Self-Fulfilling Fantasy

"So is that a yes or a no?" Christine asked, plopping down on her towel, smiling at Ulysses. He awkwardly looked to Michelle, as if to ask her permission.

"Uh, well." He said.

Michelle smiled at him, nodding slowly. Ulysses took a deep breath, turning back to Christine, "Yes, that'd be fine. Dinner tomorrow night."

Christine rose up and kissed him on the cheek before laying back down on her towel. Ulysses cleared his throat and glanced to a giggling Michelle.

Chapter 4

Michelle's eyes opened the next evening in her bed. She heard her husband come in. This was the pattern; Bill usually left before Michelle got up in the morning, and arrived later in the evening. During the weekend they catch each other occasionally, offering polite smiles or head nods. If Michelle was out late on a Saturday night, Bill was asleep when she got home. When Michelle's son, Mikey, was home it was her and him hanging out constantly. Jogging, working out together, and going to the beach was their typical routine. She missed her son dearly, but he was a great student and she was happy he's interested in the NJROTC. She pretended to be asleep as Bill used the bathroom, stripped to his t-shirt and boxers, and climbed into bed facing away from Michelle. She wondered if he was having an affair as a way to cope with his gradually increasing jealously of her. She wondered what he would do if she slid off her thong, rolled him over on his back, and proceed ride his cock to orgasm. She waited a few moments; still not having the courage to talk to him, then heard him snoring lightly.

An orgasm -- something she hadn't had from a penis in many years. The man that impregnated her as a teenager gave her one, the two or three men she dated while in college gave her one, the two or three men she dated after college when her and Bill were taking time apart gave her one. She figured it must've been six or seven years since she's achieved an orgasm from sex with a man.

Michelle rolled onto her back staring up at the ceiling in the darkened room. She thought about sex with a man and immediately Ulysses popped into her head. He and Christine were still on their date.

"Ah yes! Harder! Harder!" Michelle imagined Christine saying as Ulysses grabbed her hips, impaling her over and over again with his cock. Michelle pictured Ulysses throwing his head back, moaning, as he pumped Christine full of semen. She saw Christine's eyes roll into the back of her head, and then envisioned her rising up against Ulysses, him wrapping his arms around her stomach, and kissing him. Christine's face suddenly turned into Michelle's.

Laying there wide awake in bed next to her sleeping husband, Michelle slowly slid her index and middle fingers down into her thong. She licked her lips, pretending she was staring into Ulysses' face, as her fingers slid in and out of her increasingly wet pussy.

Bill coughed and rolled over to face Michelle. She quickly withdrew her fingers and stared at her husband's sleeping face. "Why won't you open up to me?" she thought to herself. She stared for several minutes, thinking about times when they were happy and the change in their marriage that might've caused his coldness and disassociation from her. She decided she would find and confront him this week. She would ask him if he was jealous and seek to the truth. She wiped a tear from her eye and rolled over. The next evening Michelle drove over to Christine's. She was hoping to confront Bill, but couldn't bring herself to do it just yet. Instead she went to her friend's house to get the details on her date with Ulysses.

"Well, it was weird. Not weird in a bad way though," Christine explained, looking up to Michelle's face as she rested her head in Michelle's lap.

"How so?" Michelle asked, running her fingers through Christine's hair.

"Well," she explained, sitting up on the couch, facing Michelle, "for starters it was the most honest date I've ever been on. We sat down to dinner and he told me he thought I was a great person, really attractive, but that he wasn't interested in having a romantic relationship with me."

"Wow. That's actually kind of nice." Michelle said, raising her thigh so Christine could slide her chilly bare feet under them to warm them up.

"Yes, it was refreshing. At that point all nervousness went out the window. I was a little bummed, but I couldn't stay that way. We were laughing, drinking, eating, it was great."

Michelle and Christine sat for a few moments in silence, watching TV. "So did you and him, uh," Michelle attempted to ask.

"Sex? Nope. I wanted to of course. He even came in, where we chatted more. Apparently he's trying to get over someone."

"Oh?" Michelle asked, her eyes widening.

"Yeah. He said he still had feelings for her, but didn't go into any detail, other than she seemed happily married and he didn't want to interfere or pry into her business. That's when I offered to 'help' him get over this woman. He knew what I was suggesting but declined. He said he wouldn't mind, but didn't think I was the type of woman he'd want to do that with."

