Sadie Outlaw Ep. 004: Plumb Loco

Passing the saloon, she found a pair of working girls standing outside hoping to draw in men. Homely at best Sadie thought. It was pretty obvious they weren't eating enough. Their eyes found Sadie a threat. Sadie knew she was a supermodel on a dirt path runway. Wagging her tongue at the women sent them bolting inside. "Reckon they don't know how to say howdy."

Reaching the only side street in town she peered beyond the business district. Realizing there were actual houses on the other side of the main street she chose to explore a bit before heading to the Barber's. The homes were large, two of them with white picket fences. In passing one house she discovered a thin black woman hanging fresh laundry on a line. To Sadie, the woman looked what she considered a slave in the deep south. She knew slavery had been abolished, which made her wonder if someone of power had been ignoring Lincoln's release.

The woman seeing Sadie smiles shyly, then returns to her pinning up of clothing. Fidgeting a bit over it Sadie determined that it wasn't her business. She just needed her money then find a place to kick back in for a week or two. She did want to venture out to the settlement of Next of Kin which would one day be her hometown of Kinship. If she was going to be stuck here in this time period, she at least needed to feel a closeness to reality. If it didn't get her killed. Even a ride into Comanche territory to meet the ancestors of Newt and Boone might be in her best interest. Food for thought. Luckily, she had a granola bar in her bag, the only thing left that the Dillsby's hadn't devoured. She wondered what the saloon had to offer in way of dinner. "Shit! No money for that neither. Probably give me diarrhea anyways. Course, I do have that advanced healin' thing goin' on so maybe not. Damn! I need to use the little girl's outhouse."

Ignoring the locals, she locates the Barbershop by finding a post wrapped in red, white, and blue ribbons. At least this Edward was patriotic. Good timing with the Centennial two months away. Reaching the front door Sadie peers inside the window and spots a lank but handsome middle-aged man who graced another bushy moustache like Shaunesy had. At least being a Barber, the man looked clean and well groomed. Pretty darn handsome too.

Barging in through a creaky door Edward looks up from reading a thin newspaper. News from all over Texas appeared in the thin pamphlet. Spotting her, Edward jumped to his feet out of shock. She surmised that he had forgone her arrival to town earlier. Probably a good thing.

"You must be Edward. I hear you offer a good shave."

"Best around... the local men all look spiffy I say." He puts his hands in his pocket to settle down a tempting arousal over her beauty.

"How's about the local women?"

"I'm afraid I rarely... never get females lookin' for a clean shave." He uses one hand to rub his thin beard chuckling. "Unless they bring their young ones by for a trim."

"Yeah? Well, I need a trim. Mind if I borrow some shavin' cream?"

He appears puzzled as she rests her pack and rifle against a wall. Seeing her tight backside even poor Edward struggled to behave. Spotting folks outside looking through his sole window he hesitated long enough to grasp what they were staring at. It was certainly not any male customers looking for a snip or five. They were all admiring Sadie.

"Looks like you have some admirers Miss."

"Sadie." She reacts with a sly grin, "Let 'em admire. You admirin' Eddie?"

"I am ever the gentleman Miss Sadie." He took pride straightening up his vest and rolling his palms over his pants. Fingertips found an erection that he swiftly evaded. She winced at his reluctance to share his interest in her. A strict stare at him lowered his gaze toward her pants as she relinquishes her gun belt tossing it over her bag. Once set aside she faces Edward and reaches in to unfasten her jeans. Halting at her button she hisses and removes her leather jacket instead. The second her bare shoulders slip into view Edward becomes edgy. He had never seen a camisole shirt before now. Thin spaghetti straps holding it over her massive cleavage makes him pause and tremble.

"For a gentleman yer sure checking out my girls Eddie."

"Madame I must insist that you cover yourself. The locals are... watching."

"Like I said Ed, let 'em. I got nothing to hide." She returns to her jeans after laying her coat over the back of the chair. Once her zipper slipped down revealing thin lacey boy shorts Edward sparked into action. Turning his back to her, he bolts to close his curtains and head outside to disperse the audience. Out there for four minutes he hears of Sadie bringing in the Dillsby gang singlehandedly. That alone made Edward Pike appear awestruck.

Hesitant to linger much longer outdoors, he excuses himself and returns to the shop. He had to resist three men yearning to wait inside for a haircut. Edward knew it was only to see Sadie stripping down, he had recently cut one man's hair just yesterday. Bolting his door after putting his weight into it, he turns the open sign to close. Once succeeding he wipes his brow before turning to face Sadie. She had already removed her boots and jeans. In just those five minutes she had found his water basin and wetted her legs. Lathering brush in hand she began to bend over to coat her stubble.

