Same Old Song and Dance Ch. 01

If you don't understand what I'm saying, look at King of Queens, Modern Family, or shit even the Flintstones and you'll get it. But real life isn't like that. My dad works fifty hours a week and brings home great money as an engineer. He runs every day and works out with weights in our home gym. He looks great for his age. I've often wondered what he sees in my mom.

My mom has a wonderful personality ... Well I thought she did until this morning. She's bubbly and always smiling. But she's a mom. Her face is okay. But she's short and thick with almost no boobs and a huge ass. You see women like that in the supermarket every day. And my dad must be deficient in some way because he acts like she's a God Damned supermodel. He's always kissing her and rubbing all over that big old ass when he thinks no one is watching them.

They are totally devoted to each other. Dad has shown me pictures of mom when she was younger. She was thin and cute, but no raving beauty. I would probably have dated her, but I wouldn't have married her. Dad tells me that mom lost her body having us kids. I think that she should have worked out and dieted harder after the pregnancies. I think that mom figured there was no need to bust her ass trying to look good when she already had my dad.

But now I realize that I was wrong. Like most kids, I idolized my parents, and I wanted what they had. The problem is that they don't really have what I thought they had. And my parents are not the people I thought they were.

I idolize my dad. However, he has one glaring flaw. He's stupid when it comes to women. Apparently, I inherited that from him, but I'm smart enough to see my mistake. Dad isn't so I have to help him.

My mom, on the other hand, is just a snake. She goes to church every God Damned Sunday, but breaks all the rules the rest of the time. She has cheated on my dad. She lies like a fucking rug. And she obviously fucks around on him. She gives me all of that bullshit about how much she loves him, when she clearly doesn't. If she did why would she do something that would cause him so much pain when he finds out?

For all of my life, this woman has lectured me, daily. "Do the right thing, Terry," she always says. "Don't lie, Terry," she says. "Terry, don't cheat," she says. "Terry, be good," she says. Well, Fuck her.

My problem now is deciding whether or not to tell my dad. I know that if I tell him, it is going to hurt him badly. Mom claims she'll quit. But I know she won't. She reminds me of my friends who get caught smoking weed by the sheriff and his deputies. If they get a warning, they lie to the Sheriff's face. "Oh I swear I'll quit," they say. "This won't happen again, ever, Sheriff."

They usually smoke it again by the next day, the next week at the latest.

But, if the Sheriff gives them a big assed fine and reports them to their parents, it's a different story. They have to pay off that fine, which means they lose money. They usually get their car taken away, and they lose a lot of their freedom. That makes a lot of them quit for real. It just isn't worth it to smoke it when they consider all the things they can lose.

That's probably what will happen with my mom. If I let her slide, she'll be fucking bums behind the garage in a couple of weeks. And that was another thing. The guy she was with ... He was a fuckin' troglodyte. This guy was not Bad Pitt. He was short and fat and old and ugly. The only thing he had in common with Brad is the pits. Brad has his Pitts in his last name. This guy had pits ... More like craters really ... All over his God Damned face. She may as well be fucking homeless guys.

So the best thing for my dad would be for me to tell him. It will hurt him at first, but then it's up to him to decide what he wants to do. He can choose to take her back, or throw her ass to the curb. But he has to know.

And speaking of Brads ... I have to find my friend Brad and thank him for telling me about Kira. I know that it was hard for him. But I'm better off knowing what she was doing, than marrying some skank that I could never trust.

That made me realize that besides telling my dad, I had another job to do. I decided to let my Dad have his Saturday. I wanted him to have a great day under his belt maybe even a great weekend. Let him win his race. Let him get an award at the car show and enjoy a big picnic with his family. I could get him alone Sunday evening while we washed the cars or even Monday after work to tell him.

However, there was someone else who needed to know, sooner. I got into my car and drove out of town. The place I was going was only a few miles past my family's house. After only a few moments on the freeway, I found myself wondering how my dad had handled it for so many years. It was difficult for me to keep the car under a hundred.

I actually missed the exit. I was going too fast to make it up the ramp safely. So I went to the next exit and wound my way through the streets.

