by zouzouni
The story is conceptually great! However, you need to work on spelling and on writing skills. (passed/past; new/knew; etc) Even in a venue of erotic fiction, these things do matter.
but you do need to find an editor or edit the work yourself. I've learned that if you have problems finding the mistakes yourself, you can read the story outloud and it helps with seeing them. Good job, good premise and I like your characters.
Thank you for sharing it. I cant wait to read more of your stories!!
But I'll agree with the rest. Find an editor and get them to read it over, and try and get the rest of your homophones (the passed/past thing was especially annoying, and my pet peeve there is lose/loose.) in order.
Oh and ig you're going to have long run on sentences like the one I'm writing just now please try to structure them with some commas or something like that because as you might see it's pretty hard to read otherwise.
But like I said, good story idea.
There are always, or at least should be, two parts to any critique. Now depending on which aspect is most important to you will allow you to disregard the unimportant aspect. #1: the one everyone is beating you up about, editing. Well editing is just editing. That’s really a non-brainer. #2: content and for lack of a better phrase, storytelling. Well you nailed #2! I eagerly await your next installment. I hope that Taylor and Luke will be kind enough to pay us another visit.
It was pleasant to read!
The fuss about the mistakes? Whatever! The story was good, and written well enough to be enjoyed! I did!
Use an editor if you want. It can only help good writing.
Thanks for writing!
really enjoyed your story. First off, re editing its not that bad and you know what its meant to say anyway. After reading kids essays, you soon seem to almost skip the misspelt words and replace them with what they should be on auto :-D. Secondly the person who said it also needs to edit better himself ig for if for example.
and lastly, I thought it was beautifully written with just the right amount of character building to really under stand her reluctance and then her urgency as well. Thanks for a great read. (I enjoy details maybe its a woman thing? lol)
you wrote such good and wonderful stories. please keep on writing. i do not care if they have longer chapters or such short stories like this one. "Saved" is really, really good. :) MORE please.... more writings from you. :)
first of all loved your story
my suggestion is an old proofreader's trick. Read your work backwards. it causes you to focus on the word and its context. The brain has a blind spot,,,, of course I know what was typed, I just did it didn't I? and it will just skip over things sometimes even full paragraphs