"THAT is my job, Miss Sadie." He rushes to claim his equipment. She had been eying his razors laying open in their case.

"About time you took interest Eddie."

"Please Miss Sadie, take a seat."

"Sounds good to me. Got any talcum powder? All that time in the saddle I'm a tad chaffed 'tween my thighs." She shares a redness between her legs, knowing her nanites would heal the soreness shortly. He swallowed not just at her barely covered lady parts but also at her dueling rattlesnake tattoos.

"I do indeed. Sit. T-those are some quite realistic snakes if you don't mind my sayin'."

"Well, ain't you gettin' all dominatin'? Kinda suits ya Ed. Plenty more tats where those came from." She pats her chest first, then her backs eagle. Showing them off allowed him a hearty look over her perfect backside. His erection posing hard made him know he needed to sit himself in order to hide it.

"I SAID SIT."

"Yes Sir." She winks at him taking her seat, poising her left leg outward, toes touching his crotch. So much for masking his erection. His eyes dropped to the probing toes, and he clears his throat.

"You are quite the aggressor Miss Sadie."

"Can be. Start latherin'. I need to find me a place to stay for the night." She hides her knowledge of his upstairs boarding room, curious to see if he would jump at the chance to beg her to stay.

Moving away from her touch he drags a small table closer to her chair, then relocates his water basin and lathering bowl. A small wooden box in the corner used for guests to sit on became his working seat. Once positioned between her legs he sets about shaving his first ever set of female legs. Strangely he was rather nervous.

"Relax Eddie. I don't need a couple dozen knicks."

"I shall be careful Miss Sadie."

"Just Sadie."

"I prefer Edward over Ed or Eddie." He insists.

"Alright, Handsome Edward." She tips her Stetson forward over her brow shading her eyes as if ready to take a nap. "Wake me when the jobs done."

"As you wish." He begins dampening her legs more and lathering portions instead of an entirety. Standing one more time he steps over to his counter space and brings his razors down next to him. Choosing the razor, he favored most he gently removes her leg hairs. As he finished up her left leg from the knee down, he looks up at her chest. Her nipples were stabbing hard through her thin red camisole, one strap having drooped from her shoulder over her bicep. It was then that he realized just how muscular she was. Wiping his drool on his shirt sleeve he lathers up her upper thighs. In shaving her his hands grew closer and closer to her inner rash. Not wanting to hurt her he ends his upward journey in favor of lifting her leg gently, planting her socked heel on his shoulder. Shaving the back of her upper leg with ease he lowers her foot down to begin work on her other leg. He was sweating up a storm. Completing his task, he opts to roll a fingertip along her rattlesnake tattoo, marveling at the artwork.

"Did... they hurt?" He realizes her eyes watching him.

"Not bad. I handle pain pretty well. Mind if I finish up?" She lifts her butt up from the chair and eases her boy shorts down to her upper thighs. Her pussy was now in full blossom for him to peruse. "Might as well slick up the ole' whistler." He insists on moistening her with his fingers then dabbing lather over her sparsely thin pubes. "I'll be takin' the razor Edward."

"I am quite capable." He really wanted to shave her. Sadie was partial to her vagina though. Not that he couldn't do a decent job, but she wanted everything intact. Reluctantly, he relinquished his razor after wiping it on a towel draped over his shoulder. Watching her shave, he stood up to stretch. He noted her eyes darting back and forth from her intimate shave and his swollen crotch. After admiring her body since he began his grooming, he suddenly felt like showing off.

"So, Edward..." She looks up halting her delicate shave so close to her hood. "Know where I can bed down for a night or three? I heard Millie's has a hot bath. I apologize for the body odor." Not that it was bad, her nanites Febreezing her sweat glands to mimic her favorite perfume. "For that matter, I'm gonna need a cozy outhouse here soon."

He hadn't noticed it until she revealed the apology. "I have a piss bucket in back. I fear my home has very few amenities. A city gal such as yourself, I imagine that you understand. Sugar Plum being in the middle of a desert."

"Millie got a well?"

"She does indeed. Her husband Alfred is well to do. That's why he owns the saloon."

"Brothel."

"That as well."

"You frequent Millie's?" She touches herself up, her fingers rolling pleasantly over her clit. He swallowed dryly observing her taunt.

"I fear I do not frequent the brothel. I rarely imbibe."

"You gay?"

"Pardon? I am quite happy I suppose."

"Not what I... forget it. Yer hard on says it all. About that sleeping room?"

