Sandcastles

"No. Don't be. It was... it was nice. Really nice. Your kisses, your body... it's... I'm... I'm just... I don't think..."

"Mm. It's a real pity," she whispered. "Because you're very much my type. Gosh, you're so very, very much my type. Oh well. Such is life, right? Right, let's stop scandalising the fish."

"We've got more wine," I managed. "I'm not ready to go to sleep just yet. Please come back with me? Please don't leave me now, Charley."

She sighed.

"Like I could ever do that," she said, so softly I almost didn't hear it.

We returned to the beach, tugged our clothes onto our wet bodies, and made our slow, silent way back up the hill.

She clung tightly to my hand on the walk back to my chalet, and despite the weirdness of what we'd just done, the idea of letting go never once crossed my mind.

I fought the door open for us, and she made her way directly to the bathroom for a quick shower before handing the bathroom off to me as I followed suit.

By the time I emerged she'd poured a glass of wine for me and another for her. She put mine down on the kitchen counter for me, then took my hand in hers once more.

"Ari?" she said softly, as she played nervously with my fingers.

"Mhmm?"

"You sure you're okay? With... that?" she whispered. "It was a moment of lunacy; I shouldn't have done it and I'm... I'm really sorry for it."

"It's fine, Charley, I'm fine. I promise. It was just... weird, but nice weird, if you get it?"

She let out a sigh of relief.

"Kind of. I think."

I tightened the towel around myself; she still looked worried and unconvinced, so I did what I could to help.

"It... it was very nice... to be touched like that. By you. I think any other person would have jumped at the chance, you know. It's... comforting to be wanted, for once, even if I'm... unable."

"But... why are you?" she said, almost plaintively.

"I guess... I just have issues, is all. Something's screwy upstairs. I wish I knew what it was. But it was very nice. It was so very, very nice to be held like that. By you, I mean," I added, stumbling slightly over the words.

"Mm. Well, I'll behave from now on," she said with a shy little smile. "I promise. I'll make do with what I've got."

"And that is?"

"An object of visual gratification rather than sexual," she leered.

"I don't feel very visually gratifying," I muttered.

"Oh, trust me, you are. With spades. Those curls and those eyes of yours are to die for, and your bum is, quite frankly, wonderful. If you were so inclined you'd have more sex than your body could handle, that's for sure..."

"My breasts are small and my hips are barely there..."

"Nonsense," she said. "I love all of you. You are perfect. They are yours and they are perfect for you. You are one million percent perfect."

"Really?" I said, flushing and not quite believing her.

"Oh fuck me, yes," she breathed. She cocked her head to one side and grinned at me. "You're an eleven out of ten on my scale, Ari. You always have been. Honest to God. Who'd have thought, all those years ago, that I'd end up with you as the one that got away."

"Well... I kind of did. So did you. In a different sense of the word," I added, flailing. "Thank fuck you so doggedly kept on coming here."

"I'm glad I was so stubborn. Mm. This wine is nicer than the others were. I'm going to be rolling home."

"You could always stay, you know," I offered. "It's a king-sized bed."

"That could cause us... issues, now," she said softly.

"What sort of issues?"

"The sort that involve me not sleeping very much at all and it getting... awkward for us both."

"Oh. That's a shame," I sighed. "I imagine that I would sleep very well with you nearby. I've never got to fall asleep next to anyone before..."

"You're making a very strong argument and I have woeful impulse control as far as you're concerned."

"So is that a yes?"

"I have nothing to sleep in..."

"I'm sure I can find you something. And anyway, you seem totally happy naked so I'm not sure what you're protesting about."

"Oh, you slag," she snorted. "Fine. Okay. I'll stay for now, but if it becomes... problematic..."

"Then I'll move out to a deckchair and leave you the bed as a mea culpa," I said with a wry grin.

She laughed. "I'm glad we got that cleared up."

She held out her glass. "Top me up, buttercup. God, it was dull and grey without you in my life."

"I'm yours and yours alone until you leave," I said.

"Don't make promises you can't keep," she said softly, after a brief, heavy silence.

And I sipped my wine and looked away, feeling somehow ashamed.

.:.

"Are you okay?" I whispered.

"Yeah, just settling. Not used to leggings that go down past my knees, and your vest is a bit tight on my boobs."

"Not my fault you're short and curvy."

"Shush, or I'll bite you in the shins."

The mattress shifted as she moved. I shivered as she put an arm around me and pushed in closer.

