words lifted his gaze to beg forgiveness from a higher power. Sadly, as soon as his prayer was over, he looked again.

"I'll have Tom come find ya when he gets back."

"I'll be waitin'. Quit yer gawkin' at my ass Deputy. Don't think I ain't noticed."

"Sorry Miss L'Amour. It's those trousers."

"Like they're painted on ain't it?"

"I reckon."

"In case yer wonderin'... 38-24-36."

"Numbers were never my thing Miss Sadie."

"You should see me in my pajamas. Oh, wait! I don't wear any. Be seein' ya Deputy Dawg."

Scowling at her, he again points out her mistake. "Grennen."

"Why yes I am." She winks then begins her journey toward the stables. In the trek across town Shaunesy tips his derby attempting conversation with her for the first time. The train of horses, uncaring as long as they could relax.

"People are lookin' ye over Miss L'Amour. They do'na know what to make of ya Lass."

"Irish, huh? Damn, some good ole' Irish whiskey sounds good about now."

"Ye drink?"

"Like a fish Shaun. Bet your ass I can drink any man here under the table."

"Now that I'd be makin' a wager on."

"Best be on me."

"Me brother Dooley can drink for days and ne'er teeter."

"You buy the bottle I'll prove ya wrong."

"He be busy at Millie's. They be havin' an arm wrestlin' contest. Winner gets a girly."

"Oh yeah? I'm pretty good with the ole' arm." She recalls her days in the middle east, namely Iraq and Afghanistan, challenging her fellow soldiers to make the time pass. Sadie knew she was tough as nails shredding a chalkboard. "Maybe I'll stop in there after I get me a room and a bath."

"Do ye have money?"

"Yeaaaa! About that... not until I get my reward money." Sadie had really hoped to set comfy with money adequate for the time period. She realized that not having money might make her have to bunk outside of town. She really wanted a taste of comfort.

"We be billin' ya for the horse keep then."

"Only that horse, the others are on the Dillsby's. I'll figure it out, don't you worry Kentucky Derby." She reaches over and flicks the brim of his actual derby hat.

"Ne'er been to Kentucky. When me and me brother and sister came west, we took the southern way, across the bayou and all."

"That had to suck."

"Twas not fun."

"If I run into boarding problems, you mind if I bunk with my horse?"

"Ye can bunk with me." He chuckles.

"Gonna put that bushy moustache to use if I do?" Eyes flaring, he grins heavily, then puckers for a kiss. She pats his cheek and tilts his chin down. "Not where you'll be kissin' Shaun. I'll keep ya in mind." He seriously had no clue what she meant. Shaking her head she grunts, "Tickle my fancy? Eat me? Lick it like a lizard?" His expression bewildered she winces, "You a virgin Shaun?"

"Now that isn'a polite to be askin' a Laddie." He flounders a bit, "Nay!"

"Yup, sounds like a stable boy, mimicin' horses, but prolly not hung like one." She scowls, "I say what I want." She slaps him on the ass forcing him to grumble at her, when the sounds of more horses took their attentions in a different direction. The stable had a large corral where three men were trying to break a wild horse. A gorgeous black stallion with a fiery red mane and skirted hooves. The second Sadie set eyes on the horse rearing up on its hind legs defensively, she halted in her tracks.

"That be Inferno. He be the Devil's steed."

"My kind of pony."

"Ain't no breakin' the beastie. We've had him pinned up for three weeks now. All we get is grief and bruises."

"Maybe you boys just don't know how to lower the flames."

"No Lad will ride the fire I fear."

"Put a Y in that Lad. Lady might." She was seriously drawn to the horse. Fuck Sam Dillsby's spotted ghoul of a horse. This new car was her Jaguar.

"Ye be visitin' Doc Hollister if'n ye try."

"Maybe. Maybe not. Let me grab my pack and guns. You board up the Dillsby herd I'll check back with you later if I can't get a room. Comb out that bird's nest on yer lip I might be sittin' there later."

"Ye be a strange one Miss L'Amour."

"Nothin' like a bit of strange to keep the juices flowin'." She untethers her bag and collects her Winchester. Not a word had been said about her gaudy backpack, nor its size. After seeing her clothes, the rest was left to shrug over. "I'll be hittin' up Millie's saloon after I shave my legs. If you wanna buy that bottle and feel how smooth they are you just drop on in."

"I be headin' that way to pat me brother on the back and share in his winnin's."

"So, you and Drooley share yer women?"

"Nay what I meant Lass. Do folks where ye be from do such a thing?"

"All the time. Hell, I fucked all six of the Dillsby Gang in order to catch them. 'Tween you and me? Ain't a one of 'em that's got any stamina. Ready when you and Drooley are."

"Stami-what?"

"You'll figger it out Shaun. Just ask the saloon gals when ya visit."

Speechless he watched her walk away. Having heard her admission he wasn't certain what she meant. So many strange words. What in the world was fucked? He would get a lesson on her lingo over the following week. This wasn't a TV show, some words had just never been adopted. Until they met Sadie Out-L'Amour.

Waltzing back into the center of town she heard people on the boardwalk whispering. Easy enough to know she was the only topic of conversation. Ignoring Grennen's recommendation of covering up her cleavage she let her breasts bob about for a lustful visual. The women folk were less than happy with their men ogling her. Sadie had to snicker.