"I do have a room upstairs next to my own. I suppose I could offer it for a small price." He offers his towel for her to wipe off. As she covers her pussy back up with her boy shorts, she sits back lifting her Stetson, allowing him to see her eyes better.

"I reckon you heard about my bringing in the Dillsby's?"

"Indeed. Impressive I must say."

"Thanks. I'm a tad broke until I get my reward money."

"The Dillsby's just robbed our bank most recent."

"Not my money though. Nor, theirs. It's gonna go back where the good people need it. When they fess up as to where the loot is."

"Quite honorable."

"So... can I get you to take an I.O.U.?"

"I... don't know Sadie. I've never heard of no lady bounty hunters. Are you certain the law will give a lady any reward? Good deed or not."

"They better." She frowns at that possibility. Inwardly, she consults her A.I. Psi, Tilly Ford. "Can you hear me Tilly?"

"I can Sadie. How may I be of service?"

"What are my chances of getting the reward money for capturing the Dillsby's?"

"Very slim I am afraid. Your idea to earn income has merit, but the officials in 1876 are unaccustomed to women showing men up."

"Impossible?"

"You have already rewritten history by capturing the Dillsby's. Anything is possible."

"Have I affected time any?"

"I can only offer what history accounts for. If you have altered the timeline, I can tell you that no woman in the town of Sugar Plum ever received any reward."

"Well damn. I guess I need to alter it more, so I get that money. I don't wanna whore myself out, nor do I wanna stoop so low as to become a thief."

"Be careful Sadie."

"Yep. I'll figure it out."

"Are you alright?" Edward fans his hand over Sadie's eyes in her withdrawn state.

"Dandy Edward. One time offer. I don't want you thinkin' bad of me, no worse than showin' off my... girly stuff, but... how's about my I.O.U. becomin' me and you. Three days with a roof over my head and you can have yer way with me."

"I... I'm afraid I'm rather speechless Sadie. I... don't want you to think badly of me either. I... don't normally concede to loneliness."

"Been awhile Edward?"

"A long while I'm afraid. Not since I moved to Texas from Virginia."

"You think it over. I'm not gonna be offended if you say no. I'm gonna mosey on over to Millie's and grab me a bath." She stands tall and moves to pick up her pants. Before putting them on she leers over her shoulder. "Borrow that bucket?"

"Of course. It's behind that door." He watches her wiggle through the door and leave it open. Out of sight he hears her urinating in the wood bucket. The pungent odor of piss made him rub his nose. Once she was done, she stepped halfway out the door before wincing.

"Where do you flush it? I mean dump it."

"There's a hole dug just out back."

"Ouch. Want me to go dump it?"

"I can do it. You are definitely somethin' Sadie."

"Can I stop by after Millie's?" She pulls her pants up and steps into her boots.

"Wait. You forgot your talcum powder." He begins to go to a cabinet shelf. Stopping him by grabbing his arm she drags him to her and plants a steamy kiss over his lips. Edward Pike melted. Once the kiss ended, she sighed.

"Talcum might do better after my bath."

"Somethin' indeed." He smiled. "My bedroom faces the street. Toss a rock at the wood to let me know yer back. I'll be closing my barbershop shortly."

"That or you can close up now," She turns her gaze at an already turned sign, ", and go share a bath with me. Maybe grab a drink?"

"Need I remind you that you have no money, that and Alfred may not serve you. Perhaps I should accompany you after all." He really did want to bathe with beautiful Sadie.

"Gonna break that imbibin' rule you got?"

"Perhaps one."

"I hear there's an arm wrestlin' contest. Maybe I can win enough to pay for my room, and our drinks."

"Against Dooley Finn? I think your I.O.U. would be much safer."

"You just wanna put that inside me Eddie." She winks gripping his crotch. "Works for me."

"Dear lord woman."

"I'll be yellin' the Oh God's... unless yer... somehow, I think yer gonna be good in bed. Lock up Scalper." As she put her coat on and picked up her things, he snatched up his own coat and did just that. Edward Pike followed her like a lost puppy.

********

The Saloon known as the Fox Hole. Proprietors Alfred and Millie DuPont, formerly of St. Louis, Missouri. Formerly, of Paris, France. So, they say.

At the swinging doors Sadie peered over absorbing the atmosphere. A thin piano player offered simple songs for the local entertainment. Seven cowboys stood at the bar drinking, while two tables were in use for poker, and the arm wrestling. Nothing was all that active at the moment. Mostly, drinking and flirting with the saloon girls. One of which was Millie herself. Being the Madame, she made it an effort to coax the men into bedding girls of her choosing. The two women Sadie had seen earlier noticed her standing outside the door and pointed her out to Millie.