I found the house by tips from a guy at the gas station nearby. There were very few houses out this far from the town. I pulled up in front of the house and went up to the front door.

A man about my dad's age came to the door. "Good afternoon Mr. Turner," I said. "I'm Terry Matthews. Is Lana home?"

"Your father is Greg Matthews, right?" he asked. "He's a hell of an engineer. Wait ... You helped Lana with her math a couple of months ago, didn't you? I've heard good things about you young man. Lana is upstairs; I'll send her down."

"Mr. Turner, could you stay with us?" I asked. "This isn't a social call." He just nodded but had a confused look on his face.

A few moments later, Lana came down the stairs. Her father ushered us into a room that looked like an office. It had paneled walls, deep carpets, and old leather furniture.

"Hi Terry," said Lana. "I got a B on my final. That got me an A in the class. I owe you one."

"You probably won't feel that way in a few minutes," I said. "Look, I'm not here to rehash college memories, Lana. I have some bad news for you. I don't really want to be the one who has to tell you, but I would want to know. In fact, less than twenty-four hours ago, someone told me."

"Someone told you what," she asked.

"Lana while we were at school, Jeff was cheating on you," I said slowly.

Her eyes flashed with anger. "He what," she hissed.

"Look, I know you guys are engaged and ..." I began.

"We were engaged," she said. "But if he was cheating we're done. How do you know this is true?"

I showed her the video and then played the audio tape for her. I was surprised that she didn't get angrier.

"Thanks, Terry," she said. "His ass is grass."

"So young man; is this how you move into my daughter's life," asked her father.

"No sir," I said. "Like I said, twenty-four hours ago, someone told me what Jeff was doing, I had to tell Lana. She deserves better."

"Why would they tell you," he asked.

"I was going to marry the woman he was cheating with," I said. "I guess I'm as much of a victim as Lana was."

"Maybe the two of you can console each other," he smirked. Lana took my arm and led me out of the house.

"Thanks again, Terry," said Lana. "My dad really likes you. He hated Jeff. I guess he'll be happy that I'm going to kick him to the curb. Do ya wanna ...?"

"Lana, you're a great girl, and you're beautiful inside and out. However, I really loved Kira. It's going to be a while before I'm ready to date again."

"It's unusual for a guy to admit something like that," she smiled. "I guess I need some time to let Jeff filter out of my system too. But to tell you the truth. He was a distraction that I really don't need. Studying medicine is a full-time job. I think HE was far more into the relationship than I was. However, I could always use another friend."

"You've got one," I said as she pulled me in for a hug.

"See ya later friend," she said. "I have a phone call to make."

I headed back to town to find my family.

* * * * * *

Kira

I couldn't stop crying. I also couldn't believe that Terry had dumped me. I just sat in my room all afternoon. I cried; I looked at all of our photos and started crying again. All of our plans were gone. Everything we wanted to do. Terry was going to be a great engineer. When I remember some of the things, he told me I felt like such a fool.

"Kira, it's up to you," he always said. "You're my life. If you want to leave town once we graduate, that's fine." Terry knew that I hated living in this small assed town. I was torn between staying here and moving into one of those nice big houses like Terry and his family lived in, and moving to a bigger town.

What a fool I'd been. The biggest factor of my stupidity was the fact that I really hadn't been THAT lonely. Terry called me several times a day, and we constantly texted each other. I hadn't even realized that I was that lonely until Jeff came around and started telling me that he understood how lonely I was. He was also telling me how pretty he thought I was lately. 'LATELY,' he'd said. Did that mean that I was Quasimodo before now? Or just that with Lana out of town, I was comparatively prettier.

After hearing the things he'd said about me on Terry's phone, I realized that Jeff had just been using me for sex. It was the same-old story; the spoiled rich boy goes out slumming. He fucks the town's poor girl and then marries someone else. If he had gotten me pregnant, it would be one of those lifetime movies. He didn't give a damn about me. We weren't friends. He'd just wanted some easy pussy, and I was it.

What an asshole. Lana was making him wait until they were married to have sex with him. Good for her. She was so pretty that she could control him and dictate her terms. He had to go along with them or lose her. But since she wasn't putting out. He just decided that he could fuck me. And just fuck up my life in the process.