"Is that... okay?" she breathed as she felt my response. "Do you mind?"

"It's... I'm just not used to being held like this."

"Oh. Okay, I'll stop..."

"No! No. Don't. It's... it's really nice to feel you there. So close to me. You're so... oh, God, you're so lovely and warm."

"Okay then. Apology accepted. "

She burrowed in and let out a soft sigh.

"I always forget just how amazing you smell," she whispered.

"Salt and fish wee," I quavered, captivated by the unfamiliar feelings that swept over me.

"Oh, is that what it is?" she answered, amused. "I'll have to get it bottled so I can spray Eau de Ari around my flat."

I laughed, and adjusted her arm slightly until it fitted comfortably under my boobs, such as they were.

She made a small, happy sound.

"Good night, Ari," she breathed.

I covered her hand with mine. "Good night, you. Sweet dreams."

"Mm," she agreed as she settled in against me.

I lay, breathing gently as I listened to her drift off. Once she was thoroughly asleep I eased the sheets and thin coverlet slightly further up over us; the air was finally starting to cool and I didn't want her to get cold.

Then I simply lounged there, basking against her while I tried to puzzle out my earlier reaction to her.

I tried to work out why I was so content in her arms, yet had been so... conflicted over what we'd almost done, out there in the dark water of the bay.

Why had I reacted to her touch so... wantonly? Why hadn't I really wanted her to stop?

And why had I stopped her in the end? Nerves? Contrariness? It hadn't been lack of desire - her touch had been a surge of electricity, tripping fuses all over my body, and only one knife edge had separated me from complete, abject surrender...

I shifted; she mumbled and moved her leg against mine.

She was so... nice.

Her gentle kiss to my neck had been just perfect, and the feel of her naked skin against mine had... captured me in a way I didn't understand and could not remember feeling before.

I thought back to my few, abortive sexual "experiences" - for want of a better label for them. I'd always ended up as a mostly passive participant once the flirting and kissing was over- an empty vessel to receive the penis that one or another horny man fumbled into me. I'd never struggled to be wet for them, at least - it was just... never all that much fun - certainly never as much fun as porn or fantasy implied it should be. A few moments of somewhat pleasant fullness and sensation of movement inside me, some panting in my ear, maybe their tongue on my nipples if I were extremely lucky. Nothing like the mind-bending orgasms I so enjoyed giving myself or, frequently, delighted in watching anonymous women have during my frustrated online travels.

And then, of course, there was their inevitable reward - a brief, groaning pulsing inside me followed by an immediate cooling of their ardour as they noticed and processed my... disinterest.

None had ever wanted to stay; even the least observant picked up on my faint disgust with the whole matter and ejected as soon as they physically could.

I'd show them out of my flat and listen to their lying little I'll-call-you's with silent, grim amusement before I'd retreat to my shower to wash them and their leavings out of me.

Semen was gross, and semen inside me was grosser by far - but I still found both preferable to the cloying, nauseating smell of latex and spermicide.

And afterwards?

Mostly I'd be left feeling empty and cold, sitting curled up on my couch and deeply regretting whatever brief moment of shared interest or, sometimes, mere animal lust had driven me to permit them inside me, however briefly.

Empty. Jaded. And always, at last... alone.

I certainly never felt anything remotely like I felt right now - warm and safe, blissfully content in her arms.

Her breath curled softly over my shoulder; she mumbled something incoherent and sighed in her sleep.

I thought about what she'd told me about her preferences. How she'd so freely confessed her... appreciation... of me.

Her desire for me.

I wondered how she'd worked out what she was.

And I resolved to ask her in the morning once we were both awake and sober.

She started to snore, very softly, and I smiled to myself at the stupid, soppy affection the innocent sound aroused in me.

She'd grown up beautiful and gentle.

I was so very, very thankful that we'd found one another again.

I yawned.

"Not... the floaty one," she slurred. "Too purple."

She rolled away from me and curled up on her other side, grumbling.

After a moment's hesitation I rolled over and put my arm over her. I tucked my face in against her back and closed my eyes.

.:.

Sunlight and the sound of the coffee machine woke me. I sat up, woolly-headed, squinting and wincing as the throbbing hangover headache hit.

"Ugh," I groaned.

"That you, Ari?" Charley called from somewhere.

"Mm," I protested.

"Want some coffee?"

"Mmmr."

"On its way."

