All Comments on 'Schoolgirl Uniform; Danielle Ch. 02'

Its a good story and some of the description is very hot but stop with the fires metaphor! Every writer has phrases they over use its a comment problem just tone down the whole loins and fires and tropical winds thing its good once or twice but its so over used it becomes almost comical and distracts from the story because im constantly looking for the next burning coals... other than that great story!

Nicely done!