The worst part about it was the pain in Terry's eyes. Terry loved me. I hurt him really badly. I wanted with all of my heart to fix things between us. But even if I could fix things, they would never be the same. The level of intimacy that Terry and I felt would never be restored. He was the first person I ever met who shared his deepest most intimate thoughts with me. I had been the only one who knew his doubts and his fears. Only I knew how nervous he'd been when taking the placement tests to determine his levels for which math and English classes he needed to take. Only I knew that Terry's devotion to studying his martial arts was simply to make him stronger at something because unlike his dad, he wasn't really an athlete.

Terry also thought that he wasn't enough like his dad. That was one of his deepest most worrisome problems. The people on his mom's side of the family were all flakes, he often said. They seemed all to end up in the hospital with a bunch of bizarre medical problems, or else they ended up in jail. He thought that he had too many of her genes.

My phone ringing beside me, ended my ruminations abruptly.

I picked up the phone after noticing my mom's number on the caller ID.

"How are you feeling," she asked.

"Awful," I said.

"We'll go ahead and have a good cry," she said. "Cry yourself dry, and then get your awful ass over here by three to start the afternoon shift. Jenny called in and with all of the tourists in town, we're really busy."

"Mom, are you serious?" I asked. "I just got dumped by the only man I've ever loved. I'm heartbroken. I don't think anyone in this town feels as bad as I do right now. You've told me for years about how bad it was for you when ... Shit, I can't call him my dad because I never met him ... Anyway you told me that you felt like dying. So you, more than anyone else has to know how I feel."

She sighed and started talking again.

"Yeah, baby, but you're wrong. There is someone who feels worse than you do. I'm pretty sure Terry does. And your case is different from mine. I was blindsided by a man that I loved with all my heart. He just ran off and left me only days after I gave birth to his child." She paused and sighed again.

"I love you Kira. You're my whole world. But you were wrong as hell. You caused this. And you didn't just ruin your own life; you ruined his too. That boy was as shiny and bright as a new penny. I went running down the street after him. I was gonna tear him a new asshole for mistreating my baby. But he played me, that tape and that video ..." She paused for a second and I could just imagine her shaking her head.

"No mom wants to see her daughter acting like a slut in public," she said. "That asshole had his hands all over your ass like it belonged to him, and you just stood there like you didn't care who saw it. I taught you better than that. We're not rich, Kira. But we're not trashy either."

"But Mom, it didn't mean any ..." I began.

"Shut up, stupid," she hissed. "It meant everything. It meant the end of your relationship with the nicest boy in town. It meant the end of your chance to have a nice life and maybe get the fuck out of this small town. I wanted a great life for you, Honey. I wanted to see you happy. I wanted to see you with a man who would love you and stay with you. I wanted some grand kids to spoil.

As bad as you think you feel, you should see Terry. He's been fighting in the streets, and the look in his eyes tells me that boy has crossed over into crazy. He will never be the same. You took something from him, Kira. Maybe to you, it meant nothing. Maybe you just look at it like you just gave some other guy some pussy. It's not like you're gonna run out, right? But Terry lost a chunk of his soul, Honey. He will never again be as open or as trusting as he was with you. Even when ... And I do mean WHEN he meets another girl. It's gonna take him a while ever to trust her. And even then, he'll always be on the lookout for the knife in his back."

I started crying into the phone then. But as sad as I was, I was angry too. "I'm gonna get him back," I declared.

"Nope, ya won't," she said. "A man's brain is built on pride and ego and comfort. All the rest of that shit; knowledge, tools, sports and fuckin' would fit inside of the head of a pin. You hurt him, baby. It was a big blow to his ego. His pride won't let him take you back. A few months down the line, the two of you might end up fucking. But it won't be like it was before. There won't be any love involved on his part. It will be his ego trying to prove that he's over you.

Maybe you'll believe that you've got him back. And who knows, it has happened a time or two. Maybe you will get him back. But the odds against it are so long that I wouldn't bet on it."

Neither of us spoke for a while.