I forced my eyes open, scowling at the hateful light. Then I levered myself up and stared balefully out at the world.

She appeared at the door, steaming mug clasped in one hand and a tall glass of water in the other. She put them down for me. "You okay?" she asked.

"No," I whined.

"We did drink a lot."

I fumbled for the water and downed it, shuddering. Then I curled my hand, claw-like, around the cup of coffee she'd made me. "Thank you. How long have you been awake?" I managed.

"Not long. And I lay for a bit, enjoying having you draped over me."

"Oh. Sorry. Was I still there?"

"Yeah. You were drooling. It was very sweet, I should have taken a selfie of us."

"Told you I'd find it nice," I muttered.

I sipped my coffee and squinted up at her. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Hanging like a badger's nadger, but otherwise I'm good. I'm glad I stayed over."

"So am I. What are your plans for today?"

"They're... fluid," she said softly. "I'll fall in with whatever you feel like. I..."

"What is it?" I said, watching as her expression changed.

"I've only got a little bit of time left here with you. I don't want to spend any of that time elsewhere. I don't want to miss out any more."

I reached out and took her hand. "You'll see me again, you know. Far sooner than I suspect you realise."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm totally going to go and stalk you in Lincoln when we're home. Now you're back in my life, and you will never be free of me."

She gave me a strange little smile. "That would be nice. I'd quite enjoy being forever chained to you. Right. Finish your coffee and lets see about breakfast. I had a quick look, there's not much."

"We could always go invade the buffet."

"I wonder if we're still banned from the sausages."

I laughed, remembering the day we'd depleted the kitchen's stocks and spent the rest of the day groaning over our overfull bellies. "Probably not," I said. "I think it was a soft ban rather than a hard one."

"Let's test that theory, then. I am rather partial to a nice bit of meat," she said with a wicked grin.

"Oh you," I groaned in disgust.

"So shall we get dressed and stumble over there?"

"What time is it?"

"A little after nine."

"OK."

I slid off the bed and stretched, then shuffled forward and wrapped my arms around her. She squeaked, then relaxed in against me with a sigh.

"Good morning," I mumbled.

"Good morning," she replied, as softly.

I released her and, yawning, began to rummage in my bag for clothes. She leaned against the wall, watching me with an amused smirk as I stripped and pulled on my bikini bottoms.

"Enjoying the show?" I asked as I struggled into the top, a pair of linens and a thin baby-blue tee shirt to finish it off.

"Oh yes. Thoroughly."

I straightened, stretched my back out again, and ran my fingers through my unruly mane. "Ready," I announced. "What about you?"

"I'll make do with yesterday's clothes and my costume. Make us another coffee while I get changed?"

"Sure."

We shared our second coffee on the deck, and then made our way down to the dining hall. I drew the line at muesli and yoghurt; Charley of course made directly for the delicatessen. The scent of her sky-high-stack of various meats turned my stomach, but a glass of orange juice sorted me out and perked me up. She, meanwhile, seemed to be in heaven with her plate of fried heart-attack and egg. She was groaning by the time she was done; I'd topped off on some toast and had tried (abortively) one of her sausages; my stomach rejected the idea very quickly.

We ambled down to the pool, found a cool shady section, and claimed two loungers for ourselves. She pushed them together and then placed her bum on one.

"Come down here, I'll get a crick in my neck if you don't," she said.

I eased down beside her with a groan.

She found my hand and held it loosely in hers.

"So," she said softly.

"Mm?"

"What should we do today?"

"Swim? Then sailing?"

"OK," she said. "And then?"

"Sundowners and dinner?"

"That sounds nice. Would you like me to spend the night again? Because if so I'm going to need some clean clothes."

I watched her for a heartbeat.

"Yes," I said softly. "I'd like you to stay again. I... I liked waking up with you there this morning. It was... nice."

"OK then," she said, as softly.

"Charley?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did."

"Ugh. You know what I mean."

She grinned. "Go ahead."

"Um... how did you work out that you were... bi?"

"That's a very direct question, Ariadne."

"I was just curious," I said softly.

"Well... if it's in the spirit of scientific enquiry..."

"It is."

"I... guess I never really made a conscious decision."

"Oh. Really?"

"Yeah. I lost my virginity to a girl. The presence of boobs or balls has never really bothered me either way."

"Oh," I said.

"What made you think about all this... now?"

"Just... wondered, I guess. After..."

