by Prizmatic
your story has been reviewed on the New Story Reviews of the Author's Hangout in the Lit Forums.
Let see.....Cassie was a virgin, but your cock just slid right in completely? No pain, no blood? Also, if you loved your sister as you claimed, you would've taken time to love her, before fucking her. Lots of foreplay, kissing, nibbling her breasts, licking her body, licking her pussy to an orgasm or two, before taking her "virginity", gently.
Idea of fucking a horny sister is great, but should've cared about her instead of just fucking. You were just like the guys you told her she shouldn't fuck.
Good luck next story.
I loved the first story i would like to read chapter 2
with more feling.
Pat M.
Atlanta,Ga.
Great beginning. Good, descriptive wording, and excellent continuity. I'm looking forward to more.
I loved the beginning of this story. Very good description which made it very easy for me to picture it happening in my head. Can't wait for the next part!
~Doll
there was virtually no description or background info. the plot is extremely hurried and really never develops.
as for the sex, its already have been covered.
this was an all around flop.
It wasn't the greatest of great out there; but it certainly made me read it.
Good idea, good lines, and the showering scene made it work too.
You could slow it down a bit; but some of the other comments were a little too harsh.
You did good. Practice makes perfect.
My suggestion, work on these stories; but don't submit them. Just keep making more and more, new ones, continuations, whatever you feel. You'll gain an insight into how you work, and it may find that trying over and over there's a story that blows even you away.
Ya, she is really good. The best writer I've read so far and the Damn best speller and punctuator. (Punctuator?) Whatever. Some of these stories make me feel a lot older than I am cuz I have a hard time reading them. This was one damn fun story, that's for sure!
I love the subtitle, "Sister wants it - brother's got it." Scott sure does, it's jumping around in his pants. And the boy wants what his sister Cassie's got waiting between her slender legs. A brother's big hard cock and his sister's warm wet twat--made for each other.
This is a good story but you definitely rushed it. The characters could have been fleshed out. The sex should have been slower as this was the sister's first time. The brother should have made it a memory the sister would treasure by taking his time getting her fire hot begging him to take her.
Who the hell calls his sister, “babe”? I sure as hell don’t! No self respecting man I know does either. And then he calls her a bitch too? While being “romantic”? That’s where you lost it. 1 star.