"What did he mean by that?"

"You're spending the night right?" Christine asked.

"Yeah if that's ok, I have no reason to go home." Michelle sighed.

Christine stood, taking her friend's hand, offering a sympathetic smile, "Let's go shower, we can finish talking in there."

The warm water trailed down Michelle's back along with Christine's fingers. "So anyway, I asked him the same thing too. 'What do you mean by that?' He told me that I seemed generally happy and enjoyed life, and that if I didn't get sex on a particular date, it'd be ok. I was confused by this, and then it hit me. He's a hero guy."

"A hero guy?" Michelle asked, resting her arms on her friend's shoulders as the steam from the water rose in the small shower.

"Yep. He's a hero that comes in and sweeps a sad or lonely woman off her feet. I'm not sad or lonely. I don't need a good night of sex. Want it? Sure. But if I got it my world wouldn't seem like it drastically improved."

Michelle nodded her head, looking downward. She thought about Bill and the issues they were having. She thought maybe she was sad and lonely. For a moment she imagined Ulysses sweeping her off her feet and giving her a night that made all the dark clouds go away. She shook the image out of her head and smiled at her friend.

"I sleep nude. Is that a problem? If so, sleep on the couch, I refuse to wear clothing to bed. Sorry!" Christine explained.

Michelle chuckled, "No that's fine."

"Good." Christine replied, giving her friend a quick kiss on the lips.

Thirty minutes later, Michelle was in her pajamas laying on her back in Christine's bed, staring up at the ceiling. A naked Christine was propped up with pillows, flipping through the channels on her TV. "So Bill isn't home tonight?"

"He's probably home by now. But it wouldn't matter anyway."

"What's going on with you two?"

"It's complicated. Well, maybe it isn't. I think he's jealous of my success or the fact that I've been in photo shoots with Ulysses the past few years. We rarely talk. At one point I thought he might be having an affair. I don't know though." Michelle explained.

"Have you talked to him about this?" Christine asked.

"I haven't had a chance to. It's like he's avoiding me when I'm home. He's often at school late during the week. He teaches summer classes."

"Do you think he's having an affair?" Christine asked.

"I really don't know. My instincts are telling me no." Michelle said, looking over to Christine.

Christine turned the TV off and slid under the sheet. Michelle opened her arm for Christine to snuggle against her, resting her hand on her hip. Christine pulled Michelle's t-shirt up some to reveal her stomach and rested her hand there. "I'm sorry you're going through a rough time now."

"I'll deal with it somehow," Michelle said.

"How about a nice kiss before we go to sleep. It might make you feel better." Christine suggested.

Michelle rolled her eyes, chuckling, "Just one," she said to her bi-sexual, flirty, friend before grabbing her face and giving her a soft kiss on the lips. The two women had established boundaries several months ago. Christine had admitted her attraction to Michelle, who informed her she wasn't bi. Always the flirtatious one, Christine asked Michelle exactly what sort of affection and flirts she could get away with.

Michelle rolled over onto her stomach and thought about the following night. She planned on waking up, or staying awake, so that when Bill got home she and he could have a discussion.

Chapter 5

"Don't walk away from me! Get back here!" an angry Michelle yelled at a fleeing Bill. They had been fighting for nearly a half hour, with Bill dodging and skirting around her questions as best he could.

"Michelle, just drop it! Ok? Leave me alone!" Bill pleaded as he was about to exit the door. Michelle grabbed his arm and pulled him back into the house and slammed him against the wall.

"Don't shut me out! What is your deal? What's your problem?" she yelled.

"You want to know? Huh? You really want to know?" Bill shouted in her face. "Follow me then," he said as he pushed her away. He then grabbed her arm and practically dragged her into their bedroom. He spun her around so she landed on the bed. Bill went to retrieve her scrapbook from a filing cabinet they had in the corner. "Here. That!" Bill said, tossing her the scrapbook.

"So you ARE a jealous baby! I knew it! I knew you couldn't handle my success or the fact that I make more than you. How pathetic is that?!?" She angrily accused him.

"No, I'm not jealous." Bill said in a calm manner. He stood in front of Michelle, looking at the scrapbook. He slowly opened it near the back, where most of the pictures of her and Ulysses were.

"Him? You're jealous of him? There is nothing going on between us! He's just a coworker!"