"See you at three," she said and then hung up. As I put the phone down, I felt even worse. But I didn't really have time to wallow in my sorrow before it rang again. I picked it up, thinking that it was my mom again. I figured she had found someone else to cover for Jenny, so I could go out and find Terry.

"You fuckin' bitch," he growled. "You ruined my life." I immediately realized that it wasn't Terry. "I'm gonna kill that motherfucker. You tell him that. I told him that it was over, and we were even. He had no reason to tell Lana. Now she dumped me. I lost the prettiest girl in town over your skanky ass. Why can't he see that you are just an easy fuck? It didn't mean anything to anyone except him. You ain't pretty, and you're not special. You aren't worth the breeze from one of Lana's farts ..."

"Jeff, I ... " I tried, but, he continued to rant. I couldn't get a word in edgewise.

"That motherfucker is gonna need that engineering degree," he screamed. "That way, he'll be smart enough to figure out a way to get his fucking teeth back in ..." I hung up the phone.

I was too angry even to cry anymore. The whole situation was ridiculous. For a couple of crappy sex sessions, I was losing everything. I ... God damn it, I was popular. My phone rang yet again and this time I didn't recognize the number.

"Hello," I said tentatively.

"Hi," she said. The voice was deep and scratchy. It kind of made me think of that ancient movie star, Lauren Bacall.

"This is Lana," she said. "I guess you know why I'm calling you. I'm not going to make threats or any of those juvenile things; I just wanted you to know that I know what you did. Jeffery isn't much, but he was mine, and you knew it, right?"

"Yeah but y ..." I began. I felt like shit.

"No buts necessary," she said. "The funny thing is that Jeffery isn't worth nearly what you lost. He will never be as much of a man as Terry is right now. I even thought about doing something really stupid today. To get back at Jeff, I was going to give Terry my virginity." She heard my sharp intake of breath.

"Unfortunately, your boyfriend has a lot more class than you ever will. He turned me down, flat. He didn't even want a date. The poor thing said he needed time to get over you. You don't deserve him. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I know. I probably won't be seeing you. We don't go to the same places or travel in the same circles, so, Bye!"

"Fuck!" I screamed. If I was Amish, I would have just been shunned.

Lana's family was involved in everything that went on in our small town. Lana's mother planned almost every event. And Lana herself had a hand in everything that the younger crowd did. If you wanted to be popular, or even if you just wanted to be included, you had to be on her good side or at least not on her bad side.

If Lana or any of her friends threw a party, I would not only not be invited, I would be turned away. Even if Lana didn't hold the party herself, most people would be afraid to invite me for fear of upsetting her. If I held my own party, no one would attend it. They'd be worried about being seen as choosing me over Lana.

I hated that bitch. Her polite talk and sexy voice had just covered up her anger behind a facade of manners and gentility. I may as well leave town. I was a full-fledged pariah.

* * * * * *

Greg

It always happens at the worst possible time. I think when people from the future look back on our time, they'll think that we were like characters in one of those old sci-fi movies where aliens come from another planet and take over our minds. These small aliens have total control of most of the people on the planet. We spend most of our time serving them, catering to them and answering their call. The worst part about it is that we actually crave them. We pay money to have them. It can be the middle of the night, and we can be in the midst of a sound peaceful sleep, but when the master calls we answer. We at least look.

These are not lizard-like creatures from a galaxy far away. They come from here on earth. They have unusual names like Android, Samsung and iPhone, and they subjugate our will.

And so it was with me. I was just about to get some very rare, if you're a parent, afternoon delight, when my master summoned my attention. I was pissed. Donna was down on her knees in front of me. She was just about to pull little me free from my pants, when my phone went off.

"Shit," I whined.

"You should see the look on your face, Honey," laughed Donna.

"But, I was ... We were ..." I sputtered.

"Greg, we're married," she laughed. "We love each other. We belong to each other. I'll give you as many blow jobs as you want, whenever you want. And you can spend the rest of your life fucking me, if that's what you want. Now answer your phone. It might be important."

"It's the Sheriff's office," I said. "The old coot probably just wants to whine about me destroying his ass in that race today."

"Hello," I said. "He what? ... Is he okay? I'll be right down. Andy, do I need to get a lawyer?"