Once Millie stirred the entire room reacted. Even those at the bar instinctively. Alfred a burly man in his 50's narrowed his eyes as Edward moved through the door first and extended a hooked arm for Sadie to claim. Instead, Sadie slapped him on the back and carried her things inside. Crossing the threshold saw Alfred rile up, "NO WOMEN UNLESS YE WORK HERE."

"Relax... Alfred, is it?" Sadie lowered her pack for Edward to hold.

"It is. Like I said... NO WOMEN..."

"I just wrangled the Dillsby Gang and yer gonna deny me a celebratory drink and a hot bath?"

The room busted up laughing. One man standing at the bar shook his head, "You had help. Ain't no woman that tough."

"Oh yeah?" Sadie passes her rifle to Edward who appeared nervous. "Keep it together Eddie. I got this." A pat on his cheek to calm the Barber, Sadie steps toward the bar. Moving in front of the man who made the comment she sized him up. Nothing too brutal she projected. Knowing that her body was now as strong as the peak dexterity of three men Sadie Outlaw grew some balls. Not only that, but she was a black belt and knew many forms of 21st. century combat techniques. Today Sadie needed to earn her respect.

"Gotta name?" She aimed for knowledge first.

"Brutus Kincaid. What's it too ya?"

"Did you say BRUISE US KINCAID?" That gathered snickers at his expense. Most folks there just held their breath to see what would happen.

"Don't make me hit no woman."

"Doubt ya could Brutus. You can try."

After a staring contest Brutus opted for a more threatening tactic. Producing a knife, he poises it at her chin. She allowed it knowing that it was just him showing off. Still, his expression did look deadly serious.

"Already shaved my legs once today, Brutus. Just ask the Barber."

"She did." Eddie nodded and acknowledged it around the house.

"Maybe I'll just scalp ya like an Injun."

Before he could taunt her any further, she snatches his wrist making him cringe at her strength. Taking his knife from him she flips it in her free hand before throwing it. The blade found its trajectory ending in a support beam holding the up the upstairs of the bar. Right next to a leaning cowboy. The man nearly shits his pants eying the blade.

"I'll say it again. I deserve a drink and a hot bath. I'm thinkin' Brutus here is buyin' my whiskey."

"WE DON'T SERVE WOMEN." Alfred repeats leaning on the bar with muscular arms.

"Nice arms Alfie. I bet you give ole' Dooley a run for his money arm wrestlin'." She turns looking for the likeliest candidate to be Dooley himself.

"Don't be foolin' ye'erself Lassie. I beat him every time." Dooley acknowledges his presence.

"There's Drooley. Shaunesy told me you'd be here. You can buy me my second drink."

"Ye know me brother?"

"Yep. Nice fella Shaun. He says yer one tough Shamrock."

"That I be." He lifts his arm to show off bulging biceps.

"Look at those arms girls. If those don't make ya wet, I don't know what will." Sadie winks at the two thin girls sitting on laps. Two other girls shyly hiding in a corner.

Millie chooses now to stand up from sitting on her own gentleman's lap. Stepping over to the support beam she attempts to pry the knife from the wood. Unsuccessful she abandons it. From that point man after man tried their best to yank it free hoping to show their superiority. All failed miserably.

"Yer turn Drooley." Sadie smirks, using this test to size him up, "Show these folks just how tough you are."

Grunting at her Dooley kicks his chair away as his weight leaves its seat. With a snap at his suspenders and a chuckle he marches past Sadie and a haunted Brutus to face the blade. Knuckles creaking, he grips down on the hilt and winces. Tug after tug he tried to pull it free. After several tries Dooley growls and gives up.

"Oh, come on." Sadie shakes her head and steps around Dooley patting his bicep with a wink. "Nice muscles Drooley." Positioning herself she really hoped that even she had the strength to make her point. Dooley was a big boy, possibly as strong as three men himself. If her endeavor failed, she was going to look stupid. Success might show Alfred that he should make an exception.

Gripping the knife hilt, she takes a deep breath. Wiggling it ever so slightly up and down to loosen it she grits her teeth. The entire saloon watched awaiting a good chuckle at her expense. Eyelids sealed Sadie strains. Hearing creaks in the wood she knew that the blade wanted its freedom again. Without resorting to snarling she tugs even harder. This time the creaks becomes shredding noises. Out came the blade, with it a chunk of the wooden beam. Free now Sadie opened her eyes and admired a three-inch chunk of wood clinging to the blade.