Bill sighed, turning around to face his dresser. "Maybe there should be," Bill softly said.

"Should be? What are you saying?" Michelle asked, her face filled with shock.

"Look at you. Look at him. Now look at me," he said, turning back around to face Michelle, placing a hand on his chest. "I can't compete with that."

"I don't understand. What are you saying? Are you saying I should be having an affair with him because he's great shape or something?" Michelle asked.

Bill stood there, looking down at the opened pages of the scrapbook. "I'm not Nikki, Bill!" Michelle said, referring to Bill's ex-wife, who cheated on him several different times. "I know. But I'm nothing, a nobody. I can't please you in bed and any decent looks I had have faded. Maybe I'm not what you need anymore. Maybe I'm not good enough. Perhaps you're better off..." Bill said, before turning around to look away from Michelle.

"Are you...I don't get it." Michelle said, looking down at the scrapbook in her lap.

"I gotta go." Bill said, double checking to make sure he keys were in his pocket.

"No! Wait, don't go." Michelle said, closing the scrapbook and laying it on the bed, chasing after Bill.

"Please don't go," she pleaded, placing her hands on his shoulders.

"I need to, I have a class tonight to prepare for."

"Bill, we can work this out. We can go to counseling, we don't have to go through this, I still love you, please don't go!" Michelle begged him, trying to keep in from leaving. He brushed her off and made his way to his car. She watched him drive off, out of sight.

Michelle was thoroughly confused. She asked herself over and over again, why would Bill want her to be with Ulysses? Was his self esteem so low that he felt he didn't deserve her? Her mind was reeling as she walked back to the bedroom. She sat on the edge of the bed, shaking her head, fighting back tears. She didn't want to get a divorce. She wanted Bill and her to go to counseling first. This was all too much to deal with. Sighing, she lay back on the bed, and closed her eyes.

"I love you Michelle. I always have," a naked Ulysses said as he ran his hands through Michelle's hair. She woke up; gasping for air before the memory of her argument she had with Bill earlier in the evening returned. She ran her fingers through her hair and looked over at the opened scrapbook she placed on the bed earlier. She reached over to grab it, sitting it on her lap, examining each page. A small smile came across her face when she came to a photo of her and Ulysses smiling at each other on a beach. She turned a page and saw a photo of Ulysses picking her up in a swimming pool. She turned the page again and saw a photo from the topless photo shoot. She saw his large black hands resting on the small of her bare back.

Michelle stared at the picture until she became angry. She was angry at Bill. She turned the page and saw a photo of her and Ulysses standing close, with her hand on his chest. She quickly and angrily took off her tank top and threw it across the room. She turned the page, and did the same with her bra. She turned another page and placed the scrapbook next to her, she unbuttoned and unzipped her shorts and flung them across the room too. She looked at another page, licking her lips; she slid down her thong, then grabbed the scrapbook to put it back on her lap. She licked her index and middle finger, not taking her eyes off Ulysses in the next picture. She sucked on her fingers, coating them in her saliva. She held up the scrapbook with one hand and drove the other one to her drenched pussy, plunging her fingers in and out over and over again.

Michelle envisioned kissing Ulysses chest, his nipples, and his abs. She moaned and then imagined herself running her hands up and down his sweat covered back, grabbing his butt, as he royally fucked her. She saw herself on her hands and knees, looking over her shoulder back at Ulysses, running her fingers down his chest and torso. She was getting close to cumming.

She kept fingering herself harder and faster. She envisioned her and Ulysses sitting, facing each other, staring into each other's eyes, and having a mutual orgasm. Michelle cried out in pleasure, as she closed the scrapbook, tossing it to side and shook on the bed. She convulsed for a few more seconds before settling down. Bill would be home soon. She didn't want him to know she was masturbating to pictures from her past photo shoots.

Chapter 6

The next several days consisted of Michelle trying to get more information out of Bill. She would stay up late with him begging him to go to counseling and not throw this marriage away.

"Why are you feeling this way? I can't believe you think I should be with someone else!" Michelle pleaded.

"Look, I knew I was marrying a hot younger woman. I thought I could handle it. Then your career took off. You were in photo shoot with him more often. You two just seem so natural."

"So? So what? That's it, I'm making an appointment for us tomorrow with a counselor." Michelle was close to losing her temper.

