All Comments on 'Self-Discipline'

I'm going to wait for the next chapter, hoping there is one of course. I'll guess and say the teacher is Greg and Missy is going to get into more trouble with him.

Certainly hoping there is a Chapter 2 and can look forward to more from these two-excellent way to keep the heat level up there in Arizona....

You wrote a good first story about Missy and Greg. I like how Greg was able to say no to her when she tried to seduce him so many times during that night. I like how he was able to help her and how she was able to make it to school. I hope you write a second chapter to the story.

Tightly-written, arousing, well-drawn believable characters, rising tension, and the fine twist at the end. A most beautiful story. Thank you

Very thought inspiring with a terrific ending. Thanks for the very enjoyable read.

That is staggeringly good. You paint that poor out-of-her-depth lassie with such delicacy and such assuredness. And with such sympathy! Entrancing and transcendent writing; you make me very jealous.

i hope theirs more please send more

Excellent story, Sir/Madam!

But for all his good intentions...Mancelt.

Please keep them coming. This is so well written!

Please do another chapter of this story! I'm waiting for more! Good job!

This story held my interest from go. I was intrigued by the third person narration and the dialogue and imagery were first rate. A clever twist at the end, too. Good luck in the contest.

The level of detail you put into describing the feelings, anxiety and tension between the characters was awesome! "...her clit begins to swell and push its way from underneath her fleshy umbrella. She pushes harder now and the bed is rocking. She moans louder and starts sliding back and forth even faster. Her stomach is tightening and her breathing stops. She starts to come." I will refer back to this story as an example of how to ramp up the heat and use internal monologue with the characters to illustrate the moment. This story, although shorter then some, makes me want to read your other works! Please keep writing!

You had some subtle victories in this story, and part of me feels you spent a good amount of time figuring out how to sound childishly authentic (as you flowed through her stream of consciousness)--the youngun on the brink of hitting the adult world. At times, the running descriptions were just right--fast and colorful. Loved the misquoted Alanis, as it spoke volumes about the main character.

However, the story was far too difficult to read for what it should have been, at times too rough/choppy/abrupt to register well. Writers have a huge array of tools, and most are subtle mechanics that should be used sparingly, lest they be watered down and rendered useless (or produce an unintended result). Your use of fragments went beyond characterization and pacing and into the realm of annoying for several sections of the story, especially the all-important beginning. Later on, you began to hit your stride, but the damage was already done. Consider the reader beginning the story knowing nothing of you or what to expect--you must coax them, lead them, acclimatize them, until you have them in the proper frame of mind. That way they are eased into a style or mechanic rather than beat about the head with it.

Especially in this fast-paced of a (running) story, you need to be wary of anything that makes a reader pause. Smooth is the magic key, and things that break this should be revised; for example, the lack of indicators of internal thoughts (minus the seeming shift in POV from 3rd to 1st) stops the flow and sounds heinous to the reader (like a jarring in perspective as bad as head-hopping). This is why we use things like quotations (too slow for this type of story) and italics and such, to separate the prose from the dialog (even internal) so there is an instantaneous way to differentiate.

Keep analyzing and improving, PNP.

This is a fine, tantalizing story on an odd premise: how dumb incoming freshman girls can be (she's a superhorny airhead), and how morally sensible a disciplined adult can be (even when he gets sexed up by a cute, stupid chick). Not bad at all -- but likely to annoy feminists like my daughters.

with the characters, especially Missy, well drawn. She was not a very likeable person, with her attitude about her former classmates, but that's part of her character. I did wonder, though, how somebody who seems as dumb as she is ever got into USC, especially from out of state.

i have to be honest, in terms of sexiness, i'm not 100% in love with this story, but you had me at tennyson (and her guesses of what that might be). i also loved getting to double geek out and see vonnegut show up in your story. add in a little mockery of alanis and her inability to truly describe irony and i was totally with you.

like boxlicker, i did wonder how this girl managed to get into usc but was pleased to see that she at least had enough internal fortitude to let this encounter point her in a good direction.

though another commenter mentioned that they didn't think feminists would like this story much, i thought you did a great job of capturing the mindset of far too many women that think that their greatest contribution to the lives of men lies in their ability to fuck them well - not saying that's not fun, just that i appreciate the social commentary in between the lines.

no offense to the literotica community, because lord knows i have a lot of fun writing/reading here, but i think i'd like to see some of your non-erotic stuff sometime, and that my friend, is about as great a compliment as i can pay your story.

Well written story. Enjoyed the irony and the well-drawn out realistic characters. Everyone knows someone like Missy that squeezes her way through life. Very Hot.

Great writing, very sexy and hot.

Wonderful little story. Well crafted!

I read it a while ago and spent ages searching to find it again!

It would be good to see you writing more.

Like others I love how well you captured Missy's thoughts. Love the ending too. It reads very poetic. Thank you. =)

Loved your story , hope you continue.

Your story,..SELF-DISCIPINE.

Perfection!

Extremely pleased to find this work.

Please do not deprive the world of more seminal work such as this.

With extreme respect for the drummer to which you march,

Soami