All Comments on 'Secuction Ch. 01'

Really like your story. Needs some real minor proofing for typos and a couple spots where you change from 'I' to 'he' in the same paragraph -- nothing major. Keep up the good work.

The only critique I would offer is that every woman doesn't need huge breasts and men don't need enormous cocks. Other wise I enjoyed it, anytime a cherry is popped and a mature woman winds up with cum running down her leg is hot.

I personally am fond of eating a cream pie after a good session.

However could have done without the 10" cock also once the pussy is penatrated more than a few inches the hymen is broken already.

You're relaying the thoughts of all the characters, so don't write parts of it in first-person. It gets confusing, and later you had some his/mine and I/he problems, which take away from the story.

Also, how about making them all a bit more average and believable?

You're not a bad writer. Believe me, plenty on this site can barely write a coherent English sentence. But the fewer spelling or grammar mistakes you have, the less they will distract and take a reader out of the story. Examples: Your title, unless there is a pun I'm missing, should be "Seduction," not "Secuction." Your previous story was a "tome," a very large and heavy book, not a "tomb" which is a grave--a place of burial. Nicki's mom might refer to her as a "Godsend," that is, an old fashioned term (one sent from God) for a major help--like saying, "You're an angel." She wouldn't call her a "god's end." What would that be, the rear end of a god? So, please, more attention to such details, thanks

Not at all believable - both dialog and "plot."

All the literary criticisms from the other comments are true, but the story is still hot. I liked it. Thanks for writing.

This story was an unmitigated disaster. At one point, the writer switched from first person to third person within the same sentence! I know that some don't like coming down hard on writers for grammar issues, but this is beyond the pale.

Don't worry about the negative comments. Creativity and imagation are the basic and most important tools of a writer and you have them. Stephen King's university professors told him he was not a writer because he didn't comply with their notion of how a writer should write.

This story was good, not above good, until the last one third of the last page. If Niki saw her mother screwing Zach She would have acted totally different when he told her he had 'No Experience' when they were about to have intercourse. It ruined the entire feel of the story for me.

very good so far....

Great story. Very HOT! These literary critics need to get a life — maybe fuck something. Criticism ought to be sent by PM. Praise should be public. This deserves praise. No PM from me.

A well told excellent story. I’m again sorry I can’t give ten stars.

Bill S.