"No! We're not doing that!" Bill ordered.

Michelle, shaking her head in anger, looked at Bill. "I don't know what to say or do anymore." She said, sitting down at the kitchen table.

"I shouldn't have married you." Bill said, just above a whisper, grabbing his keys and leaving Michelle alone. She teared up and started crying. She sat there for several minutes thinking about what had transpired, thinking about ending her marriage, and finally, thinking about Ulysses. She cried harder when she imagined his huge arms gently wrapping around her. Shaking the image from her head she got up and walked down the hallway.

Paranoia and curiosity got the best of her. Instead of heading to her bedroom, Michelle went into a room she rarely went into -- Bill's office. She rummaged through some of the papers on his desk and found nothing of interest.

Michelle sat at his desk and moved her finger across his laptop's mouse pad, causing it to come out of sleep. To her surprise his laptop wasn't password protected. Bill, being a history professor, was never the most tech savvy individual so perhaps he didn't know how to set his laptop to be password protected. Michelle shrugged and continued her snooping.

Michelle opened up his internet browser and immediately went to the history. She gasped, covering her mouth with her hand.

"Yeah? Then what happened?" Christine asked Michelle. She had arrived with a packed bag several minutes ago. The two women sat on the couch as Michelle explained her evening.

"I opened up an internet browser and went to the history. It makes sense now. All the sites he had been going to were interracial porn sites. Some sites dealt with something called 'cuckold.' I had never heard of it before. "

"I know what it is," Christine smirked.

"Anyway, there were other sites about, well, black guys and their penises and ugh..." Michelle couldn't continue.

"Wow. So he saw you and Ulysses in photos. It made him horny, jealous, excited, or maybe a combination of all of those. His low self-worth made him think you'd be better off with Ulysses -- who is admittedly a much better physical specimen. Perhaps he looked at interracial porn as a way to deal with it? Or to satisfy this fantasy he's developed?"

Michelle nodded. "Nikki. I think he said Nikki cheated on him with a black guy."

"That's his first wife? I see. So maybe that trauma was conditioned into him somehow and now he thinks you will, or should, do the same."

Michelle nodded and started crying, "He said he shouldn't have married me. Do you know how hurtful those words are?"

"Oh sweetie, come here." Christine said, wrapping her arms around her friend and slowly rocking her back and forth as she wept.

"Are you sure you don't mind me staying here? I'll in Brazil all next week anyway." Michelle asked a few moments later, wiping her eyes.

"Of course you can stay here, I don't mind," Christine said, placing her hands on Michelle's, consoling her.

"I just have to figure something out. I don't want to get divorced, but he said he shouldn't have married me. So what do I do?"

The two friends talked awhile longer. They watched TV and ate a little food. Later in the evening, Michelle stripped down at Christine's request. She lay on her stomach on Christine's bed as Christine slowly rubbed massaging oil onto her back. She was straddling Michelle and giving her a lovely deep tissue massage. Her shoulders and back were so tight from stress.

A couple hours later Michelle stared up at the ceiling in Christine's bedroom. The look on her face was pure anger. Her eyebrows actually hurt from the scowling so much. She sat on the edge of the, looking over her shoulder toward Christine's bathroom. Still naked, she got up and stood in front of the open blinds, illuminated by a street lamp.

"What are you doing?" Christine asked, sitting up, rubbing her eyes.

"There's something I need to do before I go to sleep." Michelle said, walking toward Christine's bathroom. She started up the shower, lathered herself in body wash, and proceeded to finger fuck her own brains out. Angrily slamming her fingers into her pussy, she furiously rubbed her clit with her other hand as the water poured down on her. Within minutes she was moaning and cumming; Ulysses and his perfect body were the only things on her mind.

Chapter 7

Several days later Michelle boarded a plane headed for Rio de Janeiro. She had just sent Bill a text saying she was boarding and that the two of them would discuss some things when she returned. On the plane ride she thought about the last few days at Christine's. She thought about the sleepless nights, about the doubts running through her head regarding her marriage, and about future possibilities. She knew she was attracted to Ulysses, but never crossed any lines since they were coworkers and because she was married. Now things had changed. She was still married, but to man that for some ridiculous reason, a reason she still couldn't fathom, didn't want her. Shaking her head and rolling her eyes, she tried to take a nap on the flight.