"Oh. Right," she said softly. "Well. It's just always been me, I guess. I know some girls grow into it. One girl I know said that for her it was entirely dependent on who she was crushing on. She said she could see a girl one day and not want her and see her the next day and it would be different. So... I guess it varies."

"Oh. Um... How was your first?"

She rolled her head towards me. "Bit early in the day for this, isn't it?" she said, eyebrow arching upwards. "I'm going to have to cover myself."

"What? Oh. Oh. Shit, sorry..."

She laughed at my expression. "It's fine, I was just teasing you. You're easy to fluster and I love it."

"You whore," I muttered, and she cackled as she squeezed my hand again.

"It was nice," she said, almost under her breath. "It was slow, sweet, and so very, very hot. I think I fell for her a bit when I came the third time. But sadly I was just a toy to her - a plaything, something to amuse herself with when she was bored."

"Oh. That's... horrid."

"Yeah, it wasn't all that nice. So I tried guys after that. They're fun. And cocks are nice, sometimes. But..."

She shrugged, sighed. "Sometimes men don't take no very well."

"What happened?"

"I got stalked a bit. Nothing too hectic, but still not all that much fun. But hey, it's one of the perils of dating. It takes time to work out who the person is behind the mask."

"I... always enjoyed the idea more than the act," I confessed softly. "And then there's the... leftovers."

"The leftovers?"

"Semen," I whispered, embarrassed. "It's... not my thing at all. I get nearly frantic to get it out of me."

"Most things don't seem to be your thing," she answered me gently. "What do you actually like, Ari?"

"To be... touched. It doesn't matter where. Well. Obviously, it does, but... it doesn't. I get so little of it. Fingers on my neck, along my jaw, my scalp, behind my ears... my shoulders, my back, my... well... you get the picture."

"And you don't get that from anyone? Not at all?"

"No. The guys I've... been with... wanted one thing only. And they left when they'd got it. Can't blame them, really - nobody wants to cuddle a statue, after all."

She sighed.

"It's hard for me not to want to take you in my arms when you sound so... woebegone."

I managed a smile for her. "I've got you. I've got nothing to feel sad over."

"Yeah you do. I'm a salve for some of it but not all of it. You were pretty clear on that fact."

I flushed; she looked away.

Then she sighed and let my hand go as she sat up straight. "I need a swim," she said. "I'm distracted and... well, distracted. Some cold water will help. Come join me."

"Is that an order?"

"Yes," she said tartly. "You started it, so now it's time for penance."

"Being in the water is not penance."

"Then stop objecting and come along."

She stripped out of her top and then slid her linens down her legs. I watched several men in the area turn to watch her.

"You've got an audience," I said softly.

"Fuck 'em. I'm performing for one person only."

"Yourself?"

"Ari," she said, levelly.

"Uh huh?"

"Drop those pants and come swim with me," she said, sidestepping my question.

So I did.

.:.

We spent the day swimming and sailing and both ended up with far too much sun. We were tired and singed when we detoured past her room on the way back to the chalet - she selected some lightweight sleepwear and more linens, then closed the door firmly on her room.

"I might as well have checked out," she said wryly, "given that I seem to have moved in with you."

"Next time we should just share a bigger chalet."

"I'd like that, I think," she agreed. "It would certainly make sense. We seem to get on okay."

"More than okay," I smiled. "We just work, don't we."

"To an extent, yeah. If you're okay with my lecherous perving..."

"It's nice to be appreciated for once," I retorted, drily.

"Oh, you are, you are. Ugh. I burned."

"Ditto. But I think you're worse. I'll put lotion on for you."

I fought my brief, routine battle with my chalet door, and she slipped through once I'd got it open.

"Mind doing it now?" she said softly. She shrugged her shoulders free from her vest. "Earlier is better."

"Sure. Here, hold still."

I quickly spread the thin white fluid over her neck and shoulders, and then made sure it was worked thoroughly into her skin. She let out a shaky little breath when I was done, then shot me a small smile over her bare shoulder. "Thanks, Ari," she said softly. "I'll do you if you like?"

"Please, just my neck and ears. Think my shoulders are okay."

"Yeah, they are. Hold still."

And I shivered as she slowly massaged the cool soothing gel onto me.

"Done," she murmured. "Wine?"

"Yeah. Wine would be good."

"So..."

"Mhmm?" I answered as I stripped out of my swimwear. I struggled into